By the time I get to the pharmacy, I look like a corpse. I hope the pharmacist won't think I'm some kind of junkie, and refuse to give me the sleeping medication, without which I will most likely lose my job.
"Hello, ma'am..."
"Good evening, sir. Are you alright?" The lady manning the register worries.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I crack a smile. "I'm out of meds." I hand the girl my prescription.
"Okay... wait right here, sir." She walks away to review my documents.
Why is she calling me sir? Do I really look so old? Or is this girl just very young?
Women treat me like an old man. There's no way for me to get a girlfriend at this point.
I wonder if I'll ever even have kids.
The lady brings me the medication and I pay her in cash. This little bottle of white, oval shaped pills would slip a child into a coma, that's how strong they are.
I can't wait till I get home and finally rest. I'm walking in every direction of the world, except for forward. I'm starting to see blurry, despite wearing glasses.
Just a few hundred more metres.
Just a hundred more.
I'm almost there.
Ugh, and now the stairs.
Moments like this make me wish we had an elevator in our apartment building.
God, yes, I'm finally home, and it's time to close my eyes. I'm not even hungry. I just want to sleep. Badly. I immediately take a pill from the bottle.
The buzzing of my phone startles me to death. I recover from my near cardiac arrest and shakily answer the call.
"Who is this..."
"Me! Your beloved workmate! Did you get home safely?"
"Yeah... I just got here, actually..." I lie down, and yawn. "I was just going to go to sleep..."
"Ah! About that! Do you want me to come over to your place? Just so I can keep you company. If you want, I could bring-"
Before I can even end the call, I drift off to sleep. Needless to say, this is the best sleep I've had in a long while.
The temperature is perfect, I'm in a relaxing position, and all of this just feels so comforting... like I'm a baby being nurtured by its mother...
Unfortunately, good things never last long, and I wake up in the middle of the night.
I can't find my flip-phone at first. A lot of things are different, and so are my clothes. Clothes?
Clothes? Did someone undress me? Because I sure didn't.
It's just my jacket and shoes, but it's still creepy. I get up and find my glasses, before making my way to the kitchen, walking into the wall several times due to the dark. "Eh!?"
I stare down at the box of chocolates on the counter, exclaiming loudly. Without thinking, I start looking for an explanation, and find a note.
"Some chocolate for your sourness. You suck when you're grumpy. Don't forget to lock your door!"
Now I remember my coworker called me before I dozed off. I sigh in relief, and check the box of chocolates.
It's some kind of... expensive brand, probably, I've never heard of it, and the writing is so fancy that I can't even read what it says.
Before I take a chocolate, I lock my front door. Yeah, leaving it open like that definitely is not a good idea.
I wonder how much these chocolates cost him. He's been spending a lot of money on me lately. I decide to send him a message. Just one, in case he's asleep. "Thanks for the chocolates."
Weirdly enough, he replies within the same minute. "No problem! How are you feeling?"
"You're not asleep?"
"What about you?"
He's right. I should go back to sleep soon. "I just woke up."
"My sleep schedule is tragic." His response makes me laugh. It's a faint laugh, but I'm surprised it makes me laugh at all.
I take one chocolate, just for the taste. It's scrumptious. "Either way, I'm going to bed, and you should, too. Good night."
"If you say so!"
It's his last message.
I put on some pyjamas, snuggle under my covers, and shiver from the warmth. It reminds me of my coworker.
His apartment, his hugs... and that's about it, but it's enough to drill a pleasant memory in my mind.
Perhaps I don't need anyone else, as long as I have him. But, what's the guarrantee that I'll have him forever?
I start to feel uneasy.
I'm unsure about my own feelings.
Those chocolates didn't seem like a platonic gesture to me, but there's no way he meant it in any other way, is there?
He gave me free rides, provided me a fancy dinner and soaked his turn-ups in the river so he could help me get out of the water. There is no way he did that because he was feeling generous.
I seriously don't know what to think of all this. Besides, why am I even thinking of him, while I should be sleeping?!
I cover my ears and force myself to fall asleep somehow. I don't want to have gay thoughts all night.
Another buzz.
"I want to talk to you."
Well, that's a coincidence. "Go ahead."
He seems to be typing a really long message, and my eyes are starting to hurt from staring at the screen on my flip-phone. I yawn, and as I'm about to type something, he sends it.
"What is happiness?
Many say it's a state of mind, and others say it's caused by a chemical.
A dog is happy with a mere stick, meanwhile a human needs a stack of cash to feel any excitement. A cat will gladly eat a raw piece of a dead animal, but it won't even consider the box of jewellery.
It all depends on what you are, who you are and how you are.
Some people no longer feel happy doing things that they used to love. Others are always excited even by the smallest, most meaningless things.
Sometimes, a hug will make you happier than a bonus salary. And sometimes, just seeing a familiar face is more comforting than a full-body massage.
What makes you happy?"
✂