"Hey, Akk. Are you still awake?" After everything was sorted out between them, it was already getting late and Ayan suggested to Akk to stay the night, since Akk lived at least a twenty-minute walk away from him and it was already starting to pour outside. They were now laying next to each other in Ayan's bed.
"Yes." Akk was wide awake despite his exhaustion. He turned to look at Ayan but couldn't really see his face due to the darkness and unlike last time, the moon wasn't shining brightly over the now quiet city.
"Thank you for cleaning up my room." Ayan softly whispered into the darkness, half asleep. "It was really messy, wasn't it? Sorry for bothering you again."
"No, don't mention it. It's really fine. I did it voluntarily." Akk whispered back with the same gentle tone. "But I've noticed, you're drinking again, aren't you? You know, it's not healthy to drink that much. I'm worried." There was no response from the other side.
"I know, I just can't stop it." Ayan finally admitted after a long silence. "After my uncle died, I came to the bar regularly and was offered drinks and cigarettes." There was a comfortable silence between the boys, when Akk finally dared to ask.
"Hey, Aye...would you stop drinking if I asked you to?" Saying that out loud sounded really stupid and to be honest, Akk didn't expect an answer from the other person.
"I don't know, but I would at least try. I just can't do it alone. Last time, Yok and the others helped get through detox and withdrawal." Hearing Yok's name again somehow filled Akk with a painful sense of happiness. Of course Yok would help with something like that. He would research and educate himself on what to do in such situations. He would stay by that person's side and never leave them alone. Yok wasn't like him. A coward who would run away the second, things would get too much for him.
"I'm really sorry about Yok. I can only imagine the pain you and your parents have been feeling. You must really miss him, don't you? I wish I could help you with anything about this..."
"It's ok, Aye. You don't need to apologise. I'm really fine..." Saying he was fine sounded so wrong to Akk's ears. As if Akk knew he was not only lying to Ayan but to himself. And Ayan didn't really seem convinced either, but didn't say anything else.
"Aye, can I ask you something?" Akk began, suspecting there was more to the story than Ayan was letting on. Ayan hesitated but then nodded, unsure. "Did you use other drugs besides alcohol as well in the past?"
After asking that Akk could feel the smaller boy immediately tense up next to him. "Sorry. I'm being nosy. You don't need to tell me if you're not ready." Akk felt guilty for pushing boundaries again and wanted to change the subject.
"Yes, I did...I really fell into a deep hole with drugs. I did cocaine and weed, which I also got from the other guys. But luckily since detoxing I haven't relapsed at least on these things because it's not easy to get these anywhere." Ayan confessed. There was a small hint of shame in his voice.
Akk had already feared something like this and sighed in frustration. "I don't wanna scare you, but can I be honest with you? Have you ever thought about rehab? Or thought about therapy? It might be helpful to talk to someone professional."
"Yes I have. But I don't want to talk about my feelings. It makes me feel cornered when someone knows all my secrets and insecurities. I feel weak hearing everything myself that I've tried so hard to suppress for years. Honestly, everything about this sounds and feels so wrong. I'm afraid that they would judge me because of my past."
Akk nodded understandingly. Of course he understood Ayan. He felt the same way. He had already thought about confiding in someone who knew how to deal with his problems. And just like Ayan, he didn't go through with it. He was scared. Scared of feeling helpless and not normal. Feeling judged.
Akk knew it would take a lot of courage and willingness to at least try, but in the end he wasn't that brave. He never was. The only person he could sometimes confide in was his neighbor Gumpa. But not even to him Akk dared to tell the whole story.
But besides Gumpa there was still Ayan. The only one who managed to get his trust in such a short time. The only one who could see directly through him and understand him like no one else. The only one who gave him a second chance after everything he had done.
Ayan was something Akk had subconsciously been searching for, without knowing or understanding exactly what. Now Ayan managed to find the missing pieces in his messed up life and carefully put them back together, piece by piece.
Akk promised that he would change. Not just for Ayan, but also for himself. He wanted to change for the better and no longer be afraid of the unknown. He wanted to trust others more and be more open-minded.
"I promise I will stop when everything is cleared out and this school is burning in hell." Ayan said suddenly, snapping Akk out of his thoughts.
"But why not now? Isn't it better to start as soon as possible?"
"You're right, Akk." Ayan began. "But I don't wanna stop drinking. I know this sounds really bad, but everything is just too overwhelming right now. I am constantly stressed and anxious. Plagued by nightmares and panic attacks. I feel like I'm going crazy." Ayan paused for a short moment. Akk tried to grab Ayan's hand to comfort him but he couldn't find it in the darkness and quickly gave up.
"I can't deal with these things at the moment. I know it sounds stupid, but drinking helps me stay alive and distracts me from my problems." Ayan explained everything in a calm tone, but to Akk it sounded more like a desperate cry for help. As if Ayan was drowning and begging for rescue, but inside he already accepted his fate and knew that no one would come to save him. The realization that Ayan believed he couldn't be helped hit Akk again.
"I see, Aye. Even if I don't really agree with what you're doing right now, I won't push you and force you to go to rehab or therapy...Well, that doesn't mean that I don't want you to get help. But...um..." Akk stopped, not really knowing how to continue, when suddenly out of nowhere, Ayan grabbed his hand and stroked it gently, as if he wanted to comfort not just Akk, but himself as well.
"Um...I just wanted to say that no matter what, I'll stay by your side and if you need help I'll will always be there for you." It came suddenly from Akk. He hadn't intended to make his announcement so emotional, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. Akk didn't know why he was feeling this way right now, but honestly, unlike other times, it felt good to let his feelings out quietly. Maybe because they were in complete darkness and couldn't see each other, or maybe because of the talk they had today. It was as if Akk was finally at peace with himself and starting a new chapter in his life.
"Thank you, Akk. For everything. I will try my best." It came from the other side quietly but Akk could here the genuine honesty in it. He felt Ayan's body relax.
He stroke Ayan's hand back.
"Aye..." Akk called quietly, but the smaller boy didn't answer. It seemed like Ayan had finally fallen asleep. Akk was by himself again. He was thinking about what had happened today and what Ayan had told him in the kitchen.
He came to a conclusion and planned to tell Ayan about it the next day. Satisfied with himself and his new goals, Akk eventually fell asleep as well, still holding Ayan's hand tightly.
I really like you, Aye...
-
The next morning, Akk woke up and for the first time felt surprisingly rested and not exhausted. He didn't know how long he had slept, but the sun was already shining through the sheer curtains, meaning the morning had already passed. Akk was quite surprised at how long and well he slept through the night, because that hadn't been the case for a long time.
He quickly sat up and wanted to tell Ayan about the good news but when he turned around he only found an empty, cold space next to him. Confused, he got up and went to look for Ayan, hoping that nothing had happened to him.
As Akk left Ayan's room, he could already smell a sweet scent wafting in the air through the halls. Soft, soothing music sounded from below.
Akk finally found Ayan in the kitchen. Ayan was standing at the stove, frying something that Akk couldn't see. The music came from his phone, which was on the table in front of Akk.
Not wanting to disturb the concentrated boy, Akk simply sat quietly at the table and waited for Ayan to finish.
After a while, Akk noticed that Ayan was also humming quietly to himself and even moving to the beat of the song that was playing, seemingly enjoying his "alone time." Akk couldn't help but think about how adorable Ayan looked as he bounced around the kitchen, still singing along to the song.
Akk loved this playful and carefree side of Ayan. Akk wished that Ayan would always be as happy as he deserved and not be constantly anxious and stressed and have to bear the entire burden alone. But Akk remembered that he had promised to change for the better and be there for Ayan too.
Ayan, who still didn't know that he wasn't alone, turned around and when he suddenly saw Akk sitting at the table out of nowhere, he jumped, visibly startled.
"Akk! What the hell?! You scared the hell out of me!" Ayan swore, trying not to sound too upset.
"Ah sorry. I just didn't wanna disturb you." Akk explained, trying to hide his wide smile. "You just seem so focused on cooking."
"How long have you been sitting there?" Ayan asked, slowly realising that he was dancing and singing through the kitchen in front of Akk the whole time. "And how much did you see?"
Akk couldn't hide his smile any longer and began to giggle quietly at Ayan's panicked reaction. He tried to calm Ayan, but the smaller boy was holding his head in his hands in embarrassment, trying to hide the redness on his face.
Feeling now guilty and not knowing what to do Akk just started rambling whatever was on his mind (which sometimes might not be the best idea like in this case).
"It's really not that embarrassing...You were actually kinda cute-" Akk could have slapped himself. Did he really just say that out loud? He sounded like a creep. Ayan looked up to him hesitantly and Akk began to panic. He felt his face suddenly burning and his heart racing like crazy, like it was about to burst.
"I...um..." Akk muttered, completely blacking out while trying to defend himself. "I didn't mean you...I meant the dance...No, I meant you...No, wait..." Akk shook his hands violently in front of his face as if he was trying to chase away his thoughts. He then proceeded to bang his head on the table to avoid a confrontation. But he hit his head pretty hard and the pain hit him so quick Akk was disoriented for a short moment.
"Akk! Are you ok? This sounded really painful." Ayan asked, half genuinely concerned, half amused that Akk was being that awkward, shy idiot again. He noticed that Akk's face, buried in his arms on the table, was also turning red. Akk didn't answer for a long moment.
"Oh my god...this is so embarrassing..." Akk then muttered without looking up. "Aye, could you please do me a favour and hit me? As hard as you can." He begged seriously.
After a few moments of not getting a response from the other, Akk finally dared to look up and looked straight into Ayan's grinning face, which was only a few centimeters away from his. Stunned, Akk stopped breathing for a moment and felt the heat return to his cheeks.
Flick!
Akk suddenly felt a painful sting on his forehead.
"Did you just flick me on the forehead?" He hissed, rubbing his throbbing forehead in pain.
"That was for yesterday." Satisfied, Ayan smiled even wider. "Now we're even. And well, you have just asked for it, haven't you?."
Before Akk could say anything Ayan already turned around and hurried back to the kitchen. He returned shortly afterwards with two plates of pancakes stacked on top of each other in a tall tower, with whipped cream on top and even some fresh fruit on the side.
"Whoa! This looks so good! Aye, did you do that all by yourself?"Akk was genuinely impressed at how appetising and professional everything looked.
Ayan nodded proudly. "I'm not that good at cooking but I'm still can make some good old pancakes. Well...and I really like to bake." Ayan confessed quietly and blushed slightly again because he was kind of embarrassed by his hidden hobby.
"That is so cool! Baking is such a nice hobby." Akk's eyes sparkled with excitement. After Ayan sat down, they began to eat in silence, enjoying the fluffy pancakes. Only a few quiet, lustful noises from the taller boy could be heard and Ayan smiled to himself, happy that Akk liked his pancakes so much.
"These were the best pancakes I've ever had! Just amazing!" Akk sincerely praised Ayan's baking skills after they finished eating. Flustered, Ayan could only smile and nod in agreement. "I could bathe in a tub filled with these!"
Ayan started laughing at this statement because Akk seemed so serious. "I would not recommend that. It's not good for the skin. Although..." He looked to Akk with a judgy look on his face, still laughing.
"Are you making fun of me again?" Akk pouted offended, making Ayan even laugh more. They began to argue with each to other again, as if all of their worries had disappeared for a moment. Honestly, it felt good to spend their time together and be themselves without fear of being judged.
"Akk, what do you wanna do today? Are you going back to your apartment?" Ayan asked after they were done teasing each other, their stomachs hurting from all the laughing.
Suddenly the mood became more serious. Akk began fiddling with his hands nervously. He kept staring at his empty plate and didn't dare look up at Ayan. Even though Akk had felt ready to tell Ayan his plan yesterday, he was kind of scared now. He couldn't imagine how Ayan would react. What if he reacted negatively? Would he push him away and abandon him? And what if Ayan could get hurt because of his plan?
"Akk, are you alright?" Noticing Akk's nervousness, Ayan walked over to him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Akk finally dared to look up and saw Ayan's worried face smiling reassuringly at him. Now or never. Akk thought to himself and took a deep breath, ready to let Ayan in on his plan.
"I-I wanted t-to talk to you about something I've been thinking about since..." Akk began, now feeling insecure again. He paused for a moment and Ayan waited patiently for him to continue without interrupting him.
"I-I d-don't know how t-to tell you this b-but I've been thinking about what you told me yesterday. And I have come to the conclusion to ask you if you would wanna team up with me and work together to destroy this hell of a school." Akk finally confessed and waited for Ayan's reaction. Ayan's expression slowly changed from worry to surprise to confusion until a wide smile finally appeared on his face.
"What? Are serious right now, Akk? Do you really trust me that much?" Ayan jumped around the room excitedly and then hugged Akk out of nowhere to celebrate the news. Kind of taken aback, Akk didn't move, just sat in his chair and tried to understand what had just happened. That was it? Was it really that easy trusting others?
"Whoa Aye, why are you celebrating like I just saved a city? Are you that touched?" Akk couldn't hide his smile. Ayan's body heat enveloping him felt so good and comforting, especially on a chilly morning like today.
"Of course! This is amazing!" Ayan shouted happily. "I'm honoured honestly! Thank you Akk for trusting me!"
Akk was so touched by Ayan's genuinely happy reaction that he almost cried. This was the first time in years that Akk had asked someone for help and it wasn't easy for him to take this big step so quickly. It took him a lot of effort and thought to do this. Just knowing Ayan was proud of him was more than a reward Akk could have ever imagined.
Akk was truly grateful to Ayan for his patience and his generous offers to help him, even after everything he had done to him. He promised himself to pay back everything to Ayan no matter how.
And without realizing it, tears began to fall from Akk's eyes as he hugged Ayan back tightly, enjoying the warmth and comfort that was coming from the smaller boy.
Akk had only one wish.
Stay with Ayan for ever...
Author's note:
I'm back :)))
Would someone be interested in a Sandray fanfic? I've been working on it for a few weeks now and if you'd like to read it I'd finish it and upload it. It's just a big chapter about how I imagined the events after episode 6 after Mew's birthday. I'll probably announce it in the next chapter when it's finished :)
As always, I hoped you like the new chapter and stay patient until the next chapter is out.
Love you guys 🫶