Ever since my mom began to remember everything gradually, I spent more time in the hospital than at home. More than once she told me to let her breathe, and even though she meant it as a joke, she was right.
But she doesn't understand that I've been waiting for these moments for three years. She perceives all that time completely differently, so she will never understand what it was like to see her every week, but not be able to talk to her like a mother and a daughter.
I tried to acquaint her with everything that happened, but there was more than I thought. Especially when sometimes happens that she can't remember something again.
Over the past four weeks, things have started to take a turn for the better.
Dad has started going to meetings for alcoholics, at least once a week, and I think they are really helping him. I hope he can keep it up, although my head sometimes reminds me that it's not that easy to quit something and that there's always a chance he'll go back to it again.
I mentioned to him the condition of Mom, but he did not even try to establish any contact with her. Either he feels guilty or he just doesn't care. Either way, there's no way my mother is going back to the house where I grew up. But that's a problem for the future.
Luca and Zack are one hundred percent, officially, together. We visited them at Zack's apartment only a few days ago and Luca has never looked happier. I was glad he finally found someone. Someone who genuinely cares about him.
Lincoln dropped out of school, which his parents accepted better than I thought they would. He mentioned something about traveling, but he doesn't want to go alone, so he's looking for a partner. Unfortunately, Penny can't join him due to her own studies, but she supports him, and that's more than anyone can ask for.
And the twins? Next month, they are flying somewhere in Europe together, for a few weeks. Although Adrian suggested that Destiny could go too, that he wouldn't mind, Stefan wanted to get closer to his brother.
Oh and Adrian's unknown woman? Coincidentally, she just moved to the city and found a job where other than the bar where Adrian works. His heart almost jumped out of his chest when he saw her standing behind the counter when he arrived at work. Looks like he didn't even need Theo's help after all.
But I do wonder where their relationship will go, especially when she can't stand him for some reason. I feel like that's what Adrian likes most about her.
And me and Finn are doing pretty good too. Since I told him that I don't want to move anywhere now, he spends most nights at my house. He doesn't seem to mind, though. Sunny likes it here too, he found the best and most comfortable place by the window where the sun shines directly on him, so he spends most of his days there.
Finn picks me up from work every night, even though I never asked him to. We spend so much time together that it's strange that we can still stand each other. But it's nice to have someone like that. Someone you can be with for days, but still miss them the few hours you don't see each other.
However, despite all this, the past still haunts me. Some days I'm not okay, I want to be left alone, curled up in bed, and forget the whole world. I don't think it will all go away that easily. I was used to living life in a bubble and Finn was the unexpected needle that burst my bubble. He's there when I need him. When I want to hide under the covers from the world, he is there with me, holding my hand.
I don't know what he sees in me, why he is with me and just accepts my mood swings and breakdowns. Maybe it's because he's broken too, his heart in pieces, so he's trying to put mine back together and his at the same time.
I'll never be able to thank him enough for everything he's done for me, but that doesn't mean I'll stop trying.
*****
I stared at sleeping Finn longer than normal. But I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked so...peaceful.
And if you haven't realized by now that I'm weird, I know exactly how many moles he has on each arm. Nine on the right and thirteen on the left.
Unfortunately, that's all I could see. He had a blanket on him and despite the fact that he lost his shirt sometime during the night, I didn't see anything else. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to look at his naked body.
Weirdo.
Not in a weird way. I just want to remember every bit of his body.
Was that supposed to sound better?
I reached up to his face, brushing away the hair that had grown quite a bit over the past few weeks. He mentioned something about getting a haircut, but I quite like him with longer hair.
I'm also planning to get a haircut, but I don't know the exact date yet.
"Morning, sunshine," Finn spoke, his voice raspy, eyes still closed as he leaned into my hand on his cheek.
"Hi." I smiled before running my hand through his hair.
"Hmm." He had a playful smile on his face. "How long have you been awake?" He put his hand on my hip and pulled me closer until I felt his bare chest against mine.
"Not long." I just counted how many moles you have on each arm.
At least you didn't have time to count the hairs on his arm. That would be straight-up crazy.
"Hmm." He slid off the bed a little bit and buried his head in my chest.
"What are you doing?" I laughed as I felt his breath on my bare skin.
"Shh." His lips landed just above my breasts.
"Don't shush me," I said playfully.
"Don't worry, I'll make you scream first."
Before I could say anything, he slid even lower, his hands on the hem of the t-shirt I was wearing.
He looked up at me and I saw his eyes for the first time this morning, I can happily say they were full of passion and mischief.
He went under my shirt with his fingertips and started to pull it higher and higher, stopping just below my breasts. He started leaving tiny kisses on my stomach that made me feel like I was on fire. All this while he was looking directly into my eyes and my god I was losing all control.
We haven't been intimate in any way for the past few weeks. The first few days I was weak and then I was not comfortable with my body. So far, Finn hasn't even tried anything.
"Finn."
His lips immediately left my stomach. "Do you want me to stop?"
Is it wrong to say that that is the exact opposite of what I want? And also that I want him to throw me on the bed and destroy my ability to walk?
But I couldn't find the words, so I just shook my head. A smile immediately spread across his face.
He lowered his head back to my stomach and continued to trail kisses before his fingers trailed to the hem of my sleep shorts. He hooked his fingers under the shorts, but also the underwear I was wearing, and slowly began to pull them off.
I lifted my body off the bed a bit so he could pull the clothes over my ass and I felt his smile on my skin.
Every touch of his fingers on my legs was like electricity, and it was even more intense when he started kissing my inner thigh. My breath started to catch in my chest and I had to bite my lip to hold back the moan that wanted to escape my mouth.
He caught his hands under my knees and slowly spread my legs, between which he lay down. He gave me one last look as if asking if everything was alright, and I could only nod again.
I almost exploded at the first touch of his mouth on my clit. Out of reflex, I ran my hand into his hair, pulling it by the roots. He grabbed my legs and slung them over his shoulders, not bothered by how easily I could choke him in this position.
He circled my clit with his tongue until I felt one of his fingers at my opening, slowly sliding into me.
"Oh God." I moaned, clutching his head between my thighs out of reflex.
"Careful," he pulled back, "I don't want to die before I finish this." He smiled and grabbed my thighs, spreading them as far as he could and holding them there before he returned his mouth between my legs.
"Finn." I tilted my head back, bringing my pelvis up to his mouth. I need more contact.
"What, sunshine? Tell me what you want."
"You." Another loud moan escaped my mouth.
"Where do you want me?"
"Everywhere."
His mouth pulled away from mine and I immediately regretted saying anything. He realizes that I wanted him to keep touching me, right?
He got up on his knees and that's when I had the chance to see what the last few minutes had done for him. Well, if I die like this, I'll die happy.
"You need to stop looking at me so scared every time." He said with humor in his voice.
"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "I'll stuff something that size up your ass and see if you're not afraid."
"All I took from that was that you complimented me on my size." He put his hand next to my shoulder and laid down on me, but I hardly felt his weight at all.
"You're getting a big ego."
"That's not the only big thing on me, according to you." He then silenced me with a kiss.
I didn't complain. Not one bit.
Another slightly shorter chapter, but my imagination must have gone somewhere on vacation. I hope it comes back soon.
Please do not kill me for how I ended this chapter,🙏🙏🙏 but I really couldn't write more.