I wake up disorientated, breathing heavily.
Maybe I fell down a flight of stairs in my dream, but I don’t know. I’m not use to waking up just like that. I try to attempt to fall back into a precious sleep, but I find that this is impossible. I’m tired and I’m aware that it’s probably the middle of the night. Turning the side lamp on, I drag myself out of bed and into the lounge.
I’m surprised to see Zayn still awake— on his laptop —probably still working. I leave my door open, to avoid any noise from distracting him.
But he’s already seen me.
He looks at me confused. I think he’s naked— I have no idea because he’s shirtless. Only he would make being naked while working so attractive— and not weird.
“You should be sleeping.” Zayn mumbles.
As I walk closer to him, I now notice he’s wearing tanned flannel pj’s. I sit down hesitantly, opposite him on the table and bite my lip. He stares at me impassively.
“I couldn’t sleep.” I reply. “You should be sleeping too.”
“It takes a certain amount of time for me to sleep.” He says.
Probably explains why he’s angry all the time. But sleep seems to agree with him because he still manages to look hot in the morning.
“Do you always work at this hour? Well whatever the time is.” I lean my elbow on the table and rest my chin in my hand as I stare at this beautiful man before me.
He narrows his eyes as his cool gaze focuses on me.
“It’s 2:30 in the morning Victoria, and to answer your question, yes— I do.” He frowns and pulls out his phone.
I suppose it’s ringing, but I don’t hear it– he probably has it on vibrate. My eyes are dead on his tattoo sleeve as he presses his phone against his ear.
“Malik!”
He still gets phone calls at this hour. Jesus.
“And the profits? . . What about the renovation, is that over and done with? . . So they’re still questioning about the shipment?” He chuckles to himself. “That’s ridiculous… I’ll talk to Daniel tomorrow. Thanks.” Zayn hangs up the phone and scans my face.
He closes his laptop and shifts it to the side so his full attention is on me. I shift suddenly aware that he’s just focused solemnly on me. He places his elbow on the table and his finger, slowly glides across his bottom lip.
“I thought you might want to know that I’ll be seeing Mr Anderson. I have attempted to arrange it in a different location, but it hasn’t been a really successful tactic. I don’t want him to be in the same building as you Victoria.” He blinks, searching my face for a reaction I guess.
“Thanks for telling me. Um, while you’re at this meeting, can I go out?” Why am I even asking him? I should be able to go out anyway I’m 21 years old?! But for some reason, I feel like I need to ask him.
“No. I’d rather you stay here.” He blinks at me as if I expect to obey him.
I gape. “Why?”
“Don’t argue with me.”
“I’m not arguing, it was just a question.” I narrow my eyes at him.
“I’m not up for your smart mouth Victoria.” He runs a hand through his hair and stands tall.
Oh his shirtless body is so beautiful to stare at.
He walks around the table and towards me. I take in his beauty, his angelic features and I just love the way his pants hang low on his hips— revealing a fair bit of his happy trail and V lines.
“You’re not going out.” Zayn says in a finality tone.
I frown suddenly annoyed.
“Stop scowling at me.” He mumbles annoyed.
Oh he definitely knows how to bust my mood sometimes.
“I think it would be more reasonable to be out of the building when he’s here.” I try for a different plan.
Zayn frowns and extends his hand out. I take it hesitantly as he tugs me up effortlessly against his shirtless body. I shiver inwardly as his heated skin circles around me. I struggle to pull away but he’s resisting; or he doesn’t feel my obvious breakthrough.
“Are you trying to manipulate me Miss Greene? Because I’ve already made my decision.” His eyes narrow a fraction and I can see he’s annoyed.
“Manipulate Mr Malik?” I shake my head. “I’m negotiating; I’ve been told I was good at it.”
“That, you are.” He nods as a small smirk appears to his face.
His humours back?! He was angry just a few seconds ago— wasn’t he?
“My oh, my, Miss Greene are you wearing extremely short trunks or are you just in underwear under this over sized; over bearing, overly huge shirt of yours?” He raises an eyebrow and I blush.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting you to be awake.” I shrug shyly as I feel his hand skimming down my back and slowly down my behind.
When he flexes his hand over my butt, I reluctantly thrust myself away from his touch, but only decreasing the small distance that I’ve made from earlier between us.
“You really should be wearing something a lot feminine than this.” He tugs on my shirt and smirks.
“I like it.” I shrug.
“I don’t.” He shakes his head.
“It’s comfortable.” I raise an eyebrow at him.
“It’s offensive.”
I look at him confused. “You’re offensive.”
“Me, offensive? Oh, no baby.” He smirks, flexing his hand over my butt which I languidly slap away. “Don’t bite your lip because I’m well aware that you’re not wearing a bra.” He bites his lip this time.
I take this to my advantage and tug on his slightly stubble chin. He smile’s revealing his beautiful white teeth.
“You bite your lip too. So why can’t I?” I question innocently.
His eyes darken in a second and I can’t seem to read them.
Lust, anger, desire, annoyance, confusion— what is it?
“Because it turns me on, Victoria. Big time!” He moistens his lips and firmly smacks them together.
Oh. I’m in so much self-doubt that I don’t believe him. He tugs on my chin and scowls at me. Shit, was I biting my lip? I didn’t even notice!
“Don’t. I’m still struggling with this touchy phobia you have. As much as I’d love to be inside of you right now I can’t. I’m not risking it.”
Inside of me!
“You need sleep.” He mumbles.
I look down and sigh softly. “I’m sorry. I thought I was over it, but it’s hard for me to forget. Especially, since I’m in the same state as him.”
He frowns but attempts to calm himself.
“I know, baby. I apologise too. I don’t want you to lay a single glance on him.” He whispers into my hair. His arms circle around me in a tight embrace.
“Does this mean I can go out?” I whisper unevenly.
He stiffens and pulls away, coldness sneaking under my skin as he visibly shifts moods. We stand at an easy distance as we glare at each other.
“You don’t give up, do you?!” He scowls at me annoyed.
“No! I don’t.”
“Well the answer is still No.” What, we were just playful a minute ago. I fold my arms defensively.
“Zayn, please? Were you always this possessive to all your past girlfriends?!” I scowl at him, but he looks preoccupied, lost at sea almost.
I’m not even his girlfriend. I don’t even want to imagine what’s it’s like to be his girlfriend.
“I don’t do the whole boyfriend thing.” He mumbles, sounding puzzled.
Oh. That was unexpected.
“What?”
“I’ve never had a girlfriend.” He simply says.
“Never?” I whisper.
“Never.” He breathes quietly. “I’ve only ever been in sex relationships, Victoria.”
I don’t realise till now that my mouth is partially open with shock.
It probably explains how experienced he is— how amazing he is with his touch and fingers. Don’t forget tongue.
“How many?” I whisper under my breath.
“That doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head, frowning and I can tell he’s uneasy with this type of subject.
“Zayn.”
He sighs annoyed. “17.”
Woah.
My eyes widen as I sit back down on my seat and for some reason I start to laugh. I bury my face in my hands and just laugh. I’m probably just another number to him. Maybe he is a gigolo.
When I finally calm down from my stupid laughing-of-nervousness, I just sit there in complete silence. He sits beside me but I don’t make eye contact with him and I thank the heavens he doesn’t touch me because I know my body will be unfaithful to me. I know what his touch is capable of.
“I wasn’t expecting that type of reaction Victoria.” Zayn says evenly.
“What were you expecting Zayn; For me to be shocked? Beause no, I’m beyond shocked. I’m overwhelmed. I’m traumatised almost. I’m probably just another number.” I bite my lip as I feel another burst of emotions hitting him in the face.
He looks bewildered, lost, hurt. I don’t know, but he doesn’t show this much emotion on his face. His eyes are wide.
Shaking my head, I stand straight and sigh.
“I’m going to bed.”
I stalk my way back into my room. My sidelight is till on so I flick the room light off before shutting my door, but— my door doesn’t close because Zayn is obviously standing in the doorway.
“I don’t want to argue right now.” I mumble, turning to face him.
“Neither do I. I just want to explain myself.” He’s impassive, but the tension is strong in his eyes.
His jawline is prominently squared. I don’t think I can handle him at this hour of the morning.
Zayn doesn’t come any closer but I’m guessing he’s waiting for my invitation. I sit on my bed and motion him in. He strolls in gracefully; his beautiful muscles in his body are rippling from each stride he takes. He sits opposite me, cross legged and he almost looks really innocent in this kind of position. But when my eyes skim down his torso, I soon realise how sexy he looks too. Theres a small Arabic writing along his left collar bone; an Arabic symbol, thing— I don’t know —on his chest and next to it is a skull tattoo.
I need to stop checking him out and focus in what he’s here for. He’s explaining something, what is there to explain?
Why has he been in 17 sexual relationships? Why 17? Why can’t he just be normal and stick to one person?
But then I remember what he said— I don’t do the whole boyfriend thing.
Has he always been this way? Having rough intercourse with girls for a period of Time then fucking off. Of course he has, he’s just told me five seconds ago that he has never had a girlfriend. Maybe he likes different varieties of woman. I shake my head I don’t even know what I’m talking about. He’s just so confusing.
“You know I heard Emma.” I mumble, breaking the silence as he looks at me confused. “In London, when she was at your apartment. I overheard you two.”
He raises an eyebrow and I’m scared of what he’d say.
“So you’ve had an idea of what kind of fucked up guy I am?” Oh, this guys full of surprises.
“Fucked up, no. Confusing, yes.” I mumble and take a deep breath.
“There’s that word again.” He says.
“Fucked?” I frown.
“Confusing.” He mutters. “Yes, I’m hard to understand.”
“That makes two of us.” I mumble.
His lips twitch into a smile, but he sustains himself.
“Ask me.” He says, impassively staring into my soul almost. I shiver under his stare.
“What?” I frown, confused.
“Ask me!” He repeats, annoyance straining in his voice. “Whatever you wish to know ask me. Don’t make me repeat myself Victoria.”
There’s over a thousand questions flooding through my mind, but do I have a certain amount of questions or chances that I can ask him though? What if I ask the wrong question and he suddenly flips at me. I don’t want him to flip at me; I’d probably freak out and cry myself to sleep— no obviously I won’t. But I’m freaking tired. I just want to sleep.
“Victoria!” He scowls at me.
Oh jeez. I hold my hands up in defence. “I’m thinking!” I scowl back annoyed from his exasperating, demanding behaviour.
I soon realised, I just stuck up for myself. I mentally high-five myself. But when I look at him again, he looks like he’s losing his patience. I might as well ask him.
“Okay.” I pause and take a deep breath. “Why is there so many?” I mumble the question and this time he picks up a ‘material’ from the duvet.
“Because, they always leave.” He shrugs.
I frown.
That wasn’t the type of answer I was expecting but I guess there’s two sides of that question– why is there so many of them? why is there— as in —why have you been in so many sexual relationships?
“Do you know why?” I whisper.
“I have a good idea why, Victoria. I’m not what you’d call easy to handle.”
I couldn’t agree more.
“Okay.” I nod then frown confused. Let’s try for the actual question he managed to dodge but I’ll try to at least leave it more self explanatory. “Why do you choose sex relationships?” I frown.
He sighs and breaks his stare from mine. Both his hands run through his hair and firmly grips onto a handful of his beautiful hair. I bite my lip. Is this the question that he’s avoided? I tilt my head at him confused. When he answers, he doesn’t make eye contact.
“Because it’s the only way I can avoid stress and this–” he pauses, using hand gestures as a way of explaining himself. “This anger inside of me, Victoria. I like the control it brings me.”
Oh.
“Anger?” I whisper to myself. “Is this why you’re so rough?” I mumble, still confused.
But then it dawns on me as soon as that question leaves my mouth.
He’s specifically said he wasn’t easy to handle— meaning these girls he’s been with sexually, couldn’t handle him?
Him in general or— in bed?
“I guess.” He whispers quietly.
I suck in a gush of air as he finally looks at me.
It’s literally impossible to try and guess what he’s thinking. He’s so closed in. But I’ve experienced his change of mood. One minute he’s angry, and then a second after an intense kiss, he’s calm. He was like this earlier.
Does sex seriously make this guy calm?! Like— he needs sex? Why is that weird? It’s not weird it’s fucking eccentric. I let him in too fast. Way too fast!
I can’t ask anymore questions without feeling awkward. If he wants me to be honest, I’d have to send him a message, because it’s just too intense.
“What do you mean by control?” I question.
He frowns. “Victoria, you need to be more specific in what you mean.”
How can I be anymore self-explanatory? I sigh.
“What do you mean by —‘you like the control’ these sex relationships bring?”
“These sex relationships aren’t what you’d anticipate at all.” he says without a trace of humor in his smile. I look at him, and he holds my gaze steadily, impassive. My heartbeat quickens. What the hell does that mean?! I’m too tired for this.
“Can we talk about this in the morning please?” I ask timidly.
He relaxes but sighs.
I didn’t realise how tense he was. “It is morning.”
“Not now.”
I frown and he mirrors my expression.
There’s a slight pause in between us.
Seconds— minutes past and he still hasn’t said anything. His shoulders relax slightly and a throaty sigh escapes through his lips.
“If you wish.” He says, agitated.
He doesn’t move and neither do I. We just sit in complete silence again. He looks preoccupied, kind of like how I feel. He’s given me so much to think about. His roughness— I can’t handle anything rough thanks to Devon. Sex— I can’t even have sex without thinking about Zayn touching me in a way I don’t like that reminds me of Devon— which is still Devon’s fault.
“Are you going to leave?” He whispers.
What?! I wasn’t expecting that. But the question will be stashed away in my mind. It will come out again, I just don’t know when. Will I run?
“I just really want to relax right now.” I mumble, avoiding the question.
He pierces his lips together and sighs.
“Lie down.” He demands softly as he stands tall.
I really, really want him to stay with me, but I know he won’t.
I lie down, tucking myself into the fluffy duvet and take a deep breath. I lie on my side as Zayn comes to my view. He looks worried, why?
“What’s wrong?” I mumble tiredly.
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me Victoria. You need sleep.” He whispers and kisses me softly against my temple.
I know he’s hiding something away. He’s still so tense.
“You have a lot of secrets.” I say quietly.
“What are you doing to me?!” He kneels down so we’re at eye level.
“I believe I’m interrogating you.” I whisper and a small smile pricks at his lips.
“That you are.” He says evenly.
My chest heaves as I see his hand mercifully reach for mine. “Please have faith in me.” He mumbles.
“I do.”
“You don’t, I can see the way you react when I touch you.” His tone is placating as if he’s talking to a child. Reaching up he runs his thumb along my bottom lip.
I swallow hard.
“Do you trust me Victoria? I’m not going to say it again.” Oh Jesus, his moods changed again. I can’t keep up with him.
“I do, I just don’t know where you’re going to touch me.” I bite my lip nervously.
“I’m not going to hurt you Victoria.” He scowls. I mentally hide away from his glare.
“I know, but you’ve clearly stated that you’re rough. I don’t know how far you’re goIng to go.” I whisper timidly.
“I can be gentle.” He gulps. Oh is he nervous?!
“Can you?” I question timidly. I don’t believe him because his voice is telling me something else.
He continues to glare at me, but he doesn’t say anything. “I’ll try. Only for you, Victoria.”
What?
“Mentally Zayn, do you think you can? I don’t want to change who you are if this is what you do?!” I frown. “Wait, don’t answer that question. Just, go get some sleep.” I mumble.
Zayn doesn’t move though. He looks so lost and vulnerable like an innocent adolescent. How can sex make this guy relaxed? I don’t understand. He doesn’t drink excessively, he smokes though, and shouldn’t that be relieving? I don’t know. I don’t understand him but with him looking like this, kneeling in front of me with wide honey brown eyes staring at me like that, I feel like I need to hold him. He looks so, lost and it pains me to see him like this.
“Don’t ever think I’m pressuring you to stay with me Victoria. I don’t want you to feel that way. I’ve tried to stay away from you, but I can’t. I’ve told you it was up to you. Now, here you are.” He whispers.
I blink and shift uncomfortably. He has?
Oh wait, he has— the day before my exams.
He tried warning me when he was at my house and I had no idea what he was talking about– I’m trying to stay away Victoria. But I just can’t. It’s up to you now. I can’t be what you want me to be.
“I remember.” I nod. “I didn’t know what you were talking about at the time.”
“But you have a good idea now. Your innocence and disobedience is sure something. It’s a heady mix I can’t get enough of.” He half smiles but it doesn’t touch his eyes. “You haven’t answered my question Victoria.”
I blink at him confused.
“Are you going to leave?” He asks this time with annoyance clearly written on his face and worry in his eyes.
I bite my lip and shake my head.
“No. Unless, you want me to.” I mumble timidly.
“No I don’t. I’ve wanted to fuck the living shit out of you since you mistaken my little sister as my girlfriend when I first met you.” His eyes darken in a split second.
I gulp, Jesus I think he has this mental thing beeping in his head to remind him when to ruin a moment.
“I’m sorry, you just don’t look related.” I whisper as my face heats up.
“Because she has blue eyes and I don’t?”
“No. How old is she?” I shrug.
“15.”
I scoff. Oh.
“I’m adopted Victoria.” He whispers.
Another confession?! What other secrets does he have?
“How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
“3 girls and I am the only male.” He shrugs.
That’s messed up I guess.
“You should sleep.” I mumble.
He nods and stands tall, that longing look still in his eyes. He really has nice eyes. Before he walks away, I— for some reason— reach out and grab his hand. He stiffens straight away as If I was some initial sign to stop. The currents exhilarate through my body and he turns around to face me.
“Can I at least get a goodbye kiss?” I mumble. “I’m trying, too.”
And again, the triumphs in his eyes are so visible. Holy shit he really does need this sexual intimacy? Jesus.
I want to warn him that I only want a brief kiss, but he looks like he wants more. So much more, but I don’t say anything. I mentally prepare myself. He’s kissed me with such intensity before we arrived in California, and I handled it well; sort of, but it’s been a heck of a lot better than I have been the last 12 hours. I don’t know why I choose now to be so distant from him.
“You know what a simple kiss can do to me. Don’t ask for something you’re trying to avoid Victoria.” He frowns, but I can still see the desperation in him.
He wants to, but he doesn’t want to face rejection.
“I want this as much as you do.” –Well, not quite as much.
“You’re a pathetic liar.” He closes up the distance between us and leans down, his lips hovering over my lips as he locks eyes with mine. “Just one kiss Victoria, I can barely keep myself together when I’m around you.”
What?!
My breathing is so obvious right now. I nod as he cups my face and kisses me softly. But just as he is about to pull away, I wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss and it’s like I could almost feel his self-control unravel inside of him. His hands grasp onto my waist as he presses me down firmly on the bed. My heart is in a panic mode but I’m learning to ignore it— I’m expecting it anyway.
With little strength, he pushes off me. He’s in loss of breath as his forehead presses against mine.
“I want you so badly right now.” He grunts. And his eyes are alive.
The vulnerable man that was with me just a few seconds ago is gone and has now been taking over by this sexpertised man that knows his stuff well. He wants me. Why does that always shock me?
“Yes.” I whisper.
My eyes are wide, blinking rapidly at him as he scans my face, looking for a sign for something I’m not sure of.
“Don’t be afraid of me. Please.” The soft warm Zayn manages to break through and come back to me again.
I nod as he half smiles and locks our lips together again. His overwhelming intensity comes back in full blast.
I feel his hands all over, taking over my body as I’ve left myself vulnerable and open for him to explore me like a piece of art work. The only piece of item he’s kept on me is my shirt and I’m thankful because I’m not fully naked— but him on the other hand; he is hovering over me gloriously naked.
Why does that turn me on?! Because, it’s Zayn.
He leans down to kiss me again, his full body pressing against mine as he rests his elbows down beside my head.
He’s looking down at me, eyes filled with desire and lust. He looks wild, untamed almost. I gulp slowly as he straddles me, but manages to hold his weight easily on his elbows. He rips the foil packet open with his teeth and slides his condom on his large length— doing all this while his eyes are focused on me.
He’s so experienced with all this that he can put a condom on without looking?!
I bite my lip as I peek at his growing erection. My eyes widen as he leans down and kisses my stomach, his tongue trailing up my torso as he raises the shirt fabric just below my breasts.
“Keep still.” He orders.
He sucks down at the sensitive skin of my breast and grazes his teeth against my skin. I moan pleasantly as I feel his hot breath tickling my skin and its then I feel his finger rubbing slowly against my clitoris. Zayn’s other hand skates up my torso, under my shirt and clasps onto my breast as his tongue continues to tease below my breast. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel pleasure and pain at the same time. He bites down again on my skin and it’s an overwhelming sensation. How does this work?!
I squirm as he continues towards my nipples. I take a sharp intake of breath and shift as he nibbles down my erected nipples.
“You need to learn to keep still baby.” He whispers, his hot breath skimming down my torso. He glances up at me as my eyes slowly open.
“Don’t bite your lip Victoria.” He mutters. “Let’s see how you’re doing baby.” He kisses me, probably distracting me from what he’s going to do; I think.
He inserts his finger inside of me and he moans softly into the kiss. “So wet, you’re always ready even when you’re in denial.” When he pulls away, I notice he’s positioning himself.
Oh shit, I squirm suddenly and he stops immediately when he sees my reaction. I swallow hard. I squeeze my eyes shut as his forehead rests against mine.
“Say it Victoria.” He whispers quietly.
What?! I frown confused as I open my eyes to meet his burning intensely into mine.
“Say it!”
Say what?– You’re freaking me out, so go easy on me; What are you doing; I don’t want to do this anymore can we stop; is this going to hurt; what do you mean I’m always ready even when I’m in denial?! I don’t know what he’s talking about.
“Don’t make me repeat myself Victoria.”
Oh. “I trust you.” I breathe.
He sharply inhales and scans my face. He doesn’t believe me.
I cup his face this time.
“I do.” And he kisses me roughly.
Slowly and without any anticipation or warning, he eases himself inside of me. He moans into the kiss as my heart picks up speed again.
“Oh, Re.” He moans.
Oh he sounds sexy when he moans.
I clench my walls around him as he thrusts again. He’s slow, really slow and it actually feels pretty good.
“Look at me baby.” He whispers incoherently.
My eyes open and I’m met with his desired hooded eyes. He’s so alive and I can see the affects of how much sex changes him. How?!
Each thrust he makes becomes deeper and deeper. His eyebrows furrow together as pleasure spikes through his body. His mouth is partially open and I treasure this moment when he looks vulnerable. It’s rare seeing him like this but it’s making me feel good because I’m the reason he feels like this. I grip onto his back as he presses half his weight on me.
He rests his chin against my shoulder and his breathing is ragged in my ear. I feel little kisses along my neck as he picks up speed. I groan timidly as a sharp ping of pleasure bursts through my body. His muscles tense from under my grip as he quickens his pace again. My heart rate matches my breathing and my legs begin to tingle.
Zayn shifts this time, sitting up and placing his hands beside my head so he’s looking down at me. He thrusts a little harder this time and continues more and more. My stomach starts to feel light and I can feel myself building. My lips gape open slightly as I feel my climax reaching at its peak. I think he notices too because his thrusts deepen and I’m overwhelmed with pure pleasure as he continues deeper.
“Come on Baby. Give it to me!”
He grabs my face and kisses me and the beautiful pleasure exhilarates through my weak body and soon after, Zayn stiffens for a few seconds, his eyes screwed closed as his mouth partially opens and moans my name. His torso and arms are tensed as well, and it’s as if I can see every prominent muscle on this beautiful man. He breathes heavily as he supports his weight on his elbows.
“Oh Re.” Zayn breathes.
He opens his eyes and they’re warm; really welcoming and he leans down and brushes his noes against mine.
“Just one kiss.” I mutter under my breath and a small smile appears on his face.
“Are you teasing me Miss Greene?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Why yes, I am Mr Malik.” I giggle, suddenly nervous.
“That’s a beautiful sound.” He whispers, kissing the side of my lip. “I’ve never gone so slow before.”
I bite my lip as he slowly pulls out of me and thankfully— I’m not sore.
He rolls onto the bed and soon sits up, grabbing his sweatpants off the floor.
“But then, I kind of lost it I guess, old habits die hard. I’m sorry.” Zayn mumbles.
He lies down next to me after taking off his condom and pulling on his pants.
“It was good.” I blush momentarily.
He visibly relaxes and I shyly smile at him.
Was he that worried?
“How rough can you take it?” Oh, he’s asking me that?
“I don’t know.” I whisper timidly as my face heats up. Where is this conversation going?!
“I don’t want to take any chances Victoria; I want to test your limits. But I don’t want to hurt you.”
I gulp and raise my eyebrows at him.
Test my limits?!
“That’s only if you’re willing to.”
Willing to?!
“Victoria?”
“I was just thinking sorry.” I shy away slightly as I shift on my side to look at him.
He’s propped himself on his elbow while his other hand trails down my cheek to my chin.
“You seem to over think things. Don’t. I can show you how pleasurable hardcore sex can be, for the both of us.” Zayn half smiles.
Hardcore— I raise my eyebrow again and he chuckles.
“But, it involves obedience and I know that’ll be something we have to work on, if you wish to continue.”
“Continue what?”
“Us.” He frowns.
Us?
“Oh.” My mind starts spinning.
So basically, if I say yes— I’m just going to be a number.
What happens if I do say yes, anyway? Is he just going to be fucking me till dawn? I frown; he knows I can’t handle too much roughness, so why would he want me. If I say no, we are done. He’s just going to walk away as if nothing’s ever happened? And obedience, what? Is he going to boss me around or something—
“Don’t over think this Victoria, I can already tell you are.” Damn it how can he tell?!
“Sorry.” I mumble.
His eyes soften and he leaves a gentle kiss against my lips. “We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
He pulls the duvet over me and kisses me again.
“Zayn?” I mumble, my eyes slowly shutting down. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything, Victoria.” He whispers suddenly confused and curious.
“Why haven’t you ever been in a normal relationship?”
He takes a while to answer and I open my eyes to meet his. He looks tense, strained, I don’t know but I’d give anything to stop him from looking at me like this.
“I’m not capable of Love Victoria. Now go to sleep.” He snaps suddenly and turns off my sidelight before walking out.
Zayn— not capable of… love?
Surely not.