Soda sat on the couch watching Mickey Mouse at an angle while I laid across the chair across from him reading my Vogue magazine. I kept thinking about I love you and how everything was going so fast.
“Soda?”
“Hmm,” he hummed, his eyes still glued to the TV.
“Can we talk?” I asked. It had been three weeks since we started dating.
“Sure babe, anything particular?” he looked up worried.
I paused, thinking every word I was going to say. Pondering whether or not I should actually bring up the subject, I’d just hate to hurt him. “Do you ever think that maybe we should break up?” My cheeks got extremely hot. He didn’t say anything, just stared back with wide eyes, so I continued, “I mean, I don’t want you to be sad. It’s just, I’m gonna screw things up and it wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“That’s a crappy answer.”
“I’m real sorry Soda, I really am. I think it would be best for both of us if we just stayed friends.” I pushed myself up, my eyes starting to twinkle with tears and walked over to him. He was still sitting on the couch, his eyes glistening. I kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the door without looking behind. I think it really is for the best. I’m not good in relationships. All my boyfriends always broke up with me, so I thought I’d save him the trouble. There’s a reason for everything like I always say, and there’s a reason why we should’ve just stayed friends.
* * *
I sat in the lot one crisp evening, probably two nights after the breakup. I’ve been kicked out of my house for the time being and not necessarily welcome at the Curtis house at the moment. I could’ve stay at one of the gang’s house, but I like sleeping outside, it’s peaceful. I looked up at the shining stars staring back at me as a certain Dally Winston sat next to me.
He huffed as he sat down, lighting a cigarette, “Heard you broke up with Sodapop.”
I didn’t saying anything just kept looking up at the sky.
Dally continued, “He’s real upset.” he took a drag, “How come?”
“How come what?” I said bitterly. It’s bad enough I broke up with crush, being reminded of it doesn’t help either.
“How come what, how come y’all broke up.” He said with a sassy attitude.
“Got a cancer stick?” I asked as he pulled one out of his jacket and lit it for me. I was getting real nervous.
“So…” he egged on.
“So, I made the decision that he’s too good for me and therefore, I would screwed it up.” I replied.
“That’s a shitty answer.”
I laughed, “That’s what he said.”
“We’re all the same standard, so that’s not it.” He eyed me.
“Well, in my eyes it’s different. I just feel like I’ve already messed up so many relationships that I would screw this one up too, so I’d save him the trouble. I guess I thought that if stopped it before it got too serious, we would still be friends, but I guess that never happens.” I took a long drag on my cigarette.
“He didn’t think that.” Dally was sincere and this was a first.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that Sodapop didn’t think that you screwed anything up. He thought things were going fine.”
“He just took things too fast and I felt like I was being bombarded with all these emotions.”
“Shit happens."
We were silent for a while. I spoke up, “Dal, what do you think I should do? I mean I care about him a whole lot and…” I trailed off because I didn’t know how to end the sentence.
“Well, do you love him?” he asked.
“I don’t know, I really like him or I did.” Truth was I still liked him, a lot.
“I’m not the best at advice. What do you want to do?”
“I want to go run into his arms and feel loved.” I replied.
“Then why’d you break up with him? You had all of that.” He said.
“I thought we already went over this? I’d just mess it up.”
“You keep on saying your gonna screw this up and mess that up, but I think your scared. Big bad Colly is scared. She actually cares about him and wants him to be happy. Open your damn eyes. He’s happy with you, it’s written across his face. What part don’t you get?”
“I’m his second choice,” I paused in awe of what I just said, “I just feel like after Sandy left, he was trying to fill a void in his heart. That’s why I was agitated every time he said ‘I love you’.”
“Your not.” He picked himself up from the ground and looked down, “It’s pretty obvious, he never acted that way around Sandy.” Dally started walking away.
“I still think that we should stay broken up.” I shouted towards him, “It’s best, for the both of us.” He just shrugged. “Since when did you become a softie?!” I shouted making sure he could hear.
“Don’t tell the gang, I’d lose my street cred.” He shouted back with a wave.
Dallas Winston, toughest greaser in Tulsa actually had a soft side. No, Dallas Winston actually helped me with my love life. I’m not sure what to do now, maybe see how things played out. I just hope I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life.