Chris's pov
"i'm not..." i stop talking when i see it's pointless because she walks right out of my room without looking back. "FUCK!" I scream into the nothingness of my room and i now realize how really empty it is. how really empty i am. i can't believe i did that to her. but i needed to get her off my mind wich didn't work and only made things worse. why do i have to be like this to her? the only thing she did was be there for me. but i can't stand the thought of her with someone else, it's been fucking eating my brain. i... just.. actually love her. she's the kind of person i feel good around. and i messed it up. even though she played along. and i'm such an arsehole.
i don't even go downstairs to tell everyone to fucking leave. the eventually do and i see them from my room. this is when i start to smoke. i smoke a lot. a bit of weed just won't do it. alcohol won't do it. even after i've thrown bottles into the walls and made stains that are there forever. just the thought of losing her makes me go mad.
thinking about how little i am makes me go mad. i have nothing. no family. no real friends. nothing. and for once i let down this wall and cry. i let it all out. and i throw bottles and drink until i just can't take anymore. i let it out from so many years pretending that i had everything. i had nothing and i knew. i sit on my bed for the rest of the night thinking and making my mind take too many turns. the smoke should have filled the whole house by 8 in the morning. why can't i admit that i actually love her?
i have to tell her. i have to tell her that i'm sorry. i make up my mind and with dark circles under my eyes i put a shirt on and go over to her house.
i'm not there yet. but i don't need to. i see her outside wearing her way-too-big sleeping shirt. she'd standing outside and a car stops in her driveway. a tall blonde kid gets out of the car and she goes over to him and hugs him. they talk for half a second and he holds his car's door for her to get into the car. i know what am doing because i'm just an impulsive arse. i have will on speed dial and he's in my house probably. i call him.
"what?" he says in his sleepy voice.
"get in the car, i'll be there in a second. we're going to get fucked up"