[please ignore my shitty lyrics in this chapter, I'm not a song writer yet, so they're all pretty stupid]
[A N N E T T E]
I woke in a blur, my head aching, my throat burning in a tingling sensation. I looked at the spot beside me. Empty. That was okay, I knew what this was now. It was okay. It was all okay.
As I stared around the room, my time to get up still an hour away, I thought. My mind wandered to memories I hadn't thought about in a while, I'd been pushing them away, keeping away the yearning, missing feeling. But sometimes, in mornings like these, I let my mind wander to those memories. This time, early in the morning when the curtains were closed and the light was dim, was the only time let myself feel those emotions again.
Any other time, they stayed away.
I stared around the room. So much had happened in our little apartment flat. 4 years we'd lived here, 4 years of memories. 4 of the best years of my life.
This was our first home out of home for all four of us, Daniel, Zoe, Tom and I.
Daniel's mother passed away, we had to support him through the grief.
Zoe lost her job after a year, she felt like she'd failed. Little did she know that she was going to find an even better one a month later.
Tom and I finished our college years of LPAC, Tom graduating with a music technology and production diploma and I graduating my first two years with top of the class scores and a musical score and composing diploma, so now I can move on to teaching and producing, even advance teaching or composing if I want later on in life.
We built a studio for ourselves, using our own hands and working hard for the money to pay it off.
And the best of all.
I formed a band.
But some of the smaller things were amazing too, like buying fish and a hamster for us to keep in the apartment. Moving in and decorating the place with our own style. Spending Christmas together in our own little home, giving gifts and cooking food. Babysitting my sisters children, Tom and I treating them as our own. All of that.
Just this room I was in was monumental. I was in this room when I received the email that asked if our band wanted to perform for some possible managers to get us up and going in the music business. I was in this room when I got the call from my sister, telling me she'd had her beautiful twins. I was in this room when Tom told me I was his one- that he wanted to make me his wife someday. Tom and I even had our very first time in this room, if you know what I mean.
It was incredible how things had changed. I became the brains of the band, working my ass off to get us gigs and get our name out there, eventually managing it when we got our first big break at summer in the paddock music festival. The boys got signed, I stepped down, I received a scholarship for my first year teaching degree. Zoe got a major promotion and her and Daniel moved into their own home once she's turned 21 and gained access to her trust fund.
Did I make the right decision? I'll never know I suppose.
I could be touring right now.
But I'm not.
"Tom I'm scared." I shivered, trembling at the knees as Tom's hand squeezed mine. Tom, Daniel, Hunter, Eli and I looked amazing in our outfits, electric guitars swung around our body's. Tom, perfectly calm. Me, terrified out of my mind.
Tom laughed, "Netty, two years ago we came to this place to party, now we're performing here! Enjoy it! This is our shot, let's take it!"
We were introduced, the crowd roared and we stepped out, walking onto our positions on stage. As I reached my microphone stand, my black electric hanging around my shoulders by a strap, I looked out to the crowd. Thousands. There were thousands. My throat closed up, my hands trembled. A panic attack looming in my lungs.
"Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit." I thought as the boys got into place and the crowd began to get excited. I picked up the amp chord, plugging it in. This was it.
One strum of the guitar and something clicked inside of me. Fear flew away, enjoyment replaced it. The boys played, I joined, riffing and strumming along with the boys, rocking and jamming. The crowd, as far as the eye could see, jumped and partied as Tom and I sung.
The world was cracked, the ceiling caving in. This world was a lie, nothing but a sin. They lie, they rowel, they fight and clash. They paint a picture of nothing but ash.
But we are the ones, the ones of the power. The young, the strong, the antagonists of the our tower. We can take back what's ours, fight for the right to love and live!
The crowd cheered at the sound of our rock music, jumping and cheering, dancing and raving. I burned in the adrenaline, riffing out a tune as Tom had his solo of the chorus parts. I glanced back, playing my heart out, seeing Hunter going wild on the drum kit like our lives depended on it, smiling like an idiot.
We had no fan base, no albums, concerts or true fangirls, we just played for the sake of playing, rocking our hearts out and seeing the smiles waving through the crowds. We didn't need the fame, we craved the fun.
With adrenaline thumping through our veins in sync with the beat, we got louder, playing and rocking out music to the hyper-active, partially drunk crowd. The atmosphere was incredible, the feeling with nothing that can compare. I don't think I'd even have words to compare my emotions, we felt on top of the world at that time:
And as I met eyes with Tom, our hearts at one hundred miles an hour, our stumming and riffing perfectly in sync, we smiled. This was our life now. This was us now.
"Come on London!" I shouted into the microphone, "Time to rock! Show us what you've got!!!"
You can't hold us, you can't hold us down, this is our life, this is our town. You can lie, you can cheat, but no one can win. This is ours of the taking. This is ours for the win.
"We are Chaos Of Mayhem! You're incredible London! Woo!" Tom shouted into the microphone as the song ended, "We hope to see you again next year!"
When I walked off the stage, my breath completely gone, my hands shaking of adrenaline and my heart pounding harder than it ever had before, I'd had the most fun I'd even had. Hunter was sticky in sweat from playing at such a rate, Daniel and I were breathless, Eli was looking confident and Tom- he was just buzzing.
"This," Tom pointed out to the stage as another band walked out, "-is where we need to stay. This is who we are."
And oh boy, things escalated from there. That band became our life. Every weekend day we had major performances at festivals and functions, we even opened for Fall Out Boy once which for a fact, was incredible. That crowd was alive.
But somehow, my mind became twisted, and I became an anti-social lead singer. My schoolwork became my main priority, I had to skip performances and eventually I disappeared. I remember the night I told Tom I'd giving up.
"Tom, I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean?" He asked me, confused as he pulled the amp from his electric and hooked it back on the guitar hook on the wall, "-you love this like me, don't you? What do you mean y--"
"Tom. I want to focus on my studies. Before long Tom, we'll have actually fans. We're performing at festivals, we opened for FALL OUT BOY?! I can't do this. I don't want to be famous Tom.. I'm s-sorry."
I broke down into sobs. This was becoming more than any of us dreamed of. Chaos of Mayhem was becoming something and I couldn't handle it. This wasn't what I wanted.
"But Netty I thought--"
"I want to focus on my studies." I cried to him, "I w-want you 4 to keep g-going, just without me.. Tom.. I don't need to be there. You're successful without me."
"Netty that's not true." Tom pulled me into his arms, my face buring into his shirt, "we love you in the band, you're what makes us special-"
"No Tom." I cut him off, "You're what makes them special, not me. You were born for this, you heard Pete say it. I can't do it anymore. I'm so so sorry."
That night Tom and I sat on the soft sofa in our studio, talking about what was to happen from here. Tom would become full lead, instead of me, and Daniel would take my solos and guitar solos. I remember how Tom cuddled me, squeezed me, kissed me, trying to tell me it was all okay, that he understood how I didn't want the fame. I wanted a career, a degree and a family. It's all I ever wanted. Fame would take that from me. We played everything, explained to the other guys, and everything was changed. Chaos of Mayhem was down to 4.
And the week after it changed, the boys got their recording deal.
Within a month and a half their first single was released and it zoomed to the top of charts, shocking some of the biggest bands in the world and before the boys knew it, they had concerts dedicated just to them. They did a promotion tour of Britain, I traveled with the boys when I could, and then their album, MasterMaker was released.
They hit free fall.
Hundreds of thousands of people wanted to tickets to their concerts, even more had bought their album and bought their merchandise. The amount of fans grew and grew as they shot up the fame scale, leaving me behind.
I wasn't not involved though. Even inch, word and sentence of the contract was discussed and negotiated between Tony (Chaos's Manager) and I as I knew how record labels could be tricksters with these things to earn money and I planned with the promotion team for their first promo tour. I even wrote 6 of the 18 songs on the first album with Tom, as well as working with other professional song writers to adjust and improve the lyrics.
But once the boys hit free fall, pretty much meaning they were too popular for their own good, I was pushed out. Slowly the managers and the record label pushed me out of the works. The boys call me 'the brains behind the band' as I help them make all the important decisions still, I just do it through skype without Tony knowing. They still call me that though, I don't do much, but I do something.
Plus, I still song write. They never stopped me from doing that. As long as I made the record label money, it was fine with them.
Now on their world tour, they too famous to leave their concerts without major security. It's terrifying! That could have been me! I could never handle that pressure like the boys do, I was never born for stardom, I'm more of a back-of-the-class kind of girl, even now.
I'm just one of the Chaos Of Mayhem song writers. Besides, none of the fans will ever know who I am anyway.
But hey, it's fine. I'll survive. Stardom was never my style. I can't wait to teach music. I want to help develop the next generation of musicians.
One day I'll take the leap, I'll become public, officially the girlfriend of Tom Spencer, but I'll have to work up a lot more courage before then. Zoe and I's lives will change.
Who knows what'll happen? 1 action can change everything, remember?
~•~
"Are you sure it's not too much trouble?" Ricky asked me through the phone, truly believing she was bothering me, "-If it is I can call up Joe and Beth I'm sure they--"
"Ricky it's fine!" I cut her off, "It's a chance to look after my beautiful niece and nephew, it's no trouble!"
"I don't believe you, but okay.." Ricky laughed worryingly, "-I'll bring them over in 20 minutes, okay?"
"Alright, see ya then!"
Ricky had an emergency meeting and she had no way of taking her gorgeous little children Indiana and Noah, so I agreed to looking after them for a couple hours. It'll do me good, I think, I need something good to take my mind off my trouble and these adorable 3 year olds are definitely the thing to do that.
I quickly got dressed in jeans and a t-shirt before grabbing my plastic tub of kids toys from the hallway cupboard. I'd kept a load of stuff animals and puzzles and things from when I was a child to give to my future children, but when Indiana and Noah were over, I saw no issue in letting them play with them. They seemed to love the stuffed animals anyway.
Soon, I heard a knock at the door and I quickly answered, but instead of seeing my sister and her kids, I saw a delivery man. He wasn't an ordinary delivery man thought, it was the kind that delivered flowers.
"Flowers for Netty?" He said, holding a bouquet.
"That's me," I smiled, a little confused. He handed me a pretty bouquet of peachy pink roses wrapped in green tissue paper and a card. I looked down at them, breaking into a smile.
"Have a nice day," the young man said before disappearing back to his van and driving away. I shut the door and walked back into the living area, smelling the delightfully fresh roses. I sat the bouquet down on the table and picked up the small envelope. On the corner of the envelope was a small stamp, reading Mary-Anne's Rose.
The place Tom always bought flowers for me from.
I began to giggle as I opened up the card, revealing a cute bunny rabbit holding a rose on the front cover. Inside it read:
To My Lovely Netty,
Despite what you told me of it all being fine that I wasn't coming home for our five year anniversary, I still felt bad, so here is some roses to make up for it and hopefully put and keep a smile on your face for the rest of the day. Never forget I love you, my beautiful Nerd.
Love Tommy, Your Dork <3 xoxoxo
"Aww!" I cooed out loud, smiling from ear to ear. I sat down the card, picking up the roses and darting into the kitchen, somehow finding a vase for them. I filled the vase with water and displayed the roses on the coffee table, they looks cute honestly, and Tom really had put a smile on my face. The entire time Tom had been away, he'd managed to spoil me by sending me gifts. What would I do without that dork?
By the time I'd displayed the flowers, Ricky had arrived with her cutie pie little kids Indi and Noah. Ricky looked flustered, but happy, her hair curled and flowing down her shoulders like usual. She wore her uniform for work at the real-estate agency and her wedding ring on her hand.
"Thankyou for looking after them at such short notice Netty," she told me, "-you're a life saver, honestly."
"It's no trouble Ric'," I smiled as I saw Indi and Noah happily opening the box of toys and pulling them out, "I love having them here, they give me a bit of company."
"How's Tom?" She asked me, fiddling with the ring on her finger, "Heard from him this morning?"
"I haven't heard from him but I did get those delivered to the door." I pointed to the vase of flowers on the coffee table, "He had them delivered, with a cute card, he still managed to spoil me without even being here.."
"That's so sweet," Ricky smiled, "Tell him I say hi and hope all is well in big ol' US-of-A, i better get going."
Ricky walked over, bent down and pressed a kiss to each of her kids foreheads, saying goodbye and telling them to behave for Aunt Netty. They both nodded, Indi's short curls bouncing around her head and Ricky rushed off to her meeting, leaving me with the two rug-rats.
"Aunt Net-Net!" Noah said as I sat down on the floor with them, "-Open dis for me?"
"Okay," I laughed as he passed me the old, blue toy doctors kit. I popped open the lid and sat it down in front of the cute brunet little boy, him immediately going for the small surgeons mask and stethoscope. Indi on the other hand was happily playing with the hair of two barbie dolls, seeming quite content with the world.
"Would you like some fairy bread for lunch?" I asked the twins as they played.
"Yes please Aunty Net-Net!" Indi said excitedly, jumping up and grabbing my hand, trying to yank me to my feet. I laughed, standing up and skipping with her to the kitchen. I found some bread, butter and sprinkles and Indi helped me make some, 'yummy cairy-bed' as she put it, for all of us. She got a buttery, sprinkles mess on her face (somehow without me noticing until it was there) within 10 minutes.
I only began to panic when I heard a smash from the living room.
"Noah!!" I called out, forgetting all about the bread and rushing through the doorway to the lounge.
What I found was a sobbing Noah and a very shattered vase, including peachy pink roses scattered around.
"Noah, are you okay?" I asked, quickly rushing around the sharp, soaked vase mess and picking up the 3 year old. He buried his face into my shoulder, crying.
"I'm sowwy.. Aunt Net-nett-t.. I didn't m-mean to.."
"It's okay Noah, it's okay," I laughed a little, prying his face away from my shoulder, revealing his tear filled eyes.
"I sowwy.." He whimpered.
"It's all okay Noah, I forgive you." I giggled as I sat him back on the floor, "Uncle Tom-Tom gave me these flowers, I think we should and a video to him!"
"We he b-be mad?" Noah asked, his bottom lip quivering. I noticed the race car sitting on the coffee table, I thought Noah must have knocked the vase of the table with that.
"No! No! He'll laugh!" I assured the little boy. I pulled my phone from my pocket and Noah stood behind the shattered mess of flowers, being careful not to get close as he might step on something sharp. I went into snapchat and held down the button, recording.
"What did you do Noah?" I asked, laughing a little.
"I-I knock the flowers.. With my race car," Noah looked so sad and sorry, with his shaky voice and teary eyes. Indi wrapped her arms around my leg as I recorded, hugging me tightly with her little arms
"What do you say?"
"Sowwy Uncle Tom-Tom and Aunt Nett-Nett.."
I laughed, finishing the video and sending it to Tom. I sat down on the floor and was quickly bombarded with cuddles by my favourite 3 year olds.
"I wuve you Aunt Nett-Nett!" Indi squealed, her and her twin brother knocking me down so I was laying on the floor with the two of them on top of me. I was laughing and squealing at the same time as they tried to tickle me.
"I wuve you too Indi!"
My phone suddenly buzzed loudly but Indi was still tickling me. I laughed and tickled her back, making her adorable laugh get even louder. Noah grabbed my phone but I was too focused on Indi to notice.
"Ahh! Stooppp! I surrender!!" I declared, putting my hands in the air after tickle wrestling with Indi for a few minutes. Indi laughed, climbing off me, setting me free. I sat up, my hairstyle destroyed, seeing Noah seemingly perplexed by the message on my screen. He passed me the phone and they watch closely as I put in the pass-code, went into snapchat and looked at Tom's message.
From Tommy- Well, I guess I should have expected the vase to get broken ;) say hi to little Noah and Indi for me! Skype? :)
"Uncle Tom-Tom says hello and that the flowers don't matter," I told Indi and Noah, "Wanna go skype Tom-tom?"
They both looked at me blankly. Stupid me, telling the about skype? They're 3!
"Come on," I smiled, standing up and taking their hands, "follow me."
I lead the two adorable twins into the office and sat down at the computer. Indi sat on my right knee, Noah on my left, them both wondering what I was doing on the computer, no doubt. I clicked onto skype, immediately seeing that Tom was for some reason online, and clicking call.
I waiting, the two twins consecutively asking what I was doing before the screen buffered and my boyfriend Tom appeared on screen.
"Uncle Tom-Tom!!" The two screamed, Noah immediately reaching out, trying to touch the computer screen. I laughed, holding each twin close as Tom laughed and smiled, our view obviously loading for him. He was in the darkness, snuggled in his dark blue hoodie. The hood sat over his head, the light coming from his laptop screen the only light making us able to see him. He looked tired.
"Hey Indi, Hi Noah! Morning Netty!" He laughed, waving to the twins. The both of them were jumping excitedly at the sight of their uncle, they hadn't seen him in months, just like me, but at least i'd seen him in skype video.
"Hey Tom, how's Ohio?"
"Wonderful," he groaned sarcastically, "How's London with these two rascals? I see you've had some fun with the roses!"
"I didn't mwean too Uncle Tom-Tom.." spoke Noah, looking guilty at the screen.
"It's okay little-man, as long as you're okay, it's okay." Tom smiled. The thing with Tom and I is that we always strived to make sure these kids were treated special in our home. We didn't want baby sitting sessions to be boring-time for them, that's why we took them places and did special things whenever they were under our care. Tom loved these two the way I did, like our own part-time kids. Like two practise kids to help prepare us for our own that we hoped to have in the future.
"Uncle Tom-Tom!" Indi called out, "Where are youuu?"
"I'm on holiday Indi," he replied.
I suddenly heard a couple voices echo up from the darkness on Tom's end of the call, probably the other boys.
"Tom! It's late! Shut the fuck up!" I think it was Daniel, maybe hunter, not 100% sure.
Tom retorted into the darkness, "I'm talking to my girlfriend, niece and nephew, so you shut the fuck up!"
I tried to cover the ears of the two small kids in front of me, but when there's two of them with a total 4 ears and I only have 2 hands, it's not very successful. Luckily they were so young they couldn't understand, let alone repeat that bad word.
"Anyway, never mind him," Tom laughed, seeing a smile on my face.
"Uncle Tom-Tom!" Noah called out loudly, reaching out and touching the screen to try and get Tom's attention.
"Yes Noah, I'm listening."
"When are you coming home?"
The way Noah said it, so clearly and cutely like he really wanted to know broke my heart. Tom smiled weakly, I saw the pain in his eyes.
"Soon little-man, soon. I promise."
Tom locked eyes with me, mouthing 'I'm sorry' to me. I sighed, trying to lift my spirits by mouthing back 'it's fine.'
"Don't you-" Tom turned his head, his hair poking out from the bottom of his hood, looking out into the darkness. Suddenly, a shoe went flying into the camera view, hitting Tom in the side of the face. The twins laughed.
"That's it! You're in for it!"
As Tom stood up, the laptop fell backwards, letting us see the lights flicking on and Daniel and Tom wrestling each-other to the floor in the gap between the bunks in their tour bus. Noah and Indi giggled and laughed at the boys as they pushed and shoved each-other around.
"Break it up!! Break it up!!" I called through the camera, Tom releasing Daniel from the headlock, them both smiling in their pyjamas on the floor. I could just see Eli sitting up on the top bunk, his eyes closed, he could sleep through anything.
"Hey Netty," Daniel smiled, crawling over and straightening up the laptop, he and Tom sitting in front of it. "Hello their Indiana and Noah!"
Indi and Noah waved to Dan, not really remembering who he was. They did know him, he used to play race cars with Noah on the floor whenever Zoe and Daniel were around and we were babysitting the two kids, but it had been a good 6 months since they'd seen him, I'm not surprised they didn't remember.
"I got kinda sick of hearing Tom being noisy and blabbering on, so I thought I better intervene, I hope you don't mind?" Daniel explained, Tom shoving him at the shoulder.
"Oh no, I don't mind, it was quite entertaining, wasn't it kids?" Noah and Indi giggled and nodded in sync.
Suddenly another voice echoed down the hall of the tour bus, obviously hunter in the other room (can I call them rooms? Technically the tour bus has rooms? So are they rooms or bus areas? I don't know!)
Hunter shouted, sounding pissed. "I swear to god if you all DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP I will come down the hall and skin you both alive. For fucks sakes, let me sleep you dick heads!"
Dan cringed, Tom looking at me with an anxious look. I laughed, the twins not understand what as going on on the computer screen. I bounced my knees up and down, making them giggle as they bounced.
"Well I guess we better go before we get skinned alive," Tom laughed, both of them had hair sticking up in all directions, "I'll talk to you in the morning, okay?"
"Alright," I smiled, "Love you!"
"Love You Too!" Tom replied, Daniel making gagging gestures at us.
"Say goodbye to Uncle Tom-Tom and Dan!" I said to the twins. They both said goodbye, waving cutely as usual. The call ended and the boys disappeared from the screen, like a routine, they were gone again.
"That was fun!" Indi giggled, sliding off my knee with her brother, "Aunt Nett-Nett, I miss Uncle Tom-Tom."
How does she even understand what missing is? She's three?
"I miss him too Indi, I miss him too."
~•~•~
HI HI HI!!
Another chapter for your lovely faces, have you enjoyed?
Ricky and Max had twins!! Like the names?
Also, now you have the story, how the band came to be, how they got discovered and why Netty isn't with the guys in USA. I'm beginning to fill in the blanks, they'll be more coming soon!!
Sorry I've been a little shit when it comes to updating! I've been crazily blocked and lazy pretty much!
More soon!
Love You All!
~ Rubie <3