A Bleeding Heart </3
This is actually one of the best book of poems I had ever come across with here in Wattpad and it's no surprise that it was able to rank fifth in the What's Hot Poetry section. The emotions are ever so intense, the circumstances are relatable, the words are simple and easily understandable; these poems can easily capture the hearts of the readers. Each poem has a story and it shoots deep into the readers' hearts.
Your poems are so good that giving tips to improve this is quite difficult due to the fact that it merely contains errors. However, please take the following suggestions into consideration to further improve your writing.
-stanza forming. I noticed that some of your works were written without forming stanzas. Though not madatory, it is suggested to write your poems in stanzas; the ideal is the four-lined structure. This helps in the appeal of your poems. Additionally, you can keep track of how each part of your stanza contributes to the whole progression of the poem. You can actually regard a poem as a story, and the stanzas can be seen as the paragraphs.
-balance. The balance of the poem makes it more beautiful since the lines seem to be equal in length, it gives off an organized vibe. I suggest for you to try to maintain balance all throughout the poem by having the shorter line measure at least two to three words close to the longer lines.
-rhyming. This has been done definitely well on your poems. However, I advise you to try alternating the rhyming patterns and do not only stick with the paired lines. You can also try having only one pair of rhyming lines in a four-lined stanza making the other two non-rhyming.
-melody. This adds to the beauty of the poem even without the use of rhymes. This focuses on the vocal intonation patterns of the end of the lines. Take this for example
Forgive me father for I have sinned,
My heart has beaten not for a man.
Forgive me mother, please, I beg,
Because I love a woman same as I am.
Notice the words sinned (ee sound) and beg (eh), not rhyming but can work out as a pair due to having close vocal intonation patterns. However, 'am' and 'man' both have the ah sound making it fit for pairing and a good way to end the stanza.
-punctuations. Though quite perfect, I suggest using periods whenever necessary too. You can view each pair of lines as a sentence; with the lines as clauses. Hence, it is adviseable to use comma on the first line then a period on the second. I also suggest for you to put a space in between wherein you used a comma in the middle of the line (please check your last poem). Also, it is suggested to stick with only one period at the end of the last line of each poem.
Your poems are really good. Just a few technical errors which can be easily corrected. I also advise you to read your poems aloud before publishing them. You'll notice how good it'll sound. Consider me to be your fan. Overall, I'll rate your poetic prowess with a 9.5/10
I hope I haven't offended you in some way and I hope this review helps. Thank you for supporting our group and may you continue to spread love. I also suggest for you to check out Helpline 911 if you get the time.
In behalf of the aratsgroup,
Yours truly,
thenameisfoureyes