Disclaimer: The song: Weight of the World belongs to Evanescence.
Rakab's POV
Feels like the weight of the world,
Like God in heaven gave me a turn.
Don't cling to me, I swear I can't fix you.
I stood, clad in clothes of deep mourning, as the priestesses and elders stood around the body of Namid, spreading incense and murmuring prayers to bless her. The elders had cleaned her up, bandaged the wound and dressed her in a gown of black and a robe of deep blue, the colors of the night sky at twilight. Oh gods, she looked so serene with her hands crossed at the wrist, resting on her chest and her black hair blowing in the slight breeze. The only difference I saw was the lack of life that usually sparked in her eyes and the porcelain-white of her skin that shone in the light of the blood-red sunset.
Strange color for the sky tonight, for innocent blood has been spilt to fulfill a prophecy. Paid with Namid's life, her body, her soul, and her blood…it wasn't fair.
Still in the dark, can you fix me?
Freefall, freefall, all through life.
Around me, people were weeping and some praying to the gods for peace; I saw the familiar faces of our childhood bullies even shedding a few tears, which surprised me.
The most painful sight however was of Kamaria, sobbing and crying out to the Alphess, "She can't be dead! Not my cub!" As she struggled through the crowd, she kept calling out to the elders, "Let me see her, please just let me see her!" Yiska held Kamaria close and tried to consol her as she wept, but I could see just how much his daughter's death pained him. Yiska's eyes, once sparkling silver, were now a stone-like gray and he no longer had certain joyfulness in his movements like he usually did. There was an elderly appearance to him, as if the news of Namid's death had aged him.
I felt a pang of guilt for the parents and wished I could take it all back; it was my fault after all that Ralon had met Namid.
If you love me, then let go of me.
I won't be held down by who I used to be.
The Alphess stood to address her people, "My heir, Namid Kai, daughter of Kamaria and Yiska of the Lupine, and mother of Rose Kai Cobriana," I saw her nod to the princess who stood by Nyesh and Salem before continuing, "died four days ago while at Wyvern's Court. She did not die because of sickness or childbirth but because of love."
The Alphess nodded, and allowed to me to speak, there were gasps of surprise from the crowd, and murmurings, but all soon hushed as I spoke, "I was her friend from the time she was three years old, and I miss her bitterly. I missed her even when I was fleeing, and, for four hard years, I stayed away. When I saw her again, she had already been betrothed to Salem Cobriana. She stayed with my group and me for a few days and once she was settled in with the Court and Salem, I left. For sixteen years she stayed, and one night, Ralon of the Sheeva Intre, my troupe, the one who had forever hated me and the Lupine, for reasons I do not know, attacked Wyvern's Court many times. Rose and Nyesh, Namid, Salem and I escaped Ralon's tricks but one night he attacked again--this time leaving my son with a limp-- We tried to keep her alive-- but we could do nothing as she died…" My voice cracked as I continued, "It broke my heart to know I had been betrayed and that she, my friend, was the one who was willing to die so I could live."
She's nothing to me.
My mind screamed for me to forget her that hanging on would only make it worse yet my heart drowned out that scream and I smiled slightly, knowing I still loved my friend and that she was in peace.
I saw the Alphess bow her head, "We shall miss her. May Ylva of the night and Helaku of the dawn, have mercy on her soul…"
They lit the funeral pyre and I watched, with a broken heart, as the flames roared and devoured the body of my love, whilst tears coursed down my cheeks and the song of the wolves echoed into the night. I felt reassuring hands on my arms and shoulders and turned to find the remaining members of Sheeva Intre standing with me. It felt as if they were holding me back from leaping into the flames and committing suicide, because that's how I felt. Broken, lost and suicidal.
"Thanks." I whispered, absentmindedly to them, as I remembered Namid and of the good times we had before. Only memories now…
Later, as the crowd dispersed into their dens, I lingered. I saw the Alphess gaze sadly out into the distance, the embers on the pyre dimly lighting her firm face and eyes, I heard her whisper to the skies: "Take care of her Ylva…"
I put a hand on her shoulder. "Alphess?"
"Yes." The woman's voice was soft as she spoke.
"I never meant for her death…" I looked down, dropping the arm to my side, shamefaced.
The Alphess turned to face me, "None of us did, boy, it happens to the best of us."
"But the Lupine—" I was suddenly cut off by my Alphess' reply.
"We have you as our future Alpha, your son as your successor, and our bond with Wyvern's Court is strong…" she sighed softly, "Do understand, boy, her life would have been a nightmare of love had she not died. Choosing duty over your heart is a decision we all must make at some point in our lives and it is a difficult one. Be glad that she can run free with the gods…" "The Lupine has no need to fight over issues that do not matter anymore. The prophecy is complete and Ylva watches over us." The Alphess put a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Heed what I said, boy, and go get some sleep."
Feels like the weight of the world,
I walked to my den with a heavy heart; unshed tears in my eyes and swallowed screams in my throat. I missed her. I loved her.
Like all my screaming has gone unheard.
And oh, I know you don't believe in me.
Safe in the dark, how can you see?
I don't know what I should do anymore.
Freefall, freefall, all through life.
If you love me, then let go of me.
I won't be held down by who I used to be.
I heard her voice in my mind, suddenly, and I fell to my knees as her voice that was so sweet to my ears, so harmonious when she sang, whispered: "Let go, Rak. Don't hurt yourself by hanging on…just let me go."
But how, how in Ylva's sake, could I?
1 year later…
The Alphess stood to address the Lupine, voice confident and clear, "My pack, my people, I have called you here to tell you that I must choose another heir, for my time here is fading and it is time you had a new ruler…" Oak-brown robes billowing, I saw the Alphess move through the crowd, who parted to let the woman pass. "I have thought long and hard on whom shall lead you, and I make my choice today."
She turned her face to the fading sunlight and lifted her hands, "Ylva and Helaku have spoken to me of this day…" Her voice dropped a bit and the caramel-eyed gaze turned sharply to the crowd, "They sent their son, Otsoko of the night and of the dawn, to show me who shall lead you. He said: Daggers and deception were his ways, the darkness was his kingdom and the dawn was his haven. Never crowned, yet made a king, Cold Silence is in his rule…" She dropped her hands to her sides and I understood whom she meant to address next. She turned to face me, and the members of Sheeva Intre, voice still clear, "I did not know whom he meant until it all made sense to me."
My face remained blank as the Alphess smiled and beckoned me forward. Slowly, I stepped up and she met my gaze, "Kneel" she ordered softly.
I did as she ordered and kept my gaze level with her own, as the Alphess took a crown of golden suns from a priest at her side and placed it on my head. "Rise," she declared, "Rakab, Alpha of the Lupine," "and Mana of Sheeva Intre."
I rose to my feet and I heard the sound of barking and howling behind me, I turned around and saw the wolves, my son and his mate, Rose, applauding for my reign and I couldn't help but swallow both a grin and tears. For today, trouble was far behind me, yet as I glanced at the circlet of full moons I felt my throat close up with emotion. Had she lived and under different circumstances, Namid would be wearing that circlet now, as my chosen Alphess.
Yet Ahnleh hadn't intended any other ending, but this.
And that's what saddened me most.