FREE and EDITED Version is up on Radish! It's on Chapter 33 Now. XOXO!
Call me a masochist.
I know I am hurting myself, but looking at Katherine and Vince, as Katherine ties down his necktie and the way Vince's eye sparkle was incredible.
It wasn't like how he used to look at me.
Why do I feel like the months that I worked for was thrown out the moment he saw Duchess Katherine?
He has that bright smile on his face like he is the happiest man in the world.
Just being at her position will make me the happiest woman in the world too.
I can trade off everything just to see Vince look at me that way too.
And now I clearly understand.
That it will be no matter how hard I work for it.
Because I worked too hard have that little space on Vince's heart.
But it was never enough. Never.
In a sudden, he lifted his eyes and accidentally glanced at me.
Shock was all over his face.
I gave him a fake smile and turn my back.
And silently wipe my tears away.
It was a great five months of marriage wasn't it?
I had a feeling that once we talked after this ceremony he will realize his love with the Duchess.
And that he will ask me to set him free.
Who am I to be to selfish for other's happiness?
Who am I for him to even think of?
I was never worth it. I should have not dream of him being in love with me the way I love him.
Because at the end of the day, I am no Katherine.
I breathed in and out a lot of times to suppress all the tears.
Just let the moment go Monique, then cry yourself out alone.
This was even more difficult than David's death. I never knew I could love more than that.
But one thing is for sure.
I-if he asks me to let him go...
I will.
I will.
The ceremony has passed easily. It was good that Vince was seating at the same row and I cannot see him.
"Sweetheart, you are every man's dream. You have a pure heart, a forgiving heart, you are intelligent, but you are always humble in making opinions. You always talk with sense and forgiveness is nothing but a piece of cake for you."
"I'll admit it, in front of everybody, that I once thought you were "too good to be true", that life is boring if we always talk with sense, if you are so humble, if you do not argue with me..."
"When I-I c-cheat on you and lost you..."
"That's when I knew that it was an idiotic move to look for a challenge, because marrying is not a challenge...but a forever commitment with the person you love."
I breathed hard and smiled bitterly.
That was my exact thoughts.
Our marriage was not a challenge for me, but rather a lifetime commitment of love.
I glanced at Duchess Katherine who was a person away from me, she has that sincere smile as she look at her friend's wedding. She was elegant even with the way she cries.
Her posture, her face, everything.
No wonder why she is loved by many.
If I could just be her.
---
When people fall, somebody catches them.
At the same time they fell, at that exact situation, at that exact sadness in their life.
They always had that "magic shoulder to cry on". Either a phone, a person, a call, or even an inch away from them.
But that doesn't seem to be my case.
Because this exact moment that I am hurting, I am right in front of the man hurting me...
With no one to even tell me that someone is there for me.
When the ceremony has ended and Sophia wanted me to come and take a photo with "the couples"
They paired me with Vince since he was the odd one out.
But the sad reality is that, I am really the one.
Funny how no one knew about our marriage and it should feel welcoming to know that it was only Vince and I who knew about it.
But why do it feel like I was just fooling myself on the marriage? That it was only I who knew about it?
"Come on Monique! Make it even please? Vince needs a partner!" Sophia exclaimed, arching her brow. "Unless you are married?"
She held on to my left hand and examined it.
"No ring." She stated.
"No ring means no commitment." She said. "Who's the man who will not put a ring on the finger of their wife? Every man is possessive!"
I smiled. Maybe her husband is. After all, I think all of them are happily married.
"Joshua put the ring on me even before he became my boyfriend! So possessive! And he attacks every man who try to woo me! In the end I had no choice but marry him!"
I smiled authentically for the first time, but deep inside I was envy to know their story.
A story I never had with Vince.
The I remembered David. How possessive he can be too.
He also put a ring on me.
I just sighed, my whole body shivering, feeling the urge to cry.
It was damn saddening to feel rejected and denied.
I wanted to feel it too, the one Sophia was saying...
But what if I will be able to feel it...but not with Vince?
I looked pass Sophia, looking at him, my husband.
I bitterly smiled and shook my head.
I wanted to proudly tell them that he is my husband, it was the original plan...
But hearing Vince say those words to Katherine made me lie to them.
How will Duchess Katherine let him save her if she knew about us?
How if something happens to her and Vince will be the only one to understand?
She might be vulnerable.
And she needs saving.
While I? Maybe by then I needed to mend my own heart, heal my wounds then stand again.
Why do I feel like I am losing him already?
Why do I feel like this is the end?
"When are you going to get married? Mommy wants to have grandchildren now!"
"Well that depends"
"Depends on what?"
"Depends on my love"
"Yeah right. Do not introduce me to her!"
"You know her actually."
"Yes."
"Did she said yes? When am I going to meet her?"
"She didn't said yes."
And from there, I knew he was not pertaining to me.
I hope a little, that maybe when he meet her again he will enthusiastically tell her that he is married, that he is happily married.
But I guess he hasn't moved on. He still loves her.
It is still her. It is always her.
"Did you ask her already? About the marriage I mean"
"Yeah. She refused."
"Who is she! I hate her!"
"That's fine. I'll ask her again."
"Why will you? Just look for another!"
"But I love her very much."
It was too simple for him to say those three words with Katherine.
But with me? He never did.
It hurts doesn't it? Hearing him easily spill it, to profess his love.
It was too easy to say I love you for his one true love.
I can trade off my license just to hear those words. I can trade off everything I have for him if he just say he loves me.
Now he is here in front of me, but he is not looking at me.
He was intently looking at the sweetness of Prince Jeanne and Duchess Katherine. He looks like he was ready to murder the Prince.
He was to busy looking at them, without even noticing me.
Little did I know that photos were already taken.
And when it went out, I saw myself looking at him...
While he was looking at someone...
Who wasn't me.