One Mistake: An Ezria Fanfiction
Chapter 94:
I'm so tired already and we haven't even looked at clothing yet. I need maternity stuff and baby clothes obviously. We still have just over half the pregnancy to go but I can't help how cute everything is. It turns out everything on the registry comes to over $5000 oops but that's including the stuff we just got which I ticked off so really it's another $4000 roughly - WITHOUT clothes. I'm so scared as I don't know how we'll afford it all. I hope we'll get some things at a baby shower if we have one. Ezra's gonna rent out his apartment so that will give us money and also means that if we want to move out at some point, we already have a place to go to. We should get I think $1500 a month from it I guess but I have no clue what the property market is like so this is just a random guess.
We look around a local baby shop and I spot a really cute baby grow that's grey and has cream/white stripes. It's too irresistible so I pick it up. We have to start deciding what we want our baby boy to wear. And his name - I am so bad at decision making on a daily basis so how am I supposed to name a human being?! I'm excited to come up with names though.
"Hey, Ezra. What clothes should we get now? Have you found anything?" I ask him as I turn around and see him gazing at cute baby pictures.
"Um, well there's this cute onesie that is covered in baby giraffes. Everything here looks really cute for babies. I can't wait to dress our son." He says as he comes over and hugs me. I giggle and kiss him.
"I love you, Ezra." I whisper.
"I love you too, Aria." He replies back.
We pick out a couple more bits and pieces then pay and head back home to Rosewood.
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Hey guys, I'm back home now so the wifi is good yay! I enjoyed seeing my family but it gets too much. They are so different to how my family acts (as in my immediate family).
I haven't felt myself the past couple if days and I feel poopy and kind of isolated like I've locked myself up and can't find the key. I just feel lost in my thoughts and emotions and I feel stressed and have no idea why. I have a bunch of school work and revision to do but don't have the motivation to do it. I just feel tired of trying and don't want to dump how I feel on my friends because I feel like I talk too much and about my messed up feelings and I just feel like I sound stupid and like an attention seeker when I'm not. I just feel so down for some reason. One moment I'm happy and the next I'm not. I'm just so, so tired of everything. All these tiny things always build up inside and it kills me. It makes me feel awful and I hate it. Sometimes I wonder what on earth is wrong with myself like if I have any problems or if I'm slightly depressed or whatever but I just ignore it because I don't want to complain or make a fuss. I feel like I push everyone I care about away and like I am annoying and I'm always paranoid people don't like me or talk about me behind my back. I just feel like I annoy my friends too much. I care about them so much that I just forget to tell them of show them. I feel like I talk about what goes on in my life too much. I'm the main one that talks which makes me think I'm pushing a conversation. My brain just makes me think they secretly hate me for some reason and it just shuts done reality and the truth. All those years of my old friends in junior school being mean or talking about me behind my back has really caused so many trust issues and scars of self doubt and trust in people that care. I'm just not confident and an idiot that isn't worth people's time. I just feel like I ramble too much about pointless stuff that doesn't matter and like I don't matter sometimes. I make myself feel like this and I can't stop it. I need to stop talking about there I go again wasting someone's time if they're reading this. Goodnight.