My mind is lost. My heart is hurting. My stomach hasn't been hungry since that hypnotist yesterday. I've been chilling in the house ignoring everyone and everything. I have assignments that I haven't touched. I don't know what to do with myself.
Ryan went down on me. My best friend's dad and I had oral sex! And the fucked-up thing about it is ever since I was hypnotized, I remember more and more. And I enjoyed every fucking second of it!
The way his tongue slid against mine! The way his tongue slid against my clit! The way his hands gripped my ass! The way I moaned his fucking name!
This is bad! This is really, really bad!
What am I supposed to do? I can't tell Lacey her father and I were super drunk, and he went down on me! I can't confront Ryan because...I fucking can't! And I think he knows and he's hiding it! And holy shit! Each time my brain reminds me of his tongue, I jolt and arousal ripples through my fucking body! I'm turned on by my best friend's dad!
This can't happen! It never should have happened! How the fuck did it happen! Why did I let it happen? Why did he let it happen? What the fuck!
My phone vibrates in my hand forcing me to drop it on the ground. I look down and...shit! Lacey is calling me! Why is Lacey calling me? She should be out on the water right now having a blast! Did Ryan tell her? Did Claire tell her? Did one of Ryan's buddies bust us and tell her? Why do I feel like she fucking knows!
Settle down!
I am overthinking this! My best friend is calling me to talk. That is it! Nothing more. I need to relax. I need to answer her call and not make anything seem obvious. I need to simply put a fake smile on my face.
"Hey, lady!" I say as I answer the phone.
There is silence, then a sigh, then... "Is it true?" She questions calmly.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! She knows!
"Is..." I pause because it's impossible to talk past the knot that just decided to take over my entire throat. It's hard to swallow and I can feel beads of sweat instantly forming on my forehead.
"What true!" I barely spit out as fast as I could.
"Did Claire go down on you like she did with Becca last summer?"
Oh! Thank fucking God!
"Yep!" I am quick to say, getting it past the now-shrinking knot in my throat. I wipe my forehead and thank Jesus she doesn't know. "We got drunk and she somehow managed to do that. I was black-out drunk."
"That's good to hear." She says calmly. "Because black-out drunk women tend to do more."
"Oh yeah?" I ask, feeling like she's digging deeper into this. "What do you mean?"
"My three best friends were drunk with my dad. I'm a little disappointed in all of you. But I am thankful because you all are of age. My dad...fuck! We've had this conversation. Things could have been worse."
"Trust me!" I say cautiously. Because I know I can accidentally blurt shit out when not trying. "No more drinking like that. You know me. Hell! Even your dad doesn't drink like that. None of us drink like that. It was a fluke thing and things are great."
"Glad to hear. And you're right. No one in our group, nor my father tend to drink much at all. But I'm glad you were able to have some fun. And I'm glad you all can get along with my dad without someone trying to hit on him. Has he hit on any of you?"
Aside from the fact that his tongue made me orgasm.
"Nope!" I say in an accidental high-pitched tone and proceed to clear my throat. "He's been on his dates. He might have found someone. I'm not sure."
"He didn't find someone." She's quick to argue. "He spent the night at Rogers last night if that's what you're thinking."
"Oh, okay," I say and feel awkward. I feel awkward because a part of me feels relieved that Ryan didn't sleep with his date. Why do I care? I shouldn't fucking care!
"Well..." I say and pause for a second. "It's not like I am keeping tabs on your dad. I'm just busy with school and work and all the above."
"Fair enough. Has he at least been cool with you? Have you two talked much, done anything?"
Again! Aside from the fact that he rocked my fucking world without sex!
"Nope!" I repeat, feeling like I'm going to fucking slip up and say something that could give her the slightest hint.
And the problem with Lacey is, just like me...she overthinks everything! If I look at her wrong, she thinks I am mad. If I smile at Ryan, she thinks I am hitting on him...well...that might be pushing it a bit. But still! She reads into everything!
"You two haven't spoken?"
"Well, we have. Just...we don't have a lot to say to each other. He's your dad and he lives here, but for having off work this week he's still managed to have a couple of work lunches and then his date, and like you just told me he stayed at Rogers last night. So, no! We haven't had much time to see or talk to each other at all. Why are you being so weird?"
"Me?" Her tone sounds stern. "I'm not. I was just asking. I..." She pauses and I can hear someone talking in the background. Every part of me wants to blurt out 'Your dad rocked my world' because I don't hide secrets from her. But this is one secret that has to stay hidden.
"I have to go." She says, returning my attention to the fact that I am on a call with her because my crazy ass is losing my mind right now.
"Okay, Bye!" I say and quickly hang up.
"Phew!!!!" And plenty more exclamations, because...Shit! It's early in all of this and I have to find a way to work around the thought that Ryan...a very attractive man and my best friend's dad rocked my entire world with just his mouth. And I have to somehow move on and act like it never happened?
When I put my mind to it. I can do anything I want. I have always been that way. But forgetting the man I live with got drunk and pleasured me in ways no man has ever pleasured me and it's someone I don't even find a romantic attraction to, and it would end my friendship with the closest person I have ever had in my life. There is no way this can end well!
When I was a teen...fuck I am almost twenty but I am still technically a teen. Anyways! When I was fourteen a friend of mine had a cousin who was nineteen also. She fell in love with a thirty-five-year-old. They have a kid together and have been happier than ever. They are living their lives. They travel, work, have fun, and they show the world they love each other.
And what point am I trying to get at with myself right now?
I remember how many people hated them because they were sixteen years apart. But I saw something in them. I hung around them and they loved each other. They still do. Ryan is only slightly over twelve years different. That's not bad!
Last I heard they took a trip to Morocco. She's amazing and he is just as amazing. The baby is with them, and I heard they took his mom too. I still chat with her every once in a while. And they have every right to be happy like they are.
Oh my God! What am I doing?
Why am I telling myself Ryan's age is okay for me? We are never going to connect like that ever. I think I'm more nervous about the fact of someone finding out what we did...what he did...with his tongue...
Jesus! His tongue!
Snap out of it! Lacey's DAD will never be more than my best friend's father. Nothing will ever happen between him and me. And he knows that. I bet that's why he stayed at Rogers last night. I bet he doesn't come home tonight! I bet he knows what he did and he's regretting it.
I flip open my laptop and bury myself back into my schoolwork. I can't keep my mind on him or what happened. I need to get rid of the memories. Those should not exist in my brain. I wonder if Claire's uncle can make them disappear. Like magic or hypnosis. I can't keep those thoughts in my brain. Including waking up to see the size of his...
Memory wipe, please!
I grab my phone to text Claire. "Can your uncle wipe my memory of what happened? Because I am terrified, I am going to slip to Lacey. Even worse, I am terrified of Ryan knowing and me knowing. I have to get this out of my brain, including seeing his size!"
"I'll ask." She responds quickly. "And I never want to forget how big Ryan is. I saw that manmade crocodile slithering near my arm, and it sent my nipples into an achy overdrive of arousal."
I cough a laugh yet feel grossed out by her admitting that. "The shit you come up with, and the fact that you have no filter."
"Neither do you!" She argues. "The difference is you're the one with the 'issue' and I am not. So I get to be all 'gross' and 'nasty' and whatever the fuck I want to be. Because I'm not the one that blew off like a dopamine bomb in the bathroom, leaving remnants of your orgasm on the sink and his beard."
Fuck! She just sent flashbacks through my mind. And now I am picturing his chin rubbing against my pussy!
"Yep!" She laughs. "I will talk to my uncle and see if it's even possible to wipe a memory. If anyone can do it. It's him. He's all into that hypnotizing so there has to be something he might be able to help with."
I sigh a sound of disbelief, confusion, and slight anger. "How did I let this happen?"
"You didn't." She admits, defending me and my actions. And that's why I love my fucking friends so much! "Ryan didn't even know what he was doing. That's why people make mistakes all the time when they have drunk sex. It's called morning mistakes. You wake up, see what you did, and then hate yourself for it. Don't worry about it. No one is ever going to find out. They all think I was the one that went down on you. And we will keep it that way."
"You fucking rock, Claire! I knew I loved you for a reason."
"Well, let's be honest." She chuckles. "You and I both know I'd gone down on you and don't need to be drunk for it. So, I have no problem with people thinking it was me."
"But! Let me know what your uncle says. ASAP. Because I can't sit here with this thought in my mind. Or these thoughts."
"I'll get back to you. Love you, bitch! Talk soon!"
I pray we can figure this out!