I suprised at the amount of people that have shown up. I know that sounds horrendous, I don't need to be told that but it's true. Most people are here to support my grandparents, their close friends, some family but some are unfamiliar faces that must have known my mum somehow.
"Are you okay?" Noah whispers as he takes my hand.
"Yeah, thank you for being here." I whisper back as we make our way inside the funeral home.
"I've got you, you're all good." Noah squeezes my hand as we make our way down the walkway in the chapel. I don't dare look up, keeping my head down the whole way until we reach the front where Nick, Folio and Jolly are seated. We take our seats next to them my eyes looking straight ahead at the coffin in front of us.
"Fucking hell." I mutter at the sight of the mahogany closed coffin. Noah places his hand on my thigh and that's when I notice my leg bouncing up and down. I stop the involuntary movement as my grandparents take their seats next to me.
"You're okay..." Noah whispers with a small smile as the service starts.
I'm not okay though. I'm anything but because Folio is sitting right next to my fucking dad.
*
"Let's go." I whisper to Noah as the service closes.
"Okay." Noah replies simply as people start to make their leave. My grandparents already walked out behind the coffin and plan on meeting us back at the house where close friends and family are coming over for a celebration of life reception.
"Oi! That you Margo?" A males voice shouts from behind me as we make our way out the chapel. I know immediately that it's my dad wanting attention. It's funny how you can forget how someone sounds, what their voice and accent is like but as soon as you hear it you know instantly who that voice belongs to. I continue to walk out of the chapel and Noah places his hand on my lower back, guiding me, giving me the support he knows I need. "Margo!" He shouts again and I'm so thankful that Folio, Nick, Jolly and Noah are all behind me giving me somewhat of a barrier between me and my dad.
"Sorry." I huff at Noah who shakes his head at my apology as we step outside into the fresh spring air.
"Oh Margo it's so lovely to see you! Your granny was saying that you've moved all the way to L.A. It's so lovely for you to come back to say goodbye to your mum." Georgia my grandma's oldest friend stops me in the car park.
"It's nice to see you too Georgia. I'm so sorry we're in a little bit of a hurry I'll see you back at the house though and we can catch up properly." I smile at her excusing myself to get to my grandads car to take us home.
I unlock the car and hop into the drivers side, Noah gets in the passenger seat and we're left waiting for the dawdling Nick, Folio and Jolly.
"That guy your dad?" Noah asks and I nod my head. "Damn. Folio was sitting next to him." He says and I nod again.
"Yeah. Fucking hurry up guys I wanna go." I mumble as they also get stopped to chat to Georgia. "Oh my god this isn't happening." I can feel my pulse becoming faster as my dad approaches the passenger side of the car. He taps on the window indicating for me to roll it down, to which I ignore. He taps again and I finally turn to face him. He looks much older than his forty five years. His dark hair is sprinkled with grey, his face looks leathered, his eye blood shot and he looks like he could do with a good meal.
"What the fuck does he want." I grumble at Noah and he starts to tap on the window even harder, more aggressively. "Fucksake, just roll it down a little. He won't fuck off unless I talk to him." I tell Noah who looks reluctant but rolls the window down anyway.
"I knew it was you Margo. How has my little girl been? Well you're not very little anymore are you?" My dad laughs which instantly pisses me off. I look over at Noah who's clenching his jaw looking down at my dad with disgust. "Well you're all grown up now aren't you. Is this your boyfriend?"
"What do you want?" I ask him venomously, he seems taken aback by my tone and so does Noah.
"Your mum thought about you every day. So do I. I'm very sorry Margo. I'm very sorry for everything." He says and I nod.
"Okay. Thanks." I bluntly reply mentally wishing for the boys to wrap up whatever conversation they're having with Georgia and get in the car so we can leave.
"Is that it? An okay? Not even "I forgive you?" He asks and I shrug.
"Well no because I don't forgive you." I say the words so forcefully sounding stronger than I feel. I sigh and go to roll up the window.
"You still mad at me for shit I did twenty years ago. Fucking Christ Margo grow up. Your poor mum would want you to forgive me." My dad says starting to get pissed off.
"Hey dude I think it's best you back off now. She said thanks for the apology but I think it's time you left us alone." Noah says with an edge to his voice.
"I don't think your fella likes me Margo." My dad says with a bitter laugh and I see Noah's jaw clench and unclench again, his eyebrows furrow, his nostrils flare.
Noah is fucking pissed.
"Why would he? To be fair I don't like you either. Please go I don't think there's anything else for us to say." I huff exhausted knowing that this conversation isn't going to go any where good.
"You know you killed her. You killed your mum. You and your sisters and your little brother too. That's why she's fucking dead. It's because of you. All of you." My dad spits the words at us and it's like I'm frozen. I'm stuck. I have nothing to say. I can't get any words out. I'm just sitting there gaping at him in shock of what he's just said.
"Fuck you." I hear Noah harshly reply as he opens the car door. He towers over my dad and that's when finally I see Jolly, Nick and Folio rushing over after hearing the commotion. "Fuck you. You're a fucking disgusting excuse of a human. She fucking told you to fuck off so fuck off." Noah growls as he looks down on my dad with disgust.
"Get in the car Noah." Jolly instructs as he puts himself between Noah and my dad. "Noah he's not worth it get in the car." I hear my dad laughing loudly loving the attention and I can tell Noah's just getting angrier and angrier.
"Margo... Mar, are you okay? I don't think it's a good idea for you to drive. Get in the back." Nick says opening my car door and taking my hand in his guiding me out of the car and opening the back door.
"None of you guys can drive here though." I hear myself say slightly disoriented as I sit in the back seat.
"Jolly can it's fine." Nick says quickly closing the door and rushing round to where Noah is. "Noah don't, just get in the car." Nick tells Noah as Folio opens the back door pulling Noah by the arm to try to get him inside.
"Don't do it Noah." My dad mocks laughing loudly, bitterly at the chaos.
"Noah, you're giving him the attention he wants. Dude, just get in the fucking car." Jolly tells Noah sternly.
"Fucking piece of shit junkie." Noah spits and finally gets in the back seat closely followed by Folio who slams the door shut. He wraps his arm around me instinctively and pulls me into him kissing the top of my head just as Nick and Jolly get into the car.
I can feel the anger radiating off of Noah and I take my hand placing it in his. Jolly starts to reverse out of the car park and my dad flips us off as Noah goes to fasten my seatbelt.
"Fucking hell what a joke of a man." Noah mutters as Nick turns around to look at us.
"You're gonna have to give us directions Mar. We have no idea where we're going." Nick gently says with a smile and I nod.
"Sure, yeah, ofcourse. Sorry guys I was hoping he wouldn't cause a scene but I should have known better." I mumble as we leave the car park and onto the main road. "Just follow the road, it'll take you out the town then just continue on for like fifteen minutes. I'll tell you when to turn off... thanks Jolly."
"So that's your dad?.." Folio hesitates.
"Unfortunately." I reply knowing the guys have finally put all the puzzle pieces together. Noah smiles a small smile to tell me it's okay.
"Are you okay?" He asks quietly.
"Yeah, caught me off guard. It shouldn't have though. I knew he would pull some shit like this." I reply truthfully.
"You know you didn't right. That wasn't you or your siblings." Noah tells me and I nod.
"I know he's just an ass who's on a high. It's fine. He's said much worse before." I tell Noah causing him to sigh.
"What did he say? What got you so pissed?" Nick asks Noah who shakes his head. "Dude, c'mon you never flip what did he do?" Nick presses. It takes a lot to piss off Noah, the only other time I've heard him take a tone with someone was with that guy in the bar. "Margo what did he say to you?" Nick asks me since Noah won't fess up. It seems apparent that Noah only loses his shit when it involves me.
"It's not that big of a deal." I reply looking out the car window.
"Well it obviously is because Noah was about to fucking swing before we came over." Jolly scolds from the drivers seat.
"He said Margo and her siblings killed their mom." Noah grumbles.
"What the fuck."
"Woah. Low blow."
"Exactly." Noah replies to their comments. "Sorry I called him a junkie." Noah quietly says.
"It's okay. You're not saying anything he isn't." I sigh still looking out the car window.
"Mar are you sure you're all good?" Nick asks and I finally turn back to the group.
"Yeah, I'm just embarrassed. I hate that I am part of that man and I can't fucking change it. I hate it. I really fucking hate it." I explain to them.
"You don't need to be embarrassed, you're nothing like him. You didn't cause drama." Nick smiles kindly at me.
"Ugh... I know but I still fucking hate it. Jolly it's the next left and then just follow the lane for about ten." I instruct looking back out the window. Noah's hand gently squeezes my knee. "I thought it would help... I thought going to the funeral would make it easier." I mumble to no one in particular.
"Mar..." I hear Noah whisper sympathetically behind me trying to comfort me. "You never have to see him again babe." Noah tells me and I know that. I know I never have to see him again but that isn't the point. I shouldn't want to never see my dad again. I should want a relationship with him. I should want to like my dad but I'll never get that. I'll never get to know what it's like to have a normal relationship with my parents.
"I know... I just I don't know. It just sucks I'll never get to have a relationship with my parents. With either of them..."
"Do you really want a relationship with someone like that?" Folio asks gently.
"No... but I've never had that choice. I've never known what it's like to have parents that want to look after you. I've never had parents that want a relationship with me." I reply looking at the floor of the car.
"I-" Folio goes to speak but stops himself.
The car is filled with uncomfortable silence. No one knows what to say.
"It's just the next left Jolly." Noah says and I look up out the car window. There's already about half a dozen cars parked outside the house.
"I'll get out and open the gate. We can park in the field." I tell Jolly as he stops the car and I jump out. As soon as I close the door behind me I hear talking coming from the car. I try to ignore it as I open the gate and Jolly drives through and parks the car.
Minutes later all of the boys jump out and we make our way for the house, Noah takes my hand in his as we approach the garden and I see a flaming red hair running towards me.
"Margo, we're having a party! Come on there's sausage rolls!" Isla tells me excitedly making me laugh.
"Great! I love sausage rolls."
*
"You boys scrub up not so bad." My grandma winks at the guys as she brings some drinks over for us.
They've all taken off their suit jackets and arranged them on the ground to make some makeshift blanket for us all to sit on.
"Yeah you guys look good in shirts and ties. I dig it." I smile at Noah whose cheeks redden at my comment causing my grandma to chuckle.
"Poor boys all flushed." She notes at Noah's colour, the guys laughing. "Bless you." She chuckles again turning around to see to her other guests.
"Jolly! Come look at this." Isla comes running over to us. "Come on, Come on, come on!" She whines attempting to pull him up off of the ground.
"I'm coming. What is it you've found?" He asks her brushing off his trousers as he stands.
"A frog! A big frog." She grins a toothy smile at him.
"Neat, I wanna see." Folio says standing too.
"Come on guys! Let's go!" Isla says again getting even more excited. We all stand the guys swiping their jackets as we follow Isla down the bottom of the garden where there's the smallest of streams that runs through. "Shhh! Don't scare the frog or the fairies." She whispers a warning to us.
I love her little imagination, I hope she has this wonderful, magical outlook on the world for a few more years. Isla guides the boys to the very bottom of the stream and they follow her feeding into her imagination questioning her on the fairies that live down here.
Noah wraps his arms around my waist pulling me back from the group as they wander around without us.
"Hey." He whispers into my hair making me laugh lightly.
"Hey." I look up at him with a smile.
"You like my suit?" He smiles shyly and I nod.
"The suits fine. You in a suit is what I like." I reply making him chuckle that low chuckle that I love so much.
"Interesting..." He replies with a cheeky smile.
"Very... I can't wait to take it off." I whisper to Noah and he kisses my cheek.
"Don't scare the fairies away Noah!" Isla scolds at Noah's small sign of affection, earning a laugh from the group.
"Yeah Noah, don't scare the fairies away!"
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Let's just take a moment for the thought of those guys in suits 🫠
Are we wanting a lil spicy suit moment or nah?
Lemme know!
Love yall 🖤