I thought maybe he forgot the whole conversation of that night on the next day but I was wrong. The next day he didn't even dare look at me in the hallways. I just had one week left of school and this is what I get. Sophomore year sure was "great".
"What happened?" Merlyn asked me during class.
"With what?" I tried acting like nothing happened at all.
"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."
"Nothing. Just..." I decided best to keep my trap shut.
"Something is wrong. I can see it in your eyes." Merlyn tilted her head to the side to catch my eyes. "Why weren't you with Joe like you always do?" She asked.
The million dollar question had to come.
"I broke up with him." I whispered.
The teacher walked by and was handing out our test.
"Why?" She whispered a bit too loudly.
"Shhh..." I hushed her. Of course I didn't want everyone in the class to know.
"Have you been crying?"
"Err...No? Do your test then we'll talk."
All through out the test we worked till we finished. I of course wasn't in the mood of testing so I didn't care if I failed or by chance even made a good grade.
"What he do?" She asked again.
"Everything." I sighed. "I couldn't take no more the pressure.
"Have you talked to him?"
"Heck no. I don't want to even see him."
"Did he cheated on you again?" She questioned.
I felt like I was doing a job interview or just confessing my sins. Sins are mistakes of course. My mistake for falling for him again. I thought he loved me enough to understand me but I was wrong. He didn't care if he was or without me.
"He insisted on seeing my parents. I decided to best finish this all. My family is first and if he didn't want to wait then that's his problem. I already made my choice and I'm not going back to him as much as I love him...he has to go."
"You love him?" She rose an eyebrow. "Or is it just gratefulness?"
Truth was I didn't know if it was love or just gratefulness. I mean he wasn't the hottest cookie out of the oven but appearances doesn't matter. I was confused to what I was feeling. Did I actually love him? Love is such a strong word just like hate, that I actually think I don't know what I actually felt for him.
"I don't know. But It doesn't matter anyways. He's gone. He wasn't meant for me."
*********
I really badly wanted to be back with him. All through the day I felt lonely like a porcupine. Nobody wanted to be with me. I was already fast asleep when I heard my phone buzz. I quickly snatched it from the nightstand to see an incoming message. I didn't expect him to text me at all.
'Danielle we need to talk.' Joe texted.
'What for? I thought you didn't want to talk to me?'
'Can we at least be friends?'
Friends? How can I be friends with an ex?
'I don't think it's a good idea. I don't consider you anything now but my past. Know what I mean?'
'I guess. So how are you?' He asked.
'Could be better.' I replied.
I was so angry he was acting so calm like nothing happened between us. He seemed to actually forgotten about what we were. I don't blame him though. That only shows what a mistake he was for me.
'How about you? How are you?' I asked.
'I feel weird. I had this weird thing with a friend.'
'Like what?' I was curious.
'You want to know?'
'Well you started it. Might as well finish it.'
It took a while for him to answer like always. I didn't want to know anything more about him but somehow I just had to know. I couldn't take him out of me completely.
'Well a friend just had a break up with one of my guy friends and so I tried cheering her up. She wanted someone to kiss her so I kissed her.'
Anger boiled through me. It has only been two days since we broke up and he was already feeling lips with other girls?!??!? I of course was feeling outrageous. I decided to keep it calm and just ask questions.
'You liked her?' I asked, feeling something in me crack.
'She's just a friend.'
Then I blew. I couldn't keep being a hypocrite much longer. He took my last straw!
'Who the fuck do you think you are?! Is this a way of making me angry?'
I was beyond angry.
'Danielle calm down. I'm not trying to anger you. I just answered your question.'
I realized how stupid I was all this time I was with him. Sure he answered that question but the rest...he always denied it to answer.
'Danielle I didn't want to break up with you. Really I miss you already.'
Lies I thought. He didn't think about that before slamming his lips with his suppose friend. Everything about him were only filthy lies. Everything he once told me were all but lies.
'You don't get it do you?' I angrily texted him back.
'I don't get what?' He asked.
'You have no filthy clue what I'm going through.'
'Danielle I-'
'No you listen to me! I need you to leave my life completely. You're hurting me!'
I thought I loved him but this only proved me to hate him. I hated with every breath I took. He played with me and yet he still wants to play it the innocent? I fell three times for him. This time I wasn't going to satisfy him.
'You never loved me. Heck I bet you don't even know what love is!'
'Danielle If I were you I would take that back.' He warned me.
He had no rights to threaten me.
'I'm not taking back anything that I don't regret.' I answered.
'The one who actually doesn't knows anything about love is you. You didn't even give two shits about me! You let your parents control your life not knowing that I have way bigger problems than you!'
Rage. I let rage control me. I forgot who I was for a moment that this other dark side of me appeared out of nowhere. I wasn't going to let a bastard say nonsense about me and insult my family. He had no clue what claws just unsheathed from me.
'You know nothing about love.' I repeated.
'Alright since you know so much then why don't you explain to me doc?'
'Very well Mr. Wilbanks....' I clenched my teeth as I was typing it on my phone.
'Love is not giving up on the person you love. Its a deep affection that should be unstoppable of whatever obstacle that is in the way. Its a feeling that no matter what the situation is, you never stop loving. You do whatever it takes to be with that one person. Love is a forever thing not a moment to the other. If you at one point loved me, you wouldn't have looked for someone else. Love is unconditional and loyal. Something that you never did... Do you want me to explain more Mr. Wilbanks?'
There was a long pause that I actually thought he left me for sure. I wrong though, ten minutes later he sent me a long reply message.
'That's love to you? Ha you got to be kidding me! You're telling me all of this when really you did nothing of that! I was the one who was always by you when you always tried to run away from me. I patiently waited for you in everything and always had to hold back. You have no clue how I tried to hold back myself. I did everything for you and yet you complain?
'You gave up on me. What do you want me to say?' I replied.
'Just like you gave up on me. And I keep falling for you!'
I wanted to deny that but he had a point. I gave up on him but I didn't care. I wasn't going to suffer for someone who didn't love me back. A little light bulb lit up inside of me and my eyes finally opened from a long period of blindness. I officially stopped loving him.
'Just get lost so none of us get hurt.' I texted.
'Hurt!? You hurt me Danielle! I fell for a miserable girl who didn't give a fuck about me!'
'You son of a bitch! I demand you to respect me!' I started to yell like I was actually talking to him in person.
'No I'm Batman. You're just a p****!'
He did it. He actually revealed himself.
'Oh yeah?! I'm cat woman and I want you to get lost before I decide to kill you!'
'Kill me?' He laughed. 'Not before I do.'
He was going mad and so was I. Insult after insult. This was the guy who loved me?
'You're just a devil's decoy.' I spat.
'No you're wrong. I'm the devil.'
'If you're the devil like you say then why don't you tell it to my face!' I yelled.
'Okay then come over here! You know where I live so why don't you show up you little bitch!'
'Fool! You're a coward why don't you do it in public?'
'I'm no fool! Where and when?'
'In school on the first day.'
'Bitch you're not even worth the fight.'
'Damn you fucking bastard! You freaking coward! You're just all bark no bite! Go suck on an apple!'
I felt my whole surrounding start to burn. Words and thoughts that I never used was pouring out like water. My hate was deeper than anything and I was going to show him who's boss.
'What's wrong doctor are you giving up on me?' He made fun of me.
I quickly searched in the internet a comeback. I wasn't pretty good on comebacks but either way I found one that sounded lovely yet insulting.
'Roses are red violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you....'
'Ha bitch you just complimented me.'
I started to laugh hysterically like I've gone insane. He was making me laugh.
What a fool...
'I'm not done fool. You should listen before speaking you fucking bastard.'
'Then spit it Danielle.'
'...But the roses are wilting and the violets are DEAD, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your freaking fucking head. Go to hell Joe!'
He got mad. He was mad. He texted back a whole bunch a shit that finally I had perceived who this person was actually. Million of times my friends would tell me he was no good and billion of times my parents would tell me to watch out. I was so ignorant to see the bad in him. I tried listening but I kept on falling for him. Over and over I committed the same mistake. This time I was only facing my consequences.
'I hope to never fall for you again Danielle.' I imagined him gritting his teeth as he texted back to me.
'Same here Joe. I also want to wish you misery for the rest of your life!'
'What stone cold misery? I think I had that before you made that fucking wish.'
'Then I wish you keep having it.'
In reality I didn't wish him nor anyone misery. I was no one to make that kind of decision. No one deserves misery even if the person was just as bad as Joe. I wish I could take that back but then again I wish I never met him in the first place. resentment consumed my words that I had no clue who I was actually hurting. Myself.
'You're just a coward. You will always be for not facing me and telling me the real truth.'
'Oh yeah!? You're just a pussy and will always be for not standing up for yourself.'
'Shut up! Shut it or you will finally meet me!'
'Meet who? Cat woman? Ha you never stop amusing me Danielle.'
'Get lost Jesiah Wilbanks.'
'I will.' He replied.
Three in the morning and I came up with the decision to finally end this. End where it will hurt him or any man...
'You have no balls! Goodbye Wilbanks. The doc is out!'
Of course he never replied back. What was there to expect?