Zayn
The darkness before my eyes blanched, replacing itself by the blur colors that surrounded me. It took me a moment to open them wide in order to find myself lying in the place where I wanted to be the most since the past four years.
I was lying on that very bed besides Rach, who looked ever contended as she slept comfortably in my arms. I didn’t at all want to break this beautiful moment. I had never even imagined that I would be sleeping in this room after all that had happened…between us.
Indeed my Rach had changed a lot, but hadn’t I too? Her eyelids had a smudged line of the black mascara that she had sported and her super-white skin just glowed like never before. Her lips looked a perfect shade of pink, soft and plump, wanting me to lean in and kiss them just right here right now. Only I knew it wouldn’t be right to kiss a girl who wasn’t in a state of understanding feelings at this moment.
So I just stared at the innocent and effortless expression on her charming face as she breathed periodically. It very much reminded me of the past days when we used to practice singing until late nights in this very room, then have a nice round of chit-chatting and finally sleep quite beyond the midnight time. Just like we were sleeping tonight- satisfied and complete.
A small smile crept onto my lips as she gripped my hand more tightly and dug deeper into my chest. I tried my best to comfort her more, WAY more than I had ever comforted even Safaa because I knew what I had done in the past and just the thought of it made me sick in my veins. A lot had changed since the XFactor days, of course.
To be completely honest, I was tired of everything. Four years into this unparalleled fame and I had totally forgotten who I really was. I was no more Zain Javvad Malik, just an ordinary boy from Bradford who absolutely loved painting, drama, hanging out with his best friends, family and basically, doing his own thing. I was, no doubt, a public property now. My life was put on a window display for anyone and everyone to come around and comment on the smallest spots that it had. And the worst part about fame? People always looked for faults. How much ever you try to live up to their expectations, one mistake and you’re gone.
In this blunder of life, I only had one constant. Music. I held onto my job- which was no doubt, the best of all- with all my might because ultimately, this was what Rach always wanted me to do. Earn a name, be famous, make lots of money and gradually, be happy. But now that I had achieved it all, I realized that I had the lost the reason for my success.
I looked at the watch on my wrist to reveal a good 4:30 a.m. Damn, I was up so early and besides, there were no chances that I was going to sleep again, not with the love of my life in my arms.
I sighed deeply realizing that I was here with Pez and she would not like me lie in someone else’s arms at this time. Not that she would execute me or anything because I know that she trusted me and even though it was tough to say it, I had to keep her trust.
I decided to get back to Pez.
Before I would, I instantly realized that if I left Rach here, Walz and Safaa would surely crash me with mountains of questions because I never ever let them enter this room or rather anyone for that matter. This room was only opened for me, whenever I visited Bradford. It was the biggest secret I had kept from my family because… Well, because I had every memory of my childhood in here and obviously I didn’t want it to be another item for window display.
I carefully placed my arms below her motionless, yet perfect body and lifted her. She moved a bit in my arms and once I had lifted her properly, she was comfortable so I started walking towards Walz’ room. Her hands wrapped around my neck as she still kept her face dug into my chest, her breathe continuously sending impulses down my spine and her cute face made it impossible for me to not stare at her. All through the way, my gaze was glues to her face as though it was the last time I was getting to see her.
I finally reached Walz’ room and opened the door. Placing Rach on the bed, I covered her bare legs with the quilt. I gently pushed the hair on her face behind her ears with my fingertips and knelt down on my knees to whisper a small ‘good night’ into her ear. I didn’t forget to kiss her forehead once before leaving.
I tried my best to resist the feeling of kiss her full out on the lips, but how would I do it if my eyes rejected to stop staring in her direction?
Somehow, I managed to get up though the inner me wanted to stay there and stare at the face which had been missing from my so-called Perfect Life for a long time. But I had to go…
As soon as I got up and turned my back against her, I was pulled back by an involuntary force. At first I didn’t recognize what had happened. My head swung immediately towards our fingers which were still entangled between each other’s.
Another smile made its way onto my lips as I moved a bit closer to free my hand, but I heard her whisper something. I knelt even more to hear her soothing voice clearly. She always spoke in sleep, I recapitulated.
“Don’t leave me,” She spoke unconsciously, “I swear I’ll die. You don’t have to go…”
A silent moment was accompanied by me being dumbfound. The pain in her voice couldn’t have touched me deeper. Even though she was just talking in her sleep, I felt horrible. I had committed a mistake; a venerable mistake… The shattered memories made their way to my brain as I reminisced those happy days followed by the most painful ones…
Every day was new and perfect with Rach, every moment a new page. I had treasured every second we had spent together. But then, there was her voice so sweet and melodious. When she sang, it was like every dream coming true, every mistake forgiven. I could never get over her singing.
We both sang together when we were young, in school, before our families, in some local competitions that we would easily win. But who knew singing would be the only reason for breaking such a delicate relation into numerous pieces?
It was in the year 2009 that we both decided to participate in X Factor as a duo. We practiced every day and night, every moment: In our garage, her room, sometimes phone calls even. Many a times, we skipped our dinner and slept together practicing late at night. But for sure, I had committed a huge mistake in my past which is why God had to punish me.
Her family suffered a huge financial loss and she had to move back to India. The moment the news had flashed my ears, I was left senseless. Our condition wasn't so great either that we could help them as well, so I just had to let go. The competition wasn’t a big deal, but the very idea of parting from Rach was something my heart and body couldn’t deal with even if I wanted it to. But she encouraged me a lot. She wanted me to participate in the competition as much as I wanted her to stay.
“Zayn, please… I know you can win it…with or without me!” Her words kept ringing my ears.
That day, we swore to each other that we would never stay away from each other even if we had to die. We would always be in contact even though we were oceans apart.
She left the day after, and the auditions were the following week. She kept calling me and motivating me to go on. But I was just too traumatized to participate in it without her. It was like I was forced to forget a habit that I was totally addicted to. Rach wasn’t just a piece of my heart, but she was also my weak point. Her absence was the hardest thing I had to deal with. I finally got the courage to participate that year, but on the very day of auditions, I chickened out. I couldn’t participate.
She called me every night and practiced with me over Skype. The entire year she would stay awake (time zones) and practiced with me. She made me capable of standing back on my feet. I wanted to win it now, just as badly I wished I had told Rach how much I loved her before she left.
Not a single day did we stay away. Her teary voice still rings my ears and haunts me at nights sometimes.
And then, finally in 2010, I faced my fears and participated for her. I made it through with four yeses and as soon as I was back, I called her. She was just so happy that I’d do it all over again to see her smile. We had done it.
But then, after the elimination from boot camp, when I was put into a new band, Rach was the happiest because she was the one who motivated me to carry on with the lads. Music had always been my first priority and being put into such a cool boy band, I was overwhelmed by all of it.
Before every performance, I would brush my teeth and then talk to her, both the things being my lucky charms.
But then, I got busy and we didn’t talk as often as we always did. Just a month into the show and we hardly talked for about five-ten minutes every day. The time went on reducing and so did our relation. I never even got the time to think about my mother, my life was fast changing. Just like a Pokémon evolution.
There were numerous times when Rach would call, but I couldn’t pick the phone because of my tight schedules and helpless routines. I was having the time of my life: awesome people, new contacts, helpless schedules, timeless recording and a beautiful babe to tag along with. I loved every part of my job, until I realized how I had changed into someone different.
I worked every fiber of my body, just order to make Rach happy and win all the fame just as she wanted me to. But I was silly because I didn’t know that unknowingly I had broken our biggest promise… I had long lost Rach and also a part of my family in the lust to be the best.
I cleared my throat from the huge gulp that had formed and swallowed hard. I pulled back the tears which had started to stream down helplessly as I recapitulated my journey till the famous Zayn Malik of One Direction. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead again with all the emotions that had haunted me for the past four years. I rubbed her hand inside mine and spoke into her breathe, “I promise Rach. I’ll never leave you now. I promise.” I said and since I couldn’t control anymore, with a heart as heavy as a bale of wet cotton, I left.
I walked until I finally reached my room. I saw Pez sleeping there and for a moment, some of my stress just fell apart. I lay down besides her and began thinking about some things which had still been unexplained. I obviously couldn’t sleep. That was when Pez held her arm around my chest and grabbed me into a peaceful, yet unhappy sleep.
*
Rach
Someone screeched loudly in my ears as I tried hard to concentrate on my peaceful sleep and not get disturbed.
“Stop it!” I shrieked even louder and sat up lousily, rubbing my eyes.
Then I realized that I was not with Pops anymore. I opened my eyes slowly as I tried to adjust to the bright light inside the room. After gaining my eyesight I saw a fully surprised Walz staring at me.
"What happened?” I asked, still recovering from my sleepiness, as she stared at my waist wide-eyed. Obviously I felt so awkward since I never had anyone stare at my waist so intently.
“Oh My God, you have a tattoo?”
“Yap, Walz. It’s a tattoo.” I said a little relieved that it was just the tattoo that caught her attention. For a girl of age 15, she had quite some good observation skills.
“Isn’t that what Zayn had gifted you? Why would you get it tattooed with the date over it?” She asked me curiously.
I was surprised at her minute observation.
I had a blue peacock feather tattooed on my waist and there was the date, 1st May 2009 below it.
That’s was my 15th birthday (I’m a year younger to him) and Zayn had gifted me a peacock feather before I was going to leave for India: when everything was perfect. But unfortunately, I lost it while shifting back to NY so I got it tattooed on my waist for my eighteenth birthday so that I would never lose it again.
“Yaa, Walz. What’s the big deal? I lost it… So… I got it tattooed on my waist so that I will never lose it again.” I completed a bit ashamed.
“Aw! Rach, that’s so sweet.”
“Thanks.” I pulled the shirt down and started to walk but as usual, my feet didn’t support me again, and I tripped over some pieces of clothing. Clumsy much?
I closed my eyes tight as I anticipated a blood smudged lip, but I never made it to the floor.
It was Zayn. No wonder why my face hadn’t met the floor yet.
“Hey! Morning…” I said a few moments after we were done staring aimlessly into each other’s eyes.
“Morning uhh- Vas ‘appenein’?” He said a bit embarrassed, scratching the back of his head.
“Nothing much, just getting ready to leave.”
“You mean falling to the ground?”
“Something like that,” I said a little embarrassed.
“Why don’t you stay for a day more, Rach?” Waliyha wanted to know.
Well, for a moment, I had just forgotten that a girl named Waliyha was still looking at us with a sly smile on her face. If I hate someone as much as I love someone after Pops, it’s surely is Walz.
“Because,” I ignored her expression, “I’ll die if I don’t go today. Pops won’t leave me alive. You want that to happen?”
She nodded and hugged me tightly, “I’ll miss you, sister!”
Just as she finished, Zayn cleared his throat, “Please don’t pull the sister tag on Rach, okay?” He warned Walz and I couldn’t help but try to decipher what was going on in his mind.
She smirked at him and began getting her uniform.
“You have school, don’t you?” Zayn asked Walz who stuck her tongue out at him.
"Yaa, I’ll see you soon, Rach.” Walz completed hugging me once more, "He'll be waiting for me." She whispered in my ears. She was obviously referring to her boyfriend. Ugh! Why am I the one stuck up with such lunatics?
“I’ll miss you.” I said with a small smile as she walked away. I grabbed my old blue dress from her wardrobe and started walking towards the bathroom to change and do the normal morning routines.
“Mind if I drop you?” Zayn asked suddenly, holding my hand and pulling me way closer than I expected.
“Um, Zayn, I’m not talking about the next street. I’m talking about London. Are you going drive me so far? Like 300 miles?”
“Yap, I mean that’s the thing. Pez and I always love long drives and anyways we are leaving for London too. So why don’t you join us?” He smiled brightly.
“We’re leaving today?” Perrie wanted to know.
Neither of us had realized when she had entered the room. Zayn left my hand immediately and grabbed her by the waist, “Yes, babe. Harry called to tell me about some urgent meetings.”
I looked at Zayn suspiciously because his brown eyes looked solid, just the way he did when he spoke a lie. But now that we weren’t close enough, I decided to let that one slip.
“I don’t know." I said a bit doubtfully, "Isn’t that like sneaking into your private life? I mean, I can totally hail a train and be back to London in no time.”
“Are you nuts?” He enquired, “I don’t mind if my bestest mate joins me in and I’m damn sure my girlfriend wouldn’t mind it either.” He said with a smirk in Perrie’s direction, “Right, love?”
She gave a thumps up and excused us to go get her some coffee which meant me and Zayn were alone in the room. Well, it wasn’t supposed to be necessarily awkward, but I don’t know why, I just felt extremely sick in my stomach. There were dinosaurs dancing in my stomach and my heart literally ran at a speed of a freight train.
“Excuse me,” I started towards the washroom as her turned around and held my hand.
“Um,” he cleared his throat, “Last night… When I carried you to this room,” His gaze adverted to the ground and his eyes looked a lot sadder than before, “I heard you whisper something,” He looked at me, “I just—“
“You don’t have to say anything about it, Zayn. I have crazy dreams and I just talk when I’m asleep. It’s fine, really.”
“NO!” He began, “It’s just that,” He held both my hands firmly and stared into my eyes, “I won’t leave you again, Rach. I promise.”
*
After all the sad goodbyes, we finally left. I was meeting the Malik’s at Amanda’s wedding again next month. So yeah, I was happy.
Zayn grabbed the wheel to his convertible and Pez slipped besides him, obviously. I had to sit behind and I didn’t mind it at all; except the fact that ‘third-wheel’ would be an understatement.
"Girls, We are going drive chance-by-chance, ok?” Zayn said starting the ignition.
"Sureness.”
The ride until we left Bradford was all covered, but once we left it, the hood of the car was lifted and the summer air gushed through our hair relentlessly, in a good way though. We talked about all random stuff. But before I even knew, I was drifted into a conversation which was my last expectation.
“So Rach, What do you do in New York?” Perrie wanted to know.
"I’m currently doing architecture.” I ended with a smile.
“Oh! So you’re an artist, aren’t you now?”
“Yeah, well sort of.”
“You don’t know her, Pez.” Zayn cut us in between to gain Perrie's attention, “She is one of the best artists ever. Be it guitar, singing, drawing or dancing.” He added to my bio data with a glance at me from under his sunglasses in the mirror.
I felt a sudden shiver down my spine as he mentioned singing and guitar. It is true that I am a dancer and I have learnt some basics too, but singing was something I really fancied in my remote past. I hadn’t sung lately…
"Oh! So you sing as well?” Obviously she asked me about singing.
“Yeah, I used to.”
“What do you mean by ‘used to’?” She asked me, “You have a wonderful voice, babe. You should sing more often.” She smiled at me. As if anyone can judge my voice over my talks!
I smiled back nervously as Zayn was still looking at me from the mirror, a plain but mysterious smile plastered on his ever handsome face.
“Yeah, I guess?” I said, unable to read the looks on Zayn’s face, leading to my uncomfortable moves.
There was a moment of silence.
“Hey! Why don’t you sing now? I mean, we don’t have anything to do!” Perrie came up with something that I wasn’t up for.
“No!” I protested a bit loudly, “Sorry, but I just… I can’t.”
"C’mon Rach, I even have guitar in my phone. You can use it if you want.” Zayn said handing me his iPhone, his face now glowing as though his aim had hit the right spot.
So that was what he wanted all this time. He wanted me to sing.
“Ok, I’ll try,” I said, unsure if I can really pull it up well. I haven’t sang or played Guitar in a long time. I didn’t really know if I could sing as well as I used to.
Perrie turned a whole 180 degree in her seat so as to face me. She had a huge grin on her face. She looked pretty much too excited to see me play and sing.
That made me a bit uneasy as to I don’t know if I can live up to her expectations.
“Do you want me to stop the car?”Zayn asked.
“No, carry on. I’ll manage.” I said running through a list of songs within my head.
I cleared my throat and strummed the chords on Zayn’s phone and began singing Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. Yes, The same one which One Direction sang on The X Factor.
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round…
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears…
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by...
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turn around, bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart...
Turn around, bright eyes; Every now and then I fall apart…
And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever…
And if you only hold me tight. We'll be holding on forever…
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong...
Together we can take it to the end of the line…
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time all of the time…
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark…
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks…
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight…
Forever's gonna start tonight …
Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart…
There's nothing I can do... a total eclipse of the heart…
Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say...
A total eclipse of the heart.
I ended my song with a low note. It was in a way similar to how Zayn had ended it. I actually sang this song to indirectly let him know about how I had managed to track down every single detail he had put into his voice modulations.
But instead, there was silence for the next few moments. None of us spoke a word. This time, Zayn didn’t let his eyes wander off to mine. He kept them glued on the road. For the next few moments, it was just the warm air that made the noise in our ears. Perrie turned back to her original position.
I couldn’t stop wondering about how I had sung. After all, I had opened my mouth before two perfectionists and that too the song which Zayn was supposed to be flawless at. I kept cursing myself for singing as I handed Zayn his phone and retired back to my seat.
I was regretting singing in front of these two. How could I be so gullible? I mean, I let Perrie talk me into this. Oh God! I had just embarrassed myself badly in front of my best friend and his girlfriend. How could I be so stupid! Huh! I knew me singing was really a bad idea!
Zayn decided to break the silence and my mental beatings with a single word and still an intense expression, “Wow,” accompanied by a tinge of laughter.
"Zayn are you alright?” I asked him concerned, “That was miserable.”
His grip firmed over the wheel, “I still can’t get over your voice, Rach,” he ignored my comment, “It’s been four whole years, but I still can’t. You sang the very song I had sung... I wish you were there... I-” He paused, "Your still a great singer," He said emphasizing on the 'still'.
Those words had a completely different effect on me. I have no idea how but just those words brought a big fat smile on my face, “Stop it, Zayn!” I said punching his shoulders lightly from behind to bring a smile on his lips and lighten the mood.
Perrie still hadn't said anything.
“Pez, are you there?” I asked her, shaking her by the shoulder while raising my eyebrow at her.
“Yap,” she said coming back to present, “I was just lost…your voice, Rach. It’s special…your mind blowing!”
This all was a bit too much to take in for me. I had no idea how I was going to react to this. I mean just a moment ago I was beating myself up for singing in front of them. I never even imagined that they would be so touched by my voice.
“Thanks,” I ended politely still unsure about how to react.
“I so want you in SYCO.” Zayn completed with a cheeky smile on his face. “I’m talking to Simon. You’ll be the best voice SYCO has ever signed.”
“No 'I' Zayn, it’s a 'We'. I want her too,” Pez fought with Zayn. Wow, was I really this good! I mean they are fighting over me just so that I can work with them.
“Wait! What? I can’t.” I blurted.”I’m here for a wedding! Remember?"
“But your voice is priceless, Rach.”Pez protested whining, “You can’t let you talent go down the trash.”
“Whatever! Pez. But right now, nothing is more important for me than Amanda’s wedding.”
“Alright, chill, girls! We can take her to Simon after the wedding.” Zayn suggested. I was thankful to him for that. I didn’t want Pez talking me into doing something I’ll regret later. Pez has her way with the words and she can convince anyone to do anything and believe anything. I had seen plenty videos on YouTube where she totally persuaded the interviewer.
“Look, I don’t sing anymore… this was just... because you wanted to hear me. I don’t want to sing for earning! I haven't thought about it yet!” I gave them a reasonable explanation as to why didn’t want to work with SYCO.
“OK, Stereo.”
Now, I’m sure you got it why he calls me that. I just kept on singing when I was small.
“Stop it, Zoo!” I protested for that old name and hit him in the stomach with my elbow.
“Hey! You guys are old friends, right?” Pez asked in middle of our almost cat fight. Since Zayn was driving, he could hardly turn back and hit me, while I got out my best moves, Thanks to Pops.
“Yap, we are best friends not old friends.” We spoke together. I glared at him for a moment before we started hitting each other more hardly. This was sort of a usual thing. Whenever we said something same and at the same time we glare at each other and start beating each other. Don’t ask me why because I really don’t have any idea. Just consider it as a ritual.
That was when his hand landed hard on my eye and I shouted loudly holding it, "Ouch!
I hit him hard on the back which made him squeal equally louder, "Ow!" He shouted holding his back.
Two patients we have here.
"Sorry! Did it hurt?" We both asked each other gritting our teeth.
“Stop it, you two!” This time, or rather for the first time, Perrie shouted at us. And like good children, we both separated.
“You drive” She ordered Zayn and looked at me with an angry face, “And you-”
Her mouth twitched into a smile, “You are sitting with me someday and telling me everything about him.”
*
Perrie stopped the car at a signal. For a change, I drove the car for two whole hours and now since we were in London, Perrie wanted to drive.
I was still sitting at the back seat.
I took out my phone and began texting Pops.
ME: I’m reaching home in fifteen. Get the goddamn place cleaned. I’m getting some guests.
POPS: The shower in my room is not working.
ME: For god’s sake, Pops don’t tell me, get a plumber!
POPS: Yeah, whatever! But who are you getting?
ME: Some special people. I’m sure you’ll be delighted.
POPS: I love surprises. Can’t wait!
ME: I too, see you soon. Bye.
POPS: Bye.
“Who are you texting?” Zayn wanted to know.
"Pops, and you guys are coming up.” I ordered them.
"No, Rach. I have shows from Wednesday. I gotta go and do some packing.” Pez denied my order politely, “You guys carry on.”
“Please!” I said in my most convincing and sweet voice, “She’s a big fan of both of you. Pretty please? With a cherry on top?”
"Alright, Just sometime though," She smiled at me, mostly amused with my childish behavior and drove further.
“Hey, Hey, Hey, stop the car! Stop the car!” I shouted suddenly out of nowhere.
“What? Why?” Perrie stopped the car, startled.
I got down the car and ran across the street.
*
Zayn
“What is she up to?” Pez asked a bit annoyed obviously as we were in public.
“I have no idea, Pez.” I said equally irritated.
I looked at Rach as she rushed towards the other side of the street. She walked towards an elderly lady and helped her cross the road along with other two. Those three ladies were blind and the road was full of traffic.
“Aw...” Pez exclaimed, “This girl has got a heart!"
I completely agreed with Pez. That was really sweet of Rach.
She had always loved to help others. She used to help our teachers carry their books sometimes, or help the junior kids in our school. She really had a beautiful heart.
"Zayn,” I heard Pez speak.
"Yeah, love?” I asked at her sudden questioning look.
“Would you do me a favor?” She asked still looking at Rach as she was making her way towards us.
“Of course, Pez, is that even a question?” I said with a small smirk but she didn't budge an eyebrow.
“Zayn, I want you to treasure this girl.” I heard her speak something out of my expectations.
Silence filled the car as I could just feel my breath and loud heartbeat.
“I-I-,” I stammered, “I didn’t get you...”
“Zayn, Don’t lose her. Please? She is one-in-a-million. You won't get a girl as special as her... Anywhere.”
I never thought that my girlfriend would be saying this to me. I just knew that I was not going to let go off Rach this time. I had committed the biggest mistake of my life last time. And I wasn't going to be that stupid to make it again.
But there was another thing I knew for sure... Perrie was a great girl too. I knew her barely from the past year and a half, but she knew my exact week points. And that was when she smiled at my almost teary face and grabbed me closer to her, "Ok?"
I sighed in relief and returned her a small, maybe even a creepy smile.
“I am currently the luckiest guy to have two beautiful women in my life. I’ll treasure both of them.” I spoke softly as Pez crashed her lips onto mine.