I’m glued to my spot, unable to move as everyone looks at me, waiting to hear my response. I hate angering Damon this way. I hate the tone he’s using with me, but maybe this was the only way to get a reaction out of him. However, I knew this was enough for today. I knew it was time to end this game.
“You don’t always have to do as he says,” Ares tells me. “You can stay if you want to. We have plenty more activities planned for today. I’m sure you will enjoy it if you’re already enjoying this little game.”
Damon takes a step in our direction, and I knew I had to act fast before Damon did something crazy like punch him. That was the last thing I wanted to happen today.
“No,” I apologize. “I have to leave now. We have a few things that need to get done at home.”
I didn’t want to stay here if Damon wasn’t around. Besides, Damon was getting angrier by the second, and I didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Carter and his teammates in the past. I knew the mess that little incident caused our family, and I didn’t want to add to it.
Ares shrugs his shoulders, “It’s a pity, but there are always other opportunities for us to continue the game.”
Damon grabs my hand and pulls me out of the beach house with him. He doesn’t give Ares a chance to say anything more to me. I was happy he’d practically dragged me away; pretending to like Ares was not the best idea. It was also very difficult to do. Anya tries to keep up with the both of us. Griffin and Autumn are right behind as well.
Damon lets go of my hand as soon as we are away from the crowd. My cheeks are red when Griffin looks at the both of us like we’ve lost our minds.
“What you two did in there, I’ll never like to speak about it again after today,” Griffin says. “How about we forget it even happened! I’ll hate for that news to hit our parents. Damn, imagine if Atticus or Dante hears about this. Most likely they will since word spreads like crazy. I hope you’re ready to give a proper explanation.”
None of these things crossed my mind when I walked over to Damon and kissed him earlier. Luckily, Ares has this rule where no one is allowed to take any videos or pictures at his parties. We didn’t have to worry about a video of us kissing popping up on our phones.
And we didn’t have to worry about our pictures showing up in magazines.
“I’d like to forget it ever happened as well,” Anya says in a dry tone. “I can’t believe Clarissa did something like that.”
She turns to me then and says in a disgusted tone, “He’s your brother. You should have said no to Ares and those fools for insisting that you guys kiss. I understand that you’re not used to games like that or being in the company of popular groups other than your family, but you should have known better.”
“Hey,” Autumn cuts in. “Don’t make it sound worse than it is. Besides, let’s not forget that you also kissed someone else inside there. Why aren’t we talking about that instead of focusing only on Clarissa? If it was that easy to say no, why didn’t you?”
I’d almost forgotten about that kiss. Autumn always knew the right thing to say. She’d moved the focus from me to Anya. At least for now. I wasn’t sure how long it would stay that way.
“It was just a game,” Anya retorts.
“Exactly,” Autumn says. “Just a game. So we can drop this discussion now. No one is to blame for anything. It was an innocent game, and it’s over now. We can all pretend it never even happened. I’m sure everyone at the party has already forgotten about it.”
I was glad I had Autumn to get me out of this conversation. Only she knew how badly I wanted that kiss with Damon. And it was only possible because of her. I still had to thank her for what she’d done.
“Griffin and I can drop Anya home,” Autumn offers.
“We have something to do in that area. Damon, you can take Clarissa home and ensure she doesn’t try returning to the party. I’m sure you’re worried that she will do something like that judging by that expression on your face. You don’t seem to trust us with her either since we were the ones that brought her in the first place.”
I bite my lip to stop myself from saying anything. I knew Autumn was trying to get me more alone time with Damon.
Anya, of course, does not look happy with this plan, but I’m surprised when she doesn’t try to make a fuss.
She honestly was trying her best to convince us all that she was a different person now. Damon starts his jeep and opens the door for me. I quietly got into the passenger’s side. I was nervous. I knew I was the one that initiated the kiss, but now that the moment was over, the guilt was sinking in. What if Damon didn’t want to kiss me? What if I forced him to do something he didn’t want to do?
I gently touched my lower lip with my fingers; they still tingled from his kiss. Even though I felt guilty, I didn’t regret the kiss. It was a memory I was planning to keep with me forever.
Damon is quiet as he starts the jeep and pulls out of the parking lot. It remains that way for most of the drive home. Neither of us was speaking to the other, and I didn’t like it one bit.
I loved talking to Damon, and because of that kiss, everything was awkward between us. I couldn’t let it stay that way. I had to find a way to make him talk to me like he’s always done so freely in the past.
“Are we going to talk about what happened?” I ask him.
His hands tightened on the steering wheel. I swallowed as he clenched his jaw, something he always did when he was upset. “There’s nothing to talk about, Clarissa. Let’s get you home and back to your room.”
“You’re upset with me,” I point out. I can’t hide the pain in my voice.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly.
“Tell me. Are you upset with me, Damon?” I ask. I already knew the answer to that question, but I wanted to do anything to make him talk to me.
“Yes,” he growls. “I’m upset. With you.” I gasp. It’s the first time he’s ever said those words to me, and if I thought I was in pain before, I was wrong.
This was what real pain felt like. Hearing Damon tell me that he was upset with me was enough to make me sad.
“What exactly were you thinking while going to that party?” He demands. “I told you everything last night, everything about that asshole, and yet you still chose to go to his party. You let that bastard put his hands around you and lift you off the ground like you were his next target. Do you even understand the trouble you’re causing yourself?”
I bite my lip, and I hate that I can still taste him there. Nothing I’ve tasted before could compare to the taste of Damon. He was everything I thought he would taste like and more.
It lingered in my mouth, and I never wanted it to leave.
“I was upset,” I mumble while playing with my fingers in my lap.
“Upset?” his voice echoes inside the jeep. “What were you upset about, Clarissa? What did I do that was so wrong to make you want to do something like that?”
I look out the window; I’m unsure how to tell him without confessing my feelings for him.
“Was it about this morning?” he asks. “Are you upset that I told you about your tantrums? Or are you upset because I said we couldn’t sleep in the same bed again after last night?”
He knew precisely why I was upset, yet he still chose to ask me. He’d just mentioned both things that angered me too.
“If you know the answer to your question, why are you asking me?” I demand.
He exhales loudly, “I’m asking because I can’t figure out why that would anger you so much. I’m trying to understand you. Recently, it’s been hard to understand anything that you say or do. It’s hard to keep up with you.”
“What are you trying to say?” I ask him.
“Exactly what I’m saying to you. There are no hidden messages in my words,” he answers me.
“This isn’t even what I wanted to talk about in the first place,” I snap, trying to avoid that conversation. I wasn’t ready to tell him why I was so upset. He sighs, trying to regain control of his composure. Damon rarely ever got upset with me, and I can safely say this time was very bad.
“Then tell me, Clarissa, what is it that you want to talk about?” he asks me after regaining control of his emotions.
I know I shouldn’t say what I’m about to say, but I need to see his reaction. He waits impatiently for me to continue, and I blurt it out.
“The kiss,” I whisper.
His jaw clenched again, and I could see him trying his best to focus on the road and not on my words.
“Damon?” I ask when he doesn’t respond.
“What?” he finally asks.
I swallow, “Aren’t you going to say something about it?”
He pressed his lips tightly together, almost as though he was trying his best to prevent himself from responding to my question.
“Since you’re not going to say anything, then I guess I should,” I say more to myself than to him.
He still doesn’t say anything, but he does look more alert now that I’d said that.
“I know it might not be a big deal for you since you’ve probably kissed many women even before you started seeing Anya, but I wanted to thank you,” I mutter.
He glances at me for a quick second, and I can see how much my words have confused him.
“Thank me?” he asks. “For what exactly?”
I bite my lip before saying, “That was my first kiss. I’ve never kissed anyone before today.”
I can’t believe I’d just said those words to him out loud. I wasn’t sure if Damon even knew he was my first kiss. My heart felt vulnerable after admitting this to him.
He would realize just how inexperienced I was about this whole dating thing. I’ve spoken to Damon about many things in the past, but this was one topic we barely ever touched on. I was always scared to bring it up and say the wrong things.
I watch his shoulders tense. But he remains calm as he focuses his attention on the road. I wasn’t sure if he was truly calm or if he was trying to pretend that he was.
“I’m sorry if you weren’t expecting it. I was only following the game’s rules, and I didn’t want to cause any trouble with the others. They seem to take that game quite seriously. I know it must have surprised you when I kissed you. I just wanted you to know that I’m glad my first kiss was with you. I trust you completely, and I know that no one looks out for me as much as you do. Your kiss was gentle and soft, everything I’ve ever—”
“Clarissa,” he swallows as his hands tighten on the steering wheel. “Please don’t finish that sentence. That kiss was never supposed to happen. I should have never allowed you to play that game, to begin with. It wasn’t right. So please, for the sake of my sanity, let’s not talk about that kiss ever again.”
My lips part, and it’s hard to fight back the tears forming in my eyes from hearing his dismissal of our first kiss. My first kiss. It meant nothing to him.
I didn’t think anything could hurt as much as this did. My heart felt like it was bleeding. I hated this feeling so much.
Why did he have to say that to me? Why?