CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
everything ends, people change,
hearts change, love dies,
nothing is the same every day.
THE CHEST FEELING: THAT BONE-crushing feeling in your chest when something breaks your heart to the point where you can feel your own heartbreak. the heartbreak that made you realise that after all the good and bad memories, all the good times that you thought were the best moments of your life weren't really worth it in the end.
you can't look at a single picture without thinking about everything you were feeling and asking yourself how you didn't realise. the pictures, the videos, the times you were your happiest and you were so stupid for not realising your good moments were coming to an end.
that's the thing about life, it throws the things that you wouldn't even dream of imagining happening to you and when it does, you feel it all come at you at once.
you feel like the world has stopped moving, like everything in your life was just stopped and put on hold but either way, you don't want to change because you find comfort in your sadness.
your life falls apart at that chest break, you realise that whatever has happened is the worst thing that could ever happen.
Bambi Routledge was used to change, she was used to needing to do things the average teenager shouldn't be doing just to survive.
when she heard the words come out of her twin brother's mouth, she felt that chest feeling, she felt all the reasons for her to keep going disappear whether she liked it or not.
sure, she knew her dad was dead and that he was probably never going to come back but there was still a chance and now she knew that it was never going to happen.
she knew that one day she wouldn't wake up and see him in the living room, cheering her and the pogues on for finding what he had been searching for for years.
even though she didn't want to, she knew that they couldn't rekindle their relationship and put the past behind them.
he was dead, and she knew why. she knew that he didn't just decide to leave one day and never come back, she knew that he didn't abandon his kids just for some stupid gold.
he was killed, by Ward Cameron. the dad to her brother's girlfriend and the dad to the boy that she had formed somewhat of a relationship with, even if it wasn't a good one.
she felt her heart beating out of her chest, the muffled sounds making her just want to go to sleep as she sat in her room, a beer in one hand and a joint in the other.
she had asked the pogues to leave her alone, JJ included because she knew that if they said one word or asked if she was okay, she would break.
she stared at the envelope that she had kept hidden under her mattress since she got home from the graveyard, her dad's handwriting finding a way to engrave in her mind.
she thought he was the worst person in the world, she thought that he didn't care about her, or John B or what happened to him but now she was questioning herself.
what would have happened if Ward didn't kill him? would he have come home to his kids and lived happily ever after in the chateau?
she wanted to open the envelope, see what he had to say but for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to do it. she still had an unfamiliar feeling in her stomach when she looked at it.
hearing a small knock on her door made her slip it under her mattress again as she got up, wiping her eyes before she opened her door.
she gave a small smile when she saw the blonde standing outside her door, a beer in his hand as he passed it to her, "i know you said you wanted to be alone but you know me, i can't stay away from you for that long."
Bambi gave a small chuckle at the boy, appreciating his attempt to make her smile before letting him inside her room.
"you want to talk about it?" he asked, taking a seat on her bed as she made her way over to him, taking a seat next to him and leaning her head on his shoulder.
"i thought he just left us, all these years and now i'm only finding out Ward killed him after finally deciding that i hate him." she began, staring at her floor as she spoke.
"at least now you know what really happened." JJ sighed, leaning his own head on hers, "your not in the dark anymore."
"how did he even get himself involved with Ward, i don't think i ever seen them speak even once." Bambi thought, the beer in her hand just sitting there as she stared at it.
"we didn't even see Sarah or John B speaking once before they got together." JJ pointed out, making the girl look up at him in realisation.
"we should probably go and find John B before he gets himself put in prison." the girl groaned, running a hand through her hair as she stood up.
"and you say i'm impulsive?" JJ chuckled, following right behind the girl as they walked out of her room and towards Pope and Kiara.
THE POGUES HAD BEEN SITTING ON THE
HMS pogue for the past couple of hours with binoculars, trying to see if they could see John B.
after not seeing either him or Ward, Bambi had concluded that he wasn't there and Ward was okay but no matter what, Kiara was stuck on staying there, waiting.
Bambi had taken a seat on the bow of the boat, she sat there with her feet in the water, looking up up at the sky, wondering if her dad could be up there, looking down at them.
it was clear that everyone was bored and wanted to go back home but still, Kiara refused, "so what now? we just go up to the door and ask, 'hey have you seen John B?'"
"look, he lives at Tannyhill now. it's plausible." Kiara started, "we can play dumb."
Bambi scoffed at her idea, "play dumb?"
"look i've never seen John B like that." Kiara began, turning to Bambi who had begun to stand up, "i bet you haven't either. we should honestly be going to the cops."
"the cop—" JJ raised an eyebrow, "yeah and say what kie? 'we're worried about our friend because he's going off on a rampage because Ward Cameron killed Big John'? like, they're not going to believe us."
"John B just needs time to himself, he's angry at the moment and soon he will calm down and find us again to explain all of this," Bambi told Kiara, walking over to JJ and taking a seat beside him.
"hey, i see Ward." Pope let them know, holding the binoculars up to his eyes.
Kiara walked over to him, wanting to see for herself, "let me see."
"doesn't look dead to me, let's go home," Pope concluded, walking over to the wheel.
"what?" Kiara turned back to look at him.
"uh..okay, obviously Mr Cameron is fine, and even if John B was here, he isn't now, okay?" Pope ruled out, "plus, i have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours."
"yeah, well, our friend is in trouble." Kiara fired back, starting to get annoyed.
"i'm in trouble." Pope told her, "guys, i haven't been home in three days, my dads probably put all of my shit on the street by now."
"i agree with Pope." Bambi spoke up, standing up and walking to the wheel, beside Pope "i'm ready to go home, have a joint and go to sleep."
Kiara looked at the pair, stopping them from starting the engine, "okay so that's it? in a time of need your just going to bail? your both just going to walk away?"
"okay, yo, guys, can we not do this right now?" JJ asked, fixing his hat on his head.
"John B is my twin brother, i know him better than any of you so i think i should know what he's going to be like when he's mad." Bambi pointed out but was stopped by JJ grabbing her hand and pulling her aside.
"i know your upset but please don't start an argument," he told her, making her sigh and nod.
"hey, i have a scholarship interview in the morning, i can-"
deciding she had had enough, Kiara interrupted the boy, "what about John B?!"
"why is it always about John B?" Pope fired back, making the girl stare at the floor.
"it's not always about, John B, your so stupid!" Kiara threw at him, "it would be any of you guys in this situation!"
"oh, bullshit!"
"guys-" JJ tried to stop them but they carried on, "bring it down."
seeing that the blonde was stressed and clearly not in the mood for arguments, Bambi wrapped her hand around his and placed her head on his shoulder, softly kissing it first.
"this is about friendship!" Kiara told pope, now shouting, "this is about Pogues for life!"
"what about forensic pathology, huh?" Pope asked, believing that that was the only important thing in his life at the moment.
"forensic pathology?" Kiara raised an eyebrow, walking around to Pope so she could face him.
"it's my life, everything i've worked for!" Pope tried to reason with her but Kiara was too upset to even listen to him.
"that's your priority?" she asked.
"stop with the moral high ground bullshit!" Pope fired, making Kiara stop and look at him, JJ and Bambi thinking it had gone too far now.
"i thought Pope was the quiet one." Bambi thinned her lips, lifting her head from JJ's shoulder, both of them standing up.
JJ just wanted the whole thing to be over, he didn't like people shouting, "Pope, come on."
"no, no. she has no room to talk." he shook his head, "where were you when Big John went missing? you weren't there. you weren't there for John B, Bambi, you weren't there for any of us."
"the good old days, when pogues and kooks didn't mix." Bambi relived, earning a look from Kiara and a nudge from JJ.
"remember your kook year?" Pope asked the girl in front of him, "yeah, you forgot about us and now you feel guilty."
"give me a break!" Kiara shouted, pushing the boy back but it only resulted in Pope pushing her back, the two beginning to shout at each other.
JJ immediately ran over to them, stopping them from hitting each other, "hey! yo, yo, yo, cut it out, all right? if i'm the one meditating, we've hit rock bottom."
Pope looked at JJ who was clearly the one in control now, "Bow, now, go!"
pope did as he was told whilst Kiara decided to take her own seat on the opposite side of the boat, "i don't know about you guys but i think we should go home." Bambi called out.
JJ turned the boat on, knowing that that was probably the best idea, "Pope i'll drop you off."
THE NEXT MORNING THE POGUES, MINUS Pope sat on the deck outside the chateau.
Kiara found him sitting there after she woke up and soon after, Bambi and JJ came out.
JJ sat on the railings with Bambi, a joint between them as John B told them and Kiara what had happened on his little fishing trip with Ward and how he decided to steal the gold too.
"you sure he took everything?" Kiara asked, trying to sound hopeful but she knew that deep down, Ward wouldn't leave a single piece.
"every bar, the whole enchilada." John B sighed, taking off the cast that sat on his arm, "it's not like i expected a happy ending or some shit."
"John B-"
"what, kie?" John B looked at the girl, "it's a hairline fracture, who cares?"
"you should care, your arms gonna be messed up for life." Kiara rolled her eyes.
Bambi passed the joint to JJ before getting off the railings and standing up, looking down at JJ, "thought you should know that JJ and i are dating, your the last to know."
John B sat up and looked at her before looking at JJ, "why am i the last to know?"
Bambi raised her eyebrows in surprise when he didn't shout, she honestly thought he would think it was a bad idea, "your not mad?"
John B shook his head and shrugged before laying back down, "you can't control who you fall for but are you sure you're going to be able to handle her, JJ?"
Bambi gasped as JJ laughed, getting off the railings and walking over to Bambi, putting his arm around her, "she's just like me, dude, nothing can go wrong."
just as Bambi was about to say something, she was stopped by a voice calling them out and when she turned to see who it was, Pope was running over to them.
"oh! oh! oh god, i ran all the way here." he panted, leaning over to catch his breath once he got up to them.
"you all right?" John B asked.
"aren't you supposed to be in your interview right now?" Bambi raised an eyebrow.
"don't ask." Pope told them before looking at John B in seriousness, "JB, look, i'm sorry, dude, about everything."
"it's fine." John B dismissed.
"but, i don't have a lot of time and—and i have information that is tactically relevant," Pope told them, everyone raising their eyebrows in question and wondering what it was.
"just as i thought i got a break," Bambi joked, running a hand down her face.
"so, before my interview, my dad said he was going down to the private strip to cut palms for Cameron's' big plane." he explained, "because it was too heavy and it needed a longer landing strip to take off."
Bambi and JJ moved to sit on the floor and lean against the wood, Bambi pressed a light kiss on JJ's shoulder as she moved to lean her head against it, JJ kissing her head in return.
"so i'm thinking to myself, 'hm, why would Cameron need a longer airstrip to take off? what would be so heavy to weigh it down.'" Pope shared and the pogues all moved their head to look at each other in realisation.
"gold." JJ read everyone's mind, a big smile appearing on Kiara's face.
"that's right." John B nodded, his eyes lighting up in the hope that they got a second chance as he sat up to look at pope more carefully.
"exactly." Pope nodded, pointing at JJ in agreement, "guys, this is our chance, but it leaves tonight, and we have to go."
"we can't give up now." Kiara moved to stand up, her voice in a much more excited tone than it was before she found out.
JJ looked at John B, "what's the plan, big man?"
"we're gonna steal our shit back." John B told them, a smile on his face when he realised that maybe this was the second chance he got.
Bambi jumped in excitement, the butterflies in her stomach making her squeal, "i feel like i'm a power ranger."
ELLIE SPEAKS¡
i honestly think i might be able to get
another chapter out before Christmas if
not on Christmas because i honestly have
so much motivation to write.
this was kind of a filler but the next chapter
is i think going to be a biggg one.
don't forget to vote and comment<3