Chapter 43
**Ciara**
I had been discharged from hospital that afternoon and was lying in my bed. We were moving into our new house the next morning, so my mum was in my room packing up my clothes into two suitcases because she wanted me to rest.
The doctors at the hospital told us that what happened in Kyle’s car must have been a delayed reaction to when he hit me; they said I had a concussion. I had called him three times since I had woken up from my nap but he hadn’t answered at all. I decided to ping him: ‘why aren’t you talking to me?’
I waited for a response for about half an hour, and then decided to get up and help my mum with my clothes. Anton came into my room and asked if we wanted something to eat. We were on speaking terms again after he apologised to me when we were in the hospital, but he seemed to think that Kyle hitting me had been a regular occurrence and wouldn’t listen when I told him it was just that one time.
I picked up my phone and looked at my recent updates where I saw that Kyle had changed his status to ‘time for a fresh start.’ He had also read the message I had sent him because the D above the tick had changed to an R.
As soon as I saw that R, my stomach began knotting up. Fair enough, when we had been arguing in his car I had said some hurtful things but we were both pissed off, and he was the one who tried to hit me again.
I didn’t know what to do, so I just sat there for a while holding my phone. Eventually, I snapped out of my trance and decided to go and have a bath. After my bath and having some dinner, I looked at my phone again and saw that Kyle had disappeared off of my BBM contacts list. He had obviously deleted me… if that’s the kind of games he wants to play then so be it. I had no reason to speak to him anymore anyway; Tyrell had told me in the hospital that he didn’t think they would ever be best friends again.
**
I was sitting in the van my mum had rented with my older brother Byron. We were just having a general conversation until he asked me why I seemed so depressed. He knew that I had had a boyfriend thanks to my mother’s big mouth, so I just said that we had broken up.
“You’re too young to be getting depressed over boys, princess” he said, shaking his head
“Says the guy who had his first child when he was 17…”
“That’s not the point though, is it? My point is finish your education, then you can worry about boys. You don't wanna end up like me and Keira, we were way too young when we had Keiron, and neither of us got to enjoy our youth properly. I’m talking from experience”
I just nodded my head and changed the subject. Out of my whole family, only Tyrell, Anton, Chelsea and Oryan knew that I had had an abortion. I pondered on whether or not I should mention it to Byron; I didn’t think he would be upset about the fact I’d had an abortion, but the fact that I had had sex in the first place.
We pulled up in front of the house and started taking things inside. As promised, I was having the second biggest bedroom. My mother’s fiancé, Raphael, was in the kitchen putting some shelves up. I walked into the kitchen with a box full of cups and put it down on the countertop.
“Afternoon, Ciara” he said, when he saw me walk in
“Afternoon.” I had no reason to be talking to this guy, he wasn’t my dad and he had nothing for me, so there was no need to have a conversation.
I began unpacking the boxes and stacking them in the cupboards which had been cleaned already.
I could feel my phone vibrating in the pockets of my tracksuit bottoms; I climbed down from the counter and took it out. It was Jade
“Hi Jade, what’s up?” I greeted her cheerfully
“Erm… you do realise that ‘The Face of…’ is in three days? I thought you wanted me to help you find an outfit and that?”
“Oh shit, I completely forgot. I’m probably not going to be free this time tomorrow, so do you wanna come over tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I will try. Just make sure you’re ready with possible outfits and that.” She said, before hanging up the phone. I had completely forgotten about the modelling competition; before I went to bed that night I was definitely doing a workout.
**
The next morning, I continued unpacking the boxes and bags, then began preparing for Jade’s arrival. Luckily, I had two built-in wardrobes, so I had separated my clothes into types and styles so it would be easier for us to search.
Paige would be accompanying me on the day of the competition, so I had also asked her to come over.
Jade being the alcoholic she was, she had brought along a bottle of wine, which we sipped on whilst eating some rice my mum had made.
We decided that I would wear a light pink top with light blue leggings and silver sandals, which took about ten minutes.
We spent the rest of our time having girl time. Eventually the topic turned to me and Kyle’s relationship, but the sexual side of it…
“Is he well hung?” Paige asked, and we all burst out laughing
“Yes… to the extent that I was still in pain an hour later!” I said, rolling my eyes
“So he’s a donkey!” Jade said, winking at me. “He is a muncher, right? I can always tell”
I just nodded and continued with my food as Paige started screaming
“Oh my God! He totally seems like one of them guys who isn’t into that kinda shit. Boy, appearances are deceiving nowadays.” She said, collapsing in a fit of giggles
“Lets just say the only thing the next girl to kiss him will taste is my vagina!”
“Please tell me you returned the favour and sucked that donkey dick” Jade said; she was so dirty
“A lady doesn't kiss and tell” I said, winking
The conversation went back to normal, and we began talking about the more delicate side of the relationship
I was no longer laughing; instead I was close to tears
“He’s hurt me so much, but he is all I really want right now. But he doesn’t want me.” I said, clutching my glass to my chest, nearly spilling its contents everywhere
“Have you tried to talk to him?” Paige whispered
“He deleted me off BB, he doesn’t answer my calls or texts; what else can I do?”
“Nothing” they said in unison
“Just leave him alone for a bit, and eventually he’ll realise that he does actually need you in his life.”
I lay there in silence for a bit; I was beginning to get a headache from all the wine, and I felt sleepy.
**
I woke up on the morning of ‘The Face of…’ competition feeling energised. I had a shower, and began doing my make up. Paige arrived around 10:30 and began straightening my hair for me. I finished dressing and we took a few pictures before leaving.
I was super-nervous, if I went far enough in this competition, it could be the beginning of a new chapter of my life.
We got on a bus down to the train station, where we had to wait like 20 minutes for our train. Whilst we were sat on the platform, she was on the phone to Karina. Apparently there was a party that night, and Karina wanted us two to come. I agreed, only because I didn’t want them to say I was being anti-social.
My mum was leaving to go to France for two weeks with Raphael, so Tyrell and I would have the house to ourselves, as Anton was also away.
As we got closer and closer to our destination, I began feeling nauseous. I was so nervous but I didn’t know why; all I was going to have to do was compete in a catwalk and take some good pictures.
We got off the train and began walking down to the venue. I could see loads of people queuing up for entry; it looked like I was going to have a lot of competition.
“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Paige asked as we approached the queue. “Just because you got in, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do it.”
“I’m sure. I have nothing else going on in my life, and this could be a really good distraction.”
Paige nodded and we continued walking towards the crowd
**
Paige and I were sat at the back of the room, waiting for me to be called up. I was number 122, and they were up to 115. I quickly combed through my hair, and checked my make up in my compact mirror. I looked okay, but I still felt nervous
“Could we please have numbers 116-122 up in the middle please?” a woman called out. It was my turn…
I stood up, and rearranged my clothes. I began walking towards the centre of the room; once I got there I looked at Paige who gave me a reassuring smile.
I listened carefully as the girls who were before me introduced themselves; reciting their names, ages, where they were from and what they did. It was then my turn
“Hi, my name is Ciara, I’m 17 years old, and I’m a student from South London” I said, before grinning at everyone. My fake confidence seemed to be working.
The woman who had called us up instructed us to walk to the far back of the room. Once we got there we had to walk back to the centre point of the room, using our ‘fiercest’ walk; once we got the centre we had to hold a pose. I had watched enough America’s Next Top Model to know what a ‘fierce’ walk was, so I did my best, then struck the most random but unique pose I could think of.
The photographers took pictures of us, and then we were given our next challenge – to try and use a pose to represent a word. The woman called out random words related to fashion, and once again, I tried as hard as I could to stand out from the rest of the girls. They took pictures of us with each word, and then finally we were told we could leave and they would be in contact.
As Paige and I were walking out of the room, one of the photographers came over
“Ciara, right?” I nodded “yeah, you really stood out to me just then. If you’re interested, here’s my card, call me to arrange some test shots and we can build up your portfolio.” He said, handing me his card then walking away
Paige high-fived me, then we left the building. I was so happy; I didn’t think anything could burst my bubble.
***
Paige and I stopped off to have some lunch before heading back home. We both went home to get changed before meeting up with the rest of the girls. It had suddenly gone from a mid-temperature day to a cold evening, and it was slightly windy. I had changed into a turquoise-green vest top, and a pair of dark blue leggings, with a denim jacket over the vest.
I wasn’t even in a party mood, but my friends were always saying I behaved anti-socially, so I decided to go out with them for once, just to shut them up. We met up and got a bus down to Norwood Junction; the party/barbeque was in Selhurst.
“Is Meisha coming? I haven’t seen her for ages.” I asked Karina.
“Yeah, but she’s going with Derome,” Karina said, rolling her eyes
It wasn’t that she didn’t like Derome; I think it was that Meisha was always with him and had completely forgotten that she had friends before she got a boyfriend.
We got off of the bus, and walked up the long gravel path. All you could hear was the sound of our feet crunching, and the music coming out from the venue of the party. We walked up to the bright yellow front door. It was surrounded by a white frame and red bricks; it was a really odd colour choice for a front door, in my opinion. Jade rang the doorbell, and stepped back waiting for someone to answer.
A girl came to the door, and told us everyone was in the garden. We walked through the house, into the kitchen, and down the stairs in the garden. As I descended the steps, I looked down to the bottom of the garden, and felt my heart jump into my throat as I realised Kyle was at the bottom of the end of the garden, with Derome, Meisha and some other people.
I sighed, and took a deep breath before I walked over to where my friends had sat down. We had arranged our chairs into a circle, but I was still facing the area where Kyle was. Paris was sat to my left, and Rianna was to my right. Karina, Jade and Paige were sat facing me.
The party was for Karina’s friend, a guy named Michael. It was his birthday, but I had only met him once or twice, so when he came over to us, I just smiled and said hello, then went back to my thoughts.
I was pulled out of my trance when I felt Rianna tap my hand gently. I looked at her, thinking she was trying to tell me something discreetly.
“who’s that girl sitting on Kyle’s lap?” she asked me. I looked over at Kyle, who now had a girl sitting on his lap. At first I wasn’t sure who she was, but then I realised it was his ‘best friend’; a girl called Rochelle. I had never actually met her, I had just seen her in pictures.
Well it looked the barrier of friendship had been broken between them. The way he had his arm wrapped around her and was smiling up at her – it hurt to see this. She put her arm around his neck and was stroking his head, which he had rested on her breasts.
“I’ll be back.” I said to the girls before heading into the house. I went into the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet, taking in deep breaths. My chest felt like it was going to explode from the pain and my head was throbbing. Is this what being heartbroken felt like, or was I lovesick? Either way, I knew that I was only feeling like this because of Kyle.
That song by Brandy and the guy from Boyz II Men suddenly came into my head…
“But I guess I'm only brokenhearted
Life's not over I can start again
While I'm lonely brokenhearted
It's a hurting thing to get over”
I rested my head against the cold bathroom tiles, trying to cool my head down. I guess it really was time for me to move on – Kyle obviously didn’t want me anymore and I wasn’t going to wait around for him to suddenly change his mind.
© Natalie Appiah 2011