Johnnie's POV:
As I feel the sleep leave my body I turn to see Jake is up, he's on his phone but he doesn't seem too notice that I'm awake, probably because I have all of my lower face covered with my blanket.
Surprisingly he looks down to see me now awake. he gives me a warm sleepy smile opon our gazes meeting one another, "good morning." He says to me in a whispering tone. Jake lets his hand fall on top of my head, and he begins to stroke my hair in a gutwrenchingly affectionate manner, a bit embarrassingly I unintentionally press into the feeling. (I woke up feeling a bit... depressed. I don't want to feel like that, but there was just this dread that came with waking up, I don't want to tell Jake..but he did tell me to come to him if I need it.)
I follow my eyes up twords Jake, he meets my eyes with a questioning gaze, as if he knew I had something to say.
I struggle to say it, "what's wrong Johnnie..?" Jake asks politely lowering his body, pressing our foreheads together, The action calms me so I can gather my thoughts. "Jake...I don't feel great right now..like mentally. I don't know what to do, I just want to kick you out of the room and be alone. but I know that's not safe for me, I already know what I would do if I got left alone...I don't want to do that." I feel tears begin to leak out of my eyes, a few get on to Jake's cheeks as well, due to our faces being so close. I let out a few hushed sobs, "Jake, I'm going to be completely honest with you, I'm scared. I'm scared of myself, I always have been. I'm scared I'm gonna cut to deep..or..or..starve to long, and I'm gonna go to sleep one day and never wake up..I'm scared..just as scared as you are."
"Oh..Johnnie, you don't deserve to feel like that...I wish I could take all your pain if it meant you would never have to feel like that again." Jake says, trying to be there for me as much as possible. I close my eyes, leaning my forehead onto his even more than before, I feel him wipe the tears that are rolling down my cheek with his thumb, his warm hand feels comforting against my tear stained cheek, I melt at the physical touch. (Now that I think about it, this is the first time in years I've felt a romantic touch of somebody. I missed it..but this..this feels different, it feels true, and raw, as if he actually likes me, I didn't know what that felt like before, but I do now.)
I allow Jake to keep his hand on my cheek, I open my eyes to see him staring at me with a look that I could only describe as genuine sympathy. As our eyes meet he gives me a small smile, starting to trace my face with his finger. I take a deep breath in, allowing myself to enjoy, and bask in the light brush of his skin against my own.
He brushes his thumb over my lips, I suck in two lugs full of air at the touch, stomach burning rapidly with butterflies, my face flushes a slight red. Jake let's out a soft giggle at my actions, "you're adorable you know that..?" He teased, I look away from him in protest "fuck off" I say jokingly, a bit cought off guard by being called "'adorable"" by a man who's two centimeters away from me. Jake just chuckles at my remark, placing a non-forceful hand back on my cheek guiding my face to look back at him, "Johnnie I hope you know how much I care about you, I may not always know how to properly express it...or how to help when you need it, but no matter what I'll always try my hardest.."
(God he's so cute..) I nod my head, placing my mouth next to his ear "I know. That's one of the things I love most about you, no matter how many times I push you away you come back trying to help...I appreciate you so much for that. No one had ever cared for me in the way you do..I know it sounds so fucking chessy, but I hope you know that I really...really love you, so much." I feel him turning red, he's getting warmer under me. I move his hair to the side and rest my head in the crook of his neck, leaving a few peaks along the side of his neck.
When I stop I feel him let out a long shaky breath, he repositions us so that he's leaning against the wall and I'm laying on his chest with my head resting in the crock of his neck. "I feel slightly better now...thank you for being there Jake." I say looking up slightly, he looks down, wearing a gentle smile. "Really it's no problem. Like I said, anytime you need.."
...
What up y'all !
New chapter YIPE :)
did y'all hear that Jake got diagnosed with autism, honestly it makes a lot of sense 💀
Anyway that's all for now bye bye
Word count 905