Ainsley's POV
Days without Trinity got harder and harder. We won 2-1 in North Carolina, then we went straight to New Jersey the next day. Challenge Cup game 1.
I got my first Spirit start in that game. Weird that I got a USWNT start before a Spirit one, but again, I won't read too much into it.
We ended up losing to Gotham FC 1-0.
I had never been more tired in my life. The excessive traveling and playing was starting to get to me. But I pushed through.
I checked up on Mal every day. I spent a lot of time with Tara. I tried to distract myself from thinking about Trinity, but I just couldn't. It was too hard.
Our next game was against Houston Dash at home, and it ended in a 0-0 tie. I came on with 20 minutes to go and had 3 chances, one called BARELY offside, one was a REALLY good save by the keeper, and another hit the post. It sucked.
I stayed for some extra time after practice every day until travel day and worked on shooting to ensure it would never happen again. Aubrey Kingsbury helped me once, and Lyza, our rookie keeper, helped me the rest of the days. I really appreciated it.
I was hoping it was all going to pay off in Chicago this weekend.
Travel day was awful. We had two fucking weather delays. We were supposed to land in Chicago at 2:00 pm, and I was supposed to go visit Mal.
But instead, we didn't land until fucking 11:00 pm.
I was annoyed.
I had to spend so much time with stupid Trinity. I didn't mean to, but she was at the back of the line of us walking into the airport. The only open seat was next to me.
I twisted my body so that my legs were facing her and I was leaning on Tara, who was next to me. She rolled her fucking eyes at me and I rolled mine right back.
I fell asleep on Tara and we napped for, like, an hour, and the rest of the time we played card games and phone games and stuff. My personal favorite was the game Tara, Ash, Marissa and I played, which was literally just counting until someone hesitates or messes up. You wouldn't believe how much we struggled with it quite frankly.
Mal was just going to have to wait until tomorrow to see me. That's probably very hard. I feel bad for her.
But seriously, I want to see her so fucking bad. If we didn't have this stupid ass weather, I could have spent more time with her.
We got to our hotel late, and we were so tired that they pushed back training until the afternoon.
I was rooming with Tara this time around. For the long road trip, I was with Ash.
The next day, training was light because it was the day before game day.
That evening was rough for me.
We had a team dinner, and something about that set me off about Trinity.
"I'm not feeling well. I think I'm gonna go back to my room." I said, putting down my fork after only eating half of my food.
"What? You don't wanna stay for games?" Marissa asked sadly.
"I think I just need to go up. I'll see you later, Tara." I said, tapping her shoulder as I walked by.
Trinity's eyes followed me as I left.
I know it was her, because I feel the same thing every time it happens. I blush. Somehow I always know it's her.
I got changed and went back to my room. I texted Mal, trying to make plans for after the game tomorrow since I only got to see her for an hour today.
Then I turned on the TV and watched the Cubs game until Tara came and disturbed my peace.
"Stop being all sad-emo-depressed and come play with us." She said. "Now. Let's go."
"I can't, T."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm sad-emo-depressed!"
"I need your help."
"With what?"
"Something." She said. "With Ash."
"Just tell me then."
"Just come with me!"
"No."
She looked at her phone, and then back at me.
"Ash is coming to our room."
"Why?"
"Trinity is in a piss poor mood."
"Well I fucking hope she is."
Tara scoffed and opened the door, Ash came storming in and plopped down next to me on my bed. I stared at her for a minute before talking.
"What's got your panties in a bunch?"
"I hate when you say that."
"Titties in a twist?"
"Even worse."
"Ruffled your feathers?"
"Oh my god fuck off."
"Starting to sound like me aren't we?"
"Ainsley, if you don't-"
Tara cut her off, grabbing her arm and trying to shut her up. I had moved from my spot for the first time in since I laid down to get away from her.
"I have something I need to take care of, so..." I awkwardly pointed to the door as I grabbed my phone and ran my fingers through my hair.
"Yeah." Tara nodded. "I'll see you later."
Room 224 was where I was staying, 229 was where I was headed.
When I got there, I took a deep breath before raising my fist to knock on the door.
Then I turned around and started to walk away.
Then I went back and pounded on the door.
"Who is it?"
"It's me, Ainsley. Open the fuck up."
"Absolutely not."
"Fine. If you listen, I won't break in."
"I'm listening."
She had moved closer to the door at this point. I was leaning against the frame, hoping she'd open it.
"I don't say stuff like this often, so fucking understand what this means." I sighed.
She was silent.
"Trinity, I'm sorry for what I did. It was super shitty."
"It was."
"Yeah. I know. But basically...I'm sorry."
"That's it?"
"Not really." I sighed, realizing what I'd gotten myself into.
I took another deep breath, my left hand on the door handle and my right on the frame. I was lightheaded and biting back tears.
"I can't believe I did what I did. I'm such an asshole. I'm a stupid fucking idiot. You're my whole world. Literally everything to me. And I'm sorry if I didn't say it, or make you feel like it enough. You stuck by me when I needed you most. You protected me from my mom. You saved my life, twice, literally twice, once fucking pulling me from a fucking burning building. I can't even begin to describe how much I miss you and how badly I need you. I fucked up. But I'm a fucked up person. You know that better than anybody, except maybe Ash. I swore to myself I'd never fall in love because of the amount of heartbreak I've already been through. But I did. I allowed myself to accept that I was in love with you. I may not have ever said it to you, but that word isn't one I just throw around."
I took a very, very, shaky deep breath.
"I love you."
Silence.
I was on the ground by this point, chewing on my lip to keep from bawling my eyes out.
"Trina, what can I do to to fix this? What can I do ti make this better?"
I was expecting silence, but that wasn't the case.
"You can leave me alone."
It sounded like she was sitting down too. Right on the other side of me, actually.
I put my hand on the door, hoping maybe it would open, but it didn't. After about five seconds, I walked back to my own room. I had no idea what this would do for the future, but it made me feel like shit right now.