Arisa pov:
Envy hadn't moved, he hadn't taken his glaring eyes off me as he sat there completely thrown off by my question. He seemed to contemplate a moment, think of what he should say so that what he had let slip earlier wouldn't be used against him.
"You...what the hell do you think you're trying to do?!" he barked.
Closing my eyes calmly, I answered, "I wanted to know the truth. You always act like you don't care, but I seem to see otherwise when I see you talking."
Opening my eyes, I kept them on the floor of the train's compartment. It was strange that Envy was silent so I raised my eyes to look at him only to find his expression even angrier than before, his jaw clenched tightly as well as his fists. I did not like the look he was giving me – it made me a little worried for what he would do to me.
"What did he say?" he seethed.
"Who are you talking about?" I asked with a frown.
"That Fullmetal b****** said something about me, didn't he? About Hohenheim!"
"He did mention Hohenheim but he didn't say anything related to you," I answered. Though Edward had hinted that Envy was Hohenheim's son when he was human, I didn't want to tell Envy that. The anger Edward had and the hurt and betrayal Envy expressed besides so much anger at the name had me feel sort of wary.
"That b******!" Envy hissed before lunging at me. His move was unexpected and I couldn't react before he grabbed me by the neck to slam me onto my back on the floor of the compartment. My eyes went wide and I tasted blood in my mouth as my stomach took the brunt of Envy's action. I coughed, grasping Envy's hand that was on my neck as I regained my breath and looked into his eyes. "That b****** resurrects me saying that I'm his most precious son and then throws me away like I was some failure! Then he goes and fathers two brats and considers them more important than me! I should have been in those brats' place! I was his most important person! I was supposed to be his first priority!"
His expression was one of pain besides anger. It made my eyes prickle for I recalled how I had been abandoned by my own parents when they found out that I could use alchemy. A million memories I had stuffed in an unattended corner of my mind seemed to rush out like papers flying because of an open window.
I remembered being so loved before, just like Envy, when I was my parents' most important person. But suddenly one day, I was thrown away like I wasn't wanted just because I had a power not known or seen by anyone else before. If I wasn't the type to bottle up my emotions, to be optimistic and cry myself to sleep in the darkness of the night instead of take out my anger on others, I was sure that I would have been the splitting image of Envy. I would have been jealous of other people I saw happy with their families and I would torment them so I wouldn't have an inferiority complex.
If I hadn't been taken in by Keith and Oba-san, I would have been just like the pained person I could see hovering over me with those livid yet lonely eyes.
"I will kill him! I will kill all those humans who are so happy! I will wipe those sick smiles off their faces! I will-" Envy gasped, falling silent when I lifted myself off the floor of the train despite the agony I felt in my stomach, to wrap my arms around Envy's neck in an embrace. It was an intuitive gesture that my heart had made me do.
My eyes were narrow as I stared at the ceiling of the train, my heart beating hard and fast and my chest clenching tightly in sudden uncertainty. For the first time in ten years, a tight, painful lump in my throat had me feeling queasy, my eyes continuing to burn from the tears of frustration that welled in them. The faces of my parents were vague, and so was their shunning, but how I had become a closed off shell to the rest of the world was crystal clear. I had lived with the same belief as Envy – I trusted no one, knowing that in the end I would only be betrayed.
Envy had lived with this feeling for 200 years though. How he had endures such torment all this time was beyond me.
"Arisa, you b****, what do you think you're doing?! Get off-"
"I know what it's like," I interrupted, my voice barely above a whisper. There was uncertainty in my tone, the fear to confess what I truly felt hitting me hard. And despite the painfully tight way Envy was holding my shoulders and sure to make them sore, I couldn't let go of him.
"What?!" he hissed, his lips right next to my ear.
"I know what it's like to be betrayed by the one you trust." He tensed at what I said and I tightened my arms around him. "I know what it feels like to trust someone and be betrayed. That's why I never want anyone to feel that way because of me. Because I know how much it hurts. I'm sorry for all that you've had to put up with until now."
Embarrassment washed over me at how I had let my emotions take over suddenly, enough to make my eyes water more. Ever since I had been thrown away, I had never let anyone see me cry. I had never let anyone see even the smallest hint of all the anger and hurt I truly had in my heart, not even Keith or Oba-san. The only thing I let anyone see was a confident undercover agent, a confident sixteen year old girl living life like every other child blessed with a happy family. But the truth was far from that.
With a deep breath, I relaxed my tense muscles and let go of Envy to lower myself on the train's floor and rest my cramping torso. I lowered my hands to the sides of my head as well and met Envy's eyes that were wide in shock. He was no longer holding my shoulders – his hands were on either side of my head and his legs straddling my hips.
My turbulent emotions had settled, ensuring that Envy did not see that the façade I had built perfectly over the years had nearly crumbled. I was the type to show that I did not give a shit about anyone and anything, and instead, just laughed amused in the face of danger.
"You," he spoke airily after a moment in silent shock, "you've been betrayed? By whom? When and how?"
With a sigh, I turned my head to the side. My head was throbbing slightly now – suppressing feelings with this much effort was something I hadn't done for a long time. I had forced myself to become as hard as a diamond, not letting anything leave the tiniest scratch and shimmering brightly to show how awesome I was. I had almost let that image shatter and having to suppress the hesitance so hard wasn't easy.
"It happened a long time ago. It's a long story that I don't like talking about. Besides, I doubt anyone would believe what I would say about it anyway."
"I might." Envy's words had me meet his eyes while raising a brow. Having my attention now, he continued, "I probably would believe you even if you said you're from the other side of the Gate."
He had relaxed too, seeming to have returned to his normal self.
"Other side of the Gate? What does that mean?" I questioned, not quite sure of what he meant by that.
He raised a brow this time. He hadn't moved off of me and I really hadn't bothered to push him off either. It didn't matter at the moment because neither of us seemed uncomfortable around each other anymore, or in this rather oddly intimate position.
"You don't know about the Gate? Seriously?" he questioned in amuse.
I shrugged, feeling the atmosphere relax more by the moment. "I've never heard of it. But I wouldn't mind if you enlightened me about the so called Gate."
My playful smile made him chuckle. Shaking his head, he said, "You're really weird for a human."
"I can take that as a compliment, right?" I mused, my smile widening.
"Yes, you could. It means I don't mind being around you," he answered and finally got off me.
A wince left my lips as I sat up. Taking support of the seat, I raised myself to sit on the seat while placing a hand on my aching torso. Ugh, why did people always target my gut? Envy had punched me in the gut twice, then it was Greed – I wondered how many more I'd have to suffer...uff, that wasn't a pleasant thought.
"You look pretty messed up. Do you want to lie down?" When I looked at Envy again, he was smirking. I raised a brow when he patted his folded leg, silently indicating that I could use it as a pillow to lie down if I wanted to. I had to admit that it did look comfortable and I'm sure lying down would ease the pain I was feeling.
"You're actually offering for me to sleep on your lap? That's so out of character of you," I muttered, waving him off with my hand. I wondered how he would use it to threaten me or bully me...even though he didn't look like he would do that.
"I was just offering. You don't have to sleep on my lap if you don't want to," he replied, shrugging nonchalantly.
"Being a copy-cat now, are we? Although, I suppose I could take up the offer just this once. I'd definitely feel better lying down."
I got up and sat down next to him before lowering myself onto his lap. A few deep breaths were needed to ease the pain and it was replaced by an expression of curiosity when I noticed Envy watching me with an unreadable expression.
"What?" I asked only to have him smirk.
"Nothing. I still find you weird, especially since you're so comfortable around a monster like me."
There was a hint of self-offence in his tone. He looked away from me still trying to look prideful despite how he had confessed what he truly felt about humans and what they thought of him. It was sad to see him think so poorly of himself. A soft huff left my lips before I answered.
"You're not a monster, Envy. You don't have three pairs of hands, an extra hideous head, or horns, wings and a tail. You're just different. Every human is different too, and all of us have a demon inside us that reacts just like all you homunculi when faced with situations we don't like," I said, earning an expression of bewilderment. I then added some humor to make sure I didn't sound too philosophical, "And your lap is rather comfortable so why wouldn't I agree to use it to rest? Although, since I haven't slept on any other person's lap before, I can't say yours is the most comfortable."
"The feeling is mutual. You weight is comfortable, but since I haven't had anyone else sleep on my lap, I can't say if you're the most comfortable," he retorted and my brow twitched.
"Would you stop copying me? Jeez, how childish," I muttered and Envy burst into a full blown laughter.
A smile came to my lips too in satisfaction that I had changed his bitter mood for the better. I closed my eyes with a tired sigh, settling into the calmness and quietness that followed our conversation. Lying down like this on Envy's lap was indeed comfortable, just the right height and giving my neck necessary support. The gentle turbulence of the train added to the comfort and I was pulled into comfortable slumber a few minutes later.
Envy pov:
"Seriously though, I didn't think you'd actually agree to sleep on my lap. How can you really be so comfortable with a-"
I fell silent upon noticing that Arisa had fallen asleep. Her eyes were closed, her breathing deep, her body weight obvious on my leg. Despite waving a hand over her face, she did not stir in the slightest.
"You are strange," I mumbled, my voice soft so I wouldn't wake her.
I couldn't stop from observing her, the way her fringe fell over her eyes slightly and the rest of her long ebony hair fell over my legs reaching all the way to the floor, her long lashes and her soft-pink lips, her small, flawless face. I had never taken the time to observe a human like this before. Heck, I hadn't even bothered to observe my own so called homunculi comrades.
Reaching to Arisa's face, I moved her fringe off of her eyes. She sighed at that but didn't wake.
Not once had I expected her offer of friendship to be genuine. Not once had I expected her to provoke me, making me blurt out what I really felt about that b****** Hohenheim, the Fullmetal runt and his brother, and all the humans in general. I thought I would be laughed at and mocked and called a monster before she attempted to fight me despite her battered state. But...she had embraced me.
He gesture had me frozen, only for a moment though for it was a gesture I had never received from anyone before, and then tried to throw her off me. However, when she had confessed that she knew what it was like to be betrayed by someone we trusted, I had let her hold me. What she had said was beyond shocking. It was clear that she wasn't lying because her voice was soft and there was anger and pain in it.
She looked completely normal when she had let me go though, or perhaps she had suppressed her emotions to look unaffected while I continued to be flabbergasted. It was a few moments before I returned to my senses enough to question her about how and why and when she was betrayed. She had not answered though, calling it a topic she did not like to remember and then we had settled comfortably in each other's presence.
I was yet to fully understand why I had bothered to offer my lap for her to sleep on. But one thing was for sure – I didn't regret it or dislike it in the least.
A spark of pure joy had struck me when she had denied that I was a monster. Everyone called us homunculi as monsters. Perhaps part of it was our fault because I, for one, enjoyed killing humans, and we lived on human lives and looked different and were stronger. We always worked for our personal goals even if it meant killing humans or putting them in pain.
Additionally, Arisa had said that every human too had a demon inside themselves reflecting the feelings that we had. It was apt, I suppose, since we homunculi were named after man's seven sins, sins that caused pain and suffering to them. A human supporting the feelings of a homunculus, supporting my feelings of betrayal and distrust was thoroughly welcoming.
Ever since I was created and thrown away by the man who was supposed to be my father, I despised everyone. Though I had never admitted it, I had always longed to be treated like a human, like a normal person, and that's just what Arisa did. I had never come across a human like her before in all the years I had lived. More than how she saw me as nearly as normal as others around her, I couldn't annoy her with insults because she always seemed to have a comeback. I couldn't threaten her because she wasn't afraid of anything. She trusted her friends and wanted to protect them, even if it meant having to lose her own life.
The fact that she saw us homunculi as she did humans was more consolation than anything else. She had embraced me, consoled me, and was now sleeping on my lap – they were all proof of that she was different from the other brainless, self-obsessed humans.
"Arisa," her name left my lips involuntarily.
It was a moment later that I lifted her shirt to check her injury again, making her groan and scrunch up her face. She didn't wake though, probably exhausted from the pain and all that had happened. Her bruise was a deep purple, almost black patch on her stomach and it roused deep irritation in me and anger at Greed, so much so that I wanted to tear him to pieces. It was another feeling I hadn't thought I would feel because of a human, for a human.
Of course, the old hag had said that she had already taken necessary measures to deal with Greed. It would have been nice if I could have personally beaten that idiot for harming Arisa, but I didn't want to seem weak in front of the old hag so I let her lead the Fullmetal brat to take care of it. I had to bottle up all the irritation and leave from her mansion so I could ease my frustration somehow. And I was glad that I left.
Tugging Arisa's shirt down, I shifted my gaze to the landscape outside the window. My brows furrowed, finding these new surfacing emotions frustrating. I didn't know what to do about them. I couldn't understand them and I didn't want to either.
But I did know that I wanted to be around Arisa and I didn't want anyone to hurt her. There was finally one person who treated me like I wanted to be treated and I didn't want anyone to take her away from me.
~~~~~~~~
Oh my, Arisa and Envy are getting a little comfy around each other, aren't they? ;)
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