M A V I N
"Girl I'm lying, I'm on a few, don't you worry this ain't new. Can we take this to your spot? I'm on eviction number two"
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The rush in my veins have calmed down after almost a decade. The thoughts that erupted every second and moved all together at a speed more than 330 mph have came to a holt. My bones don't rattle anymore. The red un-heartly like shaped organ beats at a normal pace and my brows don't have a permanent crease. All this is not unbelievable but it was long awaited. I don't care for my multi-injured body parts at this moment, the only thing in my mind now is her.
Even when I was on the verge of possible death or serious damage to my body lying on the floor, I was still yearning for her. The fire she sparked into my bones with her velvety lips almost brought me to a limp. Fucking fuck I lost my mind. I wanted to do more than just the mere touch of lips, but in the moment, not even my brain was able to function properly.
I was thinking to continue my fantasy once reached back to San Marino in once piece, but oh well.. she hasn't glanced at me once, not even fucking once. I'm done with this bullshit of madness for the past few days and I needed answeres. I mean can't a guy get his love under him once at least? More like once again but who's counting right? So I summoned Carlo the day before yesterday. After being made fun of for being on bed rest for the next three days, abused physically and verbally by Carlo, he decided he was done with his fair share of torturing-Mavin-for-the-day, we spoke properly. Now imagine my surprise when I found out my little spitfire has been cross with me because of a stupid mindless mistake and a misunderstanding.
It was a huge blow to realize that she doesn't trust me. Trust is not something you can buy nor force upon someone. You gain trust when you show them the reason to and prove that you won't turn your back on them. I messed up. I wanted to talk to her but she avoids me most of the time, only comes to my room to deliver the food, I rarely eat and to ask if I need anything. Controlling her will push her away from me more than I already have and so I don't yell or force her to come back, I sure as fuck can wrench her on my lap and force her tongue out to talk and dig out into her neurons to tell me exactly what goes on in her beautiful mind.
It's almost 1:00 am and technically my three days are up, more like three nights but if someone were to see me, I definitely wouldn't look like I give two shits about it. I swing my back up to a sitting position and flex my arms to get those muscles to wake the fuck up, however it takes me quite a bit of while to walk like a normal person. I manage either way.
Tip toeing like a fucking creep in my own house, I shake my head in disbelief. But there's something about scaring my little nika, her expressions always morphs into fear, and her lips part, soft gasps escaping. God, that's a sight to behold. I stand at the doorway of the kitchen, she's oblivious to my presence and my eyes throwing cupids arrows as her, imagining if she'd turn around and cling on to me. I snap out of my crazed state. This place as always been unnecessarily exagerrated in terms of both furniture architecture, and design. It's annoying sometimes.
A smile creeps onto my lips knowing her late night cravings, her back is facing me, as she's occupied with an orange, trying to get it to peel. I don't think about it, when I approach her and wrap both my arms around her stomach and whisper in her ear, "You think you can avoid me?". As expected she turns around in my arms with a gasp and surprise, probably searching for an explanation as to why and how I'm standing with ease while eying me up and down. Damn if looks could kill. When she's done with her security check, she realizes she's gripping me hard as her nails dig into my skin, yes I'm shirtless. Veronika wrenches her hand away as if they touched fire and her gaze falls onto my face.
"You're suppose to be on bed rest" she says, still not looking my in the eyes. I lift her chin up to face me and look straight into mine. "And you're not suppose to be avoiding me" I say to her while grabbing her hands and placing them where they belong, on my skin, body, heart, chest. "I wasn't avoiding, I was giving you space to heal." She says, smartly lying through her teeth.
"Space is not what I want when I'm with you." I make it clear point blank. I hope she's engraved those lines in her mind and tucked it in so whenever she thinks I need her to back off, my nika will come running back to me. We just stare into each others eyes, she's speechless.
"The kiss between that wretched sick daughter of a goddamn motherfucking peice of shit-bitch, was meaningless. Do you hear me? The banshee basicallly threatened your life Veronika, YOUR LIFE. And lached on to me and tortured me by keeping me with her, using me like a dog. Forcing me to sleep with her and if I didn't obey and showed the urges of killing her right then and there, she'd bring up your name, blackmailing me into staying with her or else her men would cause you harm. I had sweared to fucking god in that moment , if anyone but me touches you I will rip their fucking organs out one by one and dig up a burial into the earths mantle to let their spare parts burn to ash. Now you want me to tell you what was actually meaningful for me hmm? It was those days I spent with you, kissing you, touching you, talking to you after so long without fucking trying to rip your throat out as I used to all those years ago. As much as the days were deeply desired glory, the nights were just as beautiful when I'd fuck you to oblivion and lay your petite frame on my body, as you would mold into me and release soft sighs of pleasure and relief that always made my blood rush to my cock. I wanted to ravage you whole and nothing has changed, fucking nothing. And if it has, the thing I feel so strongly for you has heightened, increased and eats me alive whenever I picture your unforgettable face in my mind."
I don't tell her the thing I want to say the most out loud. Mainly because she wouldn't believe me, more like refuse to. She wouldn't say it back either, I know her pride and ego very well. Have been living with it since we were sixteen and nineteen respectively.
But I'm not the one to give up
V E R O N I K A
"Blood runs thicker than water, but both feel the same when your eyes are closed. I am the rivers daughter"
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This is the second time I've been left speechless my whole life. I have nothing to say, the overwhelming response has clouded my senses. Out of everything I'd thought he'd say, he uttered the complete opposite.
The worst part is the position I am in currently. Fuck me. It would've been so much easier if he would've told me he changed his mind and would leave me rotten. The irony of this is epic. Just fucking great. I don't know how long I'll keep pushing away the deep feeling of wanting to be with him and.. those that I can't put my words on. At this moment I've never wanted anyone more than I want him. Every man who came past me, didn't last more than a week. Mavin, however is the polar opposite. Completely different. He tests my patience, brings out the worst out of me. Pushes me until I break and after everything I don't fucking hate him for it. No one has brought me out of my shell, not even me. I've done things in the past few days that I never thought I was actually capable of. He proved me wrong.
If it wasn't for mavin, I either would've died defenseless or fallen into my own mind traps. I hate myself more at this moment that my plans to flee this country, end whatever we had between us right when he's well and walking, are unbinding from the long process of being kept tight.
Even if I could let my guard down and have it my heart's way, eventually I will start backing off and try to escape from the intimacy. I don't know what caused it, but it's there from the beginning. Call it daddy issues, call it trauma. The point is, I would rather kill myself than hurt him. I'm afraid the last time I tried to leave him, he had a panic attack. I don't want him to relive those memories and create new wounds again. It hurts me as well knowing I've indirectly inflicted pain on him. I'd never want that.
This is why I choose to stay.
It'd be better if I'd wait and eventually let him push me. He will. He will get bored of me, we'd go back to our old days. Fucking fighting and pulling on each others throats evey minute and I'd live every moment with either pain or relief. I would want him to break me completely and hurt me until I don't have will and faith rather than doing it myself on him. What scares me the most he will do it and I'm not even scared for it, knowing that it's him.
"Veronika, say something. Pleas-"
"I understand. I do, I'm sorry Mavin." I say in deep remorse for my actions
"For what" he whispers and glides his hands that were gripping my waist up to my cheeks, cupping them in his hands. He made sure to touch every highway of my body before enveloping me to him.
"The way I reacted was immature, childish and I should have known better yet I let my weakness take over me. What we had before the commotion in these few days was dreamily a marvelous feeling and experience for me. I let one stupid mistake take over those memories and defend itself as if it were in the right state of mind. I hate overpowering my worng side when knowing deep down the other one's correct. Let me warn you mavin, wherever you're trying to go with this, it isn't going to be a smooth sailing. I'm imperfect, I don't know what's right and wrong with me half the time and I don't know how to deal with the overflowing emotions whenever they succumb to my brain and haunt me. What scares me is that I'm out of place, I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt you in the process." I tell him reluctantly, meaning every word and every stern statement.
"I want to show you the world, I want to show you different perspectives and opportunities, I will help you find yourself darling," he says with deep emotions in his eyes, and I feel like my legs may give out any moment "I will show you what it's like to live like rainbows and sunshine if you want. I want to be able to provide you with any support you need. I want you to talk to me everyday, I want you to fall asleep on my chest every night. I want to cook and eat every meal of my day with you.Will you let me? Will you let me interfere in your affairs? Will you let me help you as well as spoil you?" He asks with determination in his eyes. I blink thought the moisture that has gathered in mine and stare at him in utter disbelief, it's everything about him. His willingness to stay by my side thought every process. His ability to bring me to my knees voluntarily or involuntarily. And the look in this ocean eyes at the moment. Somehow right now, they look a lighter shade of blue. I can see the sparkles in those light waters as if the suns rays decorate the surface with its shines as precious looking as diamonds.
After a few more moments of completely mesmerizing him and drowning in the beauty of his eyes, I eventually swim back to the surface and my lips pull into an automatic rare type of expression, a smile. Something I needed to be reminded of doing. I've always learned to fake that emotion but not today, it's come naturally, calmly, peacefully, without contemplation.
"I will accept it.. ah ah ah," I stop his grin before it takes over his handsome features and blinds me enough to run to my delusions once again. What? I can't help it.
"On one condition" I say. He narrows his eyes at me, asking me what.
I get on my tip toes and whisper close to his ear, "Kiss me" then I lick and bite his earlobe, retrieving a vibrating grown from his throat as he slides his fingers into my hair, the other hand grips my arse and I fall flush against him as he claims his lips with mine and we fall into a sweet melodic rhythm as our lips dance with each other.
I bite his lower lip and he returns the favor by pulling onto my tongue and licking my lips. the sloppy kiss has left me breathless. He doesn't seem to stop anyhow and I let him ravage my mouth as if a lion hunting for its deer. I'm the deer.
Sparks explode in my stomach at the sound of our teeths clashing and clincking, lips sucking and biting and our body heat radiating off of one another. I've never felt more safe in my life before. It's his arms, it's him who provides me with the feeling unknowingly and I live every moment of it, telling myself I don't deserve this. I shouldn't.
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