"Are you sure you don't want to come home with me?" Hannah asked as I laid in my bed.
"Yeah," I sighed, "It's fine. Mason and I are going to hang out on campus. But you have a good break; I'll see you when you get back."
Hannah nodded, slinging her bag over her shoulder and giving me a quick hug before heading out.
I was still in my pajamas, and honestly, I didn't feel like changing out of them. Instead, I grabbed my laptop, climbing back up into my bed to start a movie marathon of some kind.
Thanksgiving was hard for me. It had been a hard time since my mom and sister died, and this year, it was even harder as I couldn't even spend it with my dad. I supposed I just didn't feel very thankful this year.
Well... I was thankful for Jax at least.
Since our time at the gym, he had given "us" a real shot. He still had some clear and definite boundaries, and we hadn't gone any further than kissing, but he was open to hand-holding, snuggling, and now kissing, a lot more often. I had been enjoying it immensely.
I pulled my thick comforter over myself, getting comfy as I settled my laptop beside me. I had just started scrolling through movie options when my phone dinged.
Jax: What are you doing? Blake just left.
I stared at my phone. I should text him back and hang out with him— after all, he was alone on Thanksgiving too, and he always made me feel better. But... I couldn't bring myself to reply.
It wasn't that I didn't want to see him, but I was just truly depressed today; I didn't want him to see me like this, and I knew I wasn't going to be much fun anyway.
I ended up selecting a movie- some comedy about twins trading places as I settled in, ignoring the text. Jax would be fine. He could relax today knowing I was safely tucked into my bed with no intention of going anywhere.
However, only 2 minutes into the movie, I heard a key at my door, and Jax came strolling in. As per usual, he looked handsome as hell. He was rocking his black leather jacket today, his hair was damp from a shower, and I could smell the musk of his cologne from where I was laying on my bed.
"You're ignoring me," he said, closing the door behind him.
"Sorry," I yawned.
"What are you still doing in bed?" He questioned.
"Trying to watch a movie."
"Well, get up. I have an idea for us."
I shook my head. "That's really nice of you, but you should go alone; I'm not much fun today."
He sighed, "Have you eaten yet today?"
I glanced at the clock, noting it was already almost noon. "No. I'm not hungry."
He shook his head, stepping up closer to the bed. "Come on, Em, you need to eat something. Come with me; it'll be fun."
"Jax... really; I appreciate you coming in here, but I really want to be left alone today. Please," I begged.
"No," he said. "You are not spending thanksgiving alone. Now, are you going to get up, or am I going to need to throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here?"
"The later," I said, "please leave me be." From my angle, I was willing to call his bluff. He couldn't possibly pull me out of bed from this high up.
"You asked for it," he said, stubborn as ever.
I should have known better than to doubt his skills, because he reached up, grabbing at my legs as he pulled me quickly to the foot of the bed. I set my laptop aside, making sure he wouldn't accidentally pull it off with me. "Jax--stop. I'll get down myself."
"I don't trust you," he said, continuing to pull me. Once I was at the foot of the bed, he grabbed one of my arms, pulling me sideways as I toppled off of the bed. I was nervous for a second that he was going to drop me, but his other arm circled my waist as he eased me gently to the ground.
"Congratulations. You got me out of bed. Now what?" I deadpanned.
He smiled, looking quite pleased with himself. "Get dressed; something comfortable and warm. I'll be back to get you in 20 minutes."
"And if I refuse?" I said. He was being cute, but it still didn't change the simple fact that I missed my friends, I missed my family, and I really wanted to be left alone.
He gave me a look, cocking one of his dark eyebrows. "You know that I'm more than capable of carrying you out of here. I would just rather not; I'm sore from the gym yesterday."
I almost smiled, shaking my head. "Fine. I'll get ready."
"Good," he said, "See you in 20."
*********
Jax handed me a granola bar as we started onto the hiking trail, despite my insistence that I didn't want to go hiking, nor did I want to eat anything. I really wasn't trying to be stubborn... and I really did appreciate his efforts to cheer me up, but I wasn't feeling up for a hike.
Especially a strenuous one.
Jax had held onto my hand as we made our way up a steep trail before it finally leveled out. It was a hiking trail that was only a 10 minute Uber ride from campus. I wasn't sure how he even found the trail or where it lead, but Jax really wasn't giving me any option on whether or not I was coming with him. It was either come with him willingly, or he would drag me out himself.
I decided on wearing leggings, a long sleeve shirt, and a light pink puffer jacket, which was just barely keeping me warm on this windy day despite the efforts from the hike. It seemed the higher up we were getting, the cooler the air became.
"You're awfully quiet," Jax said after a while.
"I told you I wasn't going to be very good company today," I said, shoving my cold hands into the pockets of my jacket.
"I beg to differ," he said, "I always enjoy your company."
I would have smiled if not for my sour mood. "No you don't," I teased, "you've told me several times that I can be annoying."
"Well, obviously," he smiled down at me, "but even then, I like having you around."
I finally cracked a smile as we began heading up another hill. The trail was made up mainly of mud and dirt and loose rock, though there were some steep cliff-like areas where we had to climb up some rocks to continue onward.
Honestly, I was already pretty winded, and I wondered how Jax was fairing with the additional weight of his large backpack. I wasn't sure what was even in it; he wouldn't tell me.
"Where are we going anyway?" I asked, grabbing onto his arm to catch myself as I stumbled on a loose rock.
"Watch your step, clumsy," he said, smiling down at me, "and you'll see."
I huffed, continuing to hold tight to his strong arm to keep from slipping again. "I don't usually like surprises..."
He wrapped his warm palm around my cold hand. "I don't care," he panted. "I think you're going to like this. I think we're almost there anyway."
We continued up the hillside until the muddy path turned into steep, rocky terrain. I had thought that we had reached the end, but then I saw Jax grab hold, and pull himself up onto a large boulder. I searched the edge of the rock for any foothold that I could get to by myself, but I didn't see anything on it's smooth surface that I would be able to use. The foothold that Jax used was well above my reach.
"I can't get up there," I called up to him.
"Sure you can. I'll help you," he said, removing his backpack.
I watched as he moved to the edge, crouching as he reached a hand down to me.
I cocked an eyebrow at him, "You're gonna pull me up the whole way?"
He nodded, smirking at me. "Yep."
I wasn't sure if he would be able to do it, but again, I should have known better than to doubt him. I grabbed hold of his outstretched hand, using it to pull myself up just as he lifted me up the side of the boulder. My feet stayed planted beneath me as I finally found a foothold, and Jax held on tight until I was standing right beside him.
"There," he huffed, "Easy. Now come on, just a little further."
Luckily, the rocky terrain leveled out again, and there were plenty of smooth areas at the top. I looked around at the beautiful scenery. It felt peaceful up here; the usual sounds of the city were all but non-existent, and there weren't any other people around.
I looked out across the rocky terrain and rolling hills to see the city; to see our campus where college students were fleeing home to their families. People were living their lives today without a second thought, and my life felt like it was stalled. It had been stalled since the moment I was taken away from my father.
"It's beautiful," I choked out.
"It is," Jax said from beside me. "It's crazy how small the campus looks from up here."
I nodded, biting at my lip. I was feeling emotional again and was trying my hardest to keep it together. "So... what's in the backpack?"
Jax shot me a small smile before pulling the backpack off again. "I'm glad you asked," he said.
He crouched to the ground, pulling out two blankets. I helped him to spread one flat against the ground while he draped the other one over my shoulders. I then sat down on the blanket while Jax unloaded various "to-go" containers of food from the dining hall. Then, lastly, he pulled out a bottle of wine and not one, but two, plastic cups.
"What... you planned all this for me?" I asked, trying my best to swallow the tightness in my throat as I watched him set everything up. I had been kind of a jerk all day... but this was... I had no words. He knew exactly what I needed all along. My heart swelled.
"Of course I did," He said, reaching out a hand to tuck a wind blown piece of hair behind my ear.
"Why?" I choked out.
"Because you deserve to have a nice Thanksgiving," he replied, settling in beside me, placing a warming arm around my shoulders.
That did it. I had been trying to keep my tears at bay all day long... but this? Nobody had ever done anything so nice for me before... and the tears spilled from my eyes. I was quick to wipe them away with my palm, hoping that Jax didn't see them. "Thank you," I sniffed.
"You don't need to do that for me..." Jax said, " you don't need to hide your tears."
"I'm not just doing it for you," I let out a soft chuckle while tears continued to run down my face. "I'm just... I'm so tired, Jax. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling sad, and I'm tired of being scared. I'm just... I just... I don't know. I'm sorry. You did this wonderful thing for me, and now I'm ruining it."
He scooted even closer to me, bringing up his other arm to wipe some of my tears away with is thumb. "You aren't ruining it. I understand where you're coming from. This is a hard time of year for someone in your situation."
I sniffled, covering my mouth with my palm to contain my sobs. "I miss them..."
"Come here," he said, pulling me to his chest. I leaned into him, burying my face in his jacket.
"I miss my mom and my sister every day. And today I can't even be there for my dad. I don't know what he's doing," I sobbed, "if he's alone... if he's drunk. I was always the one to take care of him when he would drink too much, which he only ever does on the tough days.. like my mom or sisters birthday, the anniversary of the car accident, or holidays. What if he drinks too much tonight? There's nobody around to make sure that he's oh--okay..." I sniffled, sucking in a breath.
I sobbed for a little while in Jaxon's arms. He didn't judge me or say anything, but I could always count on him to be a good listener, time and time again.
"I know, Ems. It's okay that you're feeling upset today. I just wanted to be here for you. I didn't expect you to be all smiles."
I took a steadying breath, "I'm okay. Really- it's just been a lot."
"I know," he said again, tilting my face up with his palm.
Once I was looking him in the eyes, he leaned in, placing a soft kiss on my lips.
We stayed this way for a little while, and after a moment, I felt calm enough to pull away. I smiled at him, leaving him one more gentle kiss before turning towards the food again.
"Two cups? Will you actually be having wine with me?" I asked by way of changing the subject.
"Well, if you drank the whole bottle yourself you'd have an awfully hard time getting back down this mountain, now wouldn't you?" He teased.
"I thought you didn't drink on the job?"
"I don't," he agreed. "But it's thanksgiving, so I'm making an exception. Besides, this small amount won't do a thing to me."
I smiled, watching as he poured us each a glass. I opened up the various food containers, handing a fork to each of us.
Jax forgot plates, so we took turns eating dry turkey, lukewarm mashed potatoes, and weirdly mushy stuffing straight from the boxes.
But even though the food wasn't the best, I couldn't have asked for better company.