As soon as they left the cafeteria, Dean dropped Cas's hand. The sudden emptiness felt like a small jab in his stomach.
They made their way back to the cabin in silence, neither really knowing what to say.
Dean had made plans with the TV and a bottle of beer, whereas Cas was ready to snuggle into the bed and read for a little while. Neither interrupting or including the other.
They reached the porch and Dean pulled the key from out of his pocket, unlocked the door and walked straight in.
Cas stood on the porch, admiring the place. If only they were there on different circumstance, if only Dean and himself were not pretending. But there was work to be done and it wouldn't help to lose reality, no matter how tempting.
He pulled himself out of his thoughts and stepped inside. Reality was all he had, reality would have to do.
"Do you want a beer, Cas?" "No, I'm going upstairs to read." He replied as he reached the stairs. However before he took a step more he turned to face Dean, sensing awkwardness.
"What's wrong Dean?" He asked the hunter who was stood by the wall that split the kitchen and the living room. "Are we going to be sleeping in the same bed?" Cas cocked his head before replying "Will that be a problem?" "It's just that you're my friend and I don't want things to be awkward, I mean do you even sleep?"
If he was honest to himself, Cas felt an unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach. Dean not wanting to be near him hurt a little, but he ignored that feeling. "I shall grab two pillows and lie on the sofa." And with that he walked up stairs.
The cream room looked very inviting to Cas and he wanted nothing more than to wiggle under the covers and read, but he restrained himself.
He grabbed two pillows from the bed and changed into his p.js. He turned to the bookshelf to pick up a book he had seen earlier: All The Bright Places. The title did not give much away but he was interested all the same.
Sighing he turned and made his way back downstairs. When he arrived he saw that Dean was sat on the chair watching the Doctor sexy that he often talked about.
Cas placed the pillows onto the sofa before sitting down himself and watching the TV too. "This is a very good program Dean, I can see why you enjoy it." was Castiel's way of trying to start a conversation but he only got a grunt in return.
There was a knock on the door at around 11. Dean was ingrosed in the TV and showed no sign of moving so Cas got up to unlock the door.
He opened it to a tired looking girl in her mid twenties. "Hi I'm Jo, one of your counsellors. I'm just checking in to make sure you've settled in properly and that everything is okay. Are you Castiel or Dean?" "I'm Cas, this is Dean." Cas said opening the door wider "Everything seems to be in order then- Is one of you sleeping down here?"
Cas shuffled a little "I am yes, will that be a problem?" Jo looked up at him and saw a sad look in his eyes. "Things that bad, huh?" Not being able to keep eye contact with her looked down to where he had been absently messing with his ring. "Well today is what Tuesday? We will talk about this on... Friday then. I recommend that you go to the group meeting tomorrow, actually if you don't I'll be pissed and come look for you." She said sternly.
Cas had only met Ellen once but he thought Jo was very much like her. "We'll do our best to be there. Thank you for coming Jo, goodnight." He closed the door and turned to see that Dean had gotten up and switched off the TV.
"I'm going to hit the hay, I'll be up by 9ish so you'll have 10 hours to yourself to do whatever. Goodnight Cas." and with that he was gone. Castiel sighed realising that Dean didn't know he also needed to sleep but he was gone before Cas could mention it.
It was 2am when Castiel finally put the book down. It was very good and every sad, making him realise that maybe writing was another stunning art that humans had mastered. He was mildly annoyed he had never picked up a book before.
After a very disruptive sleep Cas finally got up at 7:30 with an aching back. He folded up the blankets and then made himself a cup of tea. He sat down slowly his back hurting a little if he moved to fast and carried on reading.
At 8:45 a sleepy looking Dean padded downstairs still in p.js. He nodded to Cas before making himself a coffee. He walked back into the room and sat on the sofa, without a word passin between them, Castiel carried on reading.
All The Bright Places left Castiel with a tear in his eye. Dean noticed and asked if he was okay, "Just a sad ending." was what Cas had replied with before heading towards the stairs. "I'm going to shower and change."
He came back down to a table set with bacon, sausage, egg, sauces and toast. "I ran to the shop while you were upstairs and made us a proper breakfast" "Thank you Dean this was very thoughtful of you."
They sat in a more comfortable silence than the ones that they had more recently had. Cas complimented Dean's cooking skills and Dean politely asked about Castiel's book. Cas's had said "I have not read a human book before but if they are all this great I may have been missing out on a beautiful thing." Dean had nodded.
There was still alot of food left by the time they had finished "I'm used to cooking for Sammy and he eats more than any man I've ever seen when it comes to breakfasts.
"Hi guys just thought I'd pop in- can I smell bacon?" Dean chuckled to himself, "we're in here and yeah, there's bacon." Sam walked into the kitchen a massive grin on his face, Dean handed him a plate and he say down. "How was our first night? The beds are so comfy right? I really like this place Dean, sure there is one dude called Gabe who works here and he's a bit odd but seems nice enough." He took a bite of bacon and instantly mmmmmed. "This is good." He said with a full mouth.
"I don't mean to be rude but I'm going to go to the library to find a new book" "Ooh yeah, Sam, Cas has become a fiction bookworm over night, cya in a min Cas." Dean commented as Cas made for the door.
"How come Cas keeps holding his back, he sleep funny?" "And how would I know that Sam?" came Dean's sarcastic response, for which he earned a bitch face. "Well you slept in the same bed right? And look at him he was standing all stiff." "One Sam angels don't get stiff because they're angel's and two he was on the sofa considering angels don't sleep because, wait for it, they're angels."
"You idiot." "What?" "You actual idiot." "What?" Sam sighed and shook his head, "When angels haven't used their powers for over 24 hours, like Cas, they have to sleep so that their grace keeps going strong. And, like Cas, when angels don't use their grace for a little while they become a little more human, aches and all until they use their powers again." Dean opened his mouth, speechless, it took a moment to respond. "Shit, how was i supposed- why didn't he tell me? Son of a bitch never said a word." "Dean we literally had an hour conversation about it last time he was with us. Do you ever actually listen to him?"
Without replying Dean picked up Sam's empty plate and started angrily washing. "I've got to go, I've got a shift in the shop, I'll see you late." The older brother didn't even turn around as he grunted his reply. Great Sam thought, he's in a strop.
Cas arrived 5 minutes after Sam had left with a new book in his hands: The Hobbit. This one had been recommended by Charlie who he had seen there.
He walked into the kitchen to where Dean was cleaning up, instantly able to tell something was wrong. "Dean?" No reply. "Dean what is the matter?" Again Dean ignored him and carried on putting things way and chucking out the left over food. "DEAN!" This caught him by surprise, he turned to look at Cas "What." He asked angrily. "What's wrong?" "Nothing" and then he carried on cleaning.
Dean wanted an argument, he could tell. He wanted Cas to push him until he turned and yelled at him because then he could blame it on Cas. Knowing this Cas said "Okay." and went back into the living room to sit on the chair. Not even 30 seconds later he heard Dean slam down a plate and follow him. "Why didn't you tell me you needed to sleep?" came quite voice from the opposite side of the room. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." There was another pause, "Is your back okay now. I saw you walking awkwardly earlier but I thought I was imagining things."
After a moments hesitation Cas looked up at Dean "Last time I was able to be with you and Sam we spoke about it. It is not my fault that you choose to, often, not listen to me." He then looked back down at the book. "Cas we can share the bed tonight, if you want." And that was the last thing said on the topic.
The rest of the day passed nicely enough. They went to the shop to stock up on some of their favourite foods, visited the park and Dean taught Castiel how to play pool. It took a while but when it came to closing time Dean was impressed with how far he had come. They had dinner in the canteen, pork with roast potatoes, and then headed back home. It was kind of weird to Dean how easily that rolled off his tongue. Home.
The boys went to the group meeting but barely uttered a word. They introduced themselves and then sat and listened to the other couples for 45 minutes.
They may not be a real couple but it was nice to know other people were in similar situations as them. And by situation, they mean constant arguing.
At midnight, after watching a movie, Dean turned off the TV and headed for the stairs. "You coming Cas?" Glad that he hadn't changed his mind Castiel followed him up the stairs.
They got changed, brushed teeth and smuggled in under the covers. The feel of the bed was better than Cas had expected it would be. It was soft but firm at the same time, so cozy. It was hard for him to suppress a little smile that was desperately trying to creep onto his face. "Goodnight Dean." is what he whispered before turning over and closing his eyes. He wasn't quite sure if he definitely heard it or not, but he could have sworn Dean murmered a "Goodnight angel." in response.
Dean was the first to wake up from a brilliant nights sleep. One of the best he had had in a long long time. It took him a second to realise, but he quickly spotted that his arms were wrapped around a certain angel and that one of his hands was clasped in another... that belonged to Castiel.