[Y/N'S POV]
i nibbled on my lips as i rested against the headboard. i glanced at the digital clock. 2:57AM.
a sigh escaped me and i closed my eyes, hoping sleep would consume me as soon as it can. i could already feel the eyebags colouring itself under my eyes. i desperately wanted to fall asleep yet something within me was chewing my entire being awake. i glanced to my side and a small smile stretched itself. yeonjun was sleeping peacefully on his side. i allowed my fingers to push his messy strands of his hair away from his face so i could see his sleeping face.
"he's so pretty," i murmured. pretty boy, with pretty hair, pretty lips, pretty eyes and pretty everything. "and he's mine?"
i shut my eyes close. the words from the council came back to me and played like a broken radio repeatedly. i know they had a reason to tell me that yet i wished they didn't have to inform me that earlier. now, guilt keeps eating me up and i feel weird. i wanted to stop this feeling, yet i couldn't.
is it really wrong of me to love? i mean, yeah i'm a cupid but is it really illegal? why is it forbidden? can't i alter fate?
a chuckle left me as i shook myself awake from thinking such ridiculous thoughts.
that's stupid. fate can never be changed. if someone is fated to be with another, that reality will happen no matter what.
and maybe, just maybe, yeonjun is fated to be with another and i am here meddling that process.
but then again, fate will never change. in the end, he will return to whoever he is meant to be with and i will return back to being a cupid who will forever be the one setting fated souls together.
but, something within me sparked when i remembered the council telling me that there were cases of cupids and humans being fated together and they did get their happily ever after.
would i be able to be apart of that minority and have my own happily ever after?
i can always do part time cupid and full time yeonjun's soulmate.
maybe i am asking for too much. maybe i am asking for the impossible. yeonjun's soulmate's name is written somewhere in the skies. i can always return to the realm to check if we are fated or not.
but i want to spare myself the heartbreak.
what if it's not my name that's written and another's? what can i do when i make that discovery? i don't think i want to let go of what we can be...
something suddenly clicked as i realized my words. what we can be.
but what if it's my name? it's a 1 in a billion opportunity but if i was destined to meet him, we could be destined together. so, if our names were written together in the sky, along the stars and clouds, i would be over cloud nine, wouldn't i?
"i'm thinking too much." i murmured to myself. i slightly patted my cheek and pushed myself off the bed. my legs dragged me out and i made sure to close the door ever so softly to wake the sleeping male up. my legs led me to the balcony where the moon brightly shone and the twinkling stars blinked back at me. one or two cars zoomed in the streets and i watched as a group of teenagers strolled, their laughter slowly fading out.
i don't know how much time passed but i had long gone to daydream, my eyes staring at nothing in particular and head empty. however, it was the fact that a pair of hands slithered around my waist and the familiar warmth breath fanning my neck brought me back to reality. my boyfriend sleepily whispered to me, his vibrations causing me to shudder slightly.
"what are you not sleeping, baby?" he rested his chin on my shoulder. i could tell that his eyes were still closed and he was trying his best to not drop dead on the floor. i traced his forearms that was around my body, "i was thinking."
"care to share?"
"mhm.. not really," i smiled. yeonjun snuggled himself closer to my embrace. "then, let's sleep. i wanna hug you."
"sorry to wake you up." i apologized and lead the boy in. now that we weren't in the chilly exterior of the apartment, i felt as though the hair on my skin relaxed and my shoulders weren't stiff anymore.
"mm.. make up to me by cuddling me.. mm..." he murmured.
i giggled to myself, eyes now blinking sleepily. we entered his room and yeonjun didn't waste any time to pull me close. i sniffed him, smelling his faint body wash. i raked my fingers through his tousled hair and played with it. however, as seconds passed by, sleep never consumed me but intruding thoughts did. my smile slowly fell flat and guilt returned.
what should i do now? what's the next right thing can i do now?