(Dedicated to Msmarie1826 . Thank you sa votes :) sa lahat ng mga readers, sana'y magustuhan nyo and sequel na 'to.)
SYDNEY POV
"Hi." I smiled
Nilapitan niya ako saka nya ako hinalikan sa pisngi. "How have you beeen?"
I grinned. "I've been great! Better, actually. I feel new. How about you? How have you been?"
She nodded as she studied my face for a moment. "That's great!" She grinned. "Grabe, ang tagal din natin na hindi nagkita! We should hang out sometime."
"Siguro nga po." I chuckled. "Ahhh, by the way. This is Holland, Nika and Ian."
Nakipag-shake hands sila kay Haven at konting chitchat. Maya maya ay umalis na din si Haven dahil may imemeet pa daw siya na tao sa bahay nila.
Before 12am ay ihinatid na kami ni Holland. I was the last one na ihahatid niya. "Thanks again, Holl! See you sa next na lakad." Sabi ko sakaniya bago ako bumaba mula sa sasakyan niya.
Pag pasok ko ng bahay ay nagstretch muna ako. Madilim na sa living room. I sighed. I feel tired. Umakyat na ako sa kwarto ko at pumasok sa bathroom ko. I took a quick shower.
After shower, naupo ako sa desk ko para patuyuin ang buhok ko. Habang pinapatuyo ko ang hair ko ay nakita ko bigla ang isang Stuffed animal sa sulok ng kwarto ko.
Eto yung stuffed animal na panda. Eto yung panda bear na galing doon sa taong binasag ang puso ko sa unang pagkakataon.
Tumayo ako at pinulot yon.
Ilang linggo na rin ang dumaan. Simula noong unang gabi na umiyak ako ay araw araw akong naghohopia na sana bumalik siya sa akin. Gabi gabi pa din akong naniniwala na babalik siya. Pero bakit nga ba siya babalik? Bakit pa???
Natawa ako habang pinagmamasdan ko itong panda bear na hawak ko. Simula noong unang gabi na umiyak ako ay pakiramdam ko, hndi na ako makakabangon sa umaga. Araw araw akong nasasaktan. I always feel like I'm dying.
Iyak ako ng iyak. Emote ako ng emote. Iniisip ko noon, hindi na ako makaka-alis sa sitwasyon na ganon.
I sighed.
Sobrang hirap palang maging broken hearted noh? Pakiramdam mo, may broken ribs ka. Nobody can see your ribs broken but it hurts everytime you breathe. Sobrang bigat sa dibdib. Sobrang bigat na hindi mo mapigilan yung mga mainit na tears na dadaloy mula sayong mata.
Gabi gabi akong naghahanap ng lakas habang umiiyak dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin ang bukas na wala siya.
I cried every night
I cried every night because I was in love with her and I didnt see all these things coming. I never thought she's going to abandon me.
I cried because she's simply one of the best things i ever had.
I cried everynight.
But every morning,
I still crawl out off bed and talk to people and smile. I laugh and eventually, nakakalimutan ko ang pain.
My friends brought me to adventures. Noon, everywhere I go; it reminds me of her but I got rid of that.
Bigla kong namiss ang memories namin.
Napangiti ako kahit papaano.
Ganoon pala mabroken hearted noh? Hahahahaha!
Pag gising mo ng umaga, kahit bangag na bangag ka sa kakaiyak---magpapaganda ka!
Minsan magpapaganda ka dahil gusto mong maglaway siya pag nakita mo sya. Pero hindi talaga ganon yun. Dapat pala, aayusin mo ang sarili mo hndi dahil para ibang tao---kundi para sa sarili mo.
Pag broken hearted ka, kahit anong pilit mong pakikinig sa teacher ay hndi mo magawa. Nag-dadaydream ka. Tulala ka. Minsan iniimagine mo na bumabalik siya. Ayan tayo eh! Iniwan na nga tayo, humohopia pa tayo na babalik siya! Nagiimagine tayo na parang nasa movies tayo! Umuulan tapos kakatok siya sa bahay mo na basang basa at magbebeg na bumalik ka sakaniya. PERO HINDI GANON YON!
Pag broken hearted ka, lahat na lang ng maririnig mong heartbreaking song ay feeling mo para sayo. Minsan pa, mabwbwiset ka pag nasa public transportation ka at nagplay ang "someday" at "somewhere down the road" o kaya yung "over you"
Pag broken hearted ka, lahat nalang ng nangyayari sa buhay mo ay may HUGOT! Mahulog lang ang toothpaste mo sa sink ay mapapa hugot ka ng; "pati toothpaste, sa iba nahuhulog."
Pag broken hearted ka, papasok ang lahat sa tenga! Tatagos sa puso at lalabas sa mata!!!
Ganito pala pag broke hearted ka, lahat ng naalala mo tungkol sa kanya ay halos itapon mo!
Pag broken hearted ka at iiyak ka sa gabi, minsan pinapakinggan mo ang "one last cry"
Maygaaad nakakabaliw pala ang ganon! Hahahhahaa! Pero sa huli, matatawa ka talaga pramis!
Oh well...
Napasandal ako sa upuan habang pinagmamasadan pa din etong panda bear na hawak ko.
I wonder how shes doing right now. I am sure she is doing great. From the moment I woke up in the morning up to sleeping, she's no longer in my mind. But I will never forget everything; ever bits and details of her. The way I feel when I touch her skin and down to her soul.
Looking back, reminiscing... it still hurts na hindi naging kami. Part of me is still disappointed with that idea. We didnt end up well and i never thought of that word "end" for us.
But it just happened. I just hope God will make her feel complete again one day.
I used to thing I will never survive a day without her in my life.
As time passes by, it was very hard but the next was harder. Pakiramdam ko hindi na ako makakarecover sa pain. Mapapaisip ako ng "Hanggang kailan ako ganito? Hanggang kailan ako iiyak? Hanggang kailan ako masasaktan?"
Losing Megan Mackenzie Delafuente, didnt happen once. It happened over and over again!
I lost her when I picked up a can of pepsi. I lost her when I entered the cafeteria and gym. I lost her when I go to bed. I lost her when i held this panda bear. I lost her when I thinked about her. I lose her over and over again during these painful days.
But these painful days are now healed by time.
Nakita ko yung nakasiksik na note sa gilid ng stuffed toy.
"I know you've lost someone and it hurts. You may have lost them suddenly, unexpectedly. Or perhaps you began losing pieces of them until one day, there was nothing left. You may have known them all your life or you may have barely known them at all. Either way it is irrelevant--- you cannot control the depth of a wound another inflicts upon you.
Which is why I am not here to tell you that tomorrow will a new day. That the sun will go on shining. Or there are plently of fish in the sea. What i will tell you is this; it's okay to be hurting as much as yourself. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary-----because it makes you so much more human. And though i cant promise you it will get better any time soon, i can tell you that it will------eventually. For now, all you can do is take your time. TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.
-lang leav
I am certain that I have moved on.
I know I am not hurting anymore.
One of these days, we will meet again. And i will never feel the same way like I used to.
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Sydney's recent photo is posted on the medie guys!