Chapter 50:
Home is where the heart is
The funeral for all those who lost their life in the Battle of the Five Armies is to be held later today, around the time of sunset. I have had no say in the arrangement of the ceremony, so I am anxious to see whether they follow the dwarven traditions or stick to a more informal route. Thorin seems to know as little as me in this matter, for Balin has taken charge of the funeral preparations.
The flying lessons come to a close with the finality of cleaning up the battlefield. With the promise of practicing more in the future, Fili and Kili run off to gather the company within a sitting room, bordering the throne room of Erebor. There, we will meet with them to offer our tears of eternal life, but before then, I need to speak in private with Bilbo Baggins. Thorin, seeing this desire within my eyes, leaves me at the entrance hall of Erebor where Bilbo sits in recollection of his memories. I fall onto the bench, next to Bilbo's side, as we stare at the walls around us.
"The company is meeting in the sitting room," I tell Bilbo after a moment's silence in each other's company. The hobbit looks up to me with furrowed eyebrows, probably questioning the motives behind the meeting. Nonetheless, he nods his head and stands to make his way there. Before completing his fifth stride away from me, he turns back with a small smirk of laughter.
"You need me to lead you there, don't you?" Bilbo asks, causing me to mirror his grin. I nod my head violently, picking up my body from the seat, and falling to his side as he leads me through the corridors. Though I may not know my way through the kingdom, I have a good idea of how long the journey is from entrance hall to throne room. With only five minutes on my hands, I have to make my proposal to Bilbo with all speed.
"Thorin, the nephews, and I have come to a decision," I begin, question lingering in my tone as to how to start this conversation. Bilbo looks over from watching his feet to gaze into my awaiting eyes. His hand rises to gesture for me to continue in the adorable way he always does. Bilbo Baggins is the cutest creature in all of Middle Earth, this I am sure.
"W-We've come to the decision to offer you all, the company, a tear of eternal life. I cannot live without you, Bilbo Baggins. I-I have no place in eternity without your presence," I say, stuttering uncharacteristically as Bilbo usually does. This hobbit has rubbed off on me as much as I have rubbed off on him: he's taken to my sass as I've fallen into a stuttering mess. Valar, be with us all.
Bilbo's face falls into shock at my proposition and heartfelt comments of adoration. It's a mutual understanding between us that we are best friends, though it is different for him, as he is mortal. After a moment's walking, Bilbo's face falls from shock to deep thought, sighing at decisions and questions made within his own mind.
"You know I have to return to Bag End, Erudian. I have this feeling that I still have duties awaiting me there," Bilbo replies with a sigh. I nod my head in agreement at these words, for I have thought and felt the same. My instincts tell me that Bilbo must return to the Shire in due time, for an issue of great importance awaits him: something to do with family, perhaps a nephew.
"Yes, I know you do Bilbo, but that does not mean you cannot visit here. Let me lay out a proposition to you: spend half your year in Bag-End, and half of it in Erebor," I explain with a confidence that I hope can win him over. A look of deep thought, but hidden joy, falls over his face, replacing that of disagreement. He still looks hesitant to take me up on my offer, though the outright reluctance is gone. There is still hope.
"You forget how long it took us to reach Erebor. There is no physical way to spend half my year here, when the journey takes twelve months," Bilbo relinquishes his problems with my plan. I chuckle a bit at his accusation of being forgetful, for the hobbit fails to remember that I traveled to and from Mordor in a single day.
"You forget that Phoenicians can travel great lengths in just a few hours," I respond with a grin, which soon mirrors itself on the hobbit's face. "Family will come into your life back in Hobbiton, but have no fear of leaving them, my friend. As long as you love them, you can give them eternal life as well. I have thought all this through, Bilbo, and it's fully workable."
Bilbo falls into another state of silence as we move closer to the voices of the company. And, soon enough, our feet fall to the outside of the doorway where the rest of the company waits. My eyes catch on Thorin, who watches me from a couch, before I pull Bilbo back around the corner so I can get an answer.
"I would like you to decide before we go in there. You are one of the most important people in my life, and I don't want your choice to be swamped in others. This is a private decision between us, and I am giving you my full attention. Whatever you choose, I will love you and take joy in your company, it's just how long that company lasts," I tell him as I push him back into a darkened corner, out of the eyes of the company's vision. Bilbo looks to me, his eyes bounding away from his thoughts, as a smile awakens his face in the darkened hallway.
"I will do it. This journey, I have made connections to others like no other time in my life. I have made friends, alliances, and family. I cannot leave that behind when I leave these lands. So, give me a tear and I will never move from your side," Bilbo says with a large smile. I grin back at him, joy radiating from my every pore, as I think of my future with Thorin and Bilbo at my side. It's a heart-warming notion, to be surrounded by family for eternity, and one that I never want to give up.
"Okay then, my dear Bilbo Baggins. Sit down and tilt your face up at me. Would like the tear in your mouth or eye?" I ask, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the question. Bilbo stutters away at the question, his eyes moving around as if traversing over his choices.
"Eye," he decides before lifting his head up as I directed. Rather than thinking back to the sad times of my life, I reflect upon the great times I've had with Bilbo: meeting him in the Shire, traveling by his side on the ponies, helping him save the company from trolls, laughing with him in Rivendell, leading him away from the Goblin tunnels, fighting with him against Azog, eating beside him at Beorn's, watching him save us in Mirkwood, conversing with him in Laketown, offering him help with Smaug, catching him with the Arkenstone, holding his hand at the council, seeing him alive after the war, listening to his decision to live with me forever. All of these things add up in a single tear that falls from my right eye, down my cleaned cheek, and into the air. It plummets to the earth, like a fallen bird, before hitting home in Bilbo's eye which winces at the contact. Blinking away the feeling, Bilbo stands with discomfort.
"That felt weird," he remarks as his skin begins to glow gold, illuminating the dark hallway about us. Just as Thorin did yesterday, though Bilbo bears no injury, the hobbit's existence is transformed with the entrance of light into his veins. His slightly withered skin and dark circles fade away with the look of a golden glow, making him seem ten years younger. The light fades slightly as he adjusts into his new form, looking at his hands and shrugging his shoulders.
He shines along with me as we move back into the sitting room where the dwarves gather around Thorin and the nephews. Thorin looks up to me, as if innately knowing I have returned to his side, only to smile upon the now glowing Bilbo who holds my left hand. The dwarf king gestures me over with a smile, where he stands in front of a sitted company on a group of couches. I laugh at the lack of space in the room, Gloin sitting on Oin's lap and Bofur laying splayed on the ground. The dwarves look at Bilbo peculiarly, as if questioning whether he now holds the blood of a Phoenix.
"Listen up, you lot!" Thorin yells over there disgruntled sighs and muttering lips. I laugh at the way he treats his family, though I know he doesn't mean to insult them. The dwarf king looks at me with confusion, grabbing my right hand, for Bilbo holds my left. Looking about now, I see my future around me: Bilbo and Thorin by my side, and the company in our presence. I can only hope the other dwarves agree to the prospect of immortality, as it will break my heart to lose even one of them.
"We have a proposition for you--Oh, Gandalf! Tauriel!" I break myself off as the wizard and elf walk into the room with Kili and Fili. I shrink away as I realize that we forgot to account for everyone in the room. I'm just surprised that I forgot about Kili, who always pesters me about cousins, making his presence relevant.
"We heard there was a company meeting, though it seems you have started without us," Gandalf remarks with a smirk. An apologetic grin falls across my features as the elf and wizard come to stand behind the couches where the dwarves are piled.
"I apologize, my friend. I guess I am so used to you being gone, having left us all at Mirkwood," I address the wizard, with a small smirk of my own. He scoffs at me, rolling his eyes as we both know he had good reasons for going MIA for months on end.
Looking over to Thorin, as I often catch myself doing, I notice his gaze upon the she-elf who stands by Gandalf. Kili notices this gaze as well, making to move from Thorin's side to aid his One. However, Tauriel speaks up before the nephew can act:
"I'm sorry, my king. I will leave now, seeing as I'm not wanted here. I just assumed, and for that, I apologize," she mutters before stepping back from the couch and making to leave the room. I go to yell back at her, but a tightening grip about my right hand stops me. Thorin, as it would seem, wants to speak to her himself.
"No, no. Please, do not leave, Tauriel. You are wanted here, both by myself and the company. If you have felt unwelcomed by me, I apologize. You are family now, and we love you for all that you've done for us," Thorin addresses her, causing her to pause in her progression out the door and swing her head back around to look at Thorin. From the dwarf king's side, I smile heartedly, alternating my gaze between Thorin and Tauriel. Kili looks at Thorin with poignant respect and love, grabbing Tauriel's hand from her spot near the door, and pulling her back to the company. Her eyes meet mine as she stands behind the couch, prompting me to wink at her and grip Thorin's hand tighter. So while the dwarf king looks down at me, Tauriel breaks into joyful laughter, like the tinkering of bells in the spring wind.
"Now that we have reconciled, let us hear about this proposition," Gandalf says, leaning over the couch with eyes full of mischief. Thorin rolls his eyes in my peripheral vision, causing me to silently chuckle.
"As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted, I have a proposition to make," I begin, voice grazing over the ears of the anxious company. "The four, well now five, of us have come to an innocuous decision, as Phoenix, to offer you our tears of eternal life. You see, none of us can imagine our lives without the company, for we love you dearly. But, you have a choice in the matter: you do not have to accept our offer of eternity," I propose to them, causing the majority of them to fall into shock. The smirk on Gandalf's face continues to hold his features in its tight grasp, as the wizard always seems to know what is going one. Tauriel searches Kili's eyes from next to Gandalf, as if questioning whether she wants to do this. The offer is different for the wizard and elf, as they already have eternal life within their grasp. Choosing the tear would mean an enhanced fighting form and speedy travel, though it has its own weaknesses, bound in groundwater.
"What about our families?" Gloin shouts out from his perched position on Oin's knee. Despite looking like a child at this very moment, Gloin's typically brazen way of speech pushes through his tone.
"If you are worried over leaving your families, please relinquish that, as you can share your own tears with whomever you love. In addition, any children you have after becoming a Phoenix, will be born as one themselves," I answer him with a smile. This seems to answer many of the dwarves' questions as they all seem to make decisions in their rare silence. Thorin's hand tightens around my own at the reference to children, prompting me to look at him a questioning smirk and raised eyebrow. However, he turns his head away with a light blush on his high cheekbones.
"And we'll be like you?" Ori questions from his position on the couch, squished into the leather fabric between his two brothers. I smile at one of my favorite companions, taking hold of our memories together: drawing, painting, and writing on our journey.
"Smaller and less blue, but other than that, yes," I respond easily, causing the young dwarf to smile on in excitement. I laugh at his happy expression, as it seems many of the dwarves will take us up on the offer.
"What are the negatives to becoming a Phoenix?" Balin asks from his lone leather arm chair on the right side of the company. He seems to be one of the few dwarves still resistant to the offer, which scares me, as he is one of my favorites.
"You can be injured, though not killed, when surrounded by groundwater while in your Phoenix form. In your dwarf state, you are just as mortal as this very moment. Probably the only other negative is that, if you don't change your One, you will die with her," I respond, quickly thinking over all aspects of being a Phoenix. Honestly, there are very few negatives to becoming one, though most people scare away from the prospect of immortality.
"And the positives?" Tauriel asks, speaking up for the second time and more than ever before.
"Immorality, practical impenetrability in aviary form, enhanced speed and strength, firebending abilities, and an awesome personality," I respond with mischief, prompting Tauriel to roll her eyes and me to smirk. The positives, and miniscule list of negatives set the remainder of the group visibly at ease. They relax back into the couches with small smiles on their faces, seemingly dreaming over the renewed prospect of the future.
"So, you're in?" I asks the group at large, causing the entirety of them to nod in agreement. I can feel a large grin spread across my face as I move forward to give them tears, the others falling behind me.
"A single tear is all that's needed, in either the mouth or the eye," I tell them, before making my way closer to the left hand side of the gathered group. Thorin, Kili and Fili disperse around me, giving their friends and companions tears with an incredible efficiency. Kili gives his to Tauriel, Bofur, and Bifur while Fili moves to Bombur, Dori, and Nori. Thorin takes Dwalin, Gloin, and Oin, and I move towards Balin.
"Alright, Balin. In the eye?" I ask him, moving closer to his side as he smiles at me. He nods in agreement, tilting his head back as I let a happy tear fall from my eye into his own. Balin winces, as Bilbo did before, before shaking it off and visibly falling back into a younger looking his state. With the golden glow of his skin, his white beard, and disappearing wrinkles, Balin looks decades younger within seconds. I move away from him after he gives his thanks, moving towards Ori who watches on with thought. As I would guess, Ori is taking notes over the whole process, seemingly wishing to recount it later in both drawing and words.
"Ready Ori?" I ask him, causing to him jump back in fright. I lay a hand on his shoulder, prompting him to relax with a smile at me. My head falls back in giggles at the innocent look on his face and the joy bursting from his eyes. "Eye or mouth?"
He gestures to his mouth, tipping his head back for the tear that falls from my eye socket and brushes down my cheek. The young dwarf glows with the new blood of his veins, though, luckily for him, he doesn't fall back into youth. A "thank you" escapes his mouth as we both look upon the company who now illuminates the room.
I am reminded of my times back in Avon, looking upon the sight, as gathered groups of Phoenicians would illuminate normally dark rooms with an amassed light of good. It is like that now, as the others finish their work, leaving us to glow in youth and joy within the cave-like room. The dwarves, though most began young, look to be more youthful, with skin golden and eyes bright. It is the gold blood of the Phoenix that does this: replacing the blue and red blood to give an ethereal glow. The blood of Phoenicians is lusted after, and for good reason.
I am surprised to see Gandalf with Bilbo, glowing in companionship and visibly younger. The once-pressing wrinkles of the wizard's face have all but dissolved to give thousands of years back on his life. Though his eyes have always had a spark to them, they are now even more illuminated and shine with brighter mischief. Overall, the appearance of the wizard does little to shock me, but rather, I am surprised he took a tear at all. For some reason or another, I never expected Gandalf to willingly choose this life, so now that he has, I cannot help but gape on him. The wizard sees this look, and does nothing but send a small smile.
"...Arkenstone..." I hear from the corner of the room in low whispers. Whipping my head around with an instant and newfound anger, I see Thorin and Balin talking in low voices at the edge of the room. Bilbo, seeing my sudden expression of rage, found in a growl, moves to my side and grabs my hand. It does little to calm me down.
"Thorin Oakenshield! You better not be whispering about that damned stone!" I yell across the room, freezing everyone in their tracks and hindering the whispering of the dwarf king. He looks up to me with wide eyes, having never seen me this angry.
"Lassie, it's--" Balin begins before I cut him off, my hands flaming with the anger I feel.
"No! That stone corrupted the minds of both Thror and Thorin! It is nothing but evil reincarnate! To think you are still obsessing about the Heart of the Mountain, boils my blood!" I yell at them, flames beginning to lick up my forearms, and thus, Bilbo's as well. He looks on in awe as he withstands the heat of my body with not so much as a single thought.
"Erudian--" Thorin begins before I cut in again with a hard gaze.
"Do not 'Erudian' me! That stone would've killed you Thorin if I were not here! It would've destroyed the kingdom of Erebor! And to think, you still desire to own it, to hold it, to--" I rant with raised voice, before Thorin's counterattack extinguishes me, and my flaming arms, with his words.
"It was to be a wedding gift!" he yells, though the words seem to graze right over my ears as I gape at him. He looks at me with pleading, yet angry, eyes.
"Huh?" I ask from my state of disrepair and relinquished anger. He sighs, moving slightly away from Balin to look directly at me from across the room.
"A wedding gift, it was to be. A way to show you that the Arkenstone is nothing in comparison to you," Thorin replies with a lack of anger and saddened eyes. I gasp at him, my hand falling over my face at the heartfelt gift that I would never want. But nonetheless, the idea is lovely.
"Oh, Thorin! I am sorry, but that's not going to be possible," I reply with an equal sadness, yet slight relief that I am now able to admit the true fate of the Arkenstone. Thorin tenses up with confusion at my words, while Balin comes to rest by his side.
"What do you mean, lassie?" Balin asks with my least favorite nickname. Bilbo and I share a look in our peripheral vision, worry coming over both of us in waves. A nod on his part, and mine in response, settles the decision that we will tell Thorin and the company.
"The Arkenstone is lost forever, never to be found," I answer vaguely, with the idea that an unclear explanation may be best at this time. The same confused expressions grasp onto each of the dwarves' faces, as I am truly failing at relinquishing the truth.
"What she means is, that I decided--" Bilbo begins, with the obvious intention of laying the blame on himself so as to save me, that is, before I cut in.
"No, we decided that the only way to remove Thorin from the sickness was to remove the Arkenstone from Erebor's premises," I tell the company, sending them all into states of shock and anger. With the heightened emotion, I cringe away, not even trying to look at Thorin in fear of his response.
"What did you do with it?" Ori asks from his state of wonder, speaking the question that I am sure all the dwarves are curious about. I meet the shy dwarf's eyes with a smile, before turning to look at the whole group again.
"Well, we couldn't just leave it lying someplace, for fear it would corrupt a new kingdom and people. So, we had to destroy it," Bilbo tells them, his voice falling off at the end so his final words are barely recognizable. A uniform gasp erupts from the company at the revelation.
"You destroyed the Arkenstone?" Thorin yells with anger lacing his voice. I draw up the courage to look at my dwarf king, instantly regretting it as he glares at me with fury and betrayal. But instead of cringing away at his expression, I toughen my emotions up in response.
"Yes, I destroyed it. Threw it in Mount Doom and watched it sink away into oblivion. And you ought to be glad that I did, for if I hadn't, I would have missed the orc armies marching towards us. I saved you twice that day: once from the Arkenstone's poison and the other time from Azog," I respond with an anger equal to Thorin's own. Though it takes a second for my words to sink in, the dwarf king relaxes at the news, and look slightly relieved that it's gone and the truth is out. Bilbo and I share a relieved gaze, before turning back to lay hold to Thorin's eyes.
"Thank you for that...and thank you for destroying the Arkenstone. I apologize for my anger, I was just a bit shocked at the news. Erebor's better off without it," Thorin apologizes, moving closer to me with caution. I may never admit it outloud, but I can never stay mad at the dwarf king, with that heart of gold and fiery temper. So, I run into his arms, in this very sitting room, as he lifts me up and spins me about.
I am suddenly back at the Carrock with Thorin, his arms around my waist and the world spinning as he twirls around with me in his arms. A laugh of my own, escapes my lips at the moment and the memory. And though there is no wind this time, or amazing view of the Lonely Mountain, I feel whole in this moment. We have come far in these months, and in more ways than just distance. We've fallen harder, loved greater, and grown stronger as a family. And now we're home, but not just within Erebor. For after all, home is where the heart is, and mine lies with my family.
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Hey guys! So I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
On another note, I was checking the statistics for the previous chapter and saw that only 35% of my readers actually read the whole thing, which is significantly different than my usual 80-95%. If you guys can tell me what went wrong, that would be fantastic...I'm sorry if it was disappointing and badly written.
Finally, I have great news! eme_the_writer214 and I have been working together to create a short story and series of one shots that unite our two stories, "Saving Durin" and "A Different Love." It is called "A Bird in the Hand" and has been posted on my account as of today! Please check it out once you are finished with reading (and voting) for this chapter. Here's its summary:
In this crossover between Patagonian's "Saving Durin" and eme_the_writer214's "A Different Love," you will find the characters of these intriguing stories join together for a new adventure! Along for the ride are one shots of your favorite Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit characters with a reader or another character.
Thank you so much for all the love and support. Please vote and comment, you lovely people!
xo
Patagonian