Everything inside me was ready to explode. I don't even know how long Kai and Lexi stood there, Kai burning her with his eyes.
However, after a while, Lexi took the first step and walked over to the table where she had a black bag. "I'll stop by tomorrow." She didn't even look me in the eye, and just took her things.
All I got out was "text me when you get home" to which she just nodded with a narrow smile.
She slipped past Kai, not even giving him a glance, and walked out of my apartment. I hate to see her go, but it's good that she won't be around for what happens.
"Now..." Kai started talking once Lexi was gone.
"Let's get one thing straight". I cut him off and stood up, not feeling any pain. "You can say whatever shit you want to me, I'm used to it." With each word I moved closer. "But if you kick Lexi out of my apartment one more time, or even raise your voice at her, you'll end up worse than me." I looked him straight in the eyes, meaning every word I said seriously.
It's one thing that he's yelling at me. But no one and I mean no one, not even my own brother, is going to yell at Lexi if I have anything to say about it.
"You won't fucking look at her the wrong way, you won't talk to her the wrong way," I said between my teeth. "And God help you if you touch her. Understood?"
Here, at this moment, it didn't matter to me that we grew up together. That we managed to get through all the shit that life threw at us together. No, right now I cared about how Lexi must have felt when Kai threw her out of my apartment and I didn't stand up for her in that second. I swear if my friendship with Lexi goes to shit over this, Kai is a dead man walking.
"Loud and clear," I swear the corner of his mouth lifted and his gaze softened.
"Good," I said harshly.
"Good." And now he was smiling from ear to ear. Does he find this funny? I may have lost the only person who...it doesn't matter. "This junk food?" His gaze went beyond me to the table where the food that Lexi had brought me was. "Really?"
"Sure, do yourself a favor, judge me for even breathing wrongly." I rolled my eyes and went to sit back on the couch. I went to sit down for two reasons. First, I didn't want to look at Kai so closely anymore. And the other one? My whole body hurts. The moment I turned around I bit the inside of my cheek instead of cursing loudly.
"You know what I mean." His voice trailed off and I knew exactly what he was going to do. Before I even sat down, he was standing in front of my open refrigerator. "Wow. Emptyer than Sebastian's wallet after a bet." He closed it again. "I'm a wizard when it comes to food, but I'm not God. Do you have anything that's even remotely healthy?" He started going through my cabinets.
"Water," I said seriously.
"I thought so." He laughed and gave up when he realized I really didn't have anything else to eat. He walked over to me and took a bite of one of the fries. He frowned and closed in disgust. "Really?"
"No one is shoving it down your throat. If you don't want it, just don't eat it." I feel like the vein on my temple is about to explode.
"Stop being so pissed off." He sat down next to me with a white box of fries and it was comical to see him eating something unhealthy in his several-thousand-dollar suit. I hope he gets ketchup on it.
"Then maybe you shouldn't have kicked out Lexi."
"My god, you're so whipped." He said with a smile.
"Even if I was, it's none of your business." I reached for the burger and took a bite. I'd like to say that the food calmed me down, but I'd be lying.
My eyes darted to my phone every second, waiting for a message from Lexi that she got home safely. Maybe I should have called her an Uber. It's late.
"Come on Finn. You know I'm only trying to protect you." He said in a similar tone to Lincoln Lexi. "When I saw you covered in bruises..." He shook his head. "I was scared."
"Well, I'm fine, so your worries are misplaced." And a little more quietly I said, "I didn't ask anyone to care about me."
"Bad luck. You have a family."
That's exactly my problem. I have a family. A family that cares. That means that anything I do will affect them as well.
And what's worse is that I think it could affect Lexi as well now.
"So, little brother, what's new?"
And the evening dragged on from that moment. The only good thing was when I got a text from Lexi that she was home. A feeling of satisfaction settled in my chest.
"You're not listening to me again, Lexi. Another moment and I'm going to start taking it personally." I looked up at Monica who was standing on the other side of the counter while I was cleaning it.
"Sorry, my head is somewhere else."
"Your head and obviously all the people." She snorted and looked around the almost empty bistro. "Where's everyone? Not that I'm complaining about not having enough work, but there's no one cute to look at."
"Marley not enough for you?" I glanced at the man in his sixties, who is our daily customer. "He tips well." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Not the tip that I want." She rolled her eyes. "I mean it, Lexi." She pointed behind her. "If no one comes through that door in five seconds to bless my eyes, I quit." She said in her most serious tone.
My gaze wandered to the door, as the little bell rang above it. I was expecting another of our regular customers, but I was wrong. Oh, how wrong I was.
"My God." Monica almost melted at the sight. "It's my lucky day. And he's walking straight to us." She turned from the door back to me. "He is mine." She pointed a finger at me warningly.
"Don't worry." I snorted. "I want nothing to do with him." I turned to Fred, who just looked at me confused.
Monica got behind the counter at the speed of light. "Welcome to Joey's Bistro, what can I get you?" I've worked with her long enough to know when she's using her flirtatious tone. She's using it to the max right now.
"I'm sorry...Monica. But I'm not here to order anything. I'm here to see your colleague. Lexi, right?"
I rolled my eyes and turned from Fred's window to the counter where Kai was standing. I had enough time to look at him yesterday. He had dark eyes, almost like Finn's, but somehow they were different. He had a small well-trimmed stubble on his sharp jaw, and his hair wasn't much longer.
Like yesterday, he is wearing a suit, but it was a little lighter. It was obvious he didn't belong here.
He looked professional, and well-groomed, as if there could not be a single flaw in him. And it may not even look like there is. Too bad he has to have a personality too or he would be the definition of perfect.
"Always the hot ones," Monica muttered, shaking her head with a heavy sigh before leaving us alone.
"I think we got off on the wrong foot. I'm Kai." He reached out to me across the counter.
If it had been anyone else, I would have accepted the hand with a smile, even if it was fake, mostly out of politeness. But since this is the same guy who not even twenty-four hours ago yelled at Finn and called me a blondie, there's no handshake.
I'm always the nice one. The one that gives more chances than is healthy. But this time? No way. Sorry Mom, but this one deserves it.
"Understandable." He smiled and pulled his hand back to him. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday." He straightened his already straightened jacket. "I lost my temper. It doesn't happen often. Mostly if it involves my siblings."
"Okay?" What does he want from me?
"I'm sure you understand that I'm worried about Finn." He has an interesting way of showing it, that's for sure. "When I saw him, I was scared of what might happen next if he stayed here, unattended."
"He is not a child." That was the only thing I could get out of myself because, in the back of my mind, I was afraid that he would take Finn away.
"Do you have younger siblings, Lexi?" I closed my mouth shut. "That doesn't matter. What matters is that he'll always be my little brother to me. And that means I'll always protect him, even from himself. I know he's not okay, but for some reason, he doesn't want to talk about it with us."
"Uhm, why are you telling me all this?" I asked, a little lost as to what he was actually doing here.
"Because every day I wait for a phone call from someone to tell me that my little brother is dead." Although his voice was steady, his eyes were full of pain. "For years, we, his siblings, have been his anchor. We all know that we are the reason why Finn is still here. And I know that..." He looked down and cleared his throat as if trying to rid himself of all emotion. "I know we're not enough anymore."
Okay, Lexi, that's enough, now be nice. "I'm sure that's not true. He loves you."
"That may be true, but I don't think that's enough." He looked up at me. "But now I can leave Portland knowing he's going to be okay." He smiled. "He found another reason to stay here." I know here, didn't mean Portland, it meant the world. "Another anchor."
"Finn would never..."
"You." He silenced me with one word. He took my breath away with others. "I've never seen him like he was yesterday when you left. He fought for you in a way I've never seen him before."
"He fought?" I frowned.
"He told me quite clearly not to dare talk to you like that again. He's never threatened me once in his entire life, but yesterday..." He shook his head with a smile.
With a smile! How can he find this funny? Why would Finn threaten his own brother? It's not normal, is it?
"I'm glad he has you. That he has someone to take care of him." His eyes were sincere. "I have to go." He looked at his watch. "I hate being late. Again, sorry for being an idiot. It was nice to meet you, Lexi." He smiled, turned on the spot, and started walking away.
"Kai." He stopped a few steps away from me. "Finn will be okay."
"Now I know. Take care, Lexi." And with one last look at me, he walked out of the bistro and disappeared into the streets of Portland.
Only after a few seconds did I replay the whole conversation in my head and realized that I was not a good friend.
I knew Finn wasn't okay, but what Kai was saying? It's worse than I thought. How could I not notice it? Me? Someone who knows what it's like not wanting to be in this world anymore, but staying for the sake of others.
How could I miss it?
*****
"Lexi, what the..." When Finn opened the door of his apartment, I flew straight in. I spent the whole day thinking about what to say to him, but I failed miserably. However, I have to say something. "Is everything alright?" He looked at me worriedly before closing the door.
"No."
"What happened?" He came closer.
I didn't know what I was doing, but I rolled up my sleeves and showed my scars, which were already healed, but you could see which were the most recent. "I'm not trying to kill myself. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm doing it anymore. Whether it's because of the feeling or it's my escape when things get tough." Finn's gaze was on my wrists, and as much as I hated it, I didn't cover them. "I've been clean for four months. And a few days ago I..."
"I know." He said, his gaze still on my wrists. "The day we went for coffee. I noticed."
"You notice that?" And now I only feel worse. He noticed a few tiny scars under my sleeves and I didn't notice what was already screaming at me from afar.
"Was it because of something that I did..." He slowly looked up at me.
"No." I almost screamed. "No, absolutely not. It had nothing to do with you. It was..." I stopped. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that I hurt myself. And maybe it was a cry for help, I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders. "And just like no one noticed it with me, I realized that maybe sometimes I don't notice it either. That sometimes, I don't realize when someone is screaming for help. And then I replayed everything since I met you."
"Lexi..." His voice had a hint of warning in it. He didn't want me to continue.
"I'm so sorry Finn." I shook my head, disappointed in myself. "You've been calling for help since we met and I was blind."
"Lexi, stop..." It was a plea.
"You're not okay Finn. You're not okay and I didn't even notice. I'm sorry." My voice was hoarse like I was going to cry any second. "I'm so sorry."