While I make the hot cocoa, I turn on some music from my phone. It is imperitive that in moments like this, there is music playing. Right now, I am swaying my way through the kitchen to My Girl by The Temptations.
"After today and yesterday, I am realizing how much you love dancing." Cole says quietly.
I turn around, my body turning stiff. I hadn't even noticed I was almost in my dancing form. Shaking my head awkwardly, I turn around. "I loved it, it's just things I do sometimes." I explain.
"You don't have to have an explanation. I just love watching you do it." He admits. Even though he can't see me, and I can't see him, my cheeks grow warm from him saying he loves something I do. There's been only a couple times someone has complimented me as simply as that.
I don't respond as the sky gets darker through the curtains over a short period of time, and when I pour the water into the coffee cups, it is now only the dim lights allowing Cole and I to see.
"Ill turn on one of the overhead lights." He offers as I top off the cocoa with my secret ingredient.
I turn around and practically leap at him to stop him.
"No!" I yell, grabbing his arm from across the island as he stands up. "Havent you heard about never turning on the big light?" I ask, letting go of his arm as he looks at me, almost scared.
"No." He says skeptically.
"Oh goodness," Rolling my eyes I grab the coffee mugs. "Well dont turn it on. It ruins the vibe. And dark settings makes you look better." I add, handing over the coffee mug.
"I dont need a dark light to make me look better New York." He insists with his usual cocky attitude. I roll my eyes once more, trying a sip of my cocoa as I sit down next to him.
"Try." I command, watching him as he picks up the cup.
"For some reason Im nervous."
"You would be." I tease, taking another large sip of the comfort in a cup. It almost tastes like how my dad used to make it.
He smiles as soon as the cup touches his lips, and he swallows with an unreadable expression.
"I thought you said this was hot chocolate." He laughs.
"It is. But spicy." I smile, shaking my shoulders to the fun word. "My family makes it insanely spicy though, so count your blessings." He looks at me, imagining what that must taste like.
"Im not sure what kind of chocolate they have in New York-"
"I mean, I can always drink it if you cant handle the heat Cowboy." I say, reaching to grab his cup. Cole's deep blue eyes stare into mine as he pulls it away and shakes his head.
"Im not saying I cant handle it," I nod at him with a sarcastic annoyed face. "Im just saying you know, something I wasnt expecting."
I smile at him, shaking my head. "That seems to be the case with you huh?"
"What do you mean?" He drinks the cocoa, making a small cringing face after, still sensitive to the heat.
"You never expect my next move." I laugh.
"But its so refreshing to have someone like that. You have no idea how much I admire you for just existing and living your own way without damaging everything around you."
I set down my glass just to listen to him. From his voice, it is easy to tell how much he has thought about this. I had no idea he thought about me in that way. "I mean, trust me, it only seems like that from an outside view." He smiles, staring at my side profile as I drink again, almost finishing it off. "Take a picture itll last you longer." I say after he doesnt look away.
He laughs, sitting closer to the counter now. "Truth or dare New York?"
I shake my head with a smirk climbing across my face. "Youre kidding."
"Hey," He almost interupts, scolding me from not giving him an answer. "Truth or dare?" His voice lowers, making the hairs on my arms stick up. My eyes fly to him, and now it feels impossible to not answer.
"Truth." I answer, running my hands over the rim of my cup.
"Are you happy here?" He asks, gazing into my eyes once more.
I smile awkwardly, shrugging my shoulders up, suddenly feeling uncomfortable by this hard question. Cole watches me, studying my nervous- fidget moves as he waits for an answer. "I-" I pause, trying to think longer for a second. "I dont think so. Not yet." I finally answer. Im almost at the point where I feel like I wont be happy anywhere. "If I was happy, I dont think I wouldve done what I did yesterday because thats exactly what I was doing in New York to distract myself." I watch Cole as he looks down at the counter, thinking to himself about my answer. I wish I could see inside his mind. "Truth or dare?" I repeat in the middle of the silence.
His smirk doesnt come back as he looks up, his parted hair slightly falling into his beautiful eyes. "Truth."
"Are you happy?" I ask, even though I know his answer. I just want to hear his amazingly spoken words. I want to understand Cole Walter more.
"Truthfully," He looks down, also uncomfortable by this seemingly easy question. Happiness is the hardest thing to measure. There is always a questioning to it. There is never a point of one hundred percent happiness. "Sometimes I, just feel kind of, broken." He answers being completely open. I never expected someone as hard-shelled as him to be honest like that.
I nod, showing that I completely understand. And as soon as our eyes meet again, the power goes out with the thunder crashing. "Okay." Cole says. "I have to go check on the kids." He says, standing up.
"I will check the breaker." I respond, also standing up. By the time he gets back downstairs, I am just starring at the switches trying to decide which one is which.
"I swear those kids could sleep through a hurricane." He laughs. Cole leans agains the beam next to the closet and snickers to himself.
"Before you make any comments, Ive got this." I say, looking over at his amused face.
"Never said you didnt."
"Like you werent thinking it." I say, my voice full of attitude as I finally flip a switch and the lights come back. "Aha!" I yell proud of myself.
Cole looks up with a smile, before looking over at me with a defeated face. "Okay, I guess I didnt figure you for an electrician."
I shrug. "Underestimating isnt cool cowboy. But like my mom always said, nothing is so broken that it cant be fixed." Finally a smile climbs across my face as I look at him.
I want him to know that he isn't broken so bad, but I dont know how much he'll actually use that advice.
Before we know it, there is another loud crack of thunder, and it is back to pitch black. "Huh." He hums to himself because of the irony. "Want me to start a fire?" Cole asks, gesturing towards the living room.
"Oh my god, yes please." I follow him into the living room, and sit on the floor, almost in his way as he starts it. "Well shoot," I say in a country accent. "Maybe fire starting is just our thing." We both laugh at my sarcastic corniness as Cole sits down next to me.
"If you were an element, which one would you be?" He asks out of no where. I shrug, watching his whole body as it relaxes.
"What do you think I would be?" I ask, hoping for some kind of inspiration.
"Water." He answers instantly, his eyes moving to the fire as it dances. It is the only thing lighting up his sharp face.
I smile, looking down at my hands. "Why?"
"Youre just so free. You flow with everything, but somehow it goes your way because you knew it would. Its beautiful in all kinds of different ways." He answers, looking over into my eyes. My stomach drops, filling with butterflies from his tender words. He just keeps shocking me more and more.
"It was Lucys birthday yesterday." I finally explain after a short break of silence. Coles eyes fly over to me, and his is quick to scoot closer, trying to find some way to comfort me.
"Elle, Im so sorry." He tilts his head, trying to get a better look at my turned face. A small, sad, smile comes from me as I shake my head.
"You know that teapot?" Cole looks into the fire for a split second and then back at me, nodding. "It was hers. Jackie and her always had that birthday tradition. They would go to thrift stores and get teapots every year. It was silly, I think it had to do with Alice in Wonderland," I look up, meeting his amused eyes and we laugh. "And one year, even though Lucy and I had our own thing, she let me pick one out too." He watches me closely. "That one though, it was her favorite."
"What was she like?" He is quick to ask.
I exhale, closing my eyes. Its like I can almost remember her in front of me. Her presence is just so bright. "Everything I wanted," I laugh, opening my eyes to his comforting ones. "Clever, cool, funny, beautiful. Fearless. Now, she reminds me of this golden light. Every memory I have with her, is filled with this amazing golden orb that sparkles. She was special." He smiles, nodding his head. "Everyone loved her." She was hard to beat.
"Sounds just like you." He compliments, his arm coming off of his knee, and his warm hand meeting mine. My head shakes quickly, refusing to believe that. "But you're definitely a purple orb." He adds, squinting his eyes with thought. My cheeks turn rosy, because it's clear hes thought about this.
"She would have been nineteen." I say, avoiding the compliment. "Its just a number though, right?" I ask, a tear filling my left eye.
Coles eyes light up. Danny told him that exact phrase yesterday about the same number.
"It is just a number." He nods, almost affirming it to himself. I look down and notice our hands as they play with each others, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand back and forth. I didn't even notice them together.
"Cole I-" The door open, a new, blue light casting in on us. Both of us jump almost sky high as our hands fly apart and we turn to the door. His eyes stay on me, filled with dread because of the ruined moment.
"Where are Elle and Cole?" I hear Katherine yell. Coles hand motions to mine once again as he pulls me up off of the floor. We turn towards the doorframe, and thats when I see a heartbroken Alex.
"Found them!" He yells, staring at us. I avoid all eye contact with Alex, looking at my feet instead. Why am I feeling so guilty?
"Hey." Cole says passive aggresively, filling the gap. And before I know it, he is walking away, leaving me behind.
••••
"Um, this was on the floor by the door when I got in here." Jackie says curiously, as she hands me a folded piece of paper.
She stands over my shoulder as I start opening it. "Jackie!" I laugh from her spying.
"Sorry sorry." She laughs, sitting down on her bed. I also head over to my bed, setting down all of my shower stuff to have more than one hand to hand to open it.
I avoid her gaze as she stares intently, waiting for me to explain.
The handwriting is messy, but specifically organized. Each line of the note is perfectly parallel. The minute I realize who it's from, everything in the room feels like it disappeared. My head gets a small rush of excitement looking at the paper. I can't believe he has this sudden power over me.
New York,
I wanna finish the conversation we were having
I'm sorry you got cut off
I'll be waiting to hear you
maybe we can escape soon
-cowboy