Camila was home now. She was beyond furious now. But mostly hurt. She had to know it. Lauren never liked her. She was with her out of sympathy because it was her grandmas last wish. And ofcourse Lauren couldn't deny a dying woman's last wish.
If she thought about how Lauren had treated her before they got together it actually all made sense. Lauren setting her up against Clara. Causing half of all the family fights between all of them. Causing everyone to blame Camila for the whole situation. Lying repeatedly to everyone around her. Giving Camila a bad name..
If Lauren really loved her like she and so many others had claimed, then why would she first make Camila out to be this crazy disgusting person and then suddenly confess her feelings to her? Camila thought.
Unless ofcourse.. her grandma talked to Lauren and convinced the other girl to be with Camila out of sympathy...
It was too good to be true.
She is so hopelessly in love with Lauren and all those weeks spent together only made her fall more. But now.. it all seemed to be fake.
That's why Lauren defended Oliver. Because he was right, they did almost kiss and Lauren did like him..
She looked at her phone and saw the many messages Lauren had send her and the missed calls. "Ugh!" She groaned and threw her phone on the ground. She wasn't in the mood for anything right now.
----
"What do you mean she did it because of abuela?" Louis asked Camila confused.
It was the next day and she decided to meet up with her group of friends. They were now at this popular pizza restaurant.
"Just like I said it." Camila said sighing. "But did she like admit that?" Dinah asked. "No she didn't.. but she didn't deny it either.." Camila said sadly. Playing with her food.
"But like.. that can't be true!" Niall said in disbelief. Everyone looked at him strangely. "Sorry.. I mean.. just like to my girl.." He said looking over at Dinah who smiled at him. "This ship is also important to me.. so sorry if I get a little too much into it.." He said shyly. Camila rolled her eyes. "That's all it is to you guys, huh? A fucking ship!" She slammed her hand on the table and stood up.
"None of you care about MY fucking feelings! All you care about is this ship. You wanted me and Lauren to be together a year ago and you were all so determined to get me with her that you didn't pay attention to our feelings. No even if Lauren was hurting me, it was always just her being afraid or her not knowing what to do with her feelings.. Even if Lauren didn't like me you still would push it. Saying yeah she likes you.. Because she looked at you one fucking time! Well you know what? I'm fucking done!" She yelled everyone of them just staring up at her. She searched for her bag as Niall spoke up again.
"Let me just say this.. It was never just that for me. In fact I DID pay attention to your feelings and hers that's why I shipped you. It was that first date I had with Dinah. I didn't even know her. But right away I saw it. The way she looked at you was different... That's what I was trying to say earlier.. When I said it couldn't be true. Because she can fake everything Mila.. But not the way she looks at you.."
All of them looked at Camila pointedly.
She shook her head.
"How? How do you fucking know it was different? You had never seen her before looking at someone else.." She said crossing her arms.
"I don't have too.." He simply replied.
"It's so clear. Everyone at this table knows it. Especially Dinah since she has been there almost every time."
Dinah nodded.
"I understand where you're coming from Mila.. But we are your friends we do care about you. We just don't want you to be so negative all the time. I do believe that your grandma is a part of why she is with you now.. but I also believe that she truly does love you. I mean come on! These past two months everytime she was at Clara, she was so happy. Clara even asked her what the deal was.
"She talked to me and said do you know what's up with Lauren, I have never seen her this happy before. I'm so happy my daughter is so happy again because I prefer this Lauren over the grumpy one.. I wanted to so badly tell her the truth. That you were the one making her this happy. How can she possibly fake all that?" The Polynesian genuinely wanted an answer.
"I don't know but.. she has been fake her whole life so who knows.." It was true though. Before Camila and Lauren got close, all Camila would hear were stories about how the older girl would hurt people, lie and be fake all the time.
People had turned away from her because of this and that's the main reason why she was alone for so long and always seemed to hate everything and everyone.
So why wouldn't she do it all this time too?
When no one at the table responded Camila walked away.
----
"I don't know what to do.." Lauren said desperately. Taylor looked at her sympathetic. "Did you explain her what you just told me?" She asked her older sister. "How? She doesn't even give me the chance!" Lauren groaned frustrated. "To make things worse Dinah also texted me and told me Camila is extremely hurt and doesn't even want to talk to her own friends.." She whined.
"Why don't you just go to her house?" Taylor suggested. Lauren shook her head. "No, no! We would get caught! I can't!" She panicked.
"Laur.. you want her to listen to you right?" Lauren nodded. "So then you need to do something more then text and calling. You should show her you really care." She gave her advice.
"Oh what? Should I skip work tomorrow and like go to her school or something?" Lauren said sarcastically.
She then thought about it.. It wasn't such a bad idea was it?
-----
"What are you doing at my school?" Camila was more then surprised to see the older girl standing in front of the entrance. "Hello to you too. And I.. you didn't give me a chance to explain so.." She said nervously. Camila scoffed.
"Oh you finally came up with a lie to tell me so I can fall back into your arms again."
"No no!" Lauren shook her head as she started to walk behind Camila. "You need to know that I never do this.. Never in my whole life have I walked after someone. Or like.. fought for someone like this. You know how important work is for me? For you I skipped it. I'm gonna get so much trouble but I needed to do something to prove you I love you. And I am like the most self centered person you know that but for you I wanna change. I can't lose you please.." She pleaded desperately.
Camila stopped walking. She eyed Lauren suspiciously. "You mean that?" Her tone now much softer. Lauren nodded furiously. "Yes yes! I love you, the way I have never loved anyone else. You know me, Camz.. you know the real me. You saw me when no one did. Yeah I have done a lot of bad things in the past, hurt a lot of people.. You have to realize people have hurt me too a lot. I promised myself to never give myself ever again to someone.. to not fall hopelessly in love. I mean.. I thought I knew what it felt like since I've had relationships in the past but nothing compared to when I started to have feelings for you. It made me scared...
She swallowed looking at Camila.
And then continued, "I am this control freak.. I like to have power over things. I'm organized and I want everything to always be perfect. I get frustrated when things are not in my control. All this time I had pushed people away.. as soon as I started feeling a tiny bit of attraction towards them, I pushed them away.. It worked because in no time I would get over it and they would never call me back. Which is understandable. No one ever fought for me. I understood that because I pushed them away...
"With you, things were different. I pushed you away but my feelings only got stronger. You didn't seem to let me go. It's like you fought for me. You would always take the step to initiate something. I was surprised that no matter how cruel I was to you, you still tried. The one thing in my life I didn't have control over were my feelings for you.. I hated that. I controlled everything in my life except for my stupid feelings for you. I made so many mistakes.." She shook her head. She was more then ashamed.
"I hurt you. I lied about you. I made you bad in front of everyone. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Your grandma.. she knew I was Lauren because the way I reacted to your name, told her everything. I didn't come up to the table and say 'hey I'm Lauren Jauregui the woman your granddaughter has a crush on.' She told Camila.
Camila just looked at her for a moment and then sighed.
"Lauren, you have hurt me and I know when we like got together and talked things out I told you I forgave you for eve-"
"But you didn't.." Lauren cut her off. Camila looked sadly to the ground.
"I understand, Camz.." Lauren began and Camila looked at her surprised. "Yeah I mean it's hard to forgive me for what I have done and caused you. I know that when you said you forgave me, you really thought you did. I don't think you lied about that to be honest.. I just think that you were so happy that we talked things out and finally we could be together and you kinda jumped in to things too soon.. Thinking you had forgiven me, when a part of you deep inside still is broken because of me.." Lauren could feel the tears well up in her eyes. This conversation has taken a whole different turn.
Her original plan was to find Camila and tell the girl about her grandma and then hopefully win her back. But now she realized it was more then Camila's grandma that caused this whole fight. Camila blindly believed Lauren would be with her out of sympathy because she still hadn't forgave Lauren for all the pain she has done. It was like she still couldn't trust the girl completely and that's what made this all so hard. The trust was not there.
"Thank you for understanding me and saying things I feel that I can't really put into words.." Camila said looking at Lauren thankfully. "I just sometimes doubt your love for me because of all the stories I've heard of you in the past and just how you treated me all that time.. I mean these 2 months have been more then amazing and you have proven to me more then once that you love me but I still can't help but sometimes still doubt you... What if you realize I'm not really what you want? One day you're gonna get tired of hiding our relationship.. How can you have a good future and children when you can't even tell your family you're together?"
A tear rolled down her cheek as she said this. Lauren looked at her with glossy eyes.
"We knew eventually we would have to break up. Lauren you know that.. We can't live out lives forever hiding.. I can't keep lying to my dad. Him questioning things my mom is starting to get suspicious too. Clara is asking Dinah questions.. Our pointless fights because we both get easily jealous. This whole grandma thing. My grandma telling you to get with me.." Camila's voice cracked.
Lauren shook her head. "You are right about everything you just said. But please listen to me. Your grandma never forced me to get with you.. she saw how it was breaking the both of us. So I put my fears to the side and finally got some balls to tell you how I really felt. Because she opened my eyes. That's the only thing she did for me. The rest was all me. You have to believe me." Lauren said her voice shaking with emotion.
They both just stood there looking at one other.
"I believe you.." Camila said after a moment. "But..?" Lauren questioned knowing there was more. "But it's better if we break up. Not because of this but because of all the factors in our life."
Lauren frowned. "But all the weeks and months you fought to be with me.. How about that? You're throwing all that away? How did you imagine being with me? That we would go out every night and tell our parents everything and shout it out to the world? You knew we couldn't be. You knew that! When I decided to give us a chance after two months you suddenly can't handle this anymore? What did you think?" Lauren said frustrated now.
"Lauren! Didn't you hear what I said before? Eventually we would break up.. If it wasn't now then it would be tomorrow or next week or next month. It's not about me wanting more out of it. I'm happy the way things are now. I just mean that we can't keep doing this forever." Camila explained. Lauren nodded.
"I guess you're right."
"So what happens now?" Camila asks softly. "We part ways.." Lauren says softly her eyes glued to the ground, her hands in her pocket. She swallows hard trying not to she the girl in front of her how weak she is. How much she needs her.
That's it. Camila can no longer hold back her sobs. Lauren immediately hugs her tight as they both cry in the parking lot of Camila's school.
-----
Camila is now back at home. Doing her homework. She tries to concentrate but she can't... Today was very emotional for her. She misses her grandma so much right now. She would always know exactly what to say. Sighing she puts her homework away.
Everything between her and Lauren is officially over. When she thinks back on everything a smile appears across her face. Even though things ended between them sadly. She was so happy all of it happened. She was happy that they took a risk to be together. She was so happy to have slept at Lauren's house numerous occasions. To pick up Lauren from work. To laugh together and joke. Eating dinner together. Talking about everything. Helping eachother, seeing the potential in one other. Cuddling on the couch and kissing. Just everything that they did. It was short, but worth it all.
She had never felt anything like this before for anyone. She was happy that now she would always remember..
That there was a time when Lauren Jauregui loved me. That would always stay inside of her.
She was happy they had given it a shot.
If she could give anyone advice when you're in love.. It would be don't be afraid..
To Give It A Shot.