"A-Akk, I can't t-take this anymore...P-Please make it stop..." Ayan stuttered between sobs. His face was pressed against Akk's chest, still clinging tightly to his uniform jacket and shaking violently.
Akk felt so sorry for Ayan. He could see that Ayan had reached his breaking point and if he didn't do anything now to help him it would only get worse.
After several minutes of no one speaking or moving, Wat suddenly appeared behind them. Seeing Akk still comforting Ayan on the ground, he hesitated to disturb this emotional situation.
"Akk, I really don't want to bother you, but what should we do now? Khan almost knocked out Khaeng and is now watching him by himself." Wat sighed and ran his hands through his hair.
Akk looked up to Wat and thought for a long time. Even though he had to report this and wanted Khaeng to be expelled from school, he knew that Ayan wouldn't like more people finding out about what happened to him. It would only create more problems and make the bullying even worse.
"Wat, please don't report this to the other prefects. It would only cause more harm to Ayan. After everything he doesn't need any more stress. If he wants to report it, we can still do it later." Akk explained calmly and Wat nodded understandingly.
"Just leave him there and I will take care of Ayan. Thank you for helping me." Akk added and Wat left to inform Khan.
Akk then turned back to Ayan and gently stroked his hair to calm the trembling boy. "Hey, Aye, if it's okay with you, can we go to the nursing room so I can treat your wounds?" He whispered calmly and waited patiently for an answer.
"Akk, I wanna go home." It took longer than expected, but Ayan finally answered. It was a weak and quiet command, but it broke Akk's heart a little. It was really sad to see the once cheerful and talkative boy become so scared and broken, partly because of his hurtful actions.
He carefully tapped Ayan's shoulder to make him look up and the look on his face finally crushed Akk's heart altogether. Ayan looked even more miserable than the last time Akk had spoken to him. His face was badly bruised. His eyes were red and swollen from all the crying and under them were huge dark eye bags. He was so pale, Akk was afraid that he would faint again. And in general, Ayan seemed like he was just hanging on by a thin thread between life and death. It was a truly heartbreaking sight.
"Ok. I'll take you home. Can you stand up?" Akk slowly got up and reached out his hand to help Ayan get up. Ayan's legs were still a little shaky as he tried to stand, so Akk supported him by wrapping one of Ayan's arms around his neck and carefully holding him by his waist but Ayan pushed him away to distance himself from him. Akk understood immediately that he didn't want to be touched like that and backed away understandingly.
Akk then fished his phone out of his jacket and called Khan and Wat to let them know he was taking Ayan over to his house. Of course, Khan and Wat were still worried about him and Ayan, but after Akk assured them that they were fine on their own and had to promise them that he would call when everything was settled they wished Akk all the best and they ended the call.
Walking next to each other to Ayan's house was quiet. But it was a comfortable silence. They felt safe as long as they were next to each other. Talking now would only complicate things unnecessarily and Akk didn't want to push Ayan any further.
Along the way, their hands accidentally touched each other several times, each time making Akk's heart beat faster. Then Ayan suddenly intertwined his fingers with Akk's without saying anything or looking at him, and even though Akk wanted to let go because he didn't want people to see them as a couple, he didn't. Ayan's hand was ice cold and still shaking so Akk put their hands in his jacket pocket to calm him down, even though it now looked the exact opposite of what he wanted.
They soon reached Ayan's house and as they entered Ayan's room, Akk, to his shock, noticed the many cans and bottles of alcohol scattered everywhere. Ayan had apparently relapsed again since he had met 'the god's hand' that night.
Akk carefully dropped Ayan onto his bed and briefly examined his wounds. To his relief, the red marks caused by Khaeng were slowly fading away and the other wounds were only minor.
After Akk finished treating the wounds, he helped Ayan, who seemed absentminded the entire time, change his clothes and put him to sleep. He then decided to clean up the mess in Ayan's room as quietly as possible.
As Akk put the empty cans and bottles in a plastic bag, he heard Ayan muttering something. Thinking that he might be having a nightmare again, Akk rushed to Ayan only to find him wide awake.
"Oh Aye, did I wake you up? Sorry, I must have been very loud. Are you okay?" Ayan shook his head slightly and Akk didn't know whether he meant the first or second question.
"I need to take my meds." Ayan just said in a monotone voice.
"Ah sure. Where are they? I'll get them for you." Ayan pointed to one of the bedside tables next to the bed. Akk quickly went to the kitchen, gave him a glass of water and then looked for the medicine. He found three packaging in the drawe. One was antidepressants, one for anxiety and panic attacks and the last were sleeping pills. Akk was surprised that Ayan had to take so many pills but tried not to show it. He gave Ayan the pills and helped him take them.
"Um...Aye..."Akk began, seeming unsure how to begin this conversation. He sat at the end of the bed and didn't look at Ayan because he knew he would break down if he saw Ayan's face again.
"Are you alright? I know after everything it's not my place to say that but you can talk to me if something is bothering you."
"Akk, why do you care so much about me again?" Ayan asked weakly, but there was neither hate nor disappointment in his voice. Akk was hurt by the question, but he understood why Ayan didn't trust him. After everything he had done, he totally get it.
"Well...You have every right to be mad at me. I totally deserve it. I've done some pretty awful things to you." Akk paused for a moment to find the right words. "I'm sorry, Aye...I'm really sorry for being such an asshole to you..." Akk paused as he felt tears building up in his eyes. The emotions slowly came over him again, suffocating him.
"I don't know how to make things right again and if you will ever forgive me but I'm really trying...I know I can't undo the things I've done but please give me one last chance to prove myself that I'm on your side. I want to help you." There was no response from the other.
"I'm really sorry, Aye...I-" Feeling helpless, Akk finally burst into tears as he felt the self hatred and regret weighing on him again.
"Akk?" He heard Ayan quietly calling for his name. Surprised, Akk stopped crying and turned around to face Ayan. He couldn't read Ayan's expression.
"Do you promise to stay by my side?" Ayan asked seriously and grabbed Akk's hand, hoping the other wouldn't let go.
"Yes of course." Akk immediately responded. He would do anything to make Ayan trust him again.
"Even what I'm about to tell you?" Ayan still sounded unsure and Akk had a bad feeling about what was about to happen. But he stuck to his statement.
"Yes, I promise, Aye. I promise I will stay by your side as long as you want to. I won't run away from you anymore." Akk sounded more confident than he felt, but at least Ayan finally seemed convinced.
However Ayan hesitated, making Akk even more worried about him. With his free hand he gently placed it on Ayan's shoulder and gave him a reassuring nod. Ayan carefully sat up and made them face each other. Akk could see the pain in his eyes. They were screaming for help. Akk felt his chest painfully tightened and he took a deep breath to stay calm. He can't break down again. He now needed to be the stronger person. For Ayan.
"Aye, I promised you I won't leave you. no matter what. But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I-" Akk tried to calm him down but was interrupted by the other.
"Akk, I don't know if I can do it but I really want to tell you. Just promise me that you won't leave me." Akk immediately reassured him but he was a bit confused. What could've been possibly so bad that it was still following and hurting Ayan to this day?
"The reason why I have those nightmares is because I...becau-" Ayan couldn't hold back the tears any longer as he was reminded by his past. His whole body started to shake uncontrollably again and he gasped desperately for air. Akk could see that he was having a panic attack now. He immediately pulled Ayan into a gentle hug and patted his back like he had done before.
"Aye, just take a deep breath. Everything is going to be fine. I'm here for you. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. It's ok." Akk kept whispering calmly in his ear. Ayan eventually calmed down and managed to stop crying, but still held onto Akk's arms tightly. Suddenly he raised his head and looked Akk directly in the eyes, and Akk could see the strong certainty and willingness in his eyes.
"The reason for my nightmares is...because I was abused by my uncle for years. I only came to this school because he was a teacher there. You might know him. His name was Dika."