CHAPTER 14: TEACHING A STOMACH MANNERS
Tyler's P.O.V
The walk to school seemed longer than usual. Or maybe it's just me? Oh, well. I stuffed Jimmy in my bookbag so I won't have to carry him. Don't worry. I made a very tiny opening so he could breathe.
Suddenly, a squirrel came up beside me.
"Flapjack!" I squealed in delight. I haven't seen him in FOREVER! He must have been still bummed that I won the race. Jeez, just get over it already!
"(makes that squirrel niose)" Flapjack said to me. Luckily, I speak fluent, squirrel.
Traslation: I'm bored. Wanna race again?
I thought about it.
"I don't know, I have a rabid animal in my bookbag and I don't want it to attack me while I'm running. Ahh, who am I kidding. On your mark....get set...GO!" and we're off.
I could feel Jimmy bouncing all around in my bookbag. Sucks to be him.
"I won again! In yo face Flapjack! Twice!" I started doing my happy dance like the first time. I started doing really old moves in it too. The sprinkler. Then the running man. The just doing a random chicken dance.
"TYLER would you stop embarrasing yourself in front of the whole school?!" I heard Ally yell. I see her walking towards me with a smile on her face.
"ALLY!" I shriek and run over to tackle her. We both fell down onto the pavement.
"Ouch! Damn Ty, sometimes I wonder about you," she says, getting up. Wow. What an old saying. The last time I heard that was in seventh grade, where I put a cow on the second floor of our school with its sides spray painted with the phrase 'Tyler didn't do this'. Of course I got busted. Stupid teachers think they're so smart because they can read my hand writing.
I did that little Jackie Chan move to get up and picked up my bookbag. There's something missing. But I just can't put my finger on it. Hmmm....I think it starts with a J and rhymes with Flimmy. What is it? Think, think, think. OH! Bingo!
"Ally, Ally, Ally! Guess what I got!" I shouted. Then I pulled out Jimmy (I can't believe I forgot him) who looked really dizzy. I set him down and he instantly puked. There goes this mornings breakfast
"YOU GOT A TIGER?!" she screamed. Ow. Remind me to always wear earplugs when around her.
"Yes and his name is Jimmy," I say rubbing my poor ears.
"Aww he so cute! Wait! How did you get him?" she looked at me accusingly. Gosh. It's really a pain on how smart she can be.
"I kind of... sort of...stole him?" I say. Ally looked ready to blow if Jake and Alex hadn't showed up.
"You stole a tiger?" Jake asks. I nod and point to Jimmy.
"Aww cute!" Alex picks him up and just as Jimmy is up, he throws up on Alex's shirt.
"Eww! This was my new shirt!" He complains. Heh, heh. Omg! I totally forgot something!
"GANGSTER MEETING FIRST PERIOD!" I suddenly yell. It's been so long since we had a meeting.
Remember waaay back then when I said something about a group call 'The Gangsers'? Well, basically, it's a group of 7 people (obviously) who make pranks on people - mostly teachers - video tape it, and post it on the schools site for everyone to see. I made it up, so I'm like the boss or something. (Yeah, that's right. I'm in control. Be afraid.) Principal G doesn't mind, cause he ADORES me. It kinda creeps me out too.
"You do know that we'll miss science for the meeting," Ally said as we walked to our lockers. I put in the combo and stuff everything in. Except Jimmy. For now.
"And?" Who cares about science? We walk into homeroom as soon as the bell rings. I go and take my seat next to Freckles and Max.
"Psst! There's a gangster meeting first period," I whisper to them.
"Gotcha," Max replies, "Hey, while you were gone, I found some new man candy. Really hot too."
"Really? Is it Freckles?" I ask. We both look at our little nerd. Jimmy somehow got off my lap and was on Freckles' chest. He looked really uncomfortable and when Jimmy licked his face, Freckles tried to push him off with a pencil.
"No," Max says seriously. I laugh and zoned out for homeroom until it was time for first period. Finally!
"Come here Jimmy," I scoop up Jimmy from Freckles, who gave me a relieved look. I walked into our secret meeting place (which was the kitchen in our school) and waited for everyone to come. Soon enough, all six other members arrived just when the bell rang.
"Alright losers, who's our next victim," I ask. Max grins and Jake shakes his head with a smile on his face.
"Well, Mr. Farkas just got a new car AND, I think I have a little surprise for the second floor," he grins wider and I like where this is going.
***
"Max, are the feathers in place?" I ask him through my walkie talkie. We decided to skip second period also to do our prank.
"Yep, feathers ready to go," he replies. I love Max. He comes up with the best pranks. After me of course.
"Freckles, is the stereo ready to play?" I ask.
"Yes," he says on my walkie. Good. Right now I was next to the fire alarm on the second floor, ready to pull it. But before I can, I have to make sure every thing is in place.
I see Jake and Alex pouring the last of the oil onto the hallway floor. That's all I'm waiting for.
Ally gives me a thumbs up while holding the video camera, and that's my cue. Well, here goes nothing...
RIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!
The fire drill alarms everyone and, just as Max thought, all students and teacher came rushing out. Only to slip and fall on the oil. It was hillarious to watch. Everone was trying to get up, but they keep on falling on their asses, getting covered in oil.
"Max! Drop the feathers!" I say and then, thousands of whites feathers came out of the ceiling and onto the people.
"Freckles! Cue the music!" I shout into the walkie once more and the chicken dance song comes blasting out the stereo. I took out the megaphone in my bookbag I stole from the office and turned it on
"DANCE MY LITTLE CHICKENS DANCE!!" I screamed at them. This is classic. A bunch of people in feathers slipping all over the place. Ahh, humanity.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Principal G voice boomed from the stairs. Uh, oh. I'm in deep shit now.
"Scramble!" I yelled and we did.I grabbed Jimmy and jumped out the nearest window. Two stories or not, I am NOT getting caught. Well, I probably am but, not now!
I luckily landed in a bush, which broke my fall. So now, I'm just basically running where ever the fuck my feet take me.
A few minutes later, I arrive at the school's parking lot. To be exact, right in front of Mr. Farkas' brand new, shiny car. Hmph. might as well do something to it.
"Jimmy! I found you new littler box!" I say and stuff him in there to do his buissiness. Now that the inside is settled...let's decorate the outside.
First, I got my duct tape out and taped the doors shut, leaving one open so I can get Jimmy out. Then, I took out my black spray paint and sprayed 'I Love Hot Dudes!' on his front and back windows. When Jimmy was done, I took him out and taped the door shut. Let me tell you...he did a REALLY good job stinking it up. I think I just burned my nose.
After I finished duct taping the car shut, I took out my clear wrap and started to wrap the whole car in it to make it look really shiny.
(Fifteen minutes later)
There. All done.
RIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!
There goes the bell, indicating whatever period I have next. I think it's math. Wow. Fifth period already? Good.
I skipped back into the school and to my locker, where I stuffed Jimmy and my bookbag in. Then, I skipped into my math class, where I did not see my lovely teacher. Where ever did he go?
"Hey, where's Waldo?" I asked out loud. I've always wanted to ask that.
"Right here," a gruff voice ame from behind me. I turned around to see non other than Mr. Waldo standing in the doorway with a scowl on his face. It really doesn't suit him.
"Take your seat Mrs. Anderson," he snapped. Well, someone's not in a good mood today.
I took my seat in the back and pretended to listen to the lesson. I'm so hungry. It's like I could eat Jimmy. I might too. Just then, my stomach growled loudly, confirming that thought.
"Mrs. Anderson! Do you not have any manners?!" Mr. Waldo snarled.
"Well sorry Mr. Waldo. Do you want me to take myself outside and give my tummy a lecture on growling during class? Maybe I'll just put my stomach in the corner to let it know how you feel?" I told him. This guy seriously has problems. It's not like I know when it will do that.
"This is no time for games!" he snapped.
"I'll take that as a yes," I got up and walked out of the classroom. I can't believe I'm about to give a stern talking to my stomach. I walked to the nearest corner to the hallway and began talking.
"Now stomach," I began, "You know what? I'm gonna call you Willis. Now, Willis. You know it is very rude to make that noise during class. You disturbed many people and got us in trouble. If you don't stop I will have to call you mother. You got that?"
Willis growled in response.
"Good, now go in the corner," I walked him to the corner and stood there for a good ten minutes. Letting the lecture sink in. Once I thought he learned his lesson, I walked back to math.
"He won't do it again," I say patting my stomach. The class chuckled and Mr. Waldo glared. As always. The bell rang indicating lunch. Willis' favorite time of the day.
I skipped down the halls and as I turned the corner, I crashed into a wall. I fell backwards and would have landed on my butt, If the wall didn't use it's stong arms to catch me.
"Are you okay?" Mr. Wall said. Whoa, walls can talk? That is so cool! And they have arms!
"Tyler?" He talked again! Wait a minute. That voice sounds very familiar and oddly inviting. I looked up and saw that I crashed into Mason, not the wall. Awww, shucks. That stinks.
"You're not Mr. Wall," I say. I guess wall don't talk. Darn. Mason does his cute little confused face, but shrugs it off.
"Listen, I want to ask you something," he says.
"And that something is?" he looks really nervous and shy.
"Well...would you...um....like to go on a date with me tonight?" he says the last part in a rush. Then, he looks down.
"We could've umm... gone to the boardwalk and like, walk it and play some games on it and uhh...go on the beach. But if you don't want to that's okay! I was just asking and I don't want to pressure you in anything and...um...yeah," he blushes and scratches his neck.
"Aww, is that a blush I see?" I cooed, which made him blush more.
"No," he muttered. Poor little Mason. Trying to keep his manliness.
"Of course I'll go on a date with you," I laughed. He is too fun to mess with. Mason brightened up and looked really happy.
"Cool! I'll pick you up at 8?" he said.
"Sure," Willis growled. So impatient sometimes. "Shh, Willis," I whispered to him, rubbing my stomach. Mason had the WTF look on his face.
"Well, I gotta feed Willis and Jimmy. Later!" I waved him bye and went to my locker. As soon as I opened it, Jimmy jumped out and took a deep breath. What was that about? My locker isn't THAT smelly. I took a whiff of it myself.
Okay. Maybe it is.
"Okay, off to lunch," I told him. We walked outside where all of the lunch tables are spread out everywhere. Just then, James walked past me with a tray filled with delicious foods.
"Thanks, James," I say as I take the tray.
"Hey!" he calls out. I just keep walking to my table and don't look back. When I got to my table, I saw everyone was talking and already eating. Well, thanks for waiting for me guys.
"So, Ally, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?" Alex exclaims. Ally just shrugs and continues eating her pizza.
"The world may never know!" he shouts. Idiot.
"You have been asking everyone that and it always comes out as 'the world may never know'," Jake says from across the table. Alex shrugs and looks at me as I take my seat next to him.
"So Tyler, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?" he asks.
"2950 licks," I reply.
"The world may never- what?"
"I was bored,"
It's true. I tried it one day and came out to 2950 licks. Jake starts laughing at Alex's confused face.
"So Allison," I say to Ally who's on the left side next to me. I take a bite out of my burger and give some fries to Jimmy. Ally turns to me, gesturing for me to continue. I leaned in and whispered in her ear. I don't want anybody listening in.
"I have a date with a certain Mason and I was wondering-" Ally squealed and jumped up and down in her seat. Ugh. Not again.
"I want to help you get ready!" she shrieked. Yeah, I was going to ask that.
"Sure, if you absolutely want to," I sigh.
"Where is going to take you?" she pressed.
"The boardwalk," I say. She squealed and started yapping on what I should wear. Sometimes, I wonder if I made the right choice in fourth grade to be her friend.
FLASHBACK
"Hey," I say to this girl. She was sitting all alone in a table, eating a ham and cheese sandwich and oreos.
"Yes?" She replied. She looked like the shy type. How weak.
"Are you gonna eat your oreos?" I ask. She looked at the oreos she had in her hands and back at me.
"Yeah," she said.
"Wrong. The correct answer was no. Now, give me the oreos," I held out my hand. She looked at it disgustedly.
"Get away from me you freak," she says. Not without those oreos. I tackled her to the ground and pryed the oreos out of her hands. Then, I got up, dusted myself off, and sat where she was sitting, eating her oreos.
Suddenly, a strong force knocked me off the seat. I looked up and saw that girl taking her oreos back. I got up and looked at her.
"I like you," I say. "What's your name?"
"Allison, but everyone calls me Ally,"
"I'm Tyler,"
"Interesting,"
END OF FLASHBACK
Yep. So our whole friendship was based on some oreo cookies.
Me and Jimmy finished our food as soon as the bell rang. Willis was satisfied so now we're off to home economics, where my second worst teacher breathes. Mrs. Balls.
She hates me with a burning passion. Not that I don't hate her. She gave me detention for 'adding too much flour'. Bitch.
I took my seat next to Alex, who was my cooking buddy and waited for the wrath of Balls.
"Alright class take you seats," she snapped, walking in with a permanent scowl on her face.
"Today, we will be baking cakes. Get your books out and move it!" wow. Does it hurt to be nice once in a while? Mrs. Balls walked out of the room. She left her laptop here and wide open. Silly teacher.
Using my awesome ninja skills, I sneaked up to the laptop and got onthe internet. Then, I put up some gay porn and hooked the laptop to the screen on the board so every one could see. When Mrs. Balls came back, I quickley put it up and ran back to my seat.
Everyone started laughing hystericaly and Mrs. Balls had a panicked expresion and attempted to put the gay porn off. But it was no use since I crashed her computer and made it stay there.
"Wow, Mrs. Balls. I never knew you were into this kind of stuff," someone shouted.
"Kinky," somone else said. The whole class was laughing hard and Alex gave me a wink, knowing I did it.
What? It was too hard to resist.
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