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Schools over. Good. Now I can buy Stripe a top hat. Wait.... No way any store in South Park sells tiny top hats specifically for guinea pigs... Goddamnit- Wait I can order one! Yes! But if I go home now ill have to deal with Tricia.... Oh-
"CRAIG WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME ILL DIE ON MY OWN" Tweek! I forgot about him.
"Hey Tweek. Lets go." He struggles to catch up to me and he finally does he latches on to my arm.
Weird. I havent killed him yet.
"Home? Ack!"
"No. To a café. I hate my sister and I wanna buy a little top hat." I can hear his brain cells fizzing away. Not really.
His face just looks like I told him cows had wings.
He blinks a few times then twitches then blinks again. "Wh-whats a cafe? Youve never mentioned those before... Is- IS IT A GUN OMGOMGOMGOMG-"
I roll my eyes and cover his mouth. This is what makes me want to point a gun to my head.
"Tweek. No. Its a place that sells coffee and um shit..." He blinks. "Whats a shit." I ignore that one and keep forward. Wrong choice of words. "Craig. Craig- Craig whats a shit? Craig?"
"The sky is kinda blue like my hat huh? Oh look at the time I best be going." Then I walk as fast as I possibly can, leaving Tweek behind.
"CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiig..........."
Eventually I get there. I order a mocha and find a table while I look for a tiny top hat. And also wait for Tweek. Cant forget Tweek.
....
I Wonder what Tweek would look like in a top hat-
BANG
"INHALE EXHALE INHALE EXHALE INHALE EXHALE INHALE CRAIG YOU ꀭꆂꏸꑛꋪ!!!!!" "Hey Tweek." He huffs and stomps in the seat across from me as everyone try to ignore the fact that a messy haired blonde dude just busted in here out of breath, screaming.
"That was quick."
He glares at me. Like seriously I think hes mad. "You left. You left me stranded- I COULD HAVE DIED OUT THERE ON MY OWN."
I look back at my phone and keep searching. "Yeah... Yeah I did didnt I- Hey didnt I tell you, you wouldnt die? Youre fine."
He huffs and does... Something. Im not looking at him. "Youre the one who told me youd protect me Craig!"
I pause. I look at him. My face feels abnormally hot. "I said- No I didnt." I look back down at my phone.
Why- What- Why did that make me nervous? I dont get nervous! Im Craig fucking Tucker! Id have all the bitches if the bitches didnt think I was gay!
"Yeah you did! Hey whats that on your face? Why is it red....??"
Jesus I cant ever get a break can I?
"Its um-"
"Your coffee sir." Finally!
I take it and immediately take a sip before Tweek can-
"BFFFFTTTTTTTT"
"CRAIG?!"
I probably shouldve looked before I drank. They gave me the wrong order. Black coffee. Pure black coffee.
"This isnt what the fuck I wanted..."
Tweek grabs the cup. "Is this... Caw.. Fee..?"
I nod as he reluctantly takes a sip. Then he takes another. Then another. Then he downs the whole thing and nearly climbs over the table to get in my face.
"....More....."
I blink. "Tweek are you-"
"Did I stutter? More."
I get up and get in line. I havent punched him or ignored him or straight up left him without still stopping at some point to wait for him to catch up. Im.... Broken.
Eventually I get what I actually ordered and Tweek gets a large black coffee. How does he like this bitter ass fucking- Ah... Alien. I wonder if all people like black coffee are aliens.......
"Is it good?"
"Yeah! Im not even anger about you leaving me anymore!"
"Angry, Tweek."
He nods and continues to drink that disgusting liquid. Hes smiling too. He looks so happy drinking that.... Hes... I-I feel like im forgetting something... I cant stop... Looking..... At Tweek...
Hes... Pret- "So Craig!" I jump. What was I about to- "Is Clyde okay? He was in the nurses office with me. He was crying..." I shrug and try to clear my head. What is wrong with me. I was fine earlier.... "What do you mean you dont know?! Ack! He said he spoke to you!"
I look back at my phone remembering Stripes top hat.
"I wasnt listening. I was thinking about Stripe getting a tiny top hat. Shed look really cute in one."
I wonder how youd look in a top hat. Huh-
"Craig! Ngh! He went to you out of all people and you ignored him?"
I shrug. "He saw that coming. Trust me." Tweek groans and-
"I FOUND IT. LOOK." I show Tweek the perfect tiny top hat in the world. "Are you seeing it- Look look look." He sighs and giggles a little bit.
I like his lau- GODDAMNIT