Sabrina had always felt like the winter holiday was the best time of year to be at Hogwarts. The castle always went above and beyond with its decorations, from the trees to the holly wreaths, and even to the constant sound of Christmas carols from the ghosts that echoed throughout the halls as students passed by. To top it off, the ceilings had been enchanted to make it seem like it was snowing inside, thus calming Sabrina's anxiety as she stared at the beautiful magical snowflakes falling into her porridge.
It was so strange. A year ago, Sabrina had been completing trials for the Keepers and fighting with Sebastian and Ominis. About what, she couldn't even remember. And now she was making plans to spend Christmas with Minerva and Theo.
Her parents. She was spending Christmas with her family. Good Lord, that would take some getting used to.
"I am glad to be finally getting out of the snow this year," Natty said as she ate her breakfast with Sabrina. "Last year was much too cold."
"If you're not used to it, I'm sure it's troublesome," Sabrina agreed. She wasn't really eating, but instead was playing with her spoon around the bowl. "But it will be nice for you to see your family."
"Yes," Natty said. "Even if my uncle has smelly feet and my grandmother likes to complain to my mother about everything wrong with me."
There was a hint of bitterness in Natty's voice that didn't escape Sabrina's perception. She was just about to ask what was making Natty so upset when they were interrupted by Anne Sallow's angry screams of her own.
"Sebastian Thomas Sallow! Just stop!"
Sabrina looked up, hearing the angry voices coming from just behind the Great Hall's doors. She and Natty stood up and quickly ran out to see what the commotion was, and were met with Anne's angry red face as she tried to march away from Sebastian. Aurelia was standing next to Anne with a red face of her own hiding behind her hands..
Sebastian desperately reached out to grab his sister. "Anne, wait–"
Anne quickly pulled her arm away. "DON'T TOUCH ME WITH THOSE FINGERS! I already know where they've been, I don't even want to think of where else you put them!"
"Look, we didn't think anyone would be out there!"
"You couldn't think of doing it in a more private place?"
"What is going on?" Sabrina asked as she tried to settle down Anne.
Behind Sebastian, she saw Poppy running into the hall looking windblown and disheveled. In fact, even Sebastian was looking like he had just barely put his clothes on. "Anne, I'm sorry, we didn't mean to–" Poppy began.
"Sweet Poppy, I don't blame you." Anne diverted her gaze back to her twin brother. "I blame my brother who apparently has turned into a perverse little git!"
"Anne, c'mon! What is so bad? You and Aurelia are doing it!"
"Not in public, you daft bimbo!"
Aurelia gasped silently and turned her face away from Anne. It was here that Sabrina noticed that she was trying to stop herself from laughing.
Then Sabrina put the pieces together.
Both Poppy and Sebastian were now looking like they wanted to hide in a hole.
"Sebastian, you didn't...." Sabrina finally said in disbelief.
"It wasn't anything that crazy," Poppy mumbled as she avoided the looks and stares from everyone else. "We just...."
Aurelia turned to Sabrina finally and whispered to her, giggling. "We found them in the Quidditch broom cupboard. And their hands were in each others' pants."
Sabrina and Natty felt their jaws drop as they stared at their friends. Sabrina's head was warm with secondhand embarrassment and shock as the images began to form in her head. "Oh God, Sebastian–"
Sebastian was trying so hard to look unbothered, but his eyes were failing him miserably.
"We leave for the Christmas holiday in two days!" Anne scolded again. Her gaze was hard and fixated on Sebastian as if she was a mother yelling at her child after he was caught stealing. "If you're going to sleep with Poppy before then, at least do it somewhere where no one can find you!"
Poppy hid her face in Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian only gave a faint nod. "Alright."
Natty finally spoke up. "I never thought you were one for public indecency, Poppy."
Poppy glared. "Oh shut up."
–
Ominis met Sebastian in the Undercroft and told him again the plan that he had made with Corvina, mostly as a way to calm and reassure himself that everything would be fine. That this would work.
"Corvina is going to probe their minds," Ominis explained. "Anything she thinks they could do to me, she'll alert me beforehand. When Father is preoccupied, she'll go looking around the house for information. If she can find proof of my father's dealings with Rookwood and the Ashwinders, we'll bring it back here and reassess it to see if we can take it to the Ministry."
Sebastian was frowning as a sense of dread and unease came over him. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as his hands were running through his hair. He couldn't help but think that this plan seemed desperate and reckless. "Are you sure this will work? And that you can trust her?"
Ominis nodded before he went to sit back on the couch. He had been pacing anxiously before, and even now as he sat down he was twirling his wand between his fingers. "I know I can," he said. "And it's the only plan we have."
"Ominis, why don't you just run away?" Sebastian asked. He saw Ominis tense up. "You and Sabrina could run off, hide, and stay as far away from the Gaunts as you can. If you hide well enough, they'll never find you."
"They will always find me," Ominis sighed. "And it isn't about me. If I run away with Sabrina, I risk getting her killed. I risk getting her parents killed...." He turned his head to Sebastian. "I would risk getting you or Anne killed.... No. Running away would not solve the problem."
"But you could be happy."
"But we would not be safe."
"But you would be together. Ominis, I would kill again for you if I had to."
"You don't mean that."
"Do you want to find out?" Sebastian sighed. "At least consider it an option, running away I mean."
Of course it was an option, Ominis felt. But he was trying to be brave. He was still trying to protect her.
Sebastian sighed and leaned back in his chair. His gaze turned to the fireplace and tried to think of another plan, but Ominis was right. Running right now wouldn't solve anything. And if Marvolo was anything, it was that he was determined when he wanted to be. Nothing stopped him when he was on a mission.
"Can you do me a favor?"
Sebastian looked back at Ominis. "Anything."
"Can you tell Sabrina that tomorrow night I'll be waiting for her in 'our place'?" Ominis hesitated. "I... I know she's still angry at me. I've hardly spoken to her in two weeks but... I'm hoping... if she still loves me–"
"Of course she still loves you."
"--If she still loves me, I hope she will meet me there. So I can talk to her one more time."
Ominis hated this. He felt like he was walking to his death, and he felt like he was beginning to panic just thinking of everything that this Christmas trip home was sure to bring him.
He was sure his father wasn't particularly happy. Lord Gaunt had been so insistent on the bloodline staying pure, but the only young females left in the family were Verena and Corvina. Marrying siblings wasn't uncommon, however, as Ominis' own parents had been half siblings. Ominis was genuinely curious how his father finally caved and came to the conclusion that marrying a Rookwood was a good match.
Ominis was also worried about the wedding date. Lord Gaunt had promised Ominis he could finish his education at Hogwarts before he got married, but he was famous for breaking his promises. If the date was moved up, they would all have to move quickly.
More importantly, Ominis had to know about where he stood with Sabrina. Before he believed it entirely, he needed to know and hear from Sabrina that she did not want to be with him. He had to know how much he needed to fight while he was at the manor. Corvina had told him that Sabrina loved him as much as he loved her, but Ominis still had a hard time believing it, particularly now.
Sebastian sighed, but nodded. "Yeah. I'll tell her."
"Thank you."
For a minute, the boys sat in a comfortable silence.
"So you and Poppy were caught having sex in a broom cupboard?"
Sebastian groaned loudly.
–
After dinner, Anne had insisted on taking a walk with Sabrina that night. She used the excuse that she needed it to clear her head, but Sabrina was certain there was more to it.
And there was. "Sabrina, are you absolutely sure you want us around for the Christmas holiday? You'll be with your parents, and the last thing we want to do is impose–"
"I've already checked with Theo, and he said it's fine," Sabrina explained yet again to Anne. "He agreed that you two shouldn't have to spend Christmas alone. And I don't want you to." She paused before she said her next statement. "Frankly, I need you there for my own selfishness too. I'm so nervous about meeting Minerva, I honestly don't know how I'm going to be. I would really appreciate the support."
Anne put an arm around Sabrina's waist warmly. "Everything is going to be fine," she reassured her.
There was something else bothering Sabrina, but she felt it was too painful to say aloud.
Sensing her unease, Anne asked for her. "Have you spoken to Ominis yet? He's going home tomorrow."
Sabrina hadn't. Not since her confrontation with Coraline Rookwood had Sabrina had another chance to speak with Ominis. In her defense, he seemed to be avoiding her. She was sure Ominis was too busy now with his engagement and fiance to really care about her. She could only imagine how much Coraline was driving him crazy and how much pressure he was feeling now.
It wasn't fair. After everything that they had endured and everything Sabrina had done and put up with, this was their reward? Ominis would be going back to the manor, and no one knew how he would be when he returned or if he was returning at all.
All of those moments that Sabrina and Ominis shared felt like an impossibility. Every talk in front of the fireplace, every late night they spent in the Room or the Undercroft doing homework or talking about the world or just simply laying in each other's arms now felt like a tainted dream. Sabrina was never going to get it back no matter how hard she tried. She had brought up running away with Ominis, but he had been so adamant and determined with standing his ground that he wouldn't even consider the idea.
Coraline had taunted this pain and torment in front of Sabrina, but she had absolutely no clue just how much this was all killing her.
Anne took in her silence and sighed. "I know you two are having a rough time. But please, Sabrina, try to forgive him? I'm very certain he would love to talk to you before he went home."
Sabrina looked up at her friend and realized she was on the verge of tears. "Anne," she began, her voice now very dry. "I feel like I've lost him."
Anne nudged her gently. "He told Sebastian the same thing."
–
Sabrina had not been to Feldcroft in a long time.
At least, she had not been to this version of Feldcroft in a long time.
The bright blue sky shone bright against the soft Scottish snow that had engulfed everything around her, and the stone house belonging to Isidora Morganach was no longer a ruined site but a fully built and ornate house. The cold air whipped around Sabrina and through the trees, but through the window she could see a fire going, and she could smell whatever dinner was being prepared through the wooden door.
However, instead of sitting inside, Isidora was sitting on a bench on the edge of the cliff overlooking the valley. She was wrapped in her warm clothes and was deep in thought as Sabrina approached her cautiously.
"You destroyed my repository." Isidora's voice didn't seem as angry as she should have been.
Sabrina went and sat down next to the woman. "I did. Professor Rackham thought it was impossible."
"Percival thought everything was impossible."
For a moment, the two didn't speak. Sabrina broke the silence. "Why am I here? The last time I was in your memories, it was because the Keepers were trying to teach and manipulate me into keeping my magic a secret."
Isidora turned her brown eyes to Sabrina. "This isn't a memory. But I suppose it is a lesson."
"A lesson?" Sabrina looked back at Isidora. "A lesson in what?"
"Selfishness. And love."
Sabrina was confused.
"You have great control over your magic and your emotions, which is good particularly for someone your age," Isidora began. "It was how you were able to destroy my magic in the first place. However, you're still reverting back to your old ways."
"My old ways?"
"You think you're unworthy of love. You think you are undeserving of it, and that everything going on between you and the Gaunt boy is a consequence of you trying to be selfish."
Sabrina stood up angrily. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"I do. I went through a similar thing."
Sabrina didn't reply, but had wandered to the edge of the hill to get lost in her thoughts.
Isidora stood up and joined her. "I was in love once. But the man I was in love with was betrothed to someone else. And instead of trying to be selfish, I fought to stay out of it. We worked together on the repository, and our romance bloomed to such an extent that I even gave birth to his son. However, my feelings for him is what became my true demise. Instead of facing my feelings head on, I preoccupied my time with taking away pain. I couldn't control how he felt about me, but I could control how others felt."
"Why are you telling me this?" Sabrina snapped as she looked back at the ghost. "What lesson are you trying to teach me? If you're wanting me to be selfish and go after Ominis, then you have no idea–"
"I ignored my feelings for him. If I had tried to go after him, my life would have been different."
"So why didn't you? Why did you not go after him?"
"Because I knew deep down he did not reciprocate those feelings."
Sabrina turned away.
"The difference between you and I is that your lover truly cares for you. You have to stop letting people walk all over you, and you have to teach your mind that it's alright to go after what you want."
"But being selfish can get him killed." Sabrina turned her gaze back to Isidora. "If I go after Ominis, he will die. I've already lost him once. I cannot lose him again."
Isidora only gave her a gentle smile. "You haven't lost him yet."
–
When Sabrina woke up, she was confused at first. It took her a moment to realize that she was back in the Room of Requirement, and that she must have fallen asleep there instead of going back to her dorm room the night before. After her walk with Anne, she felt like she still had too much on her mind and had wandered off here in an attempt to get some more reading done.
Sabrina sighed as she sat up. She began brushing her hands through her hair in a feeble attempt to calm her wavy hair, but after a moment she realized that she was working in vain. No amount of brushing could get her hair under control, nor could it settle down her anxious and racing mind.
Her conversation with Isidora left her more confused and lost than ever. Her story of her not going after her lover seemed half-hearted if true at all. And her telling Sabrina to be selfish? She had no idea how dangerous that would be.
Of course Sabrina wanted to be selfish! She wanted to yell at Ominis and tell him that she wanted him for herself. She wanted to tell him to choose between his family obligations and her, but in the end that wouldn't be fair. It wasn't his fault he was in this mess!
Of course she wanted to tell Ominis not to go home. Of course she wanted to tell him to come home with her for Christmas. Of course she wanted to tell him to run away with her again. She had only half meant it the first time she suggested it, but now it seemed like her only way out.
She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and tell her everything would be alright. She wanted him to be there in her darkest moments, just as she had tried to be there for him.
"My brother is threatening to hurt the girl I'm in love with."
His words were so earth shattering. They brought her to her knees.
"I'm not strong enough to stay away from her!"
She was crying now.
"I'm never letting you go again."
"You are going to be my best kept secret."
Her chest was squeezing her so hard she almost couldn't breathe.
"I just want to avoid you going through any more pain. Why is that so hard to ask for?"
"I almost lost you, Sabrina. I will not lose you again!"
She almost didn't hear the door to the Room open.
A moment later, she saw the red pulse of a wand coming down the hallway, and then Ominis was in front of the doorway. He stood frozen for a few moments as he took in his surroundings. She sat on the bed in silence, unsure of what to say to him.
"I wasn't sure you would be here," Ominis said, breaking the loud silence in the room.
Sabrina looked down at her hands to avoid his gaze. "I, uh... I had a hard time sleeping."
"As did I."
She looked back up at him. Ominis was so pale his face lacked color aside from the dark purple circles and wrinkles under his eyes. He looked like he had lost weight as his clothes seemed slightly large on him, and his hair was not as combed back like it normally was.
Ominis Gaunt looked like a mess. Sabrina felt awful.
"Sabrina...." Her name always sounded like a symphony on his lips. "Please believe me when I say I'm trying to get out of this engagement. I think... I may have a way out, but I won't know if it will work or not until after I get back."
This interested her slightly. He wasn't lying, she could tell.
"And I've done some thinking...." Ominis paused and swallowed nervously. "If I cannot get out of this arrangement, I want to run away with you."
She felt something within her start to release.
"I don't know where we'll go or how we'll get away from the family, but I cannot stay a moment longer."
She was watching him closely and watched as his armor seemed to finally start to slip off. He was just as afraid of going home as she was for him.
"I know I said that running away was the cowards way out, but I've never been much for bravery...." Ominis took a step forward. "If it is the only way I can be with you, I will run with you. All I know is that I cannot stay away from you. I won't stay away from you. You bring light into my dark and horrible world, Sabrina, and I..." She could see his tears start to come to his eyes. "Please, I cannot lose you again."
Sabrina felt her own tears threaten to spill. Watching as Ominis poured his soul into his words made Sabrina realize for the first time in a long while just how much he loved her. He was willing to give up his morals for her, his convictions. He was ready to give up his family, his wealth, his entire life just for another moment with her. Surely when he went home tomorrow, his family would torment him about her again, and the pain they gave him she knew would bring anyone to their breaking point.
Something began to burn in Sabrina. She heard Isidora's words begin to echo in her mind.
"The difference between you and I is that your lover truly cares for you. You have to stop letting people walk all over you, and you have to teach your mind that it's alright to go after what you want."
What did Sabrina want?
That was easy. She wanted Ominis Gaunt to herself. She wanted to tell him not to go home, to stay with her, to be with her, and to forever tell people that Ominis belonged to her and only her. She couldn't stand the thought of being without him another moment. She couldn't stand the thought that Coraline Rookwood would have what Sabrina wanted and deserved. Coraline wasn't allowed to have him.
"You haven't lost him yet."
"Ominis," she spoke softly. "If I asked you to make love to me tonight, would you do it?"
She saw as her words sunk in for him. Ominis' breath hitched slightly, and he swallowed nervously before he answered. "Without a moment's hesitation."
Sabrina felt her heart beating painfully in her chest as she stood up.
Ominis began walking towards her. "But I have to ask... why?"
She took a deep breath and watched Ominis approach, waiting for an answer. "Because I am terrified of losing you," she replied. Something in her broke, and all of her thoughts were now flooding out of her mouth. "When you go back to that house, I don't know how you'll come back to me. I don't know what your family or the Rookwoods will do to you, and it terrifies me." She stared into his eyes and allowed herself once more to get lost in the blue pool of haze that always seemed to calm her burning soul. "So before they make you love someone else, I want to know for myself that this wasn't just an illusion. I want...." She was beginning to cry now. "I want you, Ominis. I want to be selfish and I want to tell the world that I love you, and with my whole body and soul I want to know that even if it was just for a fleeting moment that you loved me too."
His hands reached out and grabbed her own, holding them to his chest tightly to anchor them both to that moment. Ominis leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles, and Sabrina felt his own tears gently on her hands. He brought his face back up to hers and spoke softly. "If any of this was an illusion, then I never want to wake up. With everything I am or ever will be, please remember that I love you. No words can describe how much those words are true, but they are. Sabrina Lewis, I cannot live without you. I will not live without you."
She released a small sob before she took a deep breath. "Ominis, please make love to me."
Ominis gripped her hands tighter. "My dear, I'll never make you ask twice."
-----
A/N: The next chapter is smut, so if this is where I leave you, then MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I hope you all have a wonderful winter holiday, and thank you so much for sticking with me this year! This fandom has truly blessed me and brought so much joy to my life, I cannot thank everyone enough! Don't forget comments are love, and thank you so much for reading!!