Letting go of the stress about You-Know-Who was apparently a lot easier said than done. Severus had asked to see me almost every other evening, to check in and make sure I was doing okay. The twin would spend a lot of their spare time in the common room, whether it be discussing their latest developments, or ranting about Umbridge. Since I preferred to study in my little corner in the common room by the window, it meant I always had their company. Ginny Weasley would also pop in from time to time. Her ability to wind up George was always welcomed in my eyes.
Often we would find ourselves playing exploding snap till the late hours of the night, both brothers making sure that I find a reason to smile every day. Though no one mentions it, I know their sudden change in gears is because of the panic attack I had. Since then, I haven't had anymore, but that's more due to the lack of time to really think about it all. Between the near suffocating actions of the Weasleys and Severus' constant need to check up on me, I barely have a moment to myself.
But the small, tiny ones I find when I'm alone in my dormitory or walking in between class, I find myself freezing at the thought of You-Know-Who. More than the evil he stands for, it's the threat to my new normal that scares me. To think last year I would sit in the corner of the common room by myself, watching the drama unfold between Ron and Harry, mildly entertained by the commotion made by the twins, downright terrified at the prospect of Hermione Granger deciding she wants to help me with an essay. Life was so different when I was watching from the outside.
To add to all the stress, Umbridge was announced as a High Inquisitor meaning her presence only trebled around the school. It seemed like every other day we were faced with a new Educational Decree, something that both Fred and George found very tempting to test out.
"It's like she's taking over!" Hermione had ranted to me before breakfast, though I doubt she was really talking to me, rather getting it all off her chest. I responded by nodding, but I barely paid attention to her, focusing more on strengthening the mental barriers from any possible intrusions.
Sighing, I give up on my Potions assignment, knowing that Severus would probably give me another day to get it finished. As soon as the thought entered my mind, I scoff. It was not likely at all, but a girl could hope.
"Hey Lils," George says, tapping his book lightly on my head. He grabs a roll and scoffs it down as he glances at my parchment. "Potions? What an utterly disgusting way for you to start the day," he comments, moving onto buttering some toast. Rolling my eyes at him, I use a textbook to cover the essay knowing that I did not have the energy to complete it today.
"You're coming out to Hogsmeade today right?" I ask, ignoring his comment. He raises an eyebrow at me as he takes a bite out of his toast.
"Why? Are you asking?" He replies with a smirk. My eyes widen at his response but then he nudges me, grinning. "Of course I am. You're coming with us."
Frowning, I scoff at his brashness.
"First you think I'm asking you and now you've basically decided that I'm going with you?" I ask incredulously to his unapologetic self.
"Got a problem with that Argent?" He challenges, his gaze all but openly daring me to go against his plans. Sighing, I shake my head at him, silently impressed at his ability to be so... smooth.
"Oh wait, actually I was thinking to go with Hermione," I say remembering the end of the conversation I had with her earlier. George frowns at me, clearly unimpressed. "I think she told me to come to Hog's Head later for a meeting?" I continue racking my brain for more information, but drawing a blank.
"Oh that. I can take you to it," George says, his face clearing.
I wait for him to clarify, but he's busy drinking some orange juice. One thing I realised from hanging out with the Weasley twins is that they can eat a lot. Like more than what should be humanly possible.
"You know what it's about?" I ask, after failing to recall if Hermione gave me any more information aside from clarifying that I hate Umbridge and wanted to pass my O.W.L.s
"Maybe," he replies loftily. I shove him lightly on his shoulder and he responds by tapping the side of his nose. "We'll just wait for Fred and Lee and then we'll go okay?"
Nodding, I turn back to my essay and make a little note of where my trail of thought was intending to go if I had the energy to follow it through. George attempts to make me mess up the whole essay by tapping my elbow to make the ink splutter. Unfortunately for him, one thing I was extremely skilled at was writing under pressure. That included any and all means of a Weasley-filled distraction.
A fourth year student walks up to us causing my smile to falter immediately. George scans the Hall to check if Hermione was still around and then hands her a small box. She grins at him and passes him a couple of silver coins.
"Tell your friends," George says, giving her a small wink as she walks away. I watch as she walks up to a group of girls and they all burst into a fit of giggle. If there was something that I found extremely annoying, it was the group of fourth years who were persistently pursuing George. They would pester Fred as well, but I couldn't care less about that. Seeing them flirt with George makes my blood boil.
Scowling, I roll up the parchment and put it back in my bag.
"Not that I'm getting bored of your beautiful scowls, they're still my favourite expression of yours, but don't tell me you disapprove of me selling merchandise as well?" George asks, resting his face on his arms on the table. Pursing my lips together, I put the textbook back into my bag without saying a word. It has occurred to me that if George stopped selling the products then perhaps they would stop pestering him, but I wouldn't want him to stop.
"Fine, I won't sell anymore - happy?" George grumbles, sounding irritated. I don't blame him. I can't exactly tell him to stop selling because I get jealous of some stupid fourth years.
"I don't want you to get into trouble," I mutter, hoping that he won't see through my pathetic attempt at a lie. It seems to work as he raises his eyebrows at me.
"Lily Argent, do you not know who I am?" George asks, mocking horror. Rolling my eyes at him, I resist the urge to smile.
"It's different now, Umbridge is out to get you and Fred. You could be expelled." I say instead and I see George smile from the corner of my eye.
"So what you're saying is that you'll miss me Lils?" He asks softly, causing me to scoff. The small hairs on the back of my neck all stand on end as I struggle to contemplate the idea of Hogwarts without George Weasley.
"I managed 4 years without you I think I would survive," I mutter, but I can't stop the smile from forming on my face.
"Oh how you hurt me Lily Argent." George says dramatically, clutching his chest. He rests his chin on my shoulder, gazing at me expectantly. I push him away, reddening at the close proximity he's decided to be. Ignoring my attempts, he comes closer, eventually wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Admit it, you'd miss me," he whispers in my ear, causing goosebumps to flare throughout my body. Unable to find my voice, I nod my head, smiling when I feel his smile form into my shoulder. There was something about him that just makes me forget about all the stress, jealousy; his impeccable ability to make me feel like I'm the only one who mattered.
"If you two are quite done, we'd like to go now," Fred says, towering over us. We both look upwards at his smirk and irritating knowing look.
"Yeah, get a room lovebirds." Lee winks at George and I roll my eyes.
"We're not dating," I say firmly, getting up and pushing past the two boys.
"That's not what Ge-" Fred starts but is cut off when George grabs him and puts him in a headlock. Fred struggles for a second but then relaxes and taps George's arm. "Alright, I'll stop," he says and George releases him.
"Come on - let's go," Lee ushers us out of the Great Hall and we follow the steady stream of people making their way to Hogsmeade. The cold air bites my skin as I wrap my jacket around me more tightly. I know there's a simple spell that could easily keep me warm, but for the life of me, I can't remember it. During winter at Severus' house, I would run outside at the first sign of snow, never needing a coat or jacket. It was extremely confusing to figure out snow was actually a cold weather in my first year. Until then, I've always had Severus ensuring that I'm warm enough whilst I play in the snow.
"What time did Granger say we should meet her?" Lee asks the boys and I burrow my eyebrows. How many people did she invite to this thing? What are we expected to do? Pitch up our forks and run the woman out of the castle?
"We've got an hour or so, don't worry," Fred replies checking his watch. Lee nods his head and gives me a sideways glance.
"There is no easy way to ask this," Lee starts, ignoring the warning look George flashes him. "Is it true you drink rat's blood?" He asks causing a small smile to play on my lips. The concern in his eyes tell me that this is a serious question, one that doesn't seem to bother me now, especially considering it was coming from Lee.
"I prefer bat," I grin at his expression. "Rat can be really bitter, but it really helps with maintaining beauty," I continue, struggling to keep a straight face.
Fred coughs but it sounds a lot like he's attempting to insult me. I say attempting as I ensured the next tree we passed showered him with all the snow that was collected on it's branches.
"The voodoo thing?" Lee continues with a small smirk at what was going on behind us. Namely a swearing Fred who vows to get me back. Glancing at George who looks mildly amused at the whole situation, I wink.
"It's worked on our Georgie here," I say airily causing Lee to snigger.
"Gee and here George thought you would hex me for asking," Lee laughs as George rolls his eyes. Truth be told, if this conversation happened a few weeks ago, I'd probably get really defensive. But things are different now. Hanging around George, Fred and Lee gives me a sense of security; I feel empowered.
"Zonkos first boys?" Fred says, winking at me. Since I've been hanging around them a lot, he likes to refer to me as one of the boys. His jibes don't offend me, but more often than not, I find myself scowling. As much I enjoy all the inclusion, I feel the need to remind them that I am actually female.
Today, however, its doesn't bother me and I roll my eyes at him. They head into Zonkos, but I find myself lingering around the entrance, not really wanting to go inside. Though I know things have changed, I don't like putting myself in the position of risking another confrontation like the one in the Three Broomsticks. It's one thing for George to witness that, but the idea of Fred and Lee getting involved makes me nauseous.
It only takes a few minutes for all guys to reappear with lots of goods. George holds a weird hand grabbing thing and snaps it at my face. I blink at him unamused.
"Here," he hands me a box of chocolates and I stare at it suspiciously. George puts his hands up as if to surrender. "They're not joke chocolates, I swear. It's for screwing up with the Nosebleed Nougat."
"Oh is that what those testers were supposed to do," I grin at his dark look.
"They're not even good at making nosebleeds," he grumbles as Fred hands him a leaflet of some kind.
"No they're too good," Fred cuts in with a pained look on his face. "Our noses just shrivel up," he continues and sure enough I can see the damage the self testing is causing if I look closely enough.
"Listen, I need to go to the Owlery. Ask them about their delivery charges for large orders. Do you guys wan-" Fred starts but then shakes his head at himself. "Of course you don't. Lee, let's go."
Lee glances between George and I, grateful for the opportunity to escape. Rolling my eyes at the two of the them, I watch as they head to the Owlery. Since we still had a bit of time before the meeting, George sits down on one of the benches, offering me the chocolates again.
Shuddering, I take the chocolates gratefully and offer a hasty thanks to George. I take a bite of them and sure enough, they're just plain good chocolates. At this point a delicacy that does not cause any harmful side effects is good enough for me.
"You know, maybe you should try to make them manipulate emotions. Like if you're super stressed out, it calms you down. Or if you could have one for courage. Oooh and one that makes people infatuated with others," I ramble as the chocolate melts in my mouth. It's an instant soother, but that's my tastebuds. To achieve this, it would require stimulating artificial emotions.
"Probably really complicated, forget I said anything," I mutter, my cheeks reddening as I consider the difficulties of trying to achieve my idea.
"You want a love potion?" George asks unable to hide the surprise from his voice. Shooting him a cheeky grin, I wink.
"I can get all the boys to fall in love with me," I say with a mischievous glint in my eyes. It would be like having a large army of people who completely adore you. A nice change from the fearful glances I keep getting in the hallways.
"You don't need a potion for that," I hear George mutter, making my cheeks redden. When I turn to look at him, he's staring off in the distance. I regard him. His red hair is now much longer than it was when we first met, but it looks like he has no intention to cut it. A part of me thinks it's because I mentioned to him how I think guys look better with longer hair, but then I dismiss it.
Friendship is all we have and I'm happy with that. He can't fall for me and I can't fall for him. We would end up breaking each other. At some point my past will come back to haunt me and I shudder to think what his family would do if they found out who I really am. The last Wizarding War was not kind to the Weasleys, something the Fowlers had a lot of influence over. Sometimes I feel glad that I'm the only one left, it means that there won't be anyone else who terrorises innocent people. But at the same time, being the last living member of this family means I have to burden the sins of them all myself.
A part of me believes I deserve it, I am after all the reason why I'm carrying this burden alone.
Blinking, I realise I've been staring at George's face, lost in my own thoughts. I notice the freckles that define his face, except they're so faint, many people wouldn't notice them. Then there's his famous smirk, which I can see forming on his lips right now as if he knows I'm staring at him.
Turning away from him, he lightly shoves my shoulder with his own.
"Come on, we should be going," I say, trying to ignoring the smirk on his face. Getting up, I brush down the snow that had collected on my robes. It's only then do I realise, I no longer feel the same biting cold that I did earlier. Putting my hands to my cheek, I'm surprised when I feel their warmth.
"Is it me or is it less cold?" I ask George. His smirk vanishes, as his ears redden. Clearing his throat, he gets up too. He refuses to meet my eyes, looking towards the distance at the Owlery to check if Fred and Lee were finished with their task.
"Tell me, why do you insist on wearing the least amount of layers in the coldest winter," George says instead as he starts walking towards the Owlery. It takes me a moment to realise what he's trying to say without actually saying it. George put an enchantment to make me less cold.
The same one Severus used when I was a child.
Lost for words at his display of kindness, I run a little to catch up with him. Grabbing onto his arm, I tug at it to make him stop.
"Thank you," I say sincerely, causing the tips of his ears to go a deeper shade of red if that was even possible. George smiles at me, shrugging. His gaze finally locks onto my own, staring into my eyes intently as if he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking. A complete mirror image of him, the possibilities of what could-be flash through my mind, all to be completely overthrown by the looming figure of You-Know-Who.
Clearing my throat, I step away from him, exhaling the breath I didn't realising I was holding.
"We should go," I mutter in a small voice, knowing that my actions are confusing him. It's unfair to him, but it wouldn't be fair of me to lead him on, knowing that at some point he will face the truth about who I really am.
"Guys! Wait up!" Fred calls from behind us, and for once, I'm grateful for his untimely interruption. Both, he and Lee catch up to us with a couple of receipts in hand. "We have to come back afterwards, apparently the long distance ones just got back from a delivery and need a rest," he explains, his eyes narrowing as they dart between George and I.
"Whatever," George mutters, pushing past us all and walking ahead. Fred gives me a questioning look, but I shake my head at him. George's strange mood is my fault. I take full ownership over it, but I'm not sure what else I can do in this situation. Telling him the truth is out of the question, I don't know whether he'd look at me in the same way afterwards and just the possibility of that scares every fibre in my body.
We follow George into a quieter part of Hogsmeade and then into Hog's Head itself. To my surprise it's already filled with a lot of people. Hermione gives me a small smile and wave - what is all this?
Taking a seat next to George, I'm grateful when he smiles at me, knowing that somehow he's found a way to move on. He orders Butterbeers for everyone, but gets a hot chocolate for me. I grin at him, thankful at his ability to just know. Everyone takes their drinks and it takes me a moment to realise that George didn't order one for himself either.
Hermione starts talking about learning to defend ourselves and I find her words striking a particular chord with me. As people list all the many situations Harry has faced You-Know-Who and survived, I realise that I'm not at all prepared if You-Know-Who did decide to come after me. I would die.
There is no future where I see myself becoming a Death Eater and that would mean he would kill me. My gaze hardens as Harry defends himself, but the truth of the matter is, he's the only one who has actually faced him and miraculously came back alive.
"You alright?" Fred whispers to me and I nod, shaking the thoughts out of my head. I can't be thinking like that, it will only lead to another panic attack and that's the last thing I need right now. The rest of the meeting passes by quickly enough, except for the moment where I have to restrain both twins from attacking Smith. Lee grabbed hold of Fred's arm whilst I held onto George's shoulder. To be honest, I wanted to punch the guy myself, but seeing George threaten him, made my anger disappear.
It wouldn't do us good if we all lost our temper now.
Fred passes the parchment over my head, not allowing me to sign it. Folding my arms at him, I stick my tongue out in response. George scribbles down both our names and then practically forces the sheet in Smith's hand, watching stonily as the boy signed the parchment.
After everyone eventually signs the sheet, Fred, George, Lee and I leave the pub before another snarky comment could set them all off. We head towards the Owlery to check if the Owls were ready now.
Personally, I was glad to get out of the dingy little pub. Towards the end, I recognised one of the girls as a fourth-year who would always come up to the twins asking about their products. I was not in the mood to watch another conversation between the two of them and so heartily agreed with the idea to leave as soon as possible.
"You know, you guys can head back. We'll sort it," Lee suggests looking at me and George.
"What wh-" Fred starts but then Lee shoves him in the shoulder. "Oh yeah, sure. We have this covered," he says changing his tone. I shrug not fussed about the whole situation, turning to head back to the castle, but not before I catch Fred giving George a pointed look. Must be another twin telepathy thing.
We walk in a comfortable silence, one we're both used to. More often than not, if his brother was busy selling produce, George would steal away and come sit with me. Especially if he noticed that I was sitting alone. I would continue studying, with the looming O.W.L.s there was not much else I could do with my free time. George would go through the different sales they made, or research different ingredients for new products. We would simply enjoy each other's company.
Whenever Hermione would look in our direction, I would laugh loudly, signalling to George to hide his notes. After the massive argument Hermione and Fred had, she rarely went up to him to stop his selling. Despite that, Fred would still be extremely subtle, often involving a game of exploding snap to cover the sales.
On some occasions, I would start reciting some passages as if George was testing me, to ensure that he does not get caught. I've heard many stories about Mrs Weasley but I don't think she would be happy if her sons were involved with this type of stuff.
"So tell me Lils," George starts, breaking the silence. "What do you think of this rebellious group we're forming?"
"It's brilliant," I say with a grim smile. "It's about time we learn to defend ourselves properly, by someone who actually knows how to teach," I mutter getting angrier as I think about how useless my recent Defence against the Dark Arts lesson have been. George smiles at me knowingly without saying a word.
"I mean there's a real threat out there and we're all sitting ducks!" I continue, my hands balling into tight fists as George's smile widens. He knew this would set me off on a rant. Rolling my eyes at him, I scoff, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing me so well and don't say another word.
"You're really scared about You-Know-Who being back?" George asks softly and I freeze. "It's just that whenever someone mentions him, you get this odd look on your face. As if you're picturing yourself dying."
Speechless, I stare at the outline of the castle in the distance ahead. Once again this boy has managed to surprise me. How is it he can pick out so many details about me? It's both flattering and terrifying. It's scary because it makes me question whether I'll be able to keep my secret from him for much longer.
"Aren't you?" I whisper instead and he puts an arm around me, pulling me closer to him.
"I am." He admits with a sideways glance at me. "But then I remember that right now he's not here. And right now I could be making amazing memories with the people I care about so that when I do face him or the Death Eaters, I have something to fight for," he continues solemnly.
My face breaks out in a grin as his words sink into me. I never really stopped to think about it that way. I suppose I've been too wrapped up in worrying about the disaster scenario, I've been neglecting the people and memories I have at my disposal right now. Working to have something to fight for sounds a lot more appealing than allowing myself to get frightened over all the what-ifs scenarios.
Catching his eye, I realise he's extremely serious about it. Though he may be jokey and focused on building his empire with Fred, there's another extremely rational part of him that knows about the threat we're all facing. Our way of life is completely going to be flipped on it's head and I'm not sure whether we'll figure our way back to this.
My possessiveness over him makes more sense when I consider how much he's changed my life in such a short space of time. He chose to speak to me, bribing me with pastries, protecting me from Severus, giving me company so that though I feel hopeless in my situation, I don't ever feel alone.
He's shown me a different way of living, one where I can't help but notice the brightness in a situation, no matter how dim the light or how dark it all gets. Without even realising, I've been finding something to fight for myself.
Someone to fight for.
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A/N: Guys don't grow up, it's a trap.