Clary POV
After I've finished all of my homework, I sit in the window seat in Tessa and I's room with my sketchbook. I trace the skyline of New York lightly in pencil. No matter how hard I try, I can't get Jace out of my head. He was the first person at that school who didn't treat me like an alien. He actually made me feel special and like I could get someone like that. Then I found out that he was a player and it was all probably an act. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think for two minutes that someone like that could actually like me like that.
I'm nothing compared to the other girls. I may not show it, but I'm lost. Ever since the Night six years ago, I've felt lost. My brother and I did everything together, my mom was the one I went to for all of my problems, and my dad got me into stuff like Star Wars. Without all of that, I just don't know what to do.
Sure, I have Luke. But is Luke always willing to do the crazy stuff Jonathan and I did? No. Can I talk to Luke about different girl stuff like I could with my mom? Nope. Not to mention, every time I try to watch Star Wars with him, he has no idea what is going on.
People think I should just get over it--that I shouldn't dwell on things that happened six years ago. But they weren't there the Night. They didn't see what I saw.
Everyone let me be for the first few months of me not speaking, but after almost six months, people started to think I was crazy. The state basically forced Luke to take me to therapy until I was twelve. After a year and a half of useless therapy, the doctors decided that after the Night, I clung to some sort of juvenile coping mechanism.
Obviously they couldn't see me becoming more and more lost.
After that, people let me be. There have been minor conflicts before like substitute teachers not believing the class when they said I was mute-by-choice and threatened me with detention if I didn't verbally answer a question. I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and never had a normal social life. There are girls at this school who are beautiful, confident, and have something unique about them that draws you to them. I have none of those things. Why I thought Jace would actually like a girl who was so close to breaking?
I honestly have no idea.
I'm just starting to shade when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I grab the phone and look to see that there's a new text waiting for me--from Jace.
Rolling my eyes, I open the text.
Jace: Hey Clary. Have you thought about going for coffee or maybe something else? 😉
I roll my eyes as I text my reply. Was me calling you a dick not clear enough? I put my phone on the seat beside me hoping he'll get a clue and leave me alone. Unfortunately, a persistent one, Jace is. (I just watched all six Star Wars movies so don't judge me for my Yoda bit 😁 )
Jace: Oh come on. I thought we were really getting along earlier.
We may have been if you weren't just like every other fricken player out there. I try to put my phone down again but another vibration comes before I can.
Jace: You wound me Clary. I can assure you I am quite the individual. There aren't many guys as hot and charming as me. 😉
Sorry to disappoint you Jace, but I'm pretty sure Ian Somerhalder has you beat. I reply smirking as I put my phone on the dresser and go to change for my upcoming shift in the bookstore. I take off my Star Wars t shirt and change into the light gray shirt with the navy Garroway BookStore logo on the upper left chest and back. I slip on a dark green zip-up before slipping into my white converse and pulling my hair into a half ponytail. I'm sure Jace has texted me back by now, but I don't give a shit.
I shove my phone in my coat pocket and head over to the bookstore to relieve a bored Jessamine from the store with little customers. She quickly marches past me to go change into something else and I take my spot behind the register. People come and go with new books--regular stuff to see in a bookstore.
Around 7:00 I hear the bell of the door jingle and hear a small voice say, "C'mon Jace! I wanna get some new manga!"
I look up to see none other than Jace Herondale walking in with a brown haired boy with blue eyes and thick glasses. The boy can't be any older than ten. Jace looks at the boy with a smile and says, "Okay Max. We'll ask the worker where the manga is."
Oh shit.
They both walk over to me and I pretend to be engrossed in the finance book kept behind the counter. I hear a set of quick footsteps run over to me and I look up to see Max smiling at me from in front of the counter and a smirking Jace coming up behind him.
"Hi! I'm Max! Can you please tell me where the manga is?" Max says with a smile and I can't help but smile back at him.
I grab a piece of paper and quickly write Sure thing bud. That's my favorite section in here.
Max jumps in excitement as I walk from behind the counter and walk to the manga section in the corner where I spent a good portion of time just this morning. I smile as he rushes to the shelves and starts looking at all of the different issues we have.
Then I feel a hand snake around my waist. "Well isn't this a small story Miss Morgenstern," Jace whispers into my hair and I pull myself out of his grip.
I pull my phone out and quickly text Don't touch me. That's one thing you can't do for sure.
He looks at the texts and looks back at me smirking. "You say that now, but soon you'll be begging me to touch you," he states certainly while he moves a fallen curl behind me ear.
Rolling my eyes, I type Yeah, sure. Then I quickly add Who's the kid? You don't strike me as the babysitting type.
He scoffs slightly. "I'm not. Max is one of the few kids I tolerate. He's my brother." When I raise my eyebrows at the fact that they look nothing alike, Jace adds, "He's Alec and Izzy's little brother. And since their parents adopted me, he's my brother too." Jace looks over at Max and genuinely smiles. "He's a huge nerd, but I love the little guy." Then he turns back to me. "What about you? Any brothers or sisters?"
I want to avoid the topic of Jonathan, so I type Tessa, Jessamine, and Maia have technically been my sisters for the past five years.
"Yeah, but what about blood siblings? Or were you am only child growing up?" Jace probes.
I start to feel the panic seeping in as he asks me about family. Ever since The Night, I've barely been able to talk--metaphorically, of course--without starting to panic. With shaky hands, I type I had an older brother named Jonathan, but he died when he was eleven.
After I press send, I look at the floor so Jace can't see the tears starting to form in my eyes. Jace looks at me with pity and looks like he's about to say something when Max comes over with the first volume of Black Butler in his hands. "Is this a good one?" he asks with his head tilted slightly.
I crouch slightly in front of him and type You're gonna love that one. Do you know what it's about? He shakes his head and I quickly reply It's about a twelve year old boy named Ciel who sells his soul to a demon after his parents die for protection since he has to take over his father's business.
Max looks really excited as he reads what I wrote. He turns to Jace and bounces up and down. "Can I get it Jace?"
Jace smiles and puts his hand on Max's back. "Sure thing bud. Mom gave me enough for two so why don't you grab the second volume too." Max turns and rushes to the shelves and looks for the second volume. As I watch him, Jace says, "Do you still think I'm, pardon my French, a dick?"
Maybe not around Max, but you're still a dick at school and probably everywhere else too. I start to walk back to the register as Max picks out his book. I ring up the costs and write $28.54 please.
Jace hands me the money and after I give him his change, he turns to Max and hands him some car keys. "Why don't you wait in the car bud. I have to talk to Clary for a minute."
"Don't take too long or your other girlfriends will get jealous. You're lucky I like this one," Max says rolling his eyes making me laugh. "Bye Clary!" I wave to Max as he walks out of the store.
Once Max is gone, Jace turns back to me. "So now that I know where to find you, wanna get that coffee sometime?"
I scoff and quickly reply Fat chance. Do you honestly think five minutes of me seeing your good side is enough?
"I was kind of hoping it would be," he replies, leaning on the counter.
I roll my eyes as I lock up the register. It wasn't. Now I have to start locking up. I point to the clock on the wall saying it's 7:27 and the sign on the wall saying that the store closes at 7:30 on Mondays.
He looks at both and smirks before turning back to me. "You've gotten rid of me this time Clary." He takes a step closer and whispers in my ear, "But there's always tomorrow." He swiftly kisses my cheek and leaves before I can yell--well, text in caps lock, at least--at him.
I roll my eyes and lock up the shop before I head back into the house. I quickly reheat and eat some pizza before I go to take a shower. By the time I'm done I've scrubbed my cheek raw trying to get rid of the feeling of Jace's lips on it.
As much as I hate to admit it, the warm, soft feeling lingers there.
I change into the dark gray joggers and long sleeved white shirt that I call pajamas and head to the living room. All of the girls are in their rooms, but Luke isn't anywhere in the house. I look around until I find a note on the counter.
Girls,
Went upstate to get a part for my truck. Won't be back until tomorrow. Make sure homework is done and you're all in bed at a decent time. That means no Star Wars marathon Clary. No parties. And NO BOYS.
See you tomorrow,
Luke
I toss the letter aside and go into the cupboard to find Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. What? Luke said no marathon. One of them won't hurt. Besides, it's only 8:37. It will be over by 11:00.
I get myself comfortable on the couch as the movie starts. Throughout the movie I'm crying over Padmé and my bae Anakin. When it gets to the part where Anakin thinks Padmé has betrayed him, I'm basically sobbing to myself quietly. Finally, right after Anakin/Darth Vader cries over Padmé's death or somewhere during her funeral, I find myself falling asleep on the couch.
AN
HEEEELLLLOOOOO. I know it's been a while since I updated and my reasons are purely personal and I don't want to bother you guys with the dark world of a depressed fourteen year old. So I hope you all liked the chapter and my Star Wars references that I love SOOOO MUCH.
Also, that manga Clary explained to Max, CHECK IT OUT! Black Butler is AMAZHANG! You can either read the manga or watch the anime version on Netflix. Either one is awesome and it's my favorite manga series out there so yeah.
See ya book nerds!- Bella