"fucking you too.."
That's what she said.. that's what she fucking said, I knew there was something more between them.. he lied to me.. he fucking lied.. fucking you too.. again.. her words repeat in my head as I stare blankly at her.. I'm not sure what to say.. do I say yes.. or should I question her Should I be annoyed? Should I be upset? I have no idea, but I feel empty..
"Well.. are you two sleeping together?!" She asks again with her tone a bit sharper.
"Are you?" I spin the question back on her.. "Are you sleeping with him?" It's the only thing I can think of, ask her the same question.
"Yes.." she admits rather too quickly for my liking.. "We've been messing around for years.."
"You have?!"
"Yeah.. look I don't wanna sound like a bitch, I really don't wanna see a young girl like you get hurt by him.."
"Is that the truth?" I ask.. "Or are you feeling threatened that he's got someone else?"
"Honey.. if you think that he's only interested in you.. you've got a lot to learn about Downey.. he'll fucks anyone that's got a nice rack.."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Like I said, I don't wanna see you get hurt.."
"I'll be fine, I can look after myself.." I quickly stuff my make up back in my bag and zip it up.. "Thanks for the advice though.. really.."
I turn on my heel to walk out but my mind goes back to that party just the other day, when he kissed her on the cheek and he didn't return to our hotel room for at least an hour or so.. could he have been..
"Answer me one thing though.." I say just as I reach the door.. I look back over to her.. "Did you guys have sex the other day?"
"Yes.." again she admits it rather quickly.. "We did it my hotel room.."
"Thanks.." I pull the doorway open and make my way over to the meeting.. "Luckily for Robert, the meeting is about to restart so we don't have time to talk, although looking at him, and now noticing her in the same meeting makes my blood boil. I have to try and keep a calm head until we get the chance to speak. He has no idea what just went on in that bathroom and he has no idea what I know.. he tries to make little touches again, briefly running his hand across my thigh, I can't resist dropping my own hand underneath the table.. instead of playing along I give his hand a little shove so it falls off my thigh. I keep my eyes on the presenter this whole time but I can feel his eyes on me as he brings his hand back up to the table. I know he's questioning my sudden change of mood in his head, but again I keep my eyes on the guy who's talking.
I don't say anything to him when we finish, although he tries to make small talk, I answer him briefly and he can sense something is wrong. So he decides to go and grab our bags ready to make our way to the airport for our flight home.
"Are you alright? You've been quiet.." he asks as he zips up his bag after changing into something comfy..
"Fine.. I'm ready to get back home.."
"You are?" his tone comes across as sad, which makes me look over to him.. he's got his eyes fixed on me again.. "I thought you enjoyed this week?"
"I did.."
"But?"
"Why do you assume there's a but?"
"There always one.. what's going on?" He throws his bag down next to mine at the hotel door, before walking over to me.. he stuffs his hands in his pockets..
"I'm just happy to be going back home, I've missed my parents, I've missed my own bed.."
"Okay.. but still you don't seem.."
"What? Happy?"
"Yeah.. you seem off.."
"Am I?! Am I really?" I shoot a glare at him, and I see tell he's confused.. not knowing what's going on.. "Robert.. I want you to be honest with me.." I say, trying to approach this as calm as I can.. I know he'll lose his temper when I start accusing him.
"Okay.. honest with what?"
"That girl the other day.."
"Babe.." he groans, clearly not wanting to go over this again.. "I thought we'd been through this..she is just .."
"Did you have sex her with before you came back here?" I ask blurting it straight out, I watch how his face turns quickly from a soft expression, to hard as he presses his brow together and his jaw tightens..
"What? Where has that came from?!"
"Just tell me Robert!!" I demand, trying so hard to fight the tears back, I don't want him to see that I'm hurt by this, I don't want him to see that I care..
"What does it matter if I did?"
"Are you kidding me?!" I can't believe he asked that, does my feelings not matter to him?!
"What did she say to you?"
"It doesn't matter what she said! I just want to know the truth, did you fuck her before you came back here and fucked me!!" My own temper starts to rise, and that's when a tear falls down my cheek, I hate the fact that I always cry when I'm angry, it's frustration rather than sadness.. and I hate that it happens every time. I can't control it.
"Babe.." he tries to reach out for my hand but I ignore it, folding my arms across my chest.. "Please.."
"I want to go home and then never see you again.."
"Don't say that.."
"It was clearly all just about sex for you, wasn't it? A young girl shows you a bit of flattery and bingo.. you're in.. getting another girl to suck your dick.. what do you do, mark it on a score card?! How many girls you can screw over in your life time?!"
"Okay.. can you just stop?!" He shouts.. his hand waving dramatically towards me.. "You seriously think this was just about sex?!"
"Clearly.. because you haven't denied sleeping with her so..."
"Nor.. have I admitted it either!!"
"You don't need to.. your face said it all.."
"Okay fine! I admit it.. yes we fucked.. I've been fucking her for years, how could I just stop now?!" He tells me with his voice raised .. "She's fucking great, and I love it, I crave it..is that what you wanted to hear?!"
"Wow.." I swallow hard as I try to stop myself from crying.. that one hit hard.. "And you know last night I actually thought we were...."
"What?"
"No.. it doesn't matter.." I push down my true feelings.. "You're right, it was just sex.. but we're done.. the minute we return home, I want nothing more to do with you.."
"Oh come on, seriously?!"
"Yes I'm serious, you've clearly got all that you need..to me you'll just be my fathers business partner.." I say as I walk away from him, I pick up my own bag and open the door..
There's nothing more really said as we make our way to the airport, the flight home is awkward, as sit beside each other. There's tension, there's something unspoken for.. and I hate every minute of it. I'm not sure what he's thinking, if he's pissed that I found out, or if he's totally unaware of how I'm feeling, if he just doesn't care. I can feel his eyes on me a few times, I know he wants to talk about it, but he knows it's not the place to have a domestic. I hate that I'm sat by the window, so when I need a pee, I have to speak to him to let me pass, thankfully he doesn't follow me, so I get to have a moments to myself in the toilet. When I return, and take my seat again, he's closing his eyes, and listening to some music, so I decide to do the same, as I rest my head against the window.. the rest of journey can't come quick enough.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" Robert asks, when we arrive back at my home when his driver pulls up outside of my drive.. "I'd really like it if you stayed on as my assistant.."
"I don't think that's a good idea, I'm sorry.."
"Really? You've only had the job a week, you quit.."
"Look, it just didn't work out, did it? And don't worry I'll make something up to tell me parents, I know they won't be happy but I'll deal with it, it's my shirt to deal with, not yours.. I won't mention anything to do with you, this is all on me.."
"Sophia, please.." he tries but I step out of the car, ignoring him, and I make my way round to his driver who's helping me with my bag, Robert's quick to get out of the car, but I've already started making my way up my drive, as I look up my parents are stood at the doorway, so he knows he can't follow me, it would look weird if he randomly started chasing me.. I don't look back, and it hurts, I don't want to quite, I don't want to say goodbye, but I have to, this has to be it.. I can't be his assistant now..
"Hey sweetie!" My mom greets with a hug.. "So how did it go?!"
"Fine, can we talk later I really need to shower.."
"Oh! Uh.. okay! Is Robert not coming in?" My dad asks.. and I shrug my shoulders, just as I enter the house, to my surprise, my dad decides to call of him.. "Hey! Downey! Coming in for coffee?!"
"Dad!" I groan.. "He's tired I think, he just wants to.." I turn on my heel to see Robert already making his way up the drive.. I glare at him but he doesn't meet my eyes, he keeps his focus clear on my father.
"Come on, tell me all about it.."
"I'd love to, but I really need to go home, I'll call you later and we can discuss then okay?" Robert tells my dad, which surprisingly he agrees leaving it at that so before he turns away, Robert finally looks behind my father in my direction.. he's giving an apologetic look, and I almost feel bad, should I really be saying goodbye to him? Should I really be quitting after just a few days on the job!? Am I overreacting?!
I shoot him a soft smile, indicating that this isn't over, and I make my way up to my room, and that's where I sit and have a good cry.. my parents leave me alone for the rest of the night, assuming that I'm still tired. My phone sits on the pillow beside me, and I know as soon as it lights up with a new message, it's Robert.. I glance over to the screen and my assumption was correct, Robert has sent me a text.. I hesitate a little to open it but I can't resist..
I'm sorry for what's happened, I truly hope you can believe that. Please don't quit.
I don't really know what to reply, so I leave him on read, placing my phone back down beside me as I lay in bed with my own thoughts as I hold onto my own pillow, I can't decide if I am more upset that he slept with another woman, or more upset that he thought we were only just sex. I know I shouldn't have let my own feelings grow for him, he's a man that I can't truly have.. we never were committed, we weren't together.. but it still hurts and it hurts because I know the truth, I know that deep down my feelings for him are much more than just sex, much more than just a bit of fun, they are real, they are powerful, they are there and I can't hide from them, they always will be there and that's why I can't carry on being his assistant.. I just wish he felt the same way about me.. but I guess now I'll never know.. because I have to face the hard truth of dealing with these feeling alone because he's not coming back and my love for Robert, really must stay silent.