Three Months Later
Nikki's POV
"I've tried to be fair, and pretend like I care. But no asset is worth all the time...spent listening and laughing to dramas that mean nothing. Can't find any depths to these minds." I sat on Jojo's guitar case, staring down at my hands as I played with red glossy finger nails. Jojo's guitar strumming was all I heard, and in my mind I saw nothing. I didn't see Leena slowly bobbing her head to the sound of the strumming guitar, while she twirled her brown hair softly between her fingers. I couldn't see Liyah standing behind her long white couch bouncing Arianna in her arms while she tried to soothe her. I saw nothing. Which was the only way I could sit on that guitar case, and sing a song that was so personal in the middle of Liyah's living room. "Purity lost in vain. And you think I should be the same? Don't assume I will follow and drop all my morals, so you can look good for the crowd. You don't care about my thoughts or the light that I brought. I'm tired of helping you out.
"They chose to be blind when lonely and shy. I searched for acceptance at first. Said the traits didn't match. Now you take it all back when it adds something more to your worth. Purity lost in vain. And you think I should be...the same?" I listened carefully as the the guitar as it faded into the air.
I glanced around the room to see that not much had changed. "So, what do you think?" Jojo asked them.
Leena leaned back against the throw pillows as she nodded her head put and slowly. " I like the lyrics and the harmony. It was pretty good. It definitely need more pizazz to it, but I'm sure it's not even finished."
" It's not," I assured her.
"It's definitely something worth recording," Liyah said. She walked around the couch, placing a bottle on the coffee table. " You need to make a demo once you're finish writing it."
I nodded my head up and down and stood up from the case that was beginning to hurt my butt.
"Then take it to Quincy once we get back in the studio." She added.
"When will we be back in the studio?" Leena asked.
"Well, Savannah is still doing her background check on Tammy." She added extra emphasis on the word as she quoted them with her only free hand. Her other hand was too occupied with trying to brush down Ariana's thick black curls. "So, once that is done and we get her caught on the past two albums and dance routines, we should be back in the studio by the beginning of next year." Tammy was our new member that we had chosen a couple of months back. The girl who would be taking Denise's place in the group.
A couple of weeks after we had landed back in California that was our first order of business. Finding a replacement. We all sat in a dance studio and watched nearly one hundred girls audition for us. Some were pretty, others weren't. Some were talented, others made me wonder why they were there. One girl couldn't even carry a tune and I remember Liyah stopping the music and looking at the girl as if she had two heads.
"You've got to be kidding me," she said to us. Clearly frustrated. " Is that the best you got?" She asked her.
The girl looked at her with her eyebrow raising higher above the other one. "What'chu talkin' about? I can sing." She told her, rolling her neck.
"Shit, if that's singing. I don't know what we've been doing then." She mumbled, as she picked her coke up. Before drinking she looked up at the girl, " Maybe you should rethink some things. You know," she took a sip from her soda and placed it back down on the long white table where we were sitting. " It's a talent to know you don't have any. You can start there." She gave her a cheek-to-cheek smile. " Let yourself out."
The girl rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. Mumbling something under her breath as she walked out of the room.
"Throw her out," Liyah said, as she handed me the girl's head shot.
"Her momma was just too nice to her growing up." Leena laughed.
"No, it's not only that. The girl had a bad attitude, and I'm not dealing with that."
"That's half the girls, and none of these chicks are cutting it," Jojo flipped the through more of the head shots. "What are we gonna do?"
"Tell the company that we can't find one. Maybe they'll let us go without one. " I suggested.
"No, they'll just up more auditions." Jojo said. "They've already made up their minds that there need to be five girls. Not four."
"Ugh, I need a drink." Liyah groan, as she began rubbing her face with her hands.
"Fuck that, I need some dick."
We all looked at Leena -who had her head buried in her arms- and bursted out with laughter.
She looked up at us, confused. "What y'all laughing for? I'm dead serious?" It was that serious look on her face that made it even more funnier than it was. "I need a big black one to get through all of this shit!"
"Well," Liyah laughed. "Unlike you, I have to wait a whole month before I can even think about any of that."
"And that's you're fault!" Leena pushed Liyah's forehead back. " Should've used a condom."
"Hey, I am married. That rule doesn't exactly apply to me anymore."
I think we may have gone through at least twenty different girls before Tammy showed up. She was a twenty three year old college student from Decatur Georgia. She was tall and slender, had the body of a dancer. Her skin was carmel colored-maybe a shade darker than Leena-and she had soft dimples on each sides if her cheeks. She had a squared jaw-line, and perfect straight white teeth.
She gave us exactly what we was looking for: home training, passion, and a voice. She went through our hardest dance routine with no problem at all, and sung Too Little Too Late with a voice so strong that I thought I would've fallen out of my chair.
When her audition was over, Liyah placed her pen down and began questioning her. Starting off with name, age, and where she was from. "You don't seem nervous. Have you performed in front of a people before?"
Tammy smiled, as she tried to catch her breath. " I used to be a cheerleader. So, I'm used to auditioning, and stuff like that."
"A cheerleader? They all were cheerleaders back in highschool." She informed her as she motioned her finger at the three of us.
"Weren't you? I read that you were." Giving Liyah curious eyes.
Leena began to snicker. "We couldn't get her to put on a skirt if our lives depended on it."
Liyah cut her eyes at her sister before looking back at her. " I was a dancer and a gymnast. Cheer wasn't my thing." Liyah looked over Tammy's head shot. " Do you get star struck easily?" She asked her.
"I honestly don't know how I would react to being around a bunch of," she waved her hand around," stars so...I'm a very unpredictable person."
"You do realize that if we choose you, you will be around some huge celebrities. Right?" Jojo asked.
She nodded her head. "I know that."
"And you have no idea how you would react?"
She shook her head.
We all exchanged glances, but I wasn't sure if we were all thinking the same thing or not. " How good at you at walking in heels?" Leena asked her, changing the subject.
"Really good," she said.
"Can you dance in them?"
"A little," she told us. " I haven't really perfected it."
"Well, are you a fast learner?" Liyah asked.
"Yes, I am."
"And are you a hard worker?" She questioned. "I mean, Promise isn't just about looking cute, and singing, and dancing. We put long hours and hard work into our craft. You have to be willing to take that."
"I promise you, Liyah, that I'm probably the hardest worker you'll meet."
Liyah raised her eyebrow at her. " What other talents do you have?"
"Uh, I'm good at acting."
"That's all?" I asked her.
Her face was a but worried. " Uh, yeah."
We looked at each other once more,l wondering if either of us has another question to ask. "Tell me something about your life," Liyah said. " You know, like how did you come up?"
"Well, I come from a pretty good family. My dad was in the army. My mom owned her own daycare business. Um...I have four sisters, and one brother..."
"Whoa, big family?" I said.
She laughed. " Yeah, I come from a pretty big family. We were private school my whole life and that's pretty much it."
"That's sounds pretty good, but I want you to tell us something about your child hood that you wouldn't tell anyone."
We all looked at Liyah as if she was crazy. " Liyah..." Jojo snapped. " What are you...?"
Liyah held up her hand, stopping her. " Ssh...let her talk," She whispered. " Go ahead." She prompted.
Tammy looked a bit uncomfortable. " Um, well...." She cleared her throat and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. " My dad never really supported my musical career. He wants me to be a doctor, but that's not at all what I want."
"Do you know what you want?"
"I want this! I want to be a performer."
A smile grew on Liyah's face as she nodded her head. " Okay, thank you. "
Tammy thanked us, and without another word she walked out of the studio. Liyah laid back in her chair and threw her pen on the table, letting out long sigh in the process. "What? You didn't like her?" I asked her.
"No, she was perfect. I'm just tired. What did you think of her?"
We all agreed with no argument that she was perfect to be a member of the group. Even if there was an argument we wouldn't have no other choice but choose her, because everyone else just wasn't good enough. So, that next day Savannah called her with the news.
"God, Ari. Stop..." I looked up at Liyah was laying Ari on her arm.
"What is she doing?" Leena asked, as she looked at her niece.
"She wants me to breastfeed her." She picked up the bottle and tried to put it in Ari's mouth, but she just pushed it back out with her tongue. Frowning in the process. "See?"
"Maybe she's not hungry."Jojo suggested.
Liyah shook her head. " She just woke up. Last time I fed her was this morning."
" She doesn't like formula?" I asked.
Liyah shook her head. " That's not formula. It's my breast milk."
Leena's face wrinkled with confusion and a little bit disgust. " How'd you get it in there? Squeezed it out of you boob or something?"
All of our face fell as we stared at her like she was dumbest person in the world. " No, it's a magical thing called a breast pump."
She ignored her sarcasm. "You actually use that?"
"Not often, just when people come over or when I take her out. The thing is, she's smart enough to know the difference between a bottle nipple and a real nipple." Liyah tried to give her the bottle again, but she refused again. " Now, I bet if your daddy was here you'd drink out out of it."
"When's he coming back?" Michael was finishing the rest of his tour with his brothers. I had no idea where they were, but I knew that he would be coming back soon for the last shows in Los Angeles.
"Tomorrow actually," she said.
"Mmm, tomorrow...what are y'all gonna do?"
"I'm gonna be catching up on my sleep. He can catch up on all those late nights with Ari." She picked her up and held her up on her tose in her lap. " Are you ready to see your daddy tomorrow?" Ari looked at Liyah with clueless eyes for a moment, and then a big smile came across her face. In return Liyah gave her an even bigger smile as she kissed the sides of her cheeks." Oh! He's getting a star on the walk of fame!"
"What? Really?"
"Yeah, on Tuesday. He told me about it this morning."
"Are you gonna take her to the ceremony?" Jojo asked.
Liyah shrugged her shoulders up and down as she stood up from the couch. "I don't know yet. That's something that still has to be discussed. Because if I take her, we will need some tight security."
"Where are you going?" She was walking towards the stairs.
" To feed her before she starts screaming her lungs out."
After she left Leena stood up from the couch crossed her arms across her chest. "Is she supposed to here coming or what?" She was looking at me for answer.
"Who?"
"De. Is she coming?"
Her name was beginning to bring tension between between all of us the more it was brought up. We hadn't seen her in at least three weeks, and when we did it was only for a brief moment. She hadn't called me or even spoke to me directly in what seemed like forever, she had secrets building up in her own world. I could tell just by the way she acted. She was too defensive, and she distanced herself from all of us in order to keep the conceiled.
"I guess," I shrugged my shoulders. " I told her that it was important. So I would hope she put that into consideration."
Jojo rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "Do you honestly think that she'd actually put anything that we do into consideration?"
"Look, I don't even know why you told me to tell her to come any way." I said, as I through my hands up, letting them fall lazily at my sides. " If she doesn't show up, she doesn't. That's not my problem." I sat down on the couch and stared at TV.
"Oh, so all of sudden it's not your problem?"
I cut my eyes at Jojo with frustration building inside of me. I knew that Jojo was bossy, but she was now becoming so bossy that wasn't even tolerable anymore. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She sighed. " Look don't worry about it. It doesn't matter." I was never the kind of person to feed on to confrontation. Especially with friends or family. So, I didn't say anything. Say something would only cause an argument, and there was no telling where that would lead too. I had already lost one friend. I didn't want to lose another one.
The sound of the doorbell was what saved me from the awkward tension building up. Leena was somewhere in the kitchen and Jojo was sitting in the chair closest to the patio door on the left side of the room as of she didn't hear it. I stood up and out if the room and into the foyer where the doorbell had run again for the second time.
I guess you could say that I was kinda caught by surprise to see her standing there. I rushed into her arms, hugging her. "Hey," I said.
"Nikki, you're squishing me." She said.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. " I'm just surprised that you actually came."
"Well, we can't stay long so..."
We? I looked up to see Wayne standing right behind her, wearing dark shades and a large red T-shirt. I tried not to show my confusion, but I couldn't help but to let it show. "Uh, what is he doing here?"
"We have to get to the studio after this."
"Studio?"
She sighed. " Are gonna let us in or are you gonna stand there and ask unnecessary questions."
I wasn't even sure if Wayne was even welcomed there. I knew how Liyah was, and she would straight up tell somebody that she didn't want them in her house. I had seen her do it too many times back in Harlem.
"Nikki! Who is that at the door?" Liyah was standing in the entrance of the door patting Ari on her back. Her eyes fell on De and then up to Wayne. With a swift motion her eyebrow went high over the other. "Uh...hi," she said. "Nikki, why are you just standing there? Let them in."
She turned and walked towards the living room.
"Looks like somebody caught a sudden case of niceness." De mumbled as they walked into the house.
After everyone had greeted each other we all sat on the couch as Jojo stood up and walked over to the side of the room where the fire place was. " I'm not gonna sit here and make small talk, okay. I'm just gonna get straight to the point with this."
" I don't even know what this is about."De told her.
Jojo's face dropped. Her brown eyes scolded her as if she was an enemy or maybe her competition in a big contest. "Do I need to remind you of what has been going the whole entire year? This about you not showing up-"
"You know what?" De shook her head. " I did not come here to be lectured like I'm some damn child." She stood up and pulled purse on her shoulders.
Jojo walked across the white carpet floor and stopped her. " No, you need to hear this." They stared at each other intensely for a few seconds before Jojo said, " You've been replaced." Her eyebrow went up as she said those words.
De's face was unreadable for a moment then she began to snicker as she looked at all of us in the room. "You're kidding me, right?" She asked. "You guys were actually serious about that?"
"Yes, we were serious! You think this is a joke, Denise? We are all serious right now! All of us but you."
"Why the fuck does it matter right now?" She walked around her and stood in front the large patio door. " I'm not even a member of this group anymore, Jojo. I've already been signed to a new company. I've already started on a new album. I am not a Promise sister anymore. So why are you telling me this?"
Hearing her say those words was probably the most hurtful thing I had ever heard in my life. I am not a promise sister anymore. It was like all the laughter all the good times we had ever shared was flushed down the drain leaving me completely empty inside. It couldn't have been true. We couldn't have lost one of our sisters. We promised that we would always stay sisters forever.
" That's why I had to leave in the middle of the tour, because I was getting signed to Atlantic Records."
"And you just couldn't tell us that?" Liyah asked her. She was sitting on the far end of the couch looking at her with an unreadable expression.
" Yeah," Leena said. " You couldn't tell us that?"
" Look, I don't have to explain myself to either one of you."
"Oh, so we can't be worried about you?" Leena asked her.
" No, there ain't no reason for either of you-"
"N-no!" Leena was at her feet now. " We have every single reason to be worried about you and you know it. You over here druggin' yourself up every night. Lettin' this fool beat on you, and you're telling me that we have no reason to be worried about you?" Leena was pissed. Her face was beet red ad her eyebrows creased deep into her forehead. "You can save the bull shit for someone who wants it."
"Yes, you don't have no reason to be worried about me Aleena. Because what I do in my life, how I live my life ain't got shit to do with either one of you. Okay?"
Leena's hands went up to her hips. "So you're saying that we shouldn't care about you?" She asked her, rolling her neck.
"No, because you never cared before!" She nearly raised her voice. " Neither one of you did. The only person who gave a shit about about me was Wayne-"
"What?!" Leena snorted. " Hold on." She placed her over her eyes as she laughed it off. " You're kidding right? This niggah don't gave a damn about you. He never gave a shit about!"
"Wait a minute, now!" Wayne walked over towards De and took her hand. " Who the hell are you to say who the fuck I care-"
"Oh, please," Leena put her hand in his face. " Save all the bullshit for your wife."
My mouth dropped as the room fell in silence."His wife?" Liyah and I asked at the same time. He's married? When the hell did this happen. Liyah and exchanged glances and I could tell she was wondering the same thing.
Wayne's eyes grew wide as he stepped back. " Yeah, why don't you go tell all that shit to your wife. Do you beat on her too?"
De pushed herself away from Wayne, "You're wife? What is she talking about?"
"De, no! I am not married." He said to her ad he grabbed her hand.
" Wayne don't lie to me!"
"Who are you gonna believe?" He asked her. " Huh? you gone believe her or your man?"
De was only studying his expression.
Leena sucked her teeth." Yes, he's married! He's been married since 1972 or '73. Have two kids with the bitch and everything! He don't care about you! He cheats on you and he cheats on her, and if you would've been with your girls you would've known that!"
Something told me that De didn't hear anything that she had said to her. She was still staring at Wayne in disbelief. " I can't believe you! You're married?"
Wayne was struggling to find the right thing to say, but nothing was coming out.
"Tell the truth Wayne! Are. you. married?"
He ran his finger across his head and shook his head up and down."Yeah..." He said.
De glared at him. Her eyes looked as though they were piercing through his soul. Slowly, she walked up to him and smacked him across his face. " Fuck you!" She screamed, before slapping him again. "Fuck you!"
His eyes flashed with anger as he held his face. I could literally see it going red, " Oh, now you done lost your mind!" He said loudly as he lifted hand to smack her back. Leena quickly pulled her back before he could reach her.
"Oh, uh-uh!" Liyah stood up and placed Ari in my lap telling me to hold her. " I am not having that in my house." She told him.
Wayne's face filled with disgust, as he sucked his teeth dramatically." Bit-"
"No, shut up!" She said. " If you wanna act like that you better take it far away from here, because I will not have that around my child." Liyah was now standing in between Wayne and the girls. Her hands on her hips as she stared up him. Glaring at him so hard that for a moment I thought her lazors would come from her eyes. "And if you wanna put your hands on her, you may as well get ready to beat me too, because unlike her, I will fight back! You don't know me! I'm from the streets. Don't let my attitude or my shyness fool you, 'cause I will fuck you up!" Then she looked him up and down and stepped up to him. " Try me if you want to." Her eyes showed him she wasn't playing. It reminded me of all those times in Harlem when we were younger. People would always mess with Liyah because she was so little and so shy, and Liyah never really did anything unless the my crossed the line with her. Once that line was crossed she would either threaten them or get physical.
Like she was now.
Wayne looked scared, but didn't want to show it. He sucked his teeth and turned the other way crossing his arms. " Get the hell out of my house!" She told him, pointing towards the door. "Before I call for security."
Wayne snatched his coat up and stormed out the room. He slammed the front door behind him causing Ari to jump with fear in my arms. Not long afterwards she began to cry. I looked down at her, not really knowing what to do with her. I had never taken care of a baby before, so I had no idea how to comfort her. Liyah, of course knew exactly what to do. She took her from my arms and began bouncing her up and down in her arms, " Ssh...it's okay..." She whispered to her m, stroking her thick black curls. Within seconds her crying had ceased. " Leena, go take her up to her room for me please." She said as she placed her in Leena's arms.
When Leena disappeared from the living room Liyah turned to us where we were sitting in her long couch. " Now, we did not call her over here so y'all could fight!"
"But she-" Jojo began to protest.
Liyah held her hand up, stopping her. "Shut up, Jojo!" She snapped. " This not about what she did a couple of months ago, or what she did two days ago, or even what she did year ago. This is about now! Okay? We are a her friends Jojo not her managers. So stop acting like it."
"Thank you..." I mumbled.
" And Nikki!"
I looked up at her, bugged eyed. " I still can not believe you didn't tell us about her! Why would you keep something like that from her? All of this crap could've been prevented if you just would've said something."
I looked down at my feet, feeling shamed.
" She didn't tell anyone because I told her not to tell anybody." De said, defending me. " And unlike some people she was actually loyal enough to keep it a secret and not be a total bitch about it like you would."
"Excuse me?" Liyah's eyebrows began to frown in her forehead. De's expression didn't change at all. Her eyebrows stayed exactly where they were, one over the other, and her lips were pressed in an offensive smirk.
Liyah continued to give her a hard stare until she broke it and began to laugh sarcastically as she stared out the window. She shook her head and mouthed something to herself that I couldn't make out." Let me tell you about this bitch," She said. "This bitch has been through hell and back. Every road you can think of, she's been down it. Every kind of abuse you can think of, this bitch has gone through it. This bitch has watched her mother drugged herself up everyday with drugs while she was little. This bitch watched a man sale drugs, beat and even kill people over drugs that they owed him. This bitch had her own dependency on razor blades and whatever else to take away her pain. So if I'm a bitch for not wanting to watch my friend slowly kill herself with drugs, then I wear that as a badge of honor! 'Cause I'd rather be that bitch that tell you that you have a problem, and try to help you get some help. Than to be that stupid bitch who just sit there and watch you basically kill yourself on a daily basis." De was stiff in her seat. " I don't expect you to have any sympathy for me, but I do expect some kind of respect. Because I never did anything to you for you to treat me this way."
De began to snicker at that comment.
"What are you laughing for?" Liyah asked.
"No, you're right," she laughed. " You didn't do anything to me.'
"I know I didn't," she nodded her head. "Which is the reason why I still can't figure out why you hate me so much. I mean..." She shook her head, confused.
Denise sighed. "I don't hate you, Liyah. I could never hate you. I just..." She swallowed hard. " It's just that you have everything you ever wanted, and I just don't know how to deal with that."
Liyah's began to crumble in confusion. " I don't have everything I've ever wanted." She said, " I don't have everything I wanted because I never knew exactly what I wanted, and I still don't. I never wanted to be married, I never wanted to have my own child. I never wanted any of that, but I wouldn't change it for the world. And I'm not apologizing, because the jealousy you have for me is just plain childish."
"Jealousy?!"De retorted, shooting to her feet. "I'm not jealous of you! You took my away my dream!".
"I took away your dream? Denise, you asked me to be the lead singer of this group and I did it for you! I did because you wanted so badly to get away from Harlem."
"You need to be thanking her for it," Jojo said. " Because if you were the singer we probably wouldn't have gotten anywhere."
We both shot a look at her.
"It's the truth!" She said.
"Jojo, get out..." Liyah said. " Seriously, go in the kitchen or something. Go outside." Jojo rolled her eyes as she stood up and walked out of the room.
Liyah looked back at De and let out a long sigh. " I can't help that everyone thinks I'm the star of the group. Believe me, I wish they didn't, okay? Because Promise isn't just about me, it's about all of us. It's always been that way, and that's the way it should stay, but the world doesn't think that way. And I have no control over that. So, don't blame me for what everybody else thinks."
De shook her head and grabbed her purse. " Look, it doesn't even matter anymore, Liyah. I'm out the group. Maybe I just wasn't meant to be apart of a group. " She walked around her and her table towards the foyer entrance. "I have to go."
"Denise, wait!" Liyah said.
De stopped in her tracks and turned towards her. " What, Aaliyah?"
Liyah stared at her for moment as if she was contemplating on what to say next. "How much do you owe him?"
"What?"
" Melvin, how much do you owe him."
I felt awkward at that moment, because I knew that De would blame me for her knowing about that. "How do you know about that?"
"Don't worry about how I know about that."
"I owe him over at least a half a thousand." She told her.
"A half a thousand?" She asked. " Hold on." Liyah headed down a hallway that I didn't even realized existed as an exit to their large living room. When she came back she carried a large bag leather bag in her hand. " This stays between me and you two." She said as she sat the bag on the couch.
I stood up and over to the other side of the couch where they were standing. " In this bag should be all the money that you need to pay him back." She said as she unzipped it. I gasped when I saw all the stacks of fifties and hundreds that was inside. "This is only supposed to be for emergencies, but to me, this is an emergency."
"Where'd you get all this money?"
"It's been saved up over the years." She explained. " I want you take it and pay Melvin back."
"Liyah -"
"No De, I mean it!" She said, cutting her off. " you don't know him like I know him. He doesn't care about you, all he cares about is money, and if you don't give him what he wants he will hurt you, or hurt somebody you know in return." Her eyes were serious. " take this money, and pay him back." She demanded. " And Promise me you would get some help." She handed her a card with a number on it.
De turned her attention from the bag to to the card. " What's this?"
" This is the number to my psychologist. I'm not forcing it on you, but can you at least promise that you would try."
De shook her head as she took the number from her hand. " Liyah, some promise's aren't meant to be made."
"That's because they won't be kept." She said. " But don't do it for us, do it for yourself. Try to get some help."
"Why are you doing this?"
" Because you're family, and family would do anything to help each other." She explained. " Even though you can't stand me, I will still help you. It's because I love you, and love is unconditional right?"
"I guess so," she shrugged.
Liyah walked up to her and gave her a hug. " Pay him back," she said. "Please..."
" Girl, lightened up," she gave her a smile. " I know you hate it, but I have to live my own life, baby girl."
Liyah pressed her lips in a hard line. " Promise me you'll try." She pleaded.
I will," she said. " I will try."