HAYA
I stared at Rohan from afar who was standing looking like a prince from a fairy tale. He was dressed in a yellow Sherwani. We are at Hania's mehndi and after this they will get married. She is looking so beautiful today. I quickly turned my head when he caught me looking at him. He smiled and walked over to me . His smile is so beautiful. What am I going to do? I forced a smile. Just for a few hours then..... I gulped and forced this thought out of my mind for now. He was standing just in front of me. I can't breathe, oh what type of magic he has done on me.
I look up at him. I can't because they are too real while I'm... I'm feeling so fake right now.
" Have I told you that you are looking so beautiful. It's kind of a torture but I'm loving it a lot " He whispered , he look at me with so much love I can't even count. Not that we can count love but still. I kept up my smile.
" Yes, you have told me this 5 times today. And I should tell you that you are too obvious and your feelings. " I said he smiled as lift his hand to I guess touch my cheek but then he stopped midway. He dropped his hand to his side. " Sorry I forgot I can't touch you " He said, and my heart melted there. No nope Haya picked it up. We agreed on doing it sooner or it will hurt him more. " Are you perhaps reading about Muslim women on the internet? " I ask due to curiosity. He nodded his head.
" Yeah I mean I don't want to disrespect anything and I actually don't want to make you feel uncomfortable so I'm learning things" I smiled this time softly and truly . What is this man? How am I going to live without him?
But Haya we are doing this for him and you need to trust Allah. Yes I Trust Allah. I can surely do it.
" What happened Pyara, your eyes are not shining like always. Something is bothering you " He asked as if he could read me like an open book. I stared at him and then pulled up a smile. a big one. Throwing my hand up in the air in a dramatic way.
" Come on, you don't know how heavy this dress is. How my eyes will. Shine if I'm already so tired. " He looked at me up and down and then smiled.
" So Pyara you should have told me. I will pick up the world for you , so what a single dress is. Tell me to help you and I will " I guess this man is doing things like these on purpose. Did he sense it already? Why is he making the hardest thing in the world harder?
" No Mr Rohan I'm good with being tired, they have people looking at us more than yeh actual couples " I said and looked around. He shrugged. " People are least of my worry, you are important "
It looks like I need to get out of here right now. " Then keep worrying about me. I have work, '' I said and was about to walk past him but something stopped me. I looked behind and he was holding my dupatta from the end . Smiling.
" There was nothing written on the internet about not touching the dress. " He starts to pull me back from the dupatta as I gulp. There was still distance when he whispered in my ear .
" You can run from me as much as you want Pyara but you need to know that I am not letting you go ever. Even if you don't want me I will creep in your life . " He voice was soft and all I wanted was to turn around and tell him to never ever leave me. Please don't . Please never hate me. Please try to understand me.
But rather I turn around and smile. Pulling my dupatta from his hand. " I'm wondering, are you learning these words from the internet or Ahad Bhai? " He backed away a little and smiled. " It's a natural Pyara. I'm born charming with these words " I shook my head and walked away.
To the corner. When my eyes met Ayesha's eyes she gave me a sad look and nodded her head. I gulp looking down. Why is this so hard? It's my test but it's hurting like a bitch .
I hide in the corner like I used to do in childhood when I was scared. I'm scared now too. I look at him from afar. He was standing with his friends smiling and laughing. As if he is full of life. He looks so beautiful right now. I try to memorise him completely. Because after this I won't be able to see him.
Tears start to fall from my eyes down towards my cheeks. I wipe each one quickly. My heart is hurting so much. My whole body is hurting.
The reality is so scary from the Dreamland I was living in. Hell I haven't been in love with him for so long and still it feels like he is the most important person in my whole life and if he will not be near me I might die.
I wipe my tears quickly and rush out of the mansion. I saw him looking at me with a worried gaze but I still kept walking. The sky roars and then it starts to rain. As if Allah is Helping me to hide my miserable look.
I walk and walk until I don't even know where I am. I was fully drenched. But I cared less. And let the rain fall on me. Far away I heard the sound of a car and I knew who it was.
“ Get in the car Pyara “ The heavy drops of rain were falling over me but I care less. I don't want to see him, I don't want to hear his voice . His car was just beside me. He got out of the car and walked towards me with an umbrella. “ You will get sick Pyara “ He said holding my wrist but soon he left my hand when he saw that I am not liking his touch too. It's not like I hate him. Maybe I do. Maybe I hate myself. Maybe I can never erase him from my life. But me and him both are totally different persons.
It was all a fairytale until it ended. No matter what, for the love of my Allah and My holy prophet muhammad ﷺ
I can never have him.
“ Just go from here Rohan. Leave me alone “ I said my own words were feeling harsh to me. He didn't say anything and just looked at me. Paused, still. I can't look in his eye. I don't want to because if I do I will lose all the power over myself. And I don't want it. Not when Allah guided me.
“ Why are you saying things like these Pyara. What changed. “ He asked, his voice getting weaker. I shook my head. “ Rohan, you and I are different. I was blind but now I can see everything. You are not bad but you are not on the right path too . And I can't.. Can't be with you “ He looked at me, finding my eyes but I kept my eyes down.
“ What do you want on what path you want me to be on? I will be with you “ He said as if he was pleading. I shook my head .
“ No Rohan, not for me. You need to walk on the right path on your own. I pray that one day you will find the right path. “ tears were flowing from his eyes and falling down. Just like mine.
“ So you are saying goodbye “ He said after a long pause. “ You don't want to see me, “ He added. More tears fall from my eyes. “ This means we are ending here “ He said finally.
“ Maybe yes. This is for the right “ I said. " Please don't do this Haya. It's hurting me " He said as if he was pleading. " It should hurt Rohan, you need to know how different we are. Let's just say I had an experiment and now I can see the reality "
His hand formed a tight fist. And I can feel him taking deep breaths.
“ You are the worst woman ever Haya. I hate you, I hate you so much. You are so selfish. I was an idiot to trust you. You used me. “
His words felt like bullets to me. I closed my eyes then I saw his feet moving. He disappeared. He got into his car and drove as fast as he could. He was not here now. And when I thought I could breathe properly. It was suffocating. I was unable to breathe.
“ Ya Allah. Please ease my pain. Please make him one of your favourite people. Please Allah please guide him on the right path. The path you choose . “
I fall on my knees, putting my both hands on my face . Why the hell it's feeling like I'm dying. I'm falling. Why the hell does it feels like I will end here? I want to go behind him and stop this all. But I can't. He will meet me again. I believe it. Till that time I will wait. I will wait and pray.
That day I didn't go back to Hania's wedding, rather I ran away. I went to Pakistan and sent my resignation letter. For two months I was not getting better. Crying was my everyday routine. I used to cry loudly during prayers. I used to stay up nights just to ask for him. I was waiting. You know what they say. With Patience you can achieve anything. That's why I keep on waiting. There were times when I nearly went out of the house to go to him. But I stopped myself.
One year later
It's been one year since that night the worst night of my life. One year since I'm waiting. One year of continued asking him. I have opened a Bakery shop with flowers as well.
I have learned the whole Quran in the year , not only the Arabic I learned the meaning of each word. Each sentence so maybe I can feel better. It helped me to have more patience. I'm not as miserable as I was but .
I smiled softly looking up at the sky. Maybe he will come back. No matter when I will wait.
I know he will come back and he will be on the right path.
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