how do animals grieve? do they just suck it up and move on?
do they forget about their other half?
do they mourn in silence and feel nothing but pain?
when penguins mate. do they fall in love? do they try and object? do they run away?
or do they accept the fact that their mates, forever.
do animals run away from their pain?
mermaids swim around the whole ocean, feeling freedom. heart of stone. heart as cold as the ocean water. eternal life not having love or worrying about losing someone.
peaceful.
sounds absolutely peaceful.
feeling no pain of losing someone you love.
no pain felt when someone walks out your life.
no troubles about anything or anyone.
just the dark deep ocean.
swimming as far as their heart desires.
not any problems.
peaceful.
undeniably peaceful.
life is a strange thing.
one day it could be a regular day, a good day.
the next you could be praying for a loved one who's sick.
celebrating a birth.
celebrating a promotion.
celebrating a report card.
celebrating a graduation.
celebrating a holiday.
at a funeral with a pang feeling in ur chest of how much you wish to see that person one last time.
or celebrating the birthday of a person who isn't here anymore.
when is it ever just fucking fair.
when will people stop worrying about if tomorrow is gonna be their last day.
when are people going to stop doing all these stupid things that can get other people hurt or possibly have their life ripped away from them.
and nobody would ever know.
no one would ever know the thought in someone else's mind.
why is that fair?
why is it fair that someone else makes a stupid mistake and a innocent person has to pay for it.
why is it fair that people have to go through things in life they aren't ready for without guidance.
when will life finally just settle the fuck down and let me breath.
when will i be happy?
*******
(sierra's point of view)
god i miss him so much. the heavy feeling in my chest will never go away. i will always love my husband.
but i grieved my pain. i cried, i sobbed, i denied, then i accepted.
isabella never did. she didn't accept it.
she never understood why her daddy had to suffer the consequences.
she was pissed off.
she always have been.
her papa was always a sensitive topic. we all knew it.
except for his family.
how much bella hated them for everything.
especially the fight they caused when they tried to say they deserved half of the money he left for bella.
she was fucking pissed.
not cause she actually gave a fuck about the money.
it was cause he had just passed away, and they were worried about money?
'what type of fucking family are they?' bella's words not mine.
i tried my best to keep in touch with them. i tried to keep bella with her dads side of the family.
but she hated everything about them.
now she's old enough to make her own decisions im not gonna force anything for that relationship.
my parents don't come around cause they don't like the cold. they don't like coming to georgia.
doesn't mean they don't send their love.
bella absolutely loves my parents.
she at first had some hatred for them telling me to get an abortion.
then she understood, that i was young and it was a really difficult thing of me to have a baby then.
now that isabella is pregnant with her first babies. i'm going to be there every step of the way. just like me and her dad would have been.
"hey sierra, do you know where bella is?" i heard javon ask.
i was so lost in thought i didn't even hear him come down.
"oh she's not here?" i asked him confused.
"no i woke up and she wasn't here." he said looking confused.
realization burned in my chest.
of course she isn't here.
i sighed.
"she's at the cemetery, visiting her papa." i said.
even saying that sentence hurts my heart.
my baby, my first born.
she shouldn't have to go through this, at least not alone.
she did it before.
but this time. she isn't going to deal with it alone.
"how are you?" javon asked looking at me with a sad smile.
"i'm-" i stop at my attempt to lie.
"doing the best that i can." i finish sighing.
javon didn't wait a second to engulf me in a hug.
"you're doing such a good job." he said as we stood in the hug.
i couldn't stop my emotions and just started crying.
"i don't know how to help bella" i whispered out.
"she doesn't talk about it." i added on.
"she's a strong girl, but we're gonna help her." he says
"i just don't know how to help her if she ignores it." i can't imagine what goes through in her head.
"all we can do to help is be there for her, that's what she needs." he kisses the top of my head.
i nodded my head and unraveled my arms from around him.
"go with her." i told him as i wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks.
"i'll make the food for when everyone comes over." i told him patting his back before going to the fridge for the food in about to make.
*****
(isabella pov)
maybe it was rude of me to completely ignore javons presence.
when he joined me at the cemetery it really pissed me off, for what reason? i don't know.
it just felt like a moment that shouldn't have been shared.
a moment that i just didn't want to talk about it.
i didn't want comfort.
i left the cemetery ignoring him. leaving without saying another word to him.
i didn't understand why i was acting like such a bitch, i just figured my attitude was justified by my papa's birthday and the babies that's forming in my belly.
i'm in my room now, doing my skincare routine so i can add light makeup.
"baby, you know it doesn't matter how much you push me away, i'm not going anywhere." i heard javon say from behind me.
"javon." i start having a ongoing battle in my mind. should let him in or just save him the headache of my problems and just keep it in.
"isabella." he said sternly.
"it hurts." i whispered.
"what hurts baby. tell me." he said coming up from behind me and placing his hands on my waist.
"everything." i turn around in his arms and allow him to comfort me.
"i don't know what to feel." i cried in his chest.
"it's hard for you and i'll never understand your pain, but i'm here for you. i love you isabella. i'm not going anywhere." he said making me even more emotional.
he rubs my back, he picks me up and places me on his lap when he sits on our bed.
"i just want him back."
"i want to go back to how it was a year ago." i said holding onto him tightly.
"if that was to happen, we wouldn't have our babies, we wouldn't have noodles, we wouldn't have met." he said.
i can tell he's trying to have me open up or at least feel better.
"i know." i said.
"i love you javon." i said pressing a kiss to his lips.
"i'm tired of feeling like this." i admitted.
"then talk to me. i need you to let me know what's going on in this head of yours." he said tapping the top of my head.
"i'll try." i assure him.
i'm gonna try, i'm gonna try to open up more for him, for my mom.
i know my papa would want me too.
i get off his lap and sit in front of my mirror and just look at myself.
javon leans down beside me and whispers in my ear.
"the most beautiful woman i've ever saw." he pressed a loving soft kiss on my cheek.
"say it." he says.
"say that you're beautiful." he said talking to me softly.
"i'm beautiful." i said, i couldn't help the smile that formed when i said that.
"that's my girl." he smiled back at me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head before he tells me he's going to go help ella get ready.
i was supposed to help her but i know he's helping her so i don't have to worry about that.
and i thank him for that.
i can hardly get myself ready, he probably knew how hard today is for me.
********
"your house is lovely." one of my grandma's friends said as she entered the kitchen.
"thank you." i responded showing a smile before the devil herself my grandma chiara walks into the kitchen as well.
i'm serving my first plate.
first as in i know i'm going to have multiple.
right now everyone is sitting at the huge table and is eating first, before we move on to going into the backyard.
"isabella you're eating all that food?" my 'grandma' asked me.
holding back from being disrespectful i chose to be a civil human and just be nice.
"yeah, i'm hungry." i replied back.
"that's too much food, you're eating for like three people." she said looking all annoying as fuck.
i acted shocked.
"that was exactly my goal." i said grabbing a fork and walking away.
once i was walking to the table my cousin caterina's friend was sitting on the right of javon.
he was just on his phone while he waited.
i sat down on the left of him. i was a little skeptical of why she's sitting next to him but i didn't worry too much.
"hey." he said getting off his phone when i sat next to him.
"you got the pasta?" he asked seeing the small pasta salad on my plate.
"yeah wanna try some?" i asked him. he nodded his head and opened his mouth as i scooped some onto a spoon and placed it into his mouth.
"since this is a dinner for alessio then i think we should say a couple of our favorite memories of him." my mom said and we all agreed.
"i'll start first. my favorite memory with him was the day my isabella was born. he told me he'd do anything for his girls and that he will love us for eternity." my mom smiled at the memory.
"my favorite memory of my little brother was his first day of highschool, when he was so excited to meet new people and he told me that he would never smoke or do drugs like all the kids at his school does." alessia said.
we all went around the table saying our favorite memories with him. everyone said something, well of course everyone but javon.
until it got to my turn.
"my um- my favorite memory of my papa is when he used to pick me up from school and we'd come home to my mom not being here so we'd eat sweets and watch movies until mom got back home."
"you guys did that?" my mom questioned surprised.
i nodded my head and just sat back down.
"so how old are you?" i heard caterina's friend rosella ask javon as everyone made conversation with other people.
"um 17." he responded after a while of not responding.
"not too far from me." i heard her say
i didn't really feel jealous, i mean she is 15. plus me and javon have twins on the way. there is absolutely no chance of her getting anywhere.
all i have to do it join their conversation and it won't take long for javon to definitely hint that we're together.
but i think it's funny for javon to have this conversation with her, i mean would he really be apart of the family if someone didn't try and hit on him?
"you're not from italy?" she asked.
he just shook his head.
"where you fly out from?" she asked.
"atlanta." he responded.
"well like where at though?" she asked.
"georgia." he said taking a sip of his drink.
"oh i was thinking of going there, maybe i should." she said giving him a shy smile.
he just shrugged his shoulders and looked at me like he was uncomfortable.
seeing that uncomfortable look he gave me i decided to step in.
"can you stop talking to him." i asked her although it wasn't a question or debate.
"no, mind your business." she said giving me attitude. she's only doing it cause javon is between us. if he wasn't she wouldnt even have talked back.
she thinks i'll beat her ass like i almost did multiple times.
and i will, pregnant or not.
"don't talk to me like-" i started to say
"don't talk to her like that." javon cut me off.
"i don't know who you are but i don't really care." he said looking at her like he's hella annoyed with her.
"oh please." she scoffs.
"you will not talk to my girl with disrespect when you're in her house." he said grabbing my hand to his lap and holding it.
"your girl ?" she asked confused.
"yeah my girl." he said and then continued to eat.
she didn't talk back she just minded her business. finally.
my man never looked so sexy.
defending me to another girl and letting her know we are together.
can he be any hotter?
can't wait to see him be a new daddy.
but fuck if i'm not wet right now. it's gonna be a long day.
————————————————————————————————
authors note: i'm breaking up with my boyfriend i think. idk he's been different and it's making me feel bad about myself so i think ima break it off.
2,340 words
vote, follow, and comment.
Don't be a silent reader🔪