I'm sitting outside again in the sun, my legs crossed with my laptop sitting in front of me. It's started to get warmer as we approach March. I hear the door slide open and Noah makes his way over to me, a mug of coffee in his hand.
"Hey baby, I brought you this. How's it coming along?" Noah asks, quickly planting a kiss on my forehead.
"Thank you." I place the mug down on the floor. "Eh, it's coming along. You guys all good?" I nod towards the kitchen. The guys are going away on tour at the end of next month and are working through their schedule.
"Yeah I think we're almost done. Do you wanna hang out in a little while? Once we're both done?" Noah asks as I lean back on the chair so I can see him better without the sun being in my eyes.
"Sounds great baby. I'd love to." I smile up to Noah. He quickly pecks me on the lips and heads back inside.
So far we've been really fortunate with our schedules. When Noah works I can easily pick up with my work, scheduling meetings and taking time to write. We haven't discussed Noah going away and how we will navigate our relationship with him being out of state. It was different when I was at home and he was away. I had my family to keep me busy and I had loads of packing up to do for moving, but now I'm here I'm not sure how we'll decide to go about it.
I immerse myself back into my work, pulling my sunglasses back over my eyes and playing "About A Girl" by Nirvana on my laptop.
I work for another hour before my brain starts to turn to mush, clearly telling me I need a break from writing for today. I pick up all my stuff and make my way inside. I quietly walk around the boys at work, noticing a few new faces as I pass them. I can't help but notice Noah's face light up when he sees me, I smile back at him and make my way up the stairs to the bedroom.
Once upstairs I FaceTime my family back home. The girls are getting ready for school and nursery but still manage to find the time to come and talk to me quickly.
Isla tells me about her new best friend. Someone who's recently moved to her small school from a big city school, she seems excited about this new friendship. Rose shows some painting she's been doing with grandma, along with a mug she painted at a birthday party she went to. Rowan bubbles and gurgles like usual and my grandparents fill me in on their village gossip. We say our goodbyes and I promise to call them next week when they're free.
I grab a quick shower and put Avatar The Last Airbender on the T.V as I get myself ready. I'm half way through the third episode when Noah finally appears.
"Everything all sorted?" I ask pausing the T.V.
"Yeah, I think so. Not set in stone but seems like what we'll be going with." Noah tells me and I go back to curling my hair. "Are you gonna come with us?" Noah asks just as I finishing pulling my hair through the straighteners.
"Is that a good idea?" I ask Noah. I'm around the boys pretty much constantly. I really don't wanna get the rep for being the girlfriend that can't be away from her boyfriend.
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be a good idea." Noah asks making his way to the bathroom.
"I don't wanna be the annoying girlfriend that's always around." I sigh.
"You're not. I want you to come. Please. I know the guys definitely won't mind. Just think about it." Noah tells me and I hear him turn on the shower as he closes the door.
I finish curling my hair just as Noah joins me again in the bedroom just wearing black shorts a towel in hand.
"Good choice in show by the way." He tells me as he ruffles his hair with the towel.
"Mhmm, I remember watching it as a kid and just felt the need to put it on once I saw it was on Netflix." I reply running my fingers through my hair to split my curls.
"It's great." Noah pulls a stay cold apparel black top over his head and grabs a black hoodie along with his sunglasses. "Are you ready?" Noah asks taking my hand.
"Yeah, let's go."
*
I'm picking at my nails in Noah's car, "She's Casual" by The Hunna plays and I can feel Noah giving me side eye.
"Bad habit." He tuts at me. "Are you anxious? You never do that. What's up?" I'm always surprised by how intuitive he is.
"Kind of... one of the letting agents has an apartment for me to view. It's far away from your house and in a neighbourhood that I've never been to. That sounds so dumb. I've literally only ever been to your neighbourhood but I don't know it's overwhelming." I sigh.
"How far?" Noah asks, taking my hand in his. He rubs his thumb over mine making me feel a little calmer at the most simple gesture.
"Like, over an hour, give or take. I haven't made friends here yet so it's just overwhelming. I'd probably feel quite isolated. I really need to do that. Make friends." I make a mental note to the list of things I need to do.
"If you're wanting to move out and have your own place I get it. The house is loud and there's a lot of us. People are coming and going a lot and well it's a house full of guys so I get it, but I'd really miss you Mar. I know we've literally not been together for very long but please stay. It feels right living with you. Stay. Please." Noah pleads and I tilt my head back so it's against the headrest.
"Noah..." I look at him, his eyes are focused on the road like he doesn't want me to see his expression to whatever I say back.
"Too much?" Noah whispers and I quietly laugh.
"We always seem to be too much." I reply as the song changes, "Somebody" by Memphis Mayfire plays through the speakers. We're both quiet for a beat too long.
"I just-"
"I'm not a free loader. I want to pay rent, it's only fair. Along with bills and the way you guys split the food stuff. I'm not staying for free, and you are speaking to the guys about it. They might not even want me living there Noah. They're under the impression that I'd be moving out." The words tumble out of me so fast that I have to catch my breath. I see a smirk on Noah's lips as he's nodding along to what I'm saying.
"Deal. So Mar, will you move in with me?" He smiles.
"I'd love to." I smile back at him. I can't help but laugh. "This is the most backwards way to do a relationship." Noah shrugs.
"It feels right though. It would be weird for you to move out and move further away. I feel like in six months time we'd just be moving back in together." I see Noah's cheeks flush as he says it.
"Is that right?" I tease.
"Mhmm..."
"You think about that a lot? The future? Us?"
"Ofcourse. Do you?"
"Ofcourse." I reply.
"What do you think about?" He asks me. Suddenly I'm the one with flushed cheeks. I roll down the window and Noah chuckles.
"So much."
"Ay, you're not getting off that lightly. I want details." I pull my sunglasses over my eyes and look out the window.
"If you ask I'll tell, but you need to tell me too."
"This could be fun." Noah smirks and I can hear the playfulness in his voice.
"Shut up and ask your questions."
"Getting our own place. Just you and me?" Noah says and I laugh.
"What about it." I smirk, Noah groans.
"You gonna make this hard?" He teases.
"I usually do." I fire back making Noah laugh. "Yeah, I'd like us to eventually get our own place. Not yet but one day. Somewhere that we can make our own."
"Six months?" Noah winks at me and I nod.
"I think that's reasonable."
"Me too."
"Marriage?" I ask.
"What about it?" This time Noah smirks clearly thinking he's hilarious making me roll my eyes.
"Is that something you'd want?"
"One day, yeah. You?"
"Yeah... I'd like that one day."
"Tell me what you want." Noah says quietly as I try to hide a small smile.
"I wouldn't want anything big. Close friends and family and a day of celebrating our love..."
"White dress?" Noah asks and I nod. "Peonies?" He smiles and I nod again I know my cheeks are flushed. "Suits?" I nod once more.
"You'd look amazing in a suit." I look out the window again. The conversation making feel nervous. Not for what we're discussing but telling Noah these things knowing that he's the reason I have these ideas. The reason I want these things.
"What about kids?" Noah asks and I sigh. "No to kids?" Noah sounds surprised.
"No, no. I want kids." I correct him.
"Why'd you sigh?" Noah questions and I groan.
"I... uh... what if I'm not good enough? I just have this slight anxiety about not being a good enough parent. I don't know why, maybe everyone does..." Noah looks at me quizzically.
"Why the fuck would you not think you'd be a good parent. You'd be an amazing mom."
"When my ex and I split up he said some awful things. I know everyone says things they don't mean when they argue but he said something that's always stuck with me." I see Noah's jaws clenched as he stares straight ahead.
"What did he say baby." Noah begins to slow the car and pulls over.
"People always say dumb shit when they're mad."
"Mar..." He pleads now looking at me.
"He just said he was glad that we didn't have kids, that no one could love something that comes from someone so fucked up." I shrug, Noah wipes away tears that I didn't even realise were there.
"Oh baby..." Noah gets out his side of the car and makes his way round to mine, opens the door and just holds me. My arms wrap around his waist, his chin rests on the top of my head. "You know he was a dumbass, right?" Noah tells me making me laugh.
"I know. Like I said people say dumb shit when they're mad but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." I look up at Noah and he brushes under my eyes gently with his fingers.
"I love you. You'd be an incredible mom. To love something that's half of you would be an honour... I hope you let that person be me..." Noah whispers the last part pulling me back into his chest.
"I only want these things with you..." I whisper back feeling Noah's body relax into mine.
"Me too baby girl."