"I swear I think I know you better than this," Cara stopped walking. We were in the middle of the way and the students were rushing to us. "What do you mean?" I asked. Cara pulled me away from the crowd. She did not reply till we reached the quiet space under a big tree near the side of the building.
"You are a stranger to me but since..." The word stranger was like needle pierced to my naive heart. I was lost on her words. Then she asked, "Are you okay, Math Wiz?"
"Math Wiz?" I immediately replied upon her familiar words. "Yeah. From what you did earlier, you're a Math Wiz," Cara continued.
I vividly recall the moments she called me Math Wiz. I can even hear her voice saying those.
"Am I too late Cara?" I inhaled the possibility of crying. She was confused by my question. "Why? For? Uhh, are you okay Kendall?"
I wanted to cry when she spoke my name. I saw her eyes and recalled the old Cara. I saw in her eyes the love she gave me. I am seeing it again. The way she raised her eyebrows and worry for me right now. It was like the old Cara who loved me so much that I did not know what to do.
Because I see hope, I will not give up.
She placed her hand on my shoulders and slight shook it, "Hey, are you really okay?" She placed her hand around my neck, "Hmmm you're not sick so what's wrong?"
I totally stood still letting her hand touch me. I replied, "Cara I-"
"HEEEEYYYYY!!!"
Ian, Rita and Chris were waving outside the familiar car. Rita looked excited to us while Chris was looking at me. Maybe all the shame I experienced that did not leave his head at all. "Caraaaa!!" Chris shouted from the car, "Jump in you two!"
Without informing me, Cara took my hand and ran to the car. Before, I had this bad perception when people hold hands. It's like a symbol of being possessive. Like you want to declare, "I own this person!" But that was before... Cara came. She frequently holds my hand before she confessed. I was fine with it until now. Her amnesia left me vulnerable. I felt weak and unsecured again. So today, I am not okay with her holding me like this.
Because I want her to hold me. I want the feeling that she will not go. The possibility of her completely forgetting me made me realize that I need her so much closer.
"It's nice to see you two," Ian smiled on us. "Come in. We're going on a trip."
Cara looked to them and was excited and confused. She's just so animated. "What trip? Are you too old to forget that Paul will not allow this?" Rita laughed, "We are old enough to inform your guilty mother that you need to relax to recover faster." Why does Paul have to be always in charge of Cara? Since when? I have so much to ask to him.
"Is he mad??" Cara seemed worried on Paul. Why? Were they always this close? "A bit but making you fully recovered is his calling so he was okay and he'll join us," Rita opened the door. "The paradise awaits"
"Whatever," Cara looked on me, "You're coming, right?"
I will usually pass this up but there are many things that already changed. "I have to pack my things first." I asked the gay one that I am oddly comfortable talking with, "How long is this trip?"
Chris, with all the gay tone, quickly answered, "Just two nights darling"
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Ian parked his car and asked me, "Can we buy some water??" Ian then looked to Cara who was noticeably not okay. She was massaging her forehead while looking to my house from the window. "Are you okay Spartan?" Cara did not answer him. She just kept on gazing everywhere like she was seeing something. "Yeah, we should give Cara a drink," I replied.
Rita walked with Cara to my house along with Chris while Ian and me were behind. "Are you okay Kendall?" I know what's he talking about. "Honestly? No."
Then I ran and opened the house.
"Snow!!!" Ian shouted to the crazy puppy that was running everywhere. He was overwhelmed by the number of humans around him. "He so cute!!" Rita carried him with Ian beside her. "Awww you two look like a family!" Chris teased.
Seeing Cara completely quiet on my couch made me run to the kitchen to get water. What was she thinking? OH. Is she remembering already?? I returned and handed them glasses. The last one was for my amnesia girl, "Drink this"
It was her blank stare that made me think that she was indeed remembering something.
After drinking, Cara said, "Snow looks so young. Since when did you have him?" Another question that made me sigh, "Not too long ago." No. FIGHT KENDALL. Be brave.
"He was a gift," I smiled. "Oh....from?" She looked really curious which excited me to answer.
"From a very thoughtful stranger," I bit my lip and waited for her response. "That's odd. Stranger danger Kendall" Cara was asserted to warn me. Kinda funny cos she is the stranger danger. "I don't mind. I like this stranger."
NO one will know the struggle of preventing yourself from telling everything to this girl so I excused myself and went to my room to pack. Just look how fate plays on earthlings like me. Yes we are under the same roof now but in a totally different story. All I can do is to stay strong which I have been doing all life and hold to the things and never let them go away again which, by the way, is the first for me since everyone left before and I did nothing to stop them.
After packing, I went back to them.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I think this is the loudest scream I made for a long time.
Rita was holding the purple box which was hidden inside the drawer. Just how crazy and criminal are these people??? I ran to her to reach the box but Rita threw it to Ian, "Now you are making me curious!" Ian ran around the room with the box. NO WAY they can see the letters!! The bullies played monkey in he middle with me being the monkey. How can I stop them??!
"Hey cut that out!" Cara stood up. "Give me that"
My eyes enlarged as Ian handed Cara her love confessions to me. "No..." If she reads this, she might lose her sanity. "I'll hide this for you." Cara put the box in her bag, "Let's go!"
They were waiting outside while I placed Snow's food and water for 2 days.
"I gotta get that box"
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(Inside the car at 9PM)
"Chris stop singing as fuck!" Cara hit Chris' thigh. She is really Cara. "You sound like a cockroach that any fat kid nearly stepped on." Chris did not mind Cara instead he sang louder.
"Let it go! LET IT GO!! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!!" He is so funny that Cara covered his mouth. "Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!" She's still covering his mouth. "Okay! Okay!" Chris stopped his rampage, "Just playing on you. Go sleep Elsa."
30 minutes passed before all were quiet even Ian, the driver, did not talk much. Maybe because Rita is asleep and he only wants to talk about my situation with Cara which we cannot talk about for now so I guess I'll just sleep as well
I was about to close my eyes when Cara leaned her head to my shoulder. "She should have done that earlier. Now I can sleep well, " Chris mumbled to sleep.
I did not say a word because this is exactly what I want. I want to feel like nothing changed between us. That she still loves me and I am starting to feel the same. I wish time would stop this very second. I want her weight, her presence. Cara leaning on me...would I still get a sleep?
...
..
.
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"Wake up lovebirds," Rita tapped my hand who is wrapped around someone's stomach. "Are we here yet??" I mumbled as I opened my eyes. "Yes and the place is fucking wonderful!! Stop hugging Kendall and let's go!!"
Oh right. I ended up hugging this girl. Her vanilla scent must be the culprit. Well she allowed me but I think I should be hugging Paul. Where's that boy?
"Kendall," I softly spoke on her face. No response so I spoke her name again, "Kendall"
Then she opened her mouth, "Cara. Cara. Cara." Kendall replied with her eyes closed. "Do you still love me?"
Do I what?? What a deep sleeper! I gently pinched her nose to seriously wake her. "Wake up Kendall. We're here." She finally woke up when she held my hand that is currently holding her nose, "Cara." Her eyes were suddenly serious like she never fell asleep at all. "Someday, answer my question"
I was not able to reply because she quickly went outside. What do you mean Kendall? She keeps on acting like there's a big piece of puzzle missing between us.
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"Feast!!" I applauded the bunch of food for us. Rita and Ian are sitting next to each other while I'm between Chris and Kendall.
"Chow!!!" Chris shouted as we started to indulge ourselves. I was about to reach for the tempura but Kendall took and handed me one. "Thanks," she is one kind friend.
"Don't spoil the kid," Rita was referring to Kendall because she's serving all my food. I am bossy but she kept on handing me the stuff I want to eat that I am already shy. Is she usually like this? Haha this is just funny. She is acting like I'm a V.I.P.
"Ehem"
Someone cleared his throat. An arm was around on my shoulder. A kiss landed my head. "Having a good time??"
It was Paul!!
"A better time now you're here," I grinned to my manly boyfriend. "Come eat with us!" Paul's smile widened upon seeing Kendall, "Wow you're also here!" He was happy to see Kendall but Kendall was not smiling at all. She was intensely looking to me then to Paul. Her eyes were traveling back and forth to me and Paul again like she was shocked.
Then she stormed out with no words to give us a clue.
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My feet felt like flying out of this place. I want to take my eyes out. Bang my head against the wall.
Hahaha. Wow. Guess who?
It was my brother who just arrived. I think I have to go to my house, get a knife and stab my chest that will not suffice to the pain my whole body, soul and mind were suffering in this very moment. Hey what if he was just a FRIEND?
I wanted to ask why is my brother here but seeing him kiss Cara is an evident answer to my useless question.
I wanted to shout in anger to the sky above. Why did You put this on me? You know I am a weak person. I was alone, Cara came to me, I found my brother and thank you but turning everything into this? Why God? WHY?!
Did you forget how weak I am?
I leaned on the post away from any eye. I stared above and cherished the tears on my cheeks. The whole thing, my whole life is like a roller coaster ride but I guess my rail is broken and I have no way to go. How do I continue to fight for her when my beloved brother is on my way? Will I lose my love again?
Should I let go again?
Maybe...
"Hey what's wrong?"
I know it's her but I'm too unprepared to reply so I did what I can do which is to blankly look on her.
Then Cara pulled me to her arms and hugged me. I wondered if she had a slow motion feeling with me just like what I'm having right now. Her arms around my back deafened me. Don't care much on her words. I just want to cherish her warmth because everything with her feels so temporary... especially now.
Temporary like my brother is waiting for her right now.
"Cara, you should go to your boyfriend," I whispered below her shoulders. "I can manage myself"
But please stay with me Cara.
She heartlessly let go of me and replied, "Are you sure? Okay just call any of us if you need something"
Then she smiled
Then she turned around
Then she disappeared for her boyfriend
Ouch. Now that's the real Cara to some ordinary friend like me, stone-cold.
"That's it Kendall." I leaned again to the white, thick post who is currently witnessing my surrender. My legs surrendered too as I slowly slide down the ground. No words can express or manifest the heaviness I feel. If I have the strength, I'll punch this post but gravity is stronger than me.
My strength is only good for smiling to the sky in sarcasm of my fury
This is the first time I fell in love. Indeed, this is love. I know this is love because we're not the same blood yet I want her in life and I might not smile again without her quirky ways, cheesy surprises... How did I not know this before?! How can I miscalculate this one?
I bowed to my knees. Covering my face in shame of losing love again.
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"Kendall!" Rita violently hit my arm, "You're mallows are already burning again!"
I slightly had to shake my head to get my mind back. "Darn it. Can I have some, again?" Rita grabbed the pack of mallows, "It's like your 4th time. Don't make that your fifth." Paul and Cara were on the other side, completely happy with each other.
I wonder if I can go home after this bonfire. I'll just go back to my old, dull normal life.
"Okay stop it you two," Ian continued, "Cara is this trip removing your stress at all?" Paul covered Cara's mouth to stop her from answering so she pinched Paul's nose in return, "Of course! I feel all good till this annoying man came!" Paul laughed on her and Cara leaned on his chest playfully.
I don't usually swear but...
FUCK. Just want to get the box back and go home. How in the world can I feel so lonely when there's five people around me.
"Cara," I grabbed her attention. "Can I get the box?" I looked to the bag beside her. "Yeah sure." She plainly grabbed it out and handed it to me. Chris commented, "I wonder what's in that. Don't you want to share?" Ian agreed, "Yeah. You're so afraid when I took that earlier."
This box is what will keep my heart warm for the next days.
"This? It's really nothing," I replied trying to hide the depression desperately as I put the box inside my bag. "Just a bunch of letters"
"Ahhhh," Paul responded, "Kenny are you sleepy?"
I should be happy that my long lost brother called me the way he used to call me way before he vanished but Cara's smile for him forbids me to be happy. "Yeah kinda"
"Oh no darling. Ain't no fun without being sober!" Chris was suddenly hype to bring out the cans of beer. "Just one drink and let's call it a night! After all, this beach is damn cold."
Heh. I grabbed Chris' can, opened and drank it. "Woah easy soldier," Chris reacted. I continued to drink till my throat gave up. For the record, I want to drink as much as my body can. I need this. I don't want to keep on noticing Cara and Paul. "Give me more" I asked Ian who looked confused at my request, "Are you sure??"
"Yeah."
Toss. Catch. Open. Drink the bleak. Swallow the pain.
As they expected, I quickly lost my sanity. I know Paul went to me and laid me down, "What's gotten to you Kenny? You're never like this," He gently placed the sheets and covered me with blanket inside my tent.
"My bag..."
Then he placed the bag beside me. Paul brushed my hair and spoke, "Sleep well sis"
Those were the last words I heard before I fe...
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Everyone were sleeping. Paul and Rita were inside their sleeping bags next to each other. Chris was in his too. Paul and Cara were slumbering inside their tent. Kendall was alone with her bag. She was really drunk because...
One of the five people she was with was actually awake. The shadow arose and gazed on the moonlit sea that gave the breeze. It looked around as if checking if everyone was really sleeping. Upon confirmation, the shadow sneaked inside the drunk girl's tent. After grabbing the box inside her bag, it effortlessly went outside.
Who's that? We'll never know for now.
But one thing is for sure, the shadow discovered what it never meant to know.
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How was the chapter?? I hope you like this. I made this one long as an apology for taking too long to update :) and forgive me if there are errors in grammar or typo cos I tried so hard to finish this before doing my any of my school work.
Comment your guesses!!
-excited to read comments
:)