If Sabrina thought that the first week of classes was hard, she had a feeling that the second week was going to be much worse.
It started with a nightmare. It was the first nightmare she'd had since school ended for the summer a few months before. In it, she was reliving the painful memory of the repository under Hogwarts and the goblin Ranrok, and how she had been made to kill him and destroy the magic he was after. But the part that woke her up was seeing her mentor and uncle, Professor Eleazar Fig, lying on the ground dying from the impact of the collapsing cave and the angry ancient magic. Sabrina had made a promise to him that no one else would die because of this power, and she had let him down. She was the reason he didn't make it.
She woke up crying for Fig and feeling like her mind was swallowing her whole.
In Defense Against the Dark Arts, most everyone in class had been able to get a small, white mist out of their wands when casting the Patronus charm. No one was able to summon the corporeal patronus yet, but many had been able to at least get a good sized shield around themselves.
Sabrina, on the other hand, could hardly get any mist out of her wand. Even when she practiced alone with Sebastian or Anne, she couldn't focus on a single happy memory to get her spell to work. It was as if every happy memory she could think of was being tainted by something, and her brain wouldn't allow her to block it out.
It was even worse in Potions. Ominis was still refusing to speak to her unless he absolutely needed to, and because of this the pair had already burned at least two potions since the start of term. Professor Sharp was clearly unhappy with their progress, but Sabrina felt like she was about ready to throw her cauldron if he gave her another disapproving look.
Not even when she had joined Hogwarts as a new student last year did she ever have this much trouble. Between Poppy's depressing theory about her patronus, the search for Theodore Lewis, and whatever was happening with her and Ominis, nothing seemed to be going right.
On Wednesday, every student began their elective classes, and Natty gladly walked with Sabrina as they headed towards the Divination Tower. "I am excited to start Arithmancy," she said. "Everyone has said it is a very interesting class. And my mother says it ties in well with Divination, which I'm very good at already."
Sabrina had also been looking forward to class, but now she felt nothing but exhaustion. "At the rate I'm going, I'm not very confident in how well I'll be," she admitted.
"Why do you mean?"
"I mean I can't even cast a damn spell, Natty! I can't brew a potion, I can't cast a patronus or any spell correctly for that matter, so why the hell should I expect this to go any different? I don't even know why I am here. I should just go back to London—"
Natty put a hand on Sabrina's shoulder and forced her to stop. "Listen," she said in a tone not far off from her mothers' teacher tone. "You have only been training in magic for less than two years. You were raised among Muggles with no inkling of magic or this type of world for so long. There are those who have been raised here who still struggle. Try not to beat yourself up for something that is out of your control. You will get through this, I promise."
Sabrina frowned, taking a deep breath. "I hope so."
"Besides," Natty smiled mischievously. "Just think about how much fun Sebastian Sallow must be having with Poppy. I hope she knocks him down a peg or two. Or at the least lets him get his nose cleaned out with a puffskein."
That managed to bring a small chuckle out of Sabrina.
—
Sebastian turned the corner and saw the familiar cottage of Professor Howin. How many times had he run by this house never giving it a second thought? Now, as he headed towards the outdoor classroom, he couldn't help but groan and kick himself for finding himself in this situation.
Professor Ronen had gone on and on and on about this class, telling the student excitedly just how much he was going to love the class for various reasons. The only reason Sebastian didn't go back and try to get out of it was because he didn't exactly want to sit through another lecture. It wasn't that he didn't like animals. Sebastian just couldn't see how this was going to impress those at St. Mungos when he applied next year.
"Welcome, Mister Sallow," Professor Howin greeted when he walked in. "It's always nice to see new faces."
Sebastian looked around and saw that, including him, there were only ten students in this class. The only one he recognized was Poppy, so he quickly went over and joined a station with her as she was combing a large puff ball.
"Hello," Poppy said, looking up at him for a moment. "Glad you decided to actually come."
"Of course I did," Sebastian said. "I don't give up that easily."
Poppy nodded, then readjusted the puff in her arms. "This is Gerald," she said as Sebastian noticed the big eyes on the creature. "He's a puffskein."
Professor Howin cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "I am to remind everyone here that the beasts we study in this class should not be taken lightly. They are all, in their own way, dangerous. Especially if one does not know how to handle them properly."
Poppy leaned over to Sebastian. "Don't worry about Professor Howin's speech," she mumbled to him. "She over exaggerates sometimes. All the beasts in class are perfectly safe."
As she said that, a long slippery tongue came out of the puffskein and had shoved itself in her nose for a second. Poppy jumped back and cried in shock, while Sebastian jumped in total surprise.
"Miss Sweeting, pay attention!" Professor Howin exclaimed. "The tongue of a puffskein can be a slippery devil."
Poppy groaned. "Yes, Professor."
When the professor turned away, Sebastian looked back at Poppy. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Oh, of course!" Poppy smiled, setting the creature down on the table. "Here, why don't you brush him?"
Sebasrian immediately hesitated.
"It's alright." Poppy gave her large brush to Sebastian. "He'll like it, don't worry."
Sebastian never felt nervous about much, but he was very nervous about this. Carefully, he took the brush from the girl and gently ran it over the puffskeins' fur. It was a lot softer than he thought it would be. Comparing it to what he thought a cloud would feel like. After a minute, he relaxed and was able to even pet the animal with his hands, earning himself a loud purr.
"You're very gentle," Poppy told him. "Not at all what I expected."
"What did you expect?" Sebastian asked. "Me to come up and unintentionally rip off his fur with the brush?"
Blushing, Poppy looked at him. "Something like that."
—
At lunch, the girls ended up talking extensively about their first classes. "Arithmancy is a lot of numbers," Natty described to Poppy. "I'm not sure if I'm going to like it after all."
"I like numbers though," Sabrina said as she tore off some bread. "I think I'm going to like it a lot."
Poppy smiled. "Well, I am surprised to say I think Sallow might return for class on Friday. He seemed to enjoy himself."
Natty scooted closer and nudged her. "Did the puffskein get him?"
"No, sorry," Poppy nudged back. "So you owe me a sickle. Sabrina, what do you have after lunch?"
Sabrina swallowed her bite. "Muggle Studies with Professor Smith."
"But you were raised by Muggles! Why would you want to go learn about them?"
"Because the wizarding perspective might be fun," Sabrina replied.
Poppy shrugged. "If you say so."
As far as Sabrina knew, she was the only one among her friends taking his class. Not that she was complaining, but she had wished a familiar face would be there with her as she sat through the dull lectures of Ebeneezer Smith.
Sabrina followed her map up into the Defense Against the Dark Arts Tower, trying to find the new Muggle Studies room. Professor Smith used to have his classroom in the dungeons next to Professor Sharp, but apparently an incident last year involving Peeves and a suit of armor had scared him so badly he refused to go back down there.
She looked up from her map as she turned the final corner and froze. Her stomach lurched forward like she was going to be sick, and every cell in her body felt like they had violently been frozen. But her feet refused to move from where she was, only causing the panic inside of her to rise.
It was Professor Fig's old classroom.
Sabrina had spent so much time in this classroom last year. Fig had helped her discover her ancient magic and how to find more information on the Keepers, four Hogwarts professors from four hundred years ago who had been guarding the repository Ranrok and Rookwood had been after. It was in this room that she learned how to use magic, where she went to when she was upset or needed a comforting talk, and where she had been promised again and again that everything was going to turn out okay and everyone would be safe.
"I will be there until the end."
Fig's words echoed in her mind. Then the image of him falling to his death flashed before her.
This is your fault. His death is your fault.
STAY IN THE DARK WHERE YOU BELONG.
Sabrina turned and began to run. She had to get away. She couldn't stay here. She couldn't go back in there.
She suddenly collided with a warm body, forcing her to stop. Her panic was still rushing through her, but Sabrina couldn't think straight or find out how to get away. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't mean— I have to—"
"Sabrina?"
The girl's words were cut off, and she finally lifted her head as her breath caught in her throat.
Ominis stood before her, his own look of concern very evident on his face as he listened to her. "I can feel your shaking from here," he said. "What's going on? Are you alright?"
Sabrina felt like she couldn't breathe. Why would he even bother being concerned about her now? Ominis hadn't spoken to her in two weeks and now he was trying to act like nothing had changed when it felt like everything had. She struggled to find the words, her panicked thoughts making it hard for her to do so.
Ominis reached forward and grabbed her hands firmly. Instantly, the movement grounded Sabrina, and her body slowly began to calm down. "Take deep breaths," Ominis spoke above a whisper to her. "It's alright.... You're safe, so you can calm down now."
Sabrina took a shaky deep breath, finally able to find her words. "They moved the Muggle Studies class to Professor Figs' classroom."
The boy before her listened and nodded slightly. "I see."
"He died because of me and I can't... Ominis, I can't go in there."
"Anne said you've been having nightmares, is that true?"
"It's my fault—"
"He did not die because of you." Ominis' voice was hard and determined. "Do you understand me? There was nothing you could have done."
"But if it wasn't for me—"
"If it weren't for you, more innocent people would have died due to Rookwood and Ranrok. They killed your parents. You were defending yourself. Fig would be proud of you. He would not be ashamed of you in the slightest."
Sabrina looked back up at him, allowing herself to stare into his familiar clouded blue eyes. Immediately, she felt at peace as she allowed herself to get lost in them. They were always so beautiful to her, and always so gentle. Slowly, her heart began to even and she felt like the panic and fear was beginning to melt away.
"I can feel your heartbeat," Ominis whispered again. "Are you feeling better?"
Sabrina nodded. "Yes... thank you."
"Of course...." She saw Ominis swallow nervously. "I'm also taking Muggle Studies with you, so if you need to sit next to me today, that would be okay."
"Why are you taking Muggle Studies?" Sabrina asked as she tried to get her mind off her panic. But she was also genuinely curious.
Ominis gave a gentle smile and his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. "I did it to piss off my father."
Sabrina couldn't help but chuckle, and then she realized she had been crying. She quickly began wiping her face. "Oh god, I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologize." Ominis let go of Sabrina's hands and pulled out his wand to direct him. "Do you feel okay to go to class now?"
Sabrina nodded. "I do."
"Good...." Clearing his throat, Ominis took a small step back. "We should go before Professor Smith gets upset we're already late."
The girl took a deep breath and carefully followed Ominis into the classroom. As they slowly walked inside, Sabrina was suddenly aware of how cold her hands were.
——-
A/N: comments are love! Thank you for reading!!!