For a moment I thought I was beginning to master the art of hiding things from Michael. After years of knowing him, I thought I finally did it. I didn't want to get a big head about it though, because I knew he also knew how to pretend like he didn't notice that I had anything on my mind. That's what drove me crazy. I would spend a whole hour wondering if he knew that something was on my mind or not, and when I would finally convince myself that maybe he just wasn't paying that much attention to notice, he would turn around and ask me what was wrong. Then, for some reason, I would try to convince him that nothing was wrong even though I knew I would fail at that attempt.
The exact same thing happened that night. After Melvin had left I walked directly over to him, placing a smiling masquerade onto my face as I hugged him. I told him he sounded beautiful—while slowly freaking out on the inside. The night had went on in a blur after that, and I could only remember the highlights of the night. Like when Mother revealed the gift from all of us, which was a Rolls Royce. Or when Randy went up and sung a song to her, but he was completely off key. That was all I could remember. It wasn't until we got home when Michael asked me about him.
"Why were you talking to that guy?" He asked me.
At first the question caught me off guard, and I didn't know what he was talking about. "What guy?"
"Melvin," he said. " Why was he talking to you. What was he doing there?"
I was sitting on the bed braiding my hair. I didn't even make eye contact with him when I answered. "Joseph invited him, apparently."
"I told him to fire him." He mumbled to himself. " What did he say to you."
I shrugged my shoulders. " He was just congratulating us on the baby. He said that he couldn't wait to meet her, and I told him that he was crazy if he thought I was gonna let him anywhere near my baby."
He stopped what he was doing for a moment and crossed his arms across his chest. " You're damn right about that." He threw his hands up in the air and sat on the end of the bed. " But it's okay, you won't have to worry about him anymore, 'cause this is their last shot. This is the last time I am working for them. If he can't respect my wishes, then I won't bend over backwards for them anymore. I'm serious, Li. This is their last time. I'm out of whatever else they do."
"You sure they are gonna let you do that?" I asked. " They threw a fit when you said that you wanted to change the tour name to The Final Curtain."
He shrugged his shoulders. " I don't care. This is their last time, and I mean it. I don't feel victorious about anything that is going on right now. They wanna cheat my fans out of their money with this crazy ticket idea Don King came up with. I told them not to use him. I specifically said, ' D-dont use Don King' and they did anyway. Joseph's all like," -he deepened his voice to match his father's -"'He knows what he's doing, he's a good businessman, blah, blah, blah' He doesn't know what he's doing, and he's not a good businessman. A good businessman wouldn't be throwing things out there about race everything all the time. And I would expect them to see that he ain't nothin' but a crook after that press conference, but no...they didn't. And-"
"Wait a minute," I said. Cutting him off. " What are you talking about?"
He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"You said he came up with some crazy ticket idea. What crazy ticket idea?"
" I didn't tell you?"
I shook my head.
He let out a sigh and shifted himself on the bed so that we were making full eye contact. " They came up with this crazy ticket system that-"
"Who?"
"The guys, Don....all of them." I nodded, and began unbraiding my hair while he continued. "Anyways, they came up with this ticket buyin' system where all the fans has to buy four tickets instead of one. And to top it off, they have to order them, and that doesn't mean that they will get them, because they are selecting names at random by a computer that's supposed to be drawing coupons that had to be cut out of the papers."
"What the hell?" That was the craziest, most confusing crap I had ever heard in my lap. "How-"
He held his hand up and shook his head. " Look, don't ask. I don't even know anymore."
"Baby, that's a sham. They're cheating them out of their money, and I know half of those people can't afford that. Aren't they like, thirty dollars per ticket?"
"Yes," he said.
"Then they will be paying $120 for some tickets."
"Exactly!"
"And Don King came up with this bull crap."
"Yes. Him, and Joseph, Chuck Sullivan, and somebody else. And when me and John tried to talk them out of it, but I was voted out of the whole thing. I told them no, that there was going to be a back lash, those tickets shouldn't be no more than twenty bucks, and the mail order idea was just terrible. But they were sayin' that we need to get as much as possible for the tickets."
I only stared at him with a bewildered expression on my face. What the hell is wrong them? I was completely left without nothing to say at all, because it was all so crazy that my mind couldn't comprehend some of it.
"So that's why I say this will be their last shot. Because they have gone too far with this. They can keep Don King, they can keep the Tour Name. I'm done."
"But they have to realize how this will make you look, Michael." I protested. " Everybody is gonna think you came up with that crazy ass idea."
He rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. " I'll make it very clear who came up with that idea. Yeah, it was the Jacksons, just not this Jackson." He jabbed his finger into his chest. " I'm one vote out of six. Let them do their thing. I'm done with it."
I snickered. " They ain't gon' do nothin' but mess it up."
"I know, and if anything goes wrong-which I'm sure it will-I don't want to hear about it," He said. " I don't want to hear about it from Mother, Joseph, or my brothers. Let them do it their way and I'm out of it. Maybe the money they make from this will make them comfortable. That way they can leave me alone. I tried being nice."
"Has it even been made public yet?" I was sure that I would have heard something about it.
"Nope," he shook his head as he stood up. " It will be by the end of this month."
"Well, I hope you will say something, because everybody is gonna think you had something to do with it. People are gonna be calling you selfish and everything. They have to realize that the only reason why this tour is worth something is because you agreed to participate."
"No, Liyah. They know...they know. That's why they harassed me until I agreed to do it, because they knew that it wouldn't have taken off."
"Yet, they take advantage of you and your fans with this stupid money order idea. And you don't have to be doing this?"
"I know, but I'm fed up here. If Don King wants to do it, there is very little that I can do to stop it. I'm fed up all of them, Liyah. I'm fed up with trying to help, I'm fed up with trying to make Joseph proud of me. I'm just over it all." He turned to walk towards the bathroom, but stopped short in his tracks. " I can tell you one thing ," he said as he turned to me. " I don't want that guy telling me what to do, and I don't want him to touch one single penny of my money. I'm giving all the money that I make from this tour to charity." With that he turned back towards the bathroom, unbuttoning his shirt. " I'm gonna go take a shower. You want me to run you a bubble bath?" He asked.
I flipped my braided hair over my shoulder. " Yeah," I said. " That would be nice."
~•~•~
"I didn't expect to ever see you again," Mrs. Daniels said, as I stood in front of the check in counter of Encino Rehabilitation Center with Miko standing next to me. Michael had no idea I was there, he thought I was out doing some last minute shopping before we had to catch our flight that noon to Washington DC. He insisted that I brought Miko along with me for protection, because he was always so paranoid when it came to me being out alone. If I had told him that this was where I was really going he would think that something was wrong with me.
I didn't think I would ever come back either, but with everything that had been going on recently I felt that it was my only option. I smiled down at her while I played with my hair. " I know," I glanced over at the empty waiting room. " Is Dr. Johnson here? I'm in a rush right now, and I can't stay very long."
"Yes, she is." She stood up from her chair and and walked around the desk. " Oh!" Her green eyes began growing wide as she clamped her hands over her mouth. " You're pregnant! Look at you." She walked over to me and placed her hand over my stomach. "Oh...it's moving a lot in the there, isn't it?"
I looked over at Miko who snickering quietly as he leaned against the counter. "Yeah, she moves a lot."
"Oh, it's a she?" She said. "I guess I should've known that, but I don't pay much attention to newspapers or watch television." She looked up at me. " Congratulations!"
"Thank you," I said.
" Come on, honey. Linda is probably in her office right now."
"Oh, don't worry about taking me. I remember the way." I gave her a reassuring smile.
She nodded. " Okay, is he coming with you?" She motioned herself towards Miko.
" Yeah, he's my bodyguard." After introducing the two of them we head down the white halls until we stopped at the very first door to on the second hall we had come to. I told Miko to just wait in the waiting area and that I would only be about thirty minutes.
I gave her large brown door two knocks and within twenty seconds she opened the door. Her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at me. " Liyah!" She stared at me completely surprised. " What a surprise!" She held her arms out for a hug.
I hugged her back. "Hi, Dr. Johnson."
"I wanted to talk to you about something. Uh, that's if you're not too busy."
"No child, I'm not." She grabbed my arm, pulling her into her office. " Come on in."
Her office had a calm setting. The walls were beige and her carpet was a dark brown. It consisted of a large wooden desk with a stacks of paper work on the main part and small computer over on the far side of the wall. A filing cabinet was next to it, sitting near the edge of the desk. Behind the chair where she sat were pictures of her family, and degrees hanging on the wall. Underneath it to the left was a large faux pine tree. On the far side of the room she had a small book shelf that held thick books on psychology and sociology. Along with family photos of her kids and husband.
"Is this your family?" I asked as I walked towards it.
" Yep, you act like you've never seen them before." She laughed.
I shook my head as I picked up one of them. She was a mother of two boys and one girl. Her boys favored her so much. Same chubby smile, same chestnut colored eyes; on the other hand, her daughter looked more like her father. She had his button nose, his dimples, and even had the same mahogany skin color, she was pretty. " Never really paid much attention."
" I guess now that you're about to become a mom, you're noticing everyone's family."
I smiled, " I am, actually. " I placed the in the exact same position I found it in. " How old is your daughter now?"
"Patricia?" She asked, as though she had another. " She just turned sixteen."
"Ooh, a teenager."
"Yeah, and just like every other teenager in America, she worships you. " She sat down in her chair. "That child has every poster of Promise all over her room, reads every magazine article about you guys. She even recorded you all on the Grammy's and American Music awards."
" Wow, she must be one of our biggest fan."
"Mhmm, she's obsessed with you and Nikki!" She picked up another picture and handed it to me. "Last Halloween, she was you, and friend, Cindy, was Nikki."
In the picture, her daughter wore an outfit similar to the one I wore in our video for Bang Bang. The same black overalls, and even the five inched black heels wore. Her friend wore the same brown cargo khaki pants that Nikki wore and a red top. I always loved seeing our young fans try to portray us. It always reminded me of much we were loved by them, and I always tried to interact all of them on a deeper level.
"She doesn't believe that you used to be one of my patients." She chuckled.
I smiled and sat down in the chair across from her desk. " Well, we do have a show in Los Angeles soon." I said.
" I know, and she really wants to go. I still have to get the tickets."
I shook my head as I placed my purse on my lap." I think I have a couple of tickets in here with me." I said as I began going through my pockets until I found them. " My treat."
She was reluctant to take them. "Oh, you don't have to do that."
" I know I don't, but I am." I placed them on a stack of papers in front if her. " After all you've done for me, I owe you something."
She waved me off. "Honey, you don't owe me anything." She picked them up and placed them in her purse. " I was just doing my job."
"And I thank you for that." I glanced around her desk. " Do you have any paper, I'd like to write her a note."
"Oh, God. She's gonna love this." She pushed herself back and opened the drawer." She actually left a magazine photo of you the other day. You wanna sign that?"
"That's fine," It was an old picture of me that was taken the year before. I autographed the front of the photo and then turned it to the back to write a small note to her.
" I must say, I did my job very well too. You look good girl. I'm still trying to figure out why you're here."
"I'm fine, honestly."
"No relapse?" I couldn't tell if she was joking or not.
" No, I haven't relapsed since the last time I was here." I looked up at her and handed her the photo.
She took it back, staring at me with suspicion in her eyes. " So why are you here?"
I sighed and crossed my ankles. " I actually came here for a friend of mine."
"Is he the gentleman outside?"
"No, that's one of Michael's bodyguards. I'm talking about Denise."
"Denise? She's the oldest in the group, isn't she," She asked. " The one who recently got arrested?"
That made me cringe, and I instantly became uncomfortable for coming to her about the situation. " Yeah," I swallowed the lump in my throat. " She...she has a drug addiction and just the other day I found out she owed a lot of money to her drug dealer, and I'm really worried about her."
" Mmm," she folded her hands under her chin. " Wow."
" She's going to be dropped from the group after this tour."
" How do you feel about that?"
I shrugged my shoulders. " Honestly, I don't want her to leave. I feel like the group just wouldn't be same without her. She started us off, put us all together. Along with Jo. If it wasn't for her we wouldn't even be friends, and none of this would even be happening right now. But at the same time, the company thinks that she will be a threat to our record sales, and she is making us all look bad with the arrests and everything. Jojo just wants to get rid of her, Nikki is getting tired of her, and Leena could care less. I know that she has her problems, but neither one of them are putting forth any effort to try to help her.
"I mean, I found out that Nikki has known about the drug use for a long time now and never said anything to any of us about it. Apparently she had been giving her money and everything. And all this time I'm wondering why she always seemed so protective over her."
"That is what you call codependency." She said softly. " When a person supports or enables another person with an addiction."
I raised my eyebrow. " I never really thought of it that way. " I knew what codependency was. I never really understood it how anyone could support and addiction.
"Yes, they will defend them, get drugs for them, make excuses for them. "
"And that's exactly what she's been doing."
"Have Nikki and....Denise always been close?"
"No," I shook my head. " She's always been close to Jojo, but Jojo is all about business now. She doesn't even hang with us like she used to."
"So because Jojo is all...business like...she went to Denise."
"I honestly don't know." I shrugged. " Nikki will go to anybody who will give her attention. Whether it's me, or Denise, or Leena. It doesn't matter. If there's attention put on her, she clings to it."
"So, she's the attention getter." She observed.
" Yes, also she's a people pleaser. When she really care about somebody, she will do anything to keep them happy. Even if that means bending her morals. She doesn't like losing people."
"Mmm, I see." She stood up and walked over to the to her coffee maker that sat next to her book shelf. " Who have De been close to?"
"Well, it was me at first, but then we sorta grew apart. She's closest to her friends Stephanie, Vanessa, and Stacy."
"How did you grow apart?"
"I don't know. I noticed that we were distant on our last tour."
"What did you notice?"
" She kept our conversations short. Anytime I asked her to come to my room she would make up an excuse as to why she couldn't. Sometimes she would look at me like I did something wrong to her. I tried to keep our relationship alive, but I just noticed that she didn't really care so I just gave up. I started focusing on myself. I mean, how can I try to have a friendship with someone when they aren't even trying to meet me half way? I couldn't force her to love me."
"You have a point there," she began stirring her coffee. " You can't force anyone to love you, and you did need to focus on yourself." She leaned against the counter and stared at the beige walls. " Have you ever tried to talk to her? You know, ask her why you she distance herself from you?"
"Once, on our last tour, but she just said that she was tired and never really wanted to speak to anyone. Eventually, she just started avoiding me. "
"Avoiding you, how?"
"She wouldn't really acknowledge my presence on the studio. She didn't go to my wedding. When I really started to realize that she hated me it was during the rehearsals for the American Music Awards. She just went completely off on me. Called me a bitch, and she said she hated me."
"What did you do for her to say that?"
"She started being careless around that time. She wouldn't show up for rehearsals, meetings, studio sessions. And when she did-looking back on it-she would be high as a kite. I didn't know it, I thought she was just being a brat. She would be playing around, not taking it seriously. And I take our rehearsals very seriously, because for me... it's all about perfection. So, on that day she was messing around, one of our dance choreographers got on to her about it, and I was fed up with her. I don't remember exactly what happened or what was said, but she just started yelling at me, and then her nose started bleeding. It was a mess "
"And she told you she hated you?"
"Mhmm, and to this day it hurts me because we used to be so close. Before I found Michael, she was the person I went to for my problems, I used to tell everything to her, all my secrets, my insecurities, and she listened. Now it's just..." I threw my hands and allowed them to fall over on my sides. "I don't even know."
"It seems to me you all have departed from each other one way or another."
"Not exactly," I smiled. " Leena and have gotten closer lately."
Her eyes lit up. " Really?"
"Mhmm, she's throwing me a baby shower once the tour's over."
"Well, that's good. And how are you coming along. I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to your wedding, by the way. I got the invitation. "
" It's fine," I assured her. " And I've been great aside from all the drama. I started reading my mother letters."
A smile came across her face. "And what have you gotten from them."
"Not much, just that she's sorry. I haven't really read any explanation in any of them. There are five years worth of letters in there."
"I guess you have to get reading then, huh?"
I shrugged and glanced over at the clock realizing it about a quarter until ten. " Oh, God!" I shot up to my feet. " I wasn't supposed to stay too long."
"You're supposed to be somewhere?"
"Yes, Michael doesn't know that I'm here, and we're supposed to be getting on a plane to go to Washington D.C."
"For what, if you don't mind me asking."
" The next three shows are there, and Michael is going to be presented with an award by the president." I explained with a smile.
Her eyebrows rose above her forehead. " Really? Well that's amazing."
"I know, I'm so proud of him. He was recently put into the Guinness Book of World Records too. It's crazy!" I grabbed my purse. " I'm sorry have to rush out so quickly, but I was wondering if you could come and talk to her. Denise. I was trying to see if you could come over to my house if you'd like."
"I've never actually done work outside of my office before."
" I know, but she's not gonna cooperate if I told her I was bringing her to a rehabilitation center. " I laughed.
" I suppose she wouldn't."
" I will call when I'm ready, okay?" I hugged her. " But if you can't do it, I understand."
"No, no, I can. Just call me and I'll be there." She gave me a reassuring smile.
"Thank you," I was relieved. " You know, because you helped me with my problems and you're the only person I could think to come to. "
"Anytime, honey. I did say when you needed me to just call," She said. " I'll be there."
" Thank you, again." I said, as I turned towards the door. "I'll keep in touch."
"Oh, and Liyah?" She was sitting down at her chair again. " I'm proud of you."
I shot her a look of confusion. " Me? For what?"
"This has been the easiest conversation I have ever been able to have with you. You've grown since the last time I saw you." She looked at me with pride in her eyes. " I have a patient here, her name is Ariana, and she reminds so much of you. "
I felt my eyebrow go up. " Does she?"
" Yeah, just her attitude in general reminds me of you. And just seeing you today gives me hope that she would get better. "
" What her name again?"
"Ariana," she said.
"Ariana," I repeated the name. " That's a pretty name."
"I know, I would love for you talk to her the next time you're in town."
"The next time I'll be in town is in a
August, but I'll be sure to pay her a visit."
"Really? I heard your baby is due in then."
"She is, but I will still come and see her before it got too close to the due date." I opened the door as I spoke. " I promise."
She laughed light-heartedly. "You don't make promises you can't keep."
I smiled, "You know me so well."