CHAPTER NINE - LETTER
Davina was driven back to Rick's house by Tara. The journey was quiet, and besides the aching in her bare feet, all she could think about was how to remove herself from Rick's life.
She wanted to ignore other's words telling her to let him go, but she knew it would be a battle with her willpower.
She wasn't lying when she told Rick she loved him. Not really, anyway; she did love him, not completely, but enough. She loved how much he cared about her, more than anyone had ever cared for her at all besides Merle.
She did wish that it had never come down to this, and a small part of her wanted to tell Tara to turn the police car around and take her back to the station so she could confess to her crime, but she was a coward. She feared losing Rick, but she knew they had no future.
They could never be anything more than what they were at that moment. They were bound together by lies, fear and bloodshed.
She was also ashamed of herself for not fully considering Merle's involvement and the sacrifices he had made for her. She owed him an outstanding debt that she knew she would never be able to repay.
It saddened her to think of him alone in a cold, cramped cell.
She also thought of Daryl. Merle's sidekick and only living relative. They were as thick as thieves despite their disagreements, and she knew that even though Daryl wouldn't show it, he would be devastated by the entire situation.
She never thought she would have been friends with people like them, but she would forever be grateful for what they had done for her.
As the police car came to a stop, she snapped from her thoughts. Her eyes were glossy as she held back tears she wasn't even sure she could produce after all the crying she had done.
"Thank you, Officer Chambler," Davina croaked. She cleared her throat as Tara smiled softly at her.
"Next Friday, come to the station and ask for me. I will write the referral and take you down to meet Michonne Hawthorne. She's the woman who set up the programme. I think you will like her."
Davina nodded, "thank you again. I will see you next week," she promised as she unclipped her seat belt and opened the car door.
Tara waved goodbye as she watched Davina knock on the door of Rick's house before driving away.
Davina heard the door unlock, and soon it was open, and Rick appeared with an expectant look on his face. "Come in," he ushered.
Davina walked past him, sitting herself down on his couch. She let out a sigh of relief. She didn't want to talk about what had happened at the police station, but she knew by the look on Rick's face that he was overflowing with questions.
"How did it go?" Rick asked, sitting in the chair across from the couch.
Davina sighed and crossed her legs, "it went okay. I don't think they suspect me of anything; I told them I must have left my phone there when I went to see Merle. They seemed to buy my story."
Rick nodded and laced his fingers together, resting them between his knees, "that's good. Did they mention us?" he asked nervously.
She couldn't gauge the look on his face. Curiosity, with a hint of fear, and something she couldn't decipher. "They did," she began. "I told them you had found me the night of the murder wandering around drunk and brought me back here. They know you were trying to help me with the programme."
"Okay," he said slowly, expecting more.
She sighed, "I said we had grown close and that we had been sleeping together, but," she almost shouted the last word as his eyes widened, "I made it clear that you have never paid me. The Sheriff didn't even seem to care about what was going on between me and you. He just wanted to figure out why my phone was in the Motel room."
Rick sighed in relief. "Okay, that's good. I will make sure If they ask me any question about that night, I follow your story."
Davina picked at her nails, unable to look at him, "there is something else we haven't thought about, though."
"Go on."
"None of us expected my phone to be found there. What if Merle gives them another reason for my phone being there than I have."
"Shit," Rick hissed.
______
Rick had two hours before Merle was questioned again before being transferred to await a court date. He knew that the officers questioning him would bring up Davinas's phone.
Rick had taken a day shift specifically to try and talk to Merle while Davina waited at his house for Daryl to bring her belongings, but all his attempts to get close had failed so far.
He couldn't stop watching the clock. He drummed his fingers against the desk nervously before making a break for it out of the room. Nobody appeared to notice him leave abruptly.
He headed to the cells, knowing soon that the officers in charge would change over for lunch breaks.
As he rounded the corner, he spotted Leon Basset sitting at the desk, twiddling his thumbs and looking bored.
Leon was a reasonably new recruit and did anything possible to make his work day easy.
Rick approached with caution, smiling and greeting Leon. "Long Day?"
Leon groaned and leant back on his chair, "so long."
Rick chuckled, "tell me about it. Lunch break soon, though, right?"
Leon nodded, and as if on cue, his stomach growled.
Rick smiled, "why don't you head off now? I can wait around for your cover."
Leon's eyes widened in glee. "Really? Thanks, man, i'm so hungry,"
"Yeah, it's no problem at all," Rick smiled as he watched Leon rush to leave the room.
Leon was a decent guy, albeit a bit empty between the ears, and Rick almost felt bad for tricking his work colleague, but he knew if he hadn't, he would be slammed into one of the cells nearby if Merle didn't corroborate Davina's lies.
Once he was sure Leon had left, Rick made his way towards the cells. Most were empty, but at the end, he spotted Merle sitting alone in a cell.
When Merle caught a glimpse of Rick, he shot up off the bench and headed towards the cell bars.
"Officer friendly," he called. He grinned, but Rick could see the fear in his eyes.
Rick shushed him and looked around to ensure no one else was nearby.
"You need to listen and say nothing, " he ordered. "They found Davina's phone at the motel. They brought her in for questioning."
Merle's eyes widened as he listened intently to Rick.
"She told them that she came to your motel room the first night you booked the room and had sex but left straight after and hasn't seen you since. You need to stick with that story. They're going to question you before you're transferred to Atlanta."
Merle nodded his head, "okay, got it. She came to my room the first night I checked in. We fucked, and she left and that must have been when she left her cell behind," Merle repeated, "but my girl, she's good, right?"
Rick nodded. Jealously crept in, hearing Merle call Davina his girl, but he momentarily pushed it aside. "Yes, she's okay. I've got to go," Rick said as he heard the far door open and close.
Rick rushed off, leaving Merle behind, pacing his cell.
Rick was glad that was over. He prayed that nothing else would crop up. He felt as though he was getting closer and closer to being arrested for covering up a murder. Not further away.
_____
When Rick's shift ended, he made his way home straight away despite people rallying around and asking everyone to come to the local bar to celebrate their long, stressful week being over.
Rick entered his house, dropping his keys into the bowl by the door. He didn't call out for Davina. Assuming she was around somewhere.
He walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, taking out a cold bottle of beer. As he turned to the kitchen island to open his beverage, he noticed a slip of paper.
Rick,
I know you're probably not expecting this, but I'm going back with Daryl. We both know that whatever this is between us won't last.
We're bound together in a horrific way, and I know if we stay friends or become more, you will come to hate and resent me for what I've done and what you've felt obligated to do.
I have made your life a chaotic mess since the first day we met, and I wish I could turn back the clocks and change it all.
Please, I beg you. Don't look for me. Ignore me if you see me in the street; pretend I don't exist.
I'm not worth the time or the effort.
I'm going to turn my life around and be there to support Daryl through this hell and hope one day he forgives me for what has happened with Merle.
Thank you for being so kind to me.
Thank you for everything you've done.
I will never understand why, but I will always be grateful.
Goodbye.
Love, Davina.
Rick held the letter in his hand all night, re-reading it repeatedly.
He wanted to be angry at her for abandoning him after he risked so much for her, but he was hurt that she didn't trust him enough to believe that together, they would have made it.
He couldn't comprehend that she didn't fully understand how much he had risked for her; he wouldn't have done any of that if he saw her as a nobody. He didn't want to pretend she didn't exist. He didn't want to ignore her if he saw her in the street.
If it wasn't for the fact that he was rooted in one spot, devastated beyond comprehension, he was sure he would have driven himself to Daryl's house hours ago.