Luna's POV
It's been a few days since I've come home from the hospital. I've been on bedrest ever since and have been working towards a full recovery. My body still aches a little but not anything that'll keep me from my daily life anymore. It has been about five days since I last saw Haneul. He came home one night and packed a bag. After that, I haven't heard anything from him. It's a bittersweet feeling when it comes to him, I still couldn't get over what he did to me but he was my boyfriend and childhood best friend. It hurt me to see this side of him after almost twenty years together. I'm quite glad he's been gone though because it'll give both of us a chance to collect our thoughts and feelings about this situation, so hopefully we can have a serious talk when he comes back. I decided not to try to reach out to him, he'll come home whenever he's ready and then we'll talk.
Bada hasn't tried to reach out either. It's been over a week since our little argument but I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to me. If I were her, I would leave me alone for good too after acting like a bitch to a person who wanted nothing more than to help me. The guilt has been eating me alive though, I can't lie. I ended up spacing out for minutes just thinking about her reaction when I told her to leave me alone. I had hurt her and it made me so angry at myself for hurting someone so nice and kind.
--- 2 WEEKS LATER ---
It's been about two weeks since I've been recovering. My body is basically back to brand spanking new. I can even pop a twerk every now and then just to see if I still got it (I do 😌💅). Over the span of these few weeks, nothing new has really happened. Kirsten and the girls have been visiting me non-stop whenever they have time, so it's been great having them around. About a week after I left the hospital, Haneul finally came back home. We had a serious talk for like an hour of me voicing my opinion on the situation trying to understand why he did what he did to me.
He stayed silent most of the time with the occasional 'I'm sorry', 'I will never do that again', and 'I love you'. We kind of just been living in our own spaces in the apartment ever since. I haven't felt comfortable sleeping in the same room as him yet, so I've turned the guest room into my little bedroom. It's smaller than the master bedroom but I'm not complaining. Whenever the girls come over, I make sure to take everything out of the guest room so they don't get suspicious as to why I'm staying in there. The less questions, the better.
Today's the day I make a comeback into the dancing world after my "accident". To say I'm extremely nervous would be an understatement. I've stayed in contact with the girls from Bebe but me and Bada have been avoiding each other. All anyone knows about me is that I was injured and took a few weeks to heal. I kept anything from the media short and simple because I didn't need anyone all in my business. It's almost twelve-thirty, and Bada's class starts at one o'clock so I'm getting ready right now. Instead of wearing any of my skimpier clothes that show a lot, I stuck to a sports bra, a black tank top, and a sweatshirt with some black joggers.
I still had a lot of scarring on my body so I was a little self-conscious when it came to outfits lately. I filled my dance bag with my pink hydro flask, some hair ties, and a pink towel. I also added some energy bars in case I got hungry later. After checking my bag, I grabbed my small purse and made my way to my car. I already had my daily dose of caffeine today so I didn't need to stop by a cafe and just went straight to the studio. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw there weren't too many cars around which was odd. I was hoping and praying the other girls were here so it wouldn't be too awkward if it's just me and Bada.
But of course, my luck sucks and the universe is out to personally get me because when I walked into the studio room, she was the only one there. I let out a low curse under my breath because this meant I would have to face the consequences of my actions. I wouldn't be surprised if I fucked our entire relationship up after that scene in the hospital. Just the thought of her never wanting to talk to me again made my chest hurt. She was such an amazing person and it would break me to not have her in my life. But my dumb and traumatized ass always push the good people out of my life. Ugh I wish things weren't this complicated. She heard someone walk into the room and her eyes landed on me. I stilled my motion scared at what was to come.
"Oh hey, I didn't know you were coming in today. Are you feeling better?" was all she said to me. I still couldn't comprehend the fact that there was no harshness in her voice or irritation. Was she not mad at me anymore? She walked over to me when she saw I hadn't said anything. She furrowed her brows in confusion when I stayed silent.
"Uhh, everything okay? Are you still not okay to dance?" she asked. I shook my head quickly
"No, umm I'm good to dance. Your brother cleared me on that and told me to take it easy since it's been a while" I said in a soft voice. Bada nodded her head and went back to what she had been doing.
"The girls will be here soon. They just stepped out to go get some snacks and coffee. You can warm up with some stretches in the meantime." she said. She hadn't looked up at me while talking. She just kept her eyes on the papers in front of her. I deserved that though. I deserve much worse honestly because I let her down as a friend. I gave a quiet 'alright' and made my way to the opposite side of the room from her and put my things on the floor. I put my headphones on but I didn't have any music playing. I thought it'd be less awkward if she thought I was in my own zone or something and wasn't waiting for the silence to break in the room. After a few minutes of me stretching, the other girls walked in. I got up quickly because I was honestly so excited to see them all after a while. I hugged each girl as they all came in with excitement to see me. It felt good having them around because I could just be myself and not worry about any drama.
"Omg unnie, I've missed you so bad," Tatter said while wrapping her arms around my waist. We stayed in this position while I talked to all the other girls. During these past few weeks, me, Tatter, Lusher, and Kyma have gotten really close. Of course, I talk to the other girls but not as much as I do them. I don't know how it happened but we would stay on Facetime for hours on end just talking or doing nothing. We haven't gone out together yet but I'm hoping we have free schedules to go out together this weekend.
"I've missed you guys too. I'm so glad I recovered from the injury so we can finally spend some time together." I said
"Ok ladies, let's stretch so we can start the class," Bada said from the other side of the room. Everyone nodded as we made our way to the center of the floor to stretch. Bada put some soothing music on as we all stretched and waited for her instructions. It was nice seeing all the girls in their own zones while stretching. You could tell each of them was ready for this dance class which made me even more excited. I decided to stay towards the back of the class because Bada would be in the front. Ok yes, I'm acting like one of those high school girls hiding from their crush, but I can't help but hide from Bada. Although we were in the same room only feet apart, I had to stay hidden and not draw attention to myself.
It's been about an hour since the class has started. Bada's been teaching us some new choreography for the song 'Unholy' by Sam Smith. Instead of just doing the chorus, we decided to make it the performance type and dance through the entire song. I was struggling a little with the hand movements and she could see from the mirror in front of us how frustrated I was getting when I couldn't ace the move. All the other girls were practicing different parts when Bada put us on individual time. They were all working on moves they needed help with but they were all doing amazing. Me on the other hand looked like a fish out of water trying to dance correctly. During the individual break time, Bada came into the back with me as she saw me struggling.
"You need help with the hand movements?" she asked. Aw crap, so much for being invisible.
"Uhhh, yeah. It's a little difficult" I said sounding embarrassed.
"Don't worry, you've got everything else down perfectly so we'll get this part in no time. Here, let's start from this part," she said as she started moving from the first eight count of the chorus. we both started moving in sync but then I froze when I couldn't land the hand movements.
"Here, like this," she instructed as she came behind me. She took my arms to place them in the correct positions and my back was pressed against her body. If she can be this close to me, she must not be too mad at me, right? I tried to focus but I couldn't when she was so close. I hated having her this close to me but she was still mad at me. But I'm the one who made it like this between us. She could tell I was getting sad because I put my head down trying not to look in her eyes. With her hands still on my arms, she used her thumb to rub small circles along my wrist. Bada saw what she was doing and let go of me.
"Alright everyone, let's take a break. We've been working nonstop for like two hours so I know everyone is tired. Let's do an hour break, hmm?" She said to everyone. The girls cheered that they could go get more snacks, but I just nodded my head. I really want to talk to her but I'm so scared of what her reaction will be.
All of the girls left the room. Some went to the convenience store across the street, others went to go freshen up in the bathroom. It was just Bada and I in the room yet again. I had to talk to her. I missed having her as my perky friend.
"Bada," I went up to her and called her name quietly
"Hmm, you need help with another move?" she asked not looking up at me. More pain in my chest.
"No, umm, is it ok if we talk?" I asked looking down at the ground while fidgeting with my fingers.
"Talk about what Luna?" she said now staring at me with a blank expression across her face.
"Us?" It came out more of a question than a statement. She just stared at me in silence. I could see how much I had hurt her and it was crushing me inside, so much.
"Please Bada, I hate having us like this" I begged looking her in the eyes. Tears were bubbling up in my eyes as she stared back at me. I couldn't tell what she was thinking with that nonchalant expression on her face.
"You're the one who made us like this Luna, not me" That was all it took for a tear to escape my eyes. I felt like I was being stabbed in the chest or something. I could hear the hurt in her voice although she tried to mask it behind her "unbothered" demeanor.
"I know Bada, that's why I wanna talk. I wanna make things right with us again. Please?" I asked softly while rubbing the tear that escaped from my eyes away. I tried my best not to break down in front of her, but I was getting to a point of just bawling right her, right now. I had told her to go sit on the floor against the mirror while I brought the snacks I had in my bag to us. I had some water and other chips the girls had given me earlier in the class. We sat in silence for a moment while I opened a water for Bada. I handed it to her hoping it was some kind of peace offering so she'd listen to me.
"When I had gotten to the hospital that night, I was really discombobulated. I hardly remember even driving myself there. All I remember is that right after I texted you that night, I had got a sharp pain in my side, and when I stood up, I was in a pool of blood. I wanted to text with you longer but I felt off and went to the bathroom. When I got to the hospital, I was scared because I didn't know how bad my condition had gotten. I remember thinking about when you took me to the hospital the first time and how much you took care of me that night. But then I remembered the look in your eyes when you found me in the bathroom that night and how worried you were that entire night." I took a sip of my water. Bada had been quiet this entire time, letting me tell her the truth about what went down that night, or most of the truth that is.
"I just didn't want you to see me hurt again. I was in a much worse state than I was when you took me to the hospital the first time and I just didn't want you to have any stress on you. When I told Doctor Lee not to tell you about what happened, I had it in my mind that I would get in the hospital for a while but be out in time to show you that I was ok. When I woke up that day, I was mad at myself more than you. Heck, I wasn't even mad at you, I was just sad that you had to see me in that state. Waking up in the hospital bed like that all dazed was such a vulnerable state for me and I was really embarrassed when I fell off the bed. I try my hardest to seem like this put-together person around you because I don't want you to see how fucked up my life really is."
I took a deep breath letting that last line out. My head was turned to the left side as the side of my face was leaned against my right shoulder. My knees were to my chest. As I looked at her, I let a tear slip from my eye. This time a few more slipped. Bada came closer as she wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled me into a deep embrace. I felt safe being in her arms like nothing could ever go wrong in my life again.
"Oh Luna," was all she could say as she kissed the side of my head.
"You know I would never judge you right? I want nothing more than to see you safe and happy. That day, I wasn't intentionally supposed to be there. My brother called me to ask about someone close to you to fill out some paperwork. I just assumed it was for an emergency contact. Kirsten called me because she had an urgent meeting to go to. She saw you were in a stable condition and called me for help. When Kirsten called and told me you were in the hospital, my heart sank. I thought that maybe your injuries had gotten worse from the other night. My brother saw me when I arrived and told me how you requested for me not to be there. We agreed that I'd be with you until Kirsten came back or whenever you woke up. I was gonna slip out of your room when you woke up, but when I saw you on the floor when you woke up, my entire plan went out of my head." she spoke softly which made me want to tear up more. Her voice was making me very emotional right now. She continued explaining her pov of the situation.
"I just hate that we argued that day. I didn't mean to make you mad or to yell at you like I did. I was just getting frustrated that you were so adamant about me not being there and I was mad at myself" she said
"Why were you mad at yourself? You did nothing wrong Bada, it was all my fault." I said as another tear rolled down my cheek.
"Because I thought I did something to make you not like me anymore. I thought that maybe that night when Haneul saw us dancing together might've made you mad or, I don't know, something. I've been racking my brain ever since trying to figure out what I did to make you not want me there." she said as she put her head down. That was the moment I busted out into a sob. I did this to her. I made her feel like she wasn't a good friend when in fact she is one of the best people to ever walk into my life. I got up on my knees and went to hug her as my sobs filled up the entire room. I just held her in my embrace trying to show her that she meant so much to me.
"Bada, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I ever made you feel like that. It was never my intention to make you feel like that and I am so sorry. You are one of the greatest people to have ever walked into my life, you hear me, Bada Lee? Having you beside me is the best feeling ever. Being cared for by you is the best feeling in the world. I was just scared that I would be a burden on you. I didn't want you to think I was this baby who always needed you to hold her hand even though I did need you. I regretted everything from those days ever since because I know everything I said was all a lie to get you to leave. I never wanted you to leave OK and I'm so sorry I made you leave. I never want you to think I don't care for you, because I do Bada. So freaking much."
I was still sobbing as I held onto her. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes too and we both just broke down. She held onto my waist as she laid me in her lap and we just hugged and cried for like five minutes. I didn't care if I looked like a baby right now. I would do anything to regain her trust and get my friend back. At this point, I was positioned with my legs wrapped around her waist and arms over her shoulders. I was holding onto her for dear life. Our cries were coming to an end, and we just sat there in each other's embrace. It's been almost three weeks since we've been in each other's presence. I'd like to think this hug was making up for lost time.
I sat up so we were face-to-face with each other. Both of us looked a mess after crying for so long. We both had red and puffy eyes and tears streaked down our faces.
"I promise I'll never intentionally hurt you like I did. I have a hard time communicating my feelings but I will try my absolute best for us OK" I said with a soft smile on my face. She nodded happily and we hugged one more time. I could hear the girls pilling back into the room and they all stopped to see me and Bada. I was still on her lap and we looked like we had just seen the saddest movie known to man. I quickly hopped out of her embrace and stood up. I helped Bada off the ground and we just stood looking awkwardly at the girls.
"Omg, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Lusher asked scared a tragedy happened.
"No nothing happened, we were just having a heart-to-heart moment," Bada said looking in my direction. She held out her hand for mine and we headed to the bathroom to collect ourselves. We make it to the bathroom with just us there. We had a few minutes to spare before the break was over, so I could freshen up a bit and redo my mascara.
"I'm so glad we're back to talking, I've missed you, Luna," Bada said as she washed her face.
"I've missed you like crazy bro. These were some of the hardest three weeks not being able to talk to you."
"I know. We can't ever do that again, promise?" she said holding out her pinky. We made a pinky promise and sealed it with our thumbs. I decided to change out of the sweatshirt I was in because it was soaked with tears and sweat. At the moment, I forgot about all the scars on my upper body from the way Haneul beat me. There were still some bruises that left this purple color on my skin. She gasped as her hand went to her mouth as she stared at my upper body in shock. Crap I should've gone into one of the stalls to change.
"Luna what happened?" she asked coming up to me to examine the bruises. I had to come up with something fast. Although I hated lying to her after just making up, I couldn't tell her the truth. Nobody could know the truth.
"Oh nothing, Doctor Lee examined them and told me everything was okay," I said with a smile hoping it would stop all the questions if she knew. But it didn't.
"Luna, how'd you get bruises like these? These weren't on you when I went to the hospital with you that time." I inhaled trying not to show any concern on my face. I didn't want to lie to her so I told her as much as I could.
"Bada, there's just some stuff I can't talk about. Not right now at least. I haven't even told Kirsten what happened ok? But all you need to know is that it was an accident and I'm fine. These don't even hurt anymore, I promise." See at least I didn't lie this time. It was as honest as I could be in this situation. She nodded her head slowly. I hated not being able to tell her what happened but I just couldn't do that to myself. I already feel pathetic about it. Plus I just wasn't ready to have a talk about it.
"I swear Bada I'm fine. I'm not lying to you this time ok? It's difficult having me as a friend huh?" I asked trying to sound funny but it came out more hurt than I intended it to.
"You're not difficult Luna. I understand there are things you need to keep to yourself and I have to respect that. Whenever you're ready to talk about it, just know I'm right here and ready to listen," she said while patting the side of my head with a smile. I couldn't help but smile too. Being with her after this long is making me so happy.
We finished getting ready for the next section of the class to start. Both of us washed our faces and redid our makeup. I changed into a jersey this time and we made our way back to the studio. The girls were all talking and eating as they finished up for the break. Since me and Bada didn't get the chance to eat, we waited until class was over to go have dinner together. All of us decided that we'd hold this choreo out for a few more practices before we film. After the break, we got back to dancing to work on some basics and things we were struggling with. Class ended and I made plans to go out with all of the girls this weekend. We decided on an arcade to go have some fun which I was so excited about. I haven't been to one in years. We all said our goodbyes and me and Bada made our way to my car.
Sorry I didn't post this weekend, I wanted to relax but got in my feelings. Idk, I always get sad whenever my birthday is coming around. I'm feeling a little better now, plus writing helps a lot. Hope you guys liked this chapter! I'll see you all in the next chapter my darlings xoxo - 💋