As Afrah prepared lunch, her mind was consumed by a whirlwind of emotions. Jameel and Najah had only been separated for two days, and she found herself already caught in the crossfire of their complex relationship. Mixed feelings tugged at her heart, leaving her torn between empathy and resentment. She felt empathetic because deep within her, she knew Najah was not a bad person and she also deserved to be happy. Putting her jealousy aside, she acknowledged how dedicated Najah had been to her marriage with Jameel. And how patient she had been over the years. She felt a tad guilty for the way things had turned out. Even with Hajiya. She would undo and unsay the things she said to her if she could. Her conscience was weighing heavily on her.
However, at the same time, she couldn't shake off the feeling of resentment that settled in the pit of her stomach. It seemed unfair to her that she had to bear the burden of taking care of the household and her child alone, while Jameel seemed oblivious to her struggles. The sadness in Jameel's eyes when he bade goodbye to Hajiya and especially Najah didn't go unnoticed by Afrah. The way his voice trembled slightly as he assured her that everything would be fine. It was as clear as day to Afrah that Jameel loved Najah deeply, and was trying to hide the fact from her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. The realization fueled her resentment further.
As she sliced vegetables for the salad, Afrah's thought drifted to how she woke up and Jameel had already left for work. He didn't even bother to wake her up. That was atypical of him.
Tossing the freshly sliced vegetables into a bowl, her movements became more forceful, mirroring the storm of emotions raging within her. The sound of the knife hitting the chopping board grew louder, echoing the turmoil in her mind. Each slice seemed to carry the weight of her unspoken questions, the longing for answers that only Jameel could provide.
Afrah decided to confront Jameel about it later. She wanted him to tell her what she already knew. Because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake off the fact that he was distraught by Najah's decision to divorce him. She had witnessed the cracks in his facade, the way his eyes lost their sparkle and his laughter became hollow. It would indisputably hurt her to hear it directly from the horse's mouth, but she was unyielding.
Finishing up the salad, she set the bowl aside and took a moment to collect her thoughts and plan how to go about the discussion with him. She knew talking to Jameel might degenerate into an argument and she didn't want that. For once, she wanted to be understanding and give him the opportunity to share with her what had been eating him up. She needed to face the truth no matter how painful it may be.
As the day went on, she found herself eagerly awaiting Jameel's return even though she tried to occupy herself with Fawaaz by playing with him.
The table was already set and she had made sure everything was perfect.
Just as she picked up her phone to call him, it buzzed. It was a message from Jameel apologizing for being late and asking her if she needed anything as he was already close to their house.
She sent him a quick reply and kept her phone back on the table.
Her thoughts drifted to Najah. She wondered if she was going through with her plans to divorce Jameel. In as much as she felt a tad guilty for how things played out between the both of them, she would really be glad if they split. Sharing her husband with another woman was what she never expected in her life. She had always avoided even the thought because she knew the kind of a person she was-the jealous type. She had always hated the thought of sharing since childhood.
More than anything else, she wanted Najah to follow through with the divorce so that she could finally have her husband all to herself. She longed for the days when it would be just the two of them, without any interference or competition. Just her, him, and their kids.
Finally, the door opened and Jameel walked in with his briefcase.
Afrah smiled at him and waited for him to approach her.
Jameel dropped his briefcase on the couch and walked over to the dining section to Afrah. "Assalamualaikum." He muttered, kissing her on the forehead.
"Wa alaikum salaam," Afrah replied, smiling up at him. "I have been waiting for you for like three hours."
"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I had quite a lot to do at the office today."
"I understand." She replied with a closed-lip smile. "Work is important."
"And you're even more important," he planted another kiss on her forehead. "Where's my baby?"
"He's sleeping. I just finished feeding him. We've been playing. He's exhausted."
"I wish I was around to join you two, but it's fine, tomorrow is a weekend. We will spend the whole day together."
Afrah hummed her response.
"You prepared a lot," Jameel's eyes scanned the table. "What's the occasion?"
Afrah rolled her eyes. "I just wanted to make something nice for you. Nothing," she emphasized. "Is the occasion. Sit, let's begin. I'm famished."
"Alright," he answered. "Let me wash my hands first."
Jameel returned shortly after and took the seat beside Afrah. "What has gotten into you today?"
Afrah's brows furrowed in incomprehension. "What do you mean?"
"It's not every day I come home to dinner prepared by you.
Afrah shrugged but didn't say anything.
"Well, I must say, I'm pleasantly surprised. It smells delicious."
"I hope it tastes as good."
"I do not doubt that."
Afrah watched keenly as Jameel took a bite of the food and his eyes widened in delight. "Wow, Afrah, this tastes so good. You should cook more often."
She nodded and gave a small smile.
"What's on your mind?" Jameel asked, staring directly into her eyes. "I can tell you're disturbed about something."
"I would say the same thing..." Afrah's voice trailed.
Jameel furrowed his brows in incomprehension.
"I have seen how you've not been yourself lately. Most of the time, I find you zoned out. It's been bothering me...I'm sincerely worried about you. What is going on with you?"
Jameel shrugged. "I guess it's just work. The stress is-"
"It's not," Afrah cut him off. "It definitely isn't anything about work." Silence followed. "It's Najah, right?"
"Afrah," Jameel rolled his palm down his face. "Please."
"I'm not going to get mad," she assured. "I just want to know what's going on...I just want to be of help, I promise. You can talk to me."
Jameel hesitated for a while before deciding to open up. "Hmm."
"What's going on? Is she still bent on getting the divorce?"
"Hmm."
"So she's serious about taking you to court."
"Hmm."
Afrah heaved a sigh and shook her head. She was beginning to get frustrated by his humming. It seemed to her that he didn't trust her enough to let her know what was going on.
"Okay."
"Hajiya has not been talking to me. She doesn't pick up my calls or reply to my text messages anymore. She is still very angry with me. I'm very worried. Najah also doesn't pick up my calls..."
Afrah hummed, speechless.
"I think I have to go to her place."
"They just left two days ago," Afrah pointed out. "I don't think anything has happened to them."
"I know, Afrah, but I won't be at peace until I know they are both alright. I need to have another conversation with them."
Afrah swallowed a lump that suddenly got stuck in her throat; her chest tightening. Of course, he wanted to have another conversation with Najah to convince her not to leave him. She believed he was only using Hajiya as a cover-up for his true intention.
And despite the overwhelming jealousy she felt inside, she knew better than to express it. The last thing she wanted at that moment was to come across as insecure or possessive. She had promised herself to focus more on herself than on Jameel and his other wife.
So, she took a deep breath and forced a smile. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea. I hope you get Hajiya to forgive you and Najah," she smiled, trying to sound as genuine as possible. "I hope she listens to what you have to say to her too."
Jameel must have noticed the forced smile for he extended his hand over the table to hold hers. "I'm doing this because I don't want to be unfair to her. I also don't want to lose her..."
Afrah felt a surge of anger rise within her. Did she have to hear that? She had been trying so hard not to express her true feelings, but Jameel was working hard to ensure it happened. "Good for you." She said and removed her hand from his.
Jameel continued to stare at her with what seemed like guilt and frustration. "This was why I didn't want to say anything. I'm sorry if this makes you feel sad, but please understand that this is a difficult situation for me too. I just can't sit back and allow her to do what she wants, especially since the decision was taken out of anger. That would be highly unfair of me. I would never be able to forgive myself."
Afrah scoffed. "What exactly gave you the impression that I'm sad? Jameel, you can do whatever you want to do, I'm not getting in your way. Don't project anything on me."
"I guess I felt that way because I care a lot about you and don't want you to feel some type of way about the situation. I just want to handle it in the best way possible. I don't want to hurt you or make you feel you're not enough for me because you are. You are more than enough, Afrah. You are everything to me. Always keep that at the back of your mind. But at the same time, I can't neglect Najah."
Afrah's heart felt heavy. She was bottling in a lot and it felt like she would explode at any moment.
"I love you so much," he reminded. "That will never change."
Afrah looked at him with tears in her eyes. One thing about her, masking her emotions was an impossible task for her. She didn't know how to pretend. Not at the very least. "I know you do, but I feel like I'm drowning in my own thoughts and emotions. I don't know how to handle it all."
He took her hand in his again and squeezed it gently. "You don't have to handle it alone. I'm here for you, always. I'm not going anywhere. I will try my best to make everything easy for you."
Afrah nodded. Amidst the pain in her heart, she appreciated the fact that Jameel read through her. His words gave her strength and reassurance. It was comforting to have someone who truly understood her, even when she tried to hide her true emotions.
"When are you going?"
"I haven't decided yet, but I want to go as soon as possible."
•
Assalamualaikum/hello!
I know I promised to update regularly but something came up and I couldn't keep up 😔 I saw your messages and calls. Thank you all for checking up on me. I truly do appreciate it. And I love you all❤️
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