*more fan art for wonderwall and it's lovely, thank you so much*
Sean's POV
I was sick, I was tired and I was sick of being tired. The scratch in my throat felt like I'd swallowed sandpaper and I was loosing out on so much sleep I felt physically sick. I didn't want my life to return back to this, I didn't want to get back in that state where whenever I fell asleep I was woken up by the reminder that I was alone. Where whenever I wanted to smile, I just burst into tears instead and all I could do was sit on the floor in a heap.
I knew we could fix this, I knew we could, but I felt too physically weak to get up and go and sort things out. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I felt the room begin to spin, this was getting too much for me again, I was beginning to lose myself and that's not something I could cope with, not now, not ever.
I glanced around the empty apartment and felt myself begin to well up, I wanted Mark, no matter how much I'd denied it before, I needed him. I bit my trembling lip as I reached out into the emptiness, hoping and praying that Mark's hand would magically connect with mine and everything would be okay. But I was greeted by stone cold emptiness and I'd had enough, I'd had enough of pining and feeling like this life that I'd been trying to work in and make better was not worth working on any more.
I slowly lowered myself to the floor and fished my phone out of the pockets of my joggers, scrambling to get it open and scrolling down my contacts. I stopped on Daithi's name and dialled his number, holding the phone to my ear as I sat in the darkness.
"Please, please pick up, please Daithi," I mumbled, wincing at the ache in my throat. The phone rang and rang but there was no response from Daithi, I shook my head as I dialled his number again.
"Come on Daithi, please," I sobbed, shaking the phone in my hand as I waited for him to pick up. I looked through my watery eyes as I moved down my contacts to Felix, clicking on the call button and returning the phone to my ear. I frowned when it went straight to voicemail and tried again, hoping he'd pick up, and he did,
"Look, buddy, I can't talk. I'm busy, call me later." Before I could get a word in the phone cut off and the line went dead, this couldn't be happening, not now.
I looked down my contacts, Bob, Wade, Yami, Ken, Ross - these were none of the people I wanted. I wanted Daithi or Felix, the two that knew how to help the situation. I shook my head and decided there was only one person left to call, Mark.
I hit dial and waited for a response, shaking slightly. The phone rang a few times until somebody picked up,
"Hello?" My eyes widened, was that Matt? What was he doing with Mark?
"Hellooo?" The voice repeated, I shook my head, this couldn't be happening. I dropped the phone and moved away from it, Matt and Mark?
Were they together, doing anything bad, was I over thinking things? I shook my head repeatedly and felt my heart rate speeding up, what was happening?
My palms began to get sweaty as I looked around me for something comforting, yet I was greeted by emptiness once again and a strange feeling that the walls were closing in on me. I gasped for breath as I tried to help myself to my feet, toppling over and falling flat on the floor before I could gain any balance. What was happening to me?
I tried to steady my breathing but I was panicking too much, everything felt so cold and lonely, the walls were inching in closer by the second and I swear the air in the room was leaving before I could breathe any of it in.
I dragged myself across the floor and over to my phone, mashing the buttons until I managed to unlock it, blinking rapidly to relief my eyes from the white spots. I clicked any random number in my contacts and held the phone up to my ear, tucking my knees in and closing my eyes to block out the darkness around me.
"Hello?"
"Please - please help me - I'm begging you please, I don't know what's happening please," I begged, trying to catch my breath in between sobs.
"Can some - somebody please, please just help me. I can't do this. I'm alone - please," I sobbed, my breathing was rapidly decreasing and I couldn't move. I felt so trapped and enclosed, I just needed someone, something to help me.
There was a muffled voice coming from the other end of the phone and I tried my best to make out what they were saying, but everything was quiet and my breathing was too heavy to hear them.
"Please - I can't stop it please, please come on please, don't - don't make -" I gasped for breath,
"Don't make me do this on my own - please." I dropped the phone and lowered my head into my hands, what was this feeling? Why couldn't I stop it? What was happening?
It was something I hadn't felt before, everything felt so uninviting and dark, like there was no room for me to breathe or move. I knew I was alone and this was one of the worst things for me, I couldn't control my breathing, as much as I tried I was constantly gasping for air. My whole body was trembling and my palms were sweating, it was uncontrollable and I was scared - so, so scared. This wasn't something I'd experienced before, I didn't feel safe, I felt cold and alone, trapped and scared, clueless and vulnerable.
I just needed someone - anyone to make this pain go away and everything better.
But nobody came.
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I apologise that this was so sad but Sean's character is struggling again, and the ending reference ;)
Questions:
- thoughts on Sean?
- thoughts on Felix?
- thoughts on Mark?
- thoughts on Matt answering the phone?
- who do you think answered the phone at the end?
- did you get the reference?
- what do you think is going to happen next?
okay I hope you guys are still enjoying this story! I get so paranoid that because it's so long you guys have had enough of it sometimes oops!
Also, I just want to say a massive thank you to everybody that votes or leaves a comment! I love going through and reading what you guys have to say, it does make me laugh a lot some of the reactions you guys have. And some of you leave some really heartwarming comments, I never know how to respond to you!
QOTC: do you prefer short or long YouTube videos? Short like happy wheels or long like undertale etc?
AOTC: I prefer longer ones, like the one that Sean uploaded yesterday was so great to watch, I really enjoyed it :)
thank you for the fan art too!
p.s if you want to follow me on Twitter then it's @/septicloughlin - make sure you tweet me a hello and I'll tweet you back! ^.^