POV: Ishaan Kishan.
‘ ISHAAN! Don't you dare talk to your mother like that!’ Ishaan's father's voice echoed in the house.
Ishaan stood in the living room, eyes lowered, seething from anger.
‘ Ishaan beta…’
‘ I….I don't want to eat ... .Can you all just leave me alone?!’ Ishaan screamed at his parents
‘ So you can come home drunk every night?! Do you even know what day it is?! Look at yourself Ishaan!’ Ishaan's father said as he grabbed Ishaan's shoulder.
Ishaan looked away, trying to avoid eye contact from him. It's been days since he has anything to eat. He drank bottles of alcohol to chase the sleep that refused to visit him. He smoked packs of cigarettes to destroy the lungs that dared to breathe the air which didn't carry Shubman's scent.
‘ You smell like a chimney, Ishaan! All you do is smoke! Have you got no care about how your mother must be feeling seeing you like this!’ his father continued.
Ishaan briefly looked up at his mother who was crying, and again lowered his gaze.
‘ Look at me when I am talking to you! What are you trying to do, Ishaan?! Tell me? What….what do you want to achieve by starving yourself? By …by smoking and drinking, and isolating yourself?’
His father held his face and forced him to raise his face towards him. The sight of Ishaan's face broke his father's heart. His radiant face lost all of its shine. His lips were chapped, he grew a messy beard.
‘ Answer me Ishaan!’ His loud voice made Ishaan flinch.
‘ Stop it…’ his mother finally broke down.
She came and grabbed his father's arms away from Ishaan's face.
‘ You are hurting him…’ she quietly said to him.
‘ I'm….I'm hurting him? And what he's doing to himself?! What is he doing to us?!’ he said, shocked.
She stared at him helplessly. It hurt her to see Ishaan like this, but it also hurt her to see them fight.
‘ I can tolerate anything, but I will not tolerate his insolence towards you’ he tried his best to hide his anger from her, but failed miserably.
Ishaan watched from the corner of his eyes, as his mother held his father's hand, and looked at him desperately. They didn't need words to communicate, their eyes spoke enough for them.
His father let out a defeated groan and turned away from Ishaan.
‘ Ishu…please go..’ she whispered to him.
Ishann grabbed his jacket and keys of his Royal Enfield and left the house.
Ishaan drove around aimlessly through the winding roads, the endless traffic not knowing where to go. His heart ached each and every moment he spent away from Shubman. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he refused any assignments that his manager got for him. All he wanted to do was curl up into a ball, and sleep forever.
He slowed down his bike near the Gandhi Ghat and got off. The night's cold air embraced him, welcoming him to solitude. He chose a spot away from people's sight and sat down with a cigarette.
A million thoughts about Shubman raced through his mind. Everything that Simran told about him, how he is sick and still looking for Ishaan. Ishaan wanted to go back to him, but how? After what he saw, how could he go back? Wouldn't that be betraying himself?
Ishaan took out his phone and looked through Shubman's photos again. It is this only thing that brings him peace.
‘ Teri yaad aati hei aur chali jati hai, bas isi me Meri Raat din aur din Raat ho jati hai'
‘ Ishaan!’ Shreyas voice broke the night's silence.
‘what….what are you doing here?’ Ishaan asked, wiping his tears.
‘ your mom called…’ he sounded angry.
Ishaan looked away and cleared his throat.
‘ What's wrong with you Ishaan?’
‘ Nothing…’
Shreyas grabbed Ishaan's shoulder and forcefully turned him around.
‘ Is this about Shubman?’
Ishaan bit his lips trying not to cry.
‘ Ishu, he betrayed you! Why are you not understanding this?!’
‘ I…I don't know. He's my Shubman, he won't hurt me like this!’ Ishaan cried while getting up.
‘ Well he did!’
Ishaan ran his fingers through his hair and tried to catch his breath.
‘ He's a selfish man..who didn't think….’
‘ NO!’ Ishaan's scream interrupted Shreyas.
Shreyas stared at him, shocked.
‘ No..he ..all this, all this is happening because of you!’ Ishaan yelled at Shreyas.
‘ Excuse me?’
‘ if…if you didn't kiss me that night, he would have never done any of this! You are the one who ruined my life!’ Ishaan's spit out at Shreyas.
Shreyas stared at him in utter disbelief, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He watched as Ishaan glared at him in anger.
‘ Have you completely fucking lost it?!’ Shreyas finally said.
‘ Yes! Yes I have completely lost it! I can't live without him, I just cannot. I tried to be happy, I tried to forget him. I tried to convince myself to stay away from him, but I couldn't. Shubman….. Shubman is the life that courses through my veins, he is the soul of my world….he …he is …’ Ishaan broke down.
‘ Jab khabi khud ko yeh samjhaon ke tu mera nahi,
muj mein koi cheekh uthta hei.
Nehi aisa nehi.
Kab nikalta hei koi dil mein utar jaane ke baad,
Is gali ki dosri janib koi rasta nahi’
He sank to his knees and wailed out loud. Hearing Ishaan's painful cries, pierced Shreyas's heart to pieces. He went over and hugged him.
‘ Why….why is he hurting me like this? Why doesn't he call me? Doesn't…..doesn't he miss me?’ Ishaan sobbed.
Shreyas held him tighter and let him cry as much as he wanted to. Ishaan coughed as he struggled to breath through the tears.
‘ Bas bhi karo, Jaani’ Shreyas whispered to him.
Ishaan calmed down after a while, but stayed in Shreyas arms. Shreyas slowly wiped away the tears and the drool on Ishaan's face and corrected his hair.
‘ Shrey….No matter how much I try to forget it, my mind is still stuck in that moment when I saw them together’ Ishaan's voice was heavy with sadness.
‘ If Shubman was angry about what I did, couldn't he sit down with me and talk about it? I went to say sorry to him, didn't I? Then why didn't he listen to me?’
Ishaan thought back to the way Shubman reacted. He thought of all the things Shubman said about Shreyas, the things he implied about Aditi.
‘ I…don't know’
‘ If all of this didn't happen, would you still be happy with him?’
Ishaan moved away from Shreyas and looked at him confused.
‘ You would still want to tell the world about your love, he would have still denied it. Ishu…you desperately want to be loved. Shamelessly, publicly, like in movies…you want someone who will wait for you to come home, someone who celebrates your achievements, someone who shows up without you asking…..do you think Shubman would have done all that?’
Ishaan looked across at the calm river.
‘ Shayad…’
‘ Shayad? Maybe you would have waited a few more years to find out…but for how long could you have waited? You want to be married. You want a domestic life, you want kids…will Shubman be able to give you that life?’
‘ I ….’ Ishaan wanted to cry again.
Shubman liked the idea of a future together, but he never talked about making it come true. It was always one more milestone. One more tournament, one more achievement. When Ishaan asked him about coming out to their parents, he straight up refused. He had too many things that could get ruined.
‘ Ishu…..your career is as important as his, but did he ever celebrate your achievements? You have a huge opportunity waiting for you in London, would Shubman have been okay with you moving? He didn't even let you take up a weeks assignment in Gujrat, instead he made you wait in Mumbai, while he spent that week working’
‘ No…no it wasn't ..it wasn't like that. He…he just wanted me to be with him’
‘ No. He gaslit you into choosing him over your career, while he was busy building his. Ishu, you would be in London today, if he didn't tie you down!’
Ishaan let out a painful groan, Shreyas's words were like salt on his wounds, true but extremely painful.
‘ Jaani, you need to let him go and you need to start living for yourself….’
‘ Without…..without him..? How??’ Ishaan cried out in horror.
‘ Learn to live. Ishu, there is someone else who is willing to love you in every way you want. You just have to find that someone’
Ishaan buried his face in his hands and started crying again. How is he supposed to learn how to live without Shubman?