All I could hear was the pounding sound of my heart beating erratically in my chest, my body almost numb as I willed myself forward.
I hadn't let this nervous since we started these trials, and for the anxiety to show up now of all times had me wishing I'd stayed in the common room.
However, I couldn't sit back and do nothing.
Not when I needed to know the truth.
I'd received an answer to my rushed owl almost as quick as I'd sent it, with a simple message written neatly on the parchment.
Hogsmeade. Puffskein Den. I'll be waiting.
I'd rolled my eyes at the brief message, but given the circumstances, I could understand why.
As I finally reached the opening just outside Hogsmeade, I made my way towards the Puffskein rolling around, thinking back to when Deek brought me here to use the Nap-sack, causing a soft smile to grace my lips.
Yet, as I looked around, the smile quickly faded when I spotted who I was looking for.
There, sat at the edge of the opening, watching the Puffskein's, was Sage.
Given how we left things last time, an odd feeling filled my stomach, making me feel nauseous. But I quickly shook it off, knowing that this wasn't going to work if I hesitated.
After a moment's debate, I slowly made my way towards her.
She kept her eyes trained on the Puffskein's, but I could tell she was aware of my presence, just refusing to be the one to make the first move.
As I finally reached her, I sat down next to her, trying to sit as close as I could, against my better judgement, willing myself to believe she was the same Sage she had been when we were kids.
But it seemed the closer I was, the more I felt I couldn't breathe. Like she had taken the air from my lungs, holding it hostage until I told her what she wanted. Causing the silence to drag on as I failed to find the words to start.
It seemed Sage noticed my struggle as she snuck a quick glance in my direction, a frown forming on her face for a moment before she looked ahead again, leaning back against her hands.
"You know, out of all the creatures our Grandparents kept, the Puffskein's were always my favourite. They're just so... innocent."
Her voice didn't have the same edge anymore, making her sound more like the Sage I once knew, putting me more at ease.
I let out a long breath before shrugging stiffly "I don't know. Some people are afraid of them."
My attempt to make light of the situation worked as Sage slowly turned to me, losing her uptight composure as she gave me a bewildered look.
"Who in Merlin's name is afraid of a Puffskein?"
"You'd be surprised. Apparently it's to do with their tongues."
I held my breath in anticipation, wondering how she was going to react as she held the same bewilderment, blinking as she took in my answer.
Then, to my surprise, she let out a laugh. It was one of disbelief, but a laugh nonetheless. But what I found more surprising was that I let one escape as well, mixing with hers as we slowly let them become louder, easing ourselves with the humour of the ridiculous notion.
As our laughs finally died down, silence began to blanket us once more, the unease washing over me as I knew what came next.
"So, why did you want to talk? Not looking for another lecture, are you?" Sage asked, keeping some humour in her voice, but the amusement left her features as she look in my wary expression, preparing myself.
"No..." I took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I actually came to realise something."
Sage raised an eyebrow in curiosity "go on..."
"When you first arrived, you really played your part well. But you tried to ask me questions 'off the record'. That should have really been my first clue." I paused, glancing at Sage, but she just stared at me with a blank expression, causing me to continue.
"You kept your distance after that, even though you said you'd be watching. And then, you intercepted the locket. I truly believed you had been too far gone...then, I remembered something I saw when you confronted us."
Her brows furrowed in confusion before relaxing again, clearly curious as to what I'd witnessed.
"You looked sad, Sage. Like you didn't want to threaten us. Like you didn't want to do any of this. It was only for a moment, but you've always had the ability to let things brush over you, burying it deep down. Something mother and father tried to ingrain into us all."
Her expression didn't move an inch, waiting for me to finish what I was getting at before reacting.
"It gave me hope, but I still couldn't understand why. That was, until, I remembered how Hunter described you after the christmas break. He said you were getting desperate. And desperation is a dangerous thing. It can cause us to lose ourselves, especially when it comes to the ones we care about. And in this case, I think the desperation comes from me and Hunter, because you seem to be adamant on making sure we're the ones you keep furthest away."
Sage remained silent at this, but her expression seemed to soften, making way for the hint of surprise circling her eyes, indicating I was right.
"So my only question is why?"
Sage sighed, turning her head so she was looking at the Puffskein "do you remember the day father attacked you?"
"Yes." I answered bluntly, refusing to think about it too much.
"Well, it was... my fault."
My expression became confused as I took in her words, trying to see how that could possibly be true.
But Sage answered before I had a chance to guess, her gaze seeming far away now, like she was lost in the memory.
"There was... this boy. I trusted him more than anyone. Your friend reminds me of him, actually."
She glanced at me for a moment, a small smirk gracing her lips before she looked ahead again, telling me all I needed to know about who this friend was.
"Sebastian?" Her smirk reappeared as I said his name.
"It's the way you two look at each other." She explained, her voice soft, causing a blush to creep up my neck as Sage continued with her story.
"It was coming up to September 1st and you still hadn't received a letter. Mother and father were becoming more anxious, and all I could focus on was trying to keep you and Hunter as far from them as possible. It was all getting too much, and I ended up telling the boy about everything. But most importantly, I told him about you. Later that day, you and Hunter were out with mother, but father came home furious, yelling about how I ruined everything. I was confused but he just kept going on and on. That's when I realised, the boy had told his family about your situation."
She paused, seeming hesitant to continue as she pursed her lips in thought. She turned to me, taking in my confusion, waiting anxiously for her next words.
"The boy was one of the Gaunt's."
My eyes widened in horror.
Now it made sense.
"Once father somewhat calmed down, he walked over to me, and told me that I had ruined the Black family reputation, having people stick their nose where it didn't belong, and I had a choice. Either I abandoned you for the squib you were, or he would cast us all away. Wipe the slate clean. Said he didn't want bloodtraitor's tainting him further."
She paused again, waiting for my reaction, but I just stayed frozen, taking in every word she said.
"Later that day, it seemed word had spread further than the Gaunt's, until almost every wizarding family knew. That's when you came home..." she trailed off, knowing I was well aware of what happened next as her eyes darted towards my scar.
I barely noticed though, my mind racing as I recalled what I had experienced that day.
"But... when I looked over at you... you seemed so... angry" all I could picture was her face as she held back Hunter, the memory playing on loop, not matching her words.
"What choice did I have? I wanted to help you so much, to protect you with everything I had, But if I did that, Hunter would have suffered. He was so close to protecting you himself, and I can't even begin to imagine how that would have ended."
I was silent again, still not knowing what to believe as my entire perspective changed.
"After that, I decided to protect you both from a distance. On the surface, I played the part of the ideal daughter, excelling to take the pressure from Hunter, drawing their attention. Then, when the time came, I joined the ministry. Figured I could have a looser rein while keeping a closer eye on you."
My eyes shot up at her words, dragging me away from my thoughts. "On me?"
She rolled her eyes, glaring as she spoke.
"You really think this case just happened to come to me? I've been keeping an eye on you since you joined the school last year. Once I saw your name on an active case, I pulled every string I could to be the one assigned."
We were silent again as I processed her words, one question still unanswered.
"But, what I still don't get is why you act so... cold?"
She scoffed as she looked away again, her expression less than amused.
"Because if our beloved uncle sees me fraternising with 'the likes of you' in a friendly way, there's no doubt it'll be reported right back to our parents. I mean, that's why you didn't want Hunter talking to you, right?"
"I guess..." I admitted.
"I couldn't just hang around either. If I didn't come back to the ministry with something, they would assign my case to someone else. Not to mention..." she paused as she looked at me again, her eyes narrowing "I don't trust that Gaunt you hang around with."
"Ominis?" I clarified, making her nose scrunch up in disgust.
"Gaunt's aren't to be trusted, Emmy. They only look out for themselves." her voice was cold as she spat the words.
"No... Ominis isn't like the others. He doesn't agree with those views." I defended, but with the way her expression stuck made me realise it was falling up deaf ears.
"That's what I used to think. But trust me, they all have the same default. Some just hide it better than others."
"You're wrong. He does everything he can to prove them wrong. He's the one that tried to stop- " I cut myself off, realising what I was about to say. We may not be at each others throats, but I couldn't tell Sage about what happened last year. Especially about Sebastian and Ominis. One word about the Dark Arts and this would all be over.
Sage raised her eyebrows in curiosity at my sudden reaction, causing my heart to pound in my ears. I prayed to Merlin she wouldn't ask what I was talking about, that we could just drop it. I searched my mind for a way out, or a change of topic, but I could only think of everything that she couldn't know.
Sage searched my eyes for a while, wondering silently what could possibly cause such a reaction, but after pleading her with my own, it seemed she finally gave in as she let out a sigh, looking forward again, her eyes releasing me from their grip.
"I guess I shouldn't really judge people based on their family. If that was the case, we'd both be just as bad as them"
"... yeah" my voice was quiet, scared I would almost slip up again.
I hated this. We were finally talking, I finally had answers. I might even have my sister back.
But still, I had so many secrets.
"You know, I always wondered why we were all so different from the rest of our family." Sage's voice interrupted my thoughts, pulling me back as I let out a humourless laugh.
"Did you find an answer?"
She paused, thinking about it for a second, before shrugging. "I'm not actually sure... but I think it was you."
"What do you mean?" I wondered, almost sure she was joking, but her face remained the same, her mischievous glint now absent from her eyes.
"Even before you left, you always tried to keep us together. Always made sure Hunter was safe, always making sure I was careful when I snuck out. And now, you take care of your friends. You care, Emmy. I think that's the difference."
I knew her answer should fill me with a nice feeling. Happiness, warmth, even hope.
But it just made me think off everything that had gone wrong every time I'd tried to 'help'.
"I don't know if that's alway such a good thing..." I muttered, looking down at my hands, remembering all the blood I had on them from 'helping'.
"It isn't." Sage replied bluntly.
I expected her to leave it at that, but I could hear her shuffle beside me, feeling her gaze upon me as she continued.
"But while the Black's may view it as a weakness, I think it's more of a strength. It takes courage to love, to let someone break down your walls. It's something I've never been able to do."
"You're opening up now." I countered, looking at her, causing her to roll her eyes.
"That's different. You and Hunter are the only ones who could understand. But letting people in from the outside... that's something else entirely."
She frowned as she finished her sentence, looking away again.
"I'm sure you will one day, Sage." I tried to comfort her, but she just shook her head.
"No, it's not that."
"What is it?" I asked, now very confused with the sudden change.
She hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath, preparing herself before looking at me, her gaze stern.
"I don't know what's going on with you, and I don't expect you to tell me. But I can tell it's bigger than I can really imagine. I trust you to be safe, but you friends... are you sure they can handle it?"
"Excuse me?" I asked, completely taken aback by her question.
"It's just... I protected you and Hunter all those years because I could take the truth. You were both so young, I couldn't even begin to explain what was happening. So, I know your friends are helping you, but do they really know the gravity of the situation? Can they truly understand?"
My confusion quickly turned defensive as she expressed her distrust. Just because I understood didn't mean she could talk about them like that.
"What's your point?" I snapped.
"In my experience, the more people you involve, the more there are to get hurt. Are you ready for that?"
My eyes widened as I realised what she was really getting at.
I knew she had a point. I had wondered about it a thousand times.
Last year it was just Professor Fig helping me, and he ended up dead.
But with all these people, my friends, in the mix. Who was to say they wouldn't end up the same way.
You could say there is strength in numbers, that's what I'd been telling myself with every trial, but where does that excuse end?
When does it just become collateral damage?
"That won't happen. I won't let it." I blurted out, my mind void of any valid reasons.
Sage's eyes softened as she took in the desperation in my eyes.
"Emmy... that's not really a promise you can make." her voice was softer, but there was still a stern nature. She knew she had a point.
"I. Won't." I said louder, just wanting to drop the subject.
Sage's eyes hardened again before they narrowed, making her point one last time before she took the hint.
"Fine. but think about it. If something were to happen, could you really say it was unavoidable?"
The emotion in her voice snapped me out of our current topic. She wasn't talking about me and my friends anymore.
She was talking about our family.
"... is that really why you did all of this?" I asked, my own voice soft now, causing Sage to realise I had caught on.
"It's the only way I could think of. Like I said, I could take it. And sometimes, in order to protect those you love, you need to carry the world on your shoulders, even if that's not what they want."
We were both interrupted as the light suddenly disappeared, indicating that the sun had finally set. We both turned towards the view of Hogwarts, watching as it blocked the sun, causing it to shine like a beacon. Like the ray of hope it claimed to be.
I was still staring as I heard Sage begin to get up, dusting herself off as she changed back to her care-free demeanour.
"Unfortunately, that's all the time I have. I've been told to make another report tonight. I'll try and stall as much time as I can with the council, but whatever you're doing, you need to hurry. They're getting restless."
I nodded, knowing what needed to be done.
Yet, as she was just about to disapparate, a rush of panic ran through me, causing me to reach out to her.
"Sage-" she stopped and turned, confused at my sudden change.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you." There were a million other things I wanted to say, but they could all wait until later. Until there were no more secrets.
For now, thank you would do.
It was a good place to start.
Sage smirked, keeping her usual facade, but I could swear I saw something else gleaming in her eyes.
"Anytime, Emmy."
And with that, she was gone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I stayed in the opening a bit longer after Sage left, waiting for the sun to completely set as I watched the Puffskein.
There were so many things to worry about, it was just nice to sit in silence for a minute, basking in the happiness of having a sister again.
We weren't back to where we once were, but it was something.
And that was enough for me right now.
Eventually, I pulled myself out of the bubble, knowing that reality was still waiting for me.
It was quiet on the road from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts, which was no surprise given the time, and I couldn't help but think about the night we had run into Sage the first time. The night I told everyone about my powers. About the dreams.
My eyes trailed towards the bench I'd sat at with Sebastian, remembering our conversation as my heart fluttered.
He truly believed in me, despite everything. And it was all I could ask for.
Yet, as I approached the bench, I realised someone was sitting on it, staring off into the distance.
I tried to look away, leave them alone, but as I grew closer, I realised that it was a student.
And then they spoke.
"Well you certainly took your time, didn't you?"
My eyes widened as they turned their head, a small smile playing on their lips.
"Sebastian?" I clarified, my mind barely believing it as he turned back to the view.
What in Merlin's name was he doing out here?
"You ran off earlier. I wanted to make sure you were okay." he shrugged, reading my mind as I sat down on the bench.
"But it's been hours."
"I didn't come straight away. Leander said he saw you with a strange woman and I came to check it out. Thought it might be Isidora." he played with his wand absentmindedly, twirling it as he spoke. He may not have been here the whole time, but he'd obviously been here a while, wand at the ready.
"So you saw who I was talking to?" I asked, wondering if he'd heard any of the conversation.
"Yeah. Once I saw it was your sister I was shocked, but then I saw you smile so I figured it was okay. I've been sitting here since."
I let out a short laugh, amused by his little story.
"My knight in shining armour."
He rolled his eyes as he finally looked at me.
"What else am I supposed to do when you run off like that?"
"I told you I needed to do something. I would have told you if it was something dangerous." I insisted, seeing the hurt in his eyes.
His face twisted as he looked away again, the hurt still there.
"I know. It's just, for a moment, I thought you ran away because-" he cut himself off with a frustrated sigh, like he didn't want to finish the sentence, or didn't know if he could.
"Because?" I prompted, but he just shook his head, before grumbling a quick "nevermind."
I stared at him as I wracked my brain for what he was getting at.
Had I said something before I left?
Did he?
I didn't remember any words, I just remembered jumping up when I realised -
Oh.
Oh.
My eyes widened and Sebastian seemed to turn further away, only exposing the pink tint on the tips of his ears.
He was embarrassed.
He thought I ran away because he was going to kiss me?
Did that mean he was actually going to do it back there?
And I had just run away...
Oh Merlin.
I slowly began to shuffle across the bench, getting so close that I could feel his warmth, sending a shiver down my spine.
I slowly reached out a hand before gently grabbing his arm, turning him to face me.
His cheeks were dusted pink as he looked anywhere but my eyes, trying his best to seem unbothered by it all.
"I'd never run from you, Seb." I smiled softly, causing him to finally look at me.
A small smile of his own crept back onto his lips.
"Never, huh?" he practically whispered.
I nodded, glancing briefly at his lips before looking back into his eyes.
He looked down briefly too, his expression changing before he began lifting his arm.
Heat rushed to my cheeks as I waited for his next move.
Was this is? Was he finally going to kiss me?
But I was pulled out of my thoughts as I felt his hand make contact with my neck, his fingers delicately picking up something underneath the fabric of my uniform.
The necklace he gave me.
"You're still wearing it..." he said softly, almost like he didn't believe it.
"Of course. I never take it off. I like to think of it as my lucky charm." I teased, causing him to laugh lightly, his smile sticking as he looked back into my eyes.
"And here I thought that was me."
I smiled, "you're so much more than that." the words left my mouth without thinking.
I waited for him to move away, to show any sort of reaction, but he just continued to gaze at me, and to my surprise, his eyes seemed to reciprocate.
I began to lean in, my heart pounding loud above all thought, watching as Sebastian did too.
But with every inch, something began to scream louder and louder, until we were only centimetres apart.
the more people you involve, the more there are to get hurt.
I winced away, the echo still ringing in my ears as I tried to shake the thought.
I glanced over to Sebastian, seeing the hurt wash over his face again before he masked it.
"I'm sorry." I blurted, my heart breaking at the thought of missing the chance to kiss him.
"Twice in one day. You really know how to bruise a guy's ego." he tried to joke, but I could tell his smile was less than genuine.
"It's not you. I promise. It's just Sage-"
"You don't need to explain, Em."
I looked at him confused, only to be met with understanding eyes as he placed a hand over my own.
"I know there's been a lot going on. We're so close to finding the last relic, then this will be over. We can get on with our lives. I know it'll never be perfect, but we could still..." he trailed off, hesitating to finish.
A small smile crept onto my lips as I remembered his words back in Feldcroft.
"Find the time?" I finished for him.
He looked back at me, his smile widening as he realised I'd remembered.
"Yeah."
After that, we began to head back to Hogwarts, a newfound warmth in the knowledge of what could be.
But in that hope came a newfound dread, a dread that echoed in my mind as I repeated the end of my conversation with Sage over and over.
We were on the final trial, and from what we had done so far, we didn't need everyone. If we took who was necessary, maybe no one would be hurt.
And when it came to Isadora, it was up to me to take care of her. No one else.
Because I was the one having the dreams. I was the one who dragged everyone into this in the first place.
And I would rather die taking her down than have everyone else die in the process.
So, as Sebastian and I said goodnight and went to our rooms, I made a decision.
Whatever happened next, I was going to be the only one completing the final trial.